


Time Won't Let Me Go

by EMHW_Bear



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boxing, F/M, Fighter, Love, Love Triangles, Multi, Olympics, Pain, Sports, Twilight Team Jacob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-07-25 16:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 112,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20028964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EMHW_Bear/pseuds/EMHW_Bear
Summary: AH AU. Jacob dreams to be great. Bella dreams to be his. Follow Bella through those years of crushes, dating, first kisses, heartbreak, and figuring out love. Jacob has the talent to make it to the Olympics in Boxing, but he's in love with Bella. Can he balance his two loves or will he be forced to choose? See how his passions collide.  A coming of age story for both main characters. Skipping through time, it starts at the awkward age of pre-teens and ends at young adulthood. Rated 18+ for strong language, minor adult themes, and because I don't want to be wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, along time has passed since I first posted this story, 9 years ago. I took it down because I didn't want to leave it out there unfinished. Life caught up to me as I was working on Time Won't Let Me Go, starting with the murder of my brother, a city move, a shattered wrist-joint, a second little brother's suicide passing, just a lot of life changing events. Those are just the tough stuff; there was also lot of great that happened. Through it all, this story stayed near and dear to my heart, just like its title. I've recently picked up the pen again for this abandoned story. Its completed. I'm re-posting, because I wrote it as a tribute to Twilight, so it should be shared. Thank You!
> 
> Inspired by the songs Time Won't Let Me Go, The Bravery, and Adele's Chasing Pavements: "But if I tell the world, I'll never say enough 'cause it was not said to you and that's exactly what I need to do if I'm in love with you." So, this is me telling the world. 
> 
> Featuring: Bella & Jacob, along with Seth, Leah, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Alice, Rosalie & the entire cast of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> First off, I know that Bella/Edward pairings are more popular. The reason I chose Jacob is because this story's Jacob is based on a Native American boxer, a friend, so Jacob is perfect for this telling. And I loved the wolves in Twilight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I only own this specific plot.

**Prologue**

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change everything. Everything made me who I am today. If I could go back in time, I would do it better. I'd be stronger. I'd be braver.

Wiping my tears, I gathered every bead and stone scattered on the hardwood floor to restring them, acknowledging how precious the anklet had become to me.

_"All you do is sit there and stare at that damn piece of junk!"_

The words cut deep, because it wasn't an exaggeration. I wore it every day. When I was all alone, I'd find it in my hand, held captive to the memories it roused. Who knew how many times I caught myself doing that?

It held no monetary value. The cost of it was cheap, if not free, but sentimentally, it meant the world to me. I caressed my fingers over a shiny Labradorite gemstone. The way the light refracted from it caused a fluctuation of colors as ever-changing as the emotions swirling within me whenever he came to mind. Slight variations in the gemstones' shapes and sizes made the anklet much more attractive. Unique in splendor, each precious piece brought an individual beauty to the delicate string of jewelry, reminiscent of our times together. The beads spaced between each stone outnumbered the larger gems, plentiful, like all the days we'd spent apart. The anklet wouldn't be the same without them.

I wondered how wide of a beaded space I should leave between the stones. I'd have to count each bead and divide them evenly, if I wanted it to be perfect. Did it really need to be perfect, though? Life isn't perfect. Ever since the accident, that's what the anklet had become: a representation, a reminder of special moments I shared with him, growing up. I relished them all, no matter how small or imperfect they might have been.

Smiling, I recalled the day we met as I lifted the first gemstone and threaded it onto the strand of twined sinew.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_ **Bella** _

A loud, unexpected knock at the front door excited me, and knowing Jasper and Emmett went exploring our new hometown. I raced down the stairs to answer it, yelling, "I got it, Mom!"

"What, Bella?" she hollered from between the many moving boxes cluttering the house. "Did you say something, hon?"

I swung open the door, and my knees turned to Jell-O. The cutest, most handsome guy I ever saw in my life—a dark-haired, dark eyed, bronze skinned angel—stood gloriously before my eyes, holding a football in his hand. I gulped, my heart fluttering. 

"Is Emmett home?" he asked in a low, husky voice.

For some weird reason, my mouth disconnected from my brain and nothing came out.

He smiled. His lips appeared a little chapped and cracking. Fit and built nice for his age, his deep brown eyes sparkled as he cleared his throat and grinned with half his mouth. "Are you Emmett's sister?"

Unable to gather my wits about me, I nodded, imagining how idiotic I must have appeared to him.

"Well, ah... Is he here?"

"Oh...uh... Emmett, no he's not. He went into town to get some ice cream," I finally stammered.

"Yeah, I saw him there. I thought he'd be home by now. When he gets back, tell him I stopped by to see if he wanted to play some football with me and some of my friends. I live a few blocks down the street," he said, turning and pointing toward his house. "That-a-way."

He stepped backwards down one step,"The name's Jacob, by the way."

He smiled again, and my soul resonated with the most fantastic feeling, as if little bells woke my sleeping heart. I felt nothing like it before. Pure happiness. It was love at first sight; I was sure.

After I closed the door, I sprinted up the stairs to look in the mirror. Dust and grime covered my thin, white tank-top from when I cleaned and unpacked my bedroom. Ugly smudges of humidity melted mascara—the only makeup mom allowed me to wear at twelve years old— darkened my eyes like a raccoon. I screamed in horror. "Oh, my God." I met the guy of my dreams, and I looked gross. He would probably never take another look at me again.

Eager to find out more about him, I sat on the porch and waited for my brothers to get home. When they arrived, I mentioned, in a casual tone, somebody named Jacob came by for Emmett to play football. I didn't notice Emmett's ripped and blood-splattered shirt right away.

"Shh," they said, putting their fingers to their lips. They motioned for me to follow them up the stairs.

As soon as they shut their bedroom door, Jasper blurted, "Emmett was in a fight."

"A fight!" I gasped in surprise.

"Sh-shut up, both of you. You're talking too loud. Mom will hear," Emmett scolded through gritted teeth. "Dad will have a heart attack if he finds out."

"A fight?" I whispered. "With who? Tell me what happened!"

The two of them whispered at the same time. I couldn't catch a word either of them said.

"Shh... I'll tell her." Emmett glared, backhanding Jasper in the chest.

"Owe, that hurt."

"On our way home, we met up with two guys about my age. They accused Jasper of staring at 'em. No one was even looking at 'em either. They just wanted to fight someone," Emmett snarled. "We walked away, but they followed us. Then the kid with the biggest mouth knocked Jasper's ice cream cone out of his hand. I stepped in front of Jasper and pushed him away. He punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. When I doubled over, he hit me in the face. The next thing I knew, we were rolling around on the ground fighting. I hit him in the nose as hard as I could, and his nose bled. Then he got on top of me. I couldn't get him off. All I could do was cover my face."

"I tried to help," Jasper said then frowned. "But the other guy grabbed me. I couldn't get loose. That's when Jake and another kid came over."

"Jake pulled the guy off me," Emmett said, "The mouthy guy wasn't happy about it. The next thing, he and Jake were fighting."

"You should have seen it, Bella," Jasper said in excitement. "It was just like a boxing match on TV."

"It really was." Emmett agreed. "Jake ended up knocking the guy down. When he got back up, he threatened all of us. But you could tell he didn't want to fight anymore. He knew he lost."

"Who were those guys?"

"A bad kid named Paul and his friend Jared. I guess they always do stuff like this. Jake said Paul's nothing but a bully. They have a boxing club in La Push, but they're not supposed to fight out of the gym. If their coach finds out, they'll get kicked off the team."

Emmett got around to telling me about Jacob. He was thirteen going on fourteen like Emmett. He lived in La Push with his dad, but he stayed in Forks with his Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry a lot. The other kid was Jacob's cousin, Seth. He was the same age as Jasper, and he had a twin sister named Leah. We later found out that Charlie knew Seth's dad. Harry worked at the police station with him. He was a dispatcher.

A few days later, Jake and Seth introduced me to Leah and the six of us became inseparable. We did everything together. By the end of the summer, we became like a family. Leah was my best friend. The same went for Seth and Jasper and for Emmett and Jacob. Everything was perfect, except I was secretly in love with Jacob Black, who was now my brother's best friend. The more time I spent around him, the more I fell in love with him.

Jacob had this quality about him that made people look up to him, a natural-born leader. He had a talent in boxing, the best on the team, and he was The Silver Gloves State Champion in his weight class. His coach said he had enough potential to make boxing into a career. Jacob said someday he'd bring home an Olympic gold medal, then turn into a professional championship boxer. Even the older guys around the two communities showed him a lot of respect.

He was awesome; he was beautiful, and I planned on marrying him when I got older. All would be right with the world if he were mine.

Jacob treated me like a sister. In some ways, that was better than being treated like a girl. We could be "real" around each other instead of putting on an act. That's not true; I always acted as if I didn't like him. But that was different.

I guarded my secret, careful not to show any unusual interest in Jacob. I was afraid if he found out I had a crush on him, he would stop talking to me or stop hanging out at our house.

Emmett was "big brotherly" protective of me around guys. My dad told him it was his job as an older brother to keep the boys away from me. I think Dad only kidded when he said it, but he forgot to tell Emmett, so Emmett took the job seriously. He thought I was too young for a boyfriend. Even though, I wasn't far behind him in age. He especially didn't like me liking one of his friends, which never happened until I met Jacob.

My older brother's protectiveness made him absolutely against the concept of Jake and me. He drew the line early on and made it clear to me and Jacob both—one cold, wet November morning, our first winter in Forks.

_I threaded another gemstone and recognized, it’s the day it all began._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like Canon Post Breaking Dawn and Jacob and the wolves, you might want to check out my The Red Moon Promise. https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053879/chapters/47491225


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** _ As we move forward in the story, keep in mind that this is about Bella and Jacob's dilemmas while Jacob attempts to follow his dreams of becoming an Olympic Athlete. Things get complicated along the way. Their challenges become more difficult as they grow older._

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_ **Bella** _

A couple months past my thirteenth birthday, I convinced my mom to let me wear more make-up. She taught me how to put it on just right, so it would accent my features without being too obvious. I fixed my hair in my bedroom, developing my new look to perfection. I had heard Emmett on the telephone, so I knew Jacob was on his way over. I wanted to see if Jake would notice anything different about me.

The roar of cycles buzzed a vibration through my windows. I rushed to get my hair up and out of my face, planning to saunter down to the living room before they left to wherever it was they were going.

A commotion of rattling wood, pounding feet, and squeaky floorboards announced Jacob's entry, and his and Seth's energy-laced voices sent me on my way. Just as I reached the bottom of the steps, the door thudded closed. I crumpled with disappointment. "Where they going?" I asked Mom as I trudged into the warm and cozy, coffee-scented living room.

"Just outside, I think. They're working on Emmett's dirt bike. It won't start or something," she said, re-lifting my level of excitement.

I hurried into the kitchen to grab some sodas from the fridge for them. I was looking for any excuse to see Jacob. I forgot how early it was and how frigid the mornings could be during the winter months, and like a dummy, I went speeding out the door with an armful of Cokes. As soon as I set foot on the slick, salted porch, I flew off the cement and hit the soggy damp ground. The gritty soil, dead grass, and leaves splattered around me. The sodas bounced out of my arms and rolled into the driveway.

Jacob rushed to my side. "Bella, are you all right?" he asked, grabbing my arms to lift me to my feet.

"I th-think so," I stammered.

Dirt covered my backside, my head, and the side of my face. Jacob reached out and wiped off my cheek. His hands were cold, but I felt my skin heat up where he touched it. It was the first time I explored his eyes thoroughly. They were dreamy. His eyelashes seemed to flutter with a subtle hint of bashfulness as he held on to my gaze. His cheeks had a bit of a ruddy hue. I wasn't sure if it was a small blush or just color from the cold.

"Jeez, Bella, what's wrong with you?" Emmett yelled, shocking me out of a daze. Immersed in the connection, I forgot he and Seth were standing there.

Jake cleared his throat, and we turned to look at them. Fiery daggers were shooting at me from Emmett's blazing eyes, possibly shooting at Jacob, too. It was hard to tell, because it happened so fast.

"Why do you have to be so clumsy all the time? What are you doing out here bothering us, anyway?" He scowled.

"I thought you might be thirsty," I mumbled, looking down at the sodas.

"Are you crazy? It's freezing out here. What are you, an idiot?"

Emmett was always good-natured, comical, and fun to be around. His cruel behavior took me by surprise. I felt myself get hot with embarrassment, a lump lodging in my throat. I couldn't say anything because if I did, I would cry.

"I'll have one. I'm thirsty," Seth said in low voice.

I turned from Emmett's angry face to Jacob's. His lips stretched into a thin, weak smile, and I could see the pity in his eyes. It was more humiliation than I could take. I screamed at Emmett, "You're the idiot!"

I ran back inside the house and upstairs to my bedroom, slammed the door, and locked it.

Throwing myself on the bed, I started to cry from a mixture of anger and embarrassment. I never wanted to speak to Emmett again. And Jake could take that look of his and cram it. I didn't need him feeling sorry for me. I didn't care if I ever saw him again either.

About twenty minutes later, I heard the door slam and Emmett holler, "Mom, what's to eat?"

The bikes roared to life again. I stood up and peered out the window and saw Jacob and Seth straddling them. I wondered if Jake thought I was an idiot too.

It seemed like he could hear my thoughts, because at that very moment, he looked up at my window. I almost tugged the curtain shut, but I was too late. He already caught me, and he waved. Seth was looking up as well. I smiled and waved back at the two of them, deciding Emmett was the one I was never going to forgive.

Charlie and Jasper came home shortly after, and breakfast was ready. My stomach grumbled at the smell of buttery pancakes and sausage, but I was too mad to eat. _Who cares if I starve?_ I wasn't planning on coming out of the room for as long as Emmett lived. I turned my stereo up to drown out the shouting of my name.

I heard a quiet tapping at my door. "Who is it?" I growled.

"It's Mom. Open the door, Bella."

Renee didn't like to be ignored. I jumped up to open the door. Lo and behold, standing in the hallway with her was none other than the evil dungeon master, Emmett. "I'm not talking to him, Mom," I said, spinning around and flopping myself on the bed.

Renee walked over to my stereo, turning it off. "Emmett has something he wants to say to you."

"No way. He made me look like a fool in front of his friends. I would never do that to him. I'm not talking to him for as long as we live."

"I didn't make a fool out of you. You made a fool out of yourself," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes.

"Get out of my room!" I barked at the top of my lungs.

"Now, Bella, he already told me what happened. He feels really bad about it, and he wants to apologize. Don't you, Emmett?" she stated, her glare saying, _you better if you know what's good for you._

"Uh huh," he answered, scuffing his foot. He sat down at the foot of my bed.

"You don't have to talk, Bella, but you do have to listen." She turned around and walked back out the door, closing it behind her. Renee believed that if someone was strong enough to say they were sorry, the rest of us should be strong enough to listen and even stronger to forgive.

Emmett and I sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he finally spoke. "I'm sorry, Bella," he sputtered as if he was trying to force air through a tiny straw. "Jake's my friend and ... Do you like him or what?"

"No," I shot back with a sharp tone. "And what if I did? So what? What's it to you?

"You can't."

"Why? What's the big deal, anyway? He's a good guy. He's your best friend, isn't he?"

"It's because he _is_ my best friend that I don't want you to go out with him. I know things about him because of that. Things that make me think it's not such a good idea."

"Like what kinds of things?"

"I don't know ... guy things." He paused, not wanting to explain at first, but then continued. "Like what he thinks about some girls and stuff. The way he talks--not that I'm any better. What kinds of magazines he looks at. Well, we both do, but that's not the point, Bella. He goes out with a lot of girls. He's ... let's just say, he knows what he's doing when it comes to them. I don't want you to end up getting hurt or _violated_."

I rolled my eyes as I laid there looking up at the ceiling.

"Besides, he doesn't like you."

"You asked him?" I screeched, sitting up. "You had no right."

"Yes, I did, and I had every right," he fired back. "I didn't like the way he looked at you today. I wanted to make sure he knew that if he ever got any stupid ideas, we wouldn't be friends anymore. He doesn't like me checking Leah out."

"You check Leah out?"

"I told you. It's a guy thing. Anyway, he said he only thinks of you as my younger sister, and you're not even his type."

"He has a type?" He had a type already. That was a stunner. "Well, I never said I liked him. I just said what if I did. But I don't, so you can stop worrying about it."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you in front of them today. I promise I'll never do that again. Do you forgive me?"

"I suppose," I replied, faking a smile. I was still hurt and angry with him.

He stood up, happy. "You know you're my favorite sister." He grinned and walked out the door.

"I'm your only sister," I mumbled as he shut it.

I wasn't in the mood to come out of my room to eat just yet. I laid on my bed thinking about what Emmett had told me. On the plus side, I knew Jake gave me a look. On the other side, I didn't know if it was an "appropriate" look. I was aware Emmett was only watching out for me, and that he must have had a good reason for feeling the way he did. I couldn't help but consider just what kind of guy Jake really was. Normal, I supposed, if he was just like Emmett. I sighed. No matter what anyone said, I would always be in love with Jacob Black.

There was another knock at the door, and Jasper walked in. "So, I heard Emmett psycho'd over nothin' this morning, huh?" He sat down on the exact same spot of the bed that Emmett had left and grunted, "The big psycho."

"Did _he_ tell you about it or did Mom?"

"Neither. I just got off the phone with Seth. He asked if you were okay. He said Emmett freaked out for no reason, and you were pretty upset. He said he felt sorry for you, and so did Jake."

"Yeah, Emmett got this crazy idea that I liked Jacob or something. He gave me the 'big brother lecture' about how Jake's not good for me, and he doesn't want me to get hurt."

"That's dumb. I don't know what the problem is. My friends tell me how hot you are all the time. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to go out with one of them." He clenched both of his fists and hopped up, into his boxing stance. "Of course, I could knock any one of them out if they ever crossed the line. They all know it, too."

"All your friends are nerds, Jazz. What do they know about crossing lines?"

"True that." He chuckled. "Anyway, Seth and Leah are on their way over. Jake got their ATV running, so we can all go riding today."

Although Emmett was hilarious, Jasper was the one who always made me feel better. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear.

* * *

_ **Jacob** _

Some loony juice definitely polluted the water at the Swan residence. The house almost shook from the hard bang of the door when Bella ran back inside. But Emmett's craziness didn't stop there. "What's going on with you and my sister, Jake?" His eyes screamed murder, and if I didn't know him better, I would have sworn he wanted to fight me.

"What?" I blurted, shocked at the accusation. "What the hell, Emmett?"

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was going off all of a sudden. One minute, we were laughing and joking, same old, same old. And the next minute, I felt like I was being ripped into.

"I saw that look you gave her."

"What look? You mean the one where I was relieved she wasn't actually hurt? She could have hit her head on the cement. People die that way." My blood started boiling. "And you did a lousy job scraping the ice off the steps. Someone could get hurt!"

I'm sure my words sunk in because his mad-as-hell expression faded, and he took a few deep breaths. "You're right, man. I'm sorry."

Pissed off, I stalked back over to the dirt bike, and we both yanked the jammed plate off, exposing the battery, trying to ignore the heavy tension that gathered around us like a cloud of flammable fumes.

Emmett gave a loud sigh, and I wondered if he was about to light a match. He looked me square in the eyes and asked, "Jake, I just want to know one thing. Do you like her?"

_Maybe I do,_ I wanted to say.

The unrestrained glower on Emmett's face told me he was insanely serious, and that wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Of course not, she's your little sister. She's not even my type. Does she look like the kind of girls I go out with?"

That was both the truth and a lie. She wasn't the typical kind of girl that usually caught my attention. She was too short for me and not curvy. But the honest to goodness truth was I could totally see myself with her. She caught my attention the very first time I'd knocked on their door looking for Emmett. She answered the door so innocent and sweet, and just the way she looked at me that first time made me notice her.

After a moment of scrutinizing me like he was trying to probe deep into my soul, he appeared satisfied with my answer and said, "She's never had a boyfriend before, and you've been out with all kinds of girls."

I knew exactly what he was getting at. That was my fault. I let Emmett think I was way more experienced than I actually was. I didn't know why, but we guys tended to lay it on a little thick at times. I never saw the harm in it before, but now I was wishing I hadn't insinuated as much as I did all the time.

"I know what you're trying to say, Emmett, because I could sure do without you checking Leah out all the time," I snapped.

I only said that to get the focus off of me_\--_just to give him a taste of his own medicine. I never saw him check Leah out. Then again, I never paid attention before.

I must have hit the nail on the head, though, because he didn't deny it. Instead, after his shocked eyes went back into his head, he cracked a big grin. "Fair enough, she'll remain off-limits to me, too."

That statement said it all. _Bella was off-limits to me._ I decided that I could live with that ... _for now_. She did seem a little bit young for me, even though it was only by a year and a half or so.

Besides that, Emmett was my boy, and I loved hanging out with him and his family.

My parents were divorced. My sisters had moved to California with my mom, and I stayed behind with Dad because someone needed to take care of him. He sort of lost it when Mom left, and he started drinking a lot. I spent quite a bit of time with my Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry because of that. Still, a functional family was a rare commodity around La Push.

The Swans were like no other family I had ever known. They did all kinds of family things together. Little things that made an impression on me-_-_like turning the television off during dinner, just so everyone would pay attention to one another for at least an hour out of the day. That was new to me. I was used to sitting in the living room in front of the television when I ate. Sometimes, Billy was there, but most times he wasn't.

Charlie and Renee treated me, Leah, and Seth just like their own kids. Harry and Sue loved Emmett, Jasper, and Bella just the same.

I saw no sense in making an enemy out of Emmett when Bella had never shown an interest in me in the first place. Sure, we may have shared a moment in the commotion of her fall, but I doubted it meant any more than that. As far as I could ever tell, she only liked me as a friend.

* * *

_ **Seth** _

I was helping to remove the side plate that covered the battery when all of a sudden, Jake was picking Bella up from the ground. My eyes centered on her face, and I felt like someone cracked me over the head with a crowbar. I could swear I even heard music in the background. The stars shined from her eyes as she lifted up her head. Her cheeks were rose red, and they matched her soft red lips perfectly. Bella Swan was beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

By the time I realized what was going on, Emmett was being spastic about some Cokes she brought outside for us. With the way he was going on, you'd have thought she destroyed his favorite football.

Bella frowned. Half of me wanted to hug her. The other half of me wanted to _hook_ him. "I'll have one. I'm thirsty," was all I could think of to say.

I didn't think she heard me. She started screaming at Emmett and glaring at Jake. Jake appeared surprised, and Emmett looked madder, if _that_ were possible. I didn't think either of them saw how hurt she was before she ran back inside and slammed the door.

Then they got into this stupid conversation about Jake liking Bella. Which I knew wasn't true. At least, I hoped it wasn't true. I tensed for a second and waited for Jake to confirm my thoughts. Once he admitted he didn't like her, I zoned back out. All I could think about was how sad she was, standing there with a head full of matted leaves. I hoped she was okay.

The two of them finally settled down and got back to work on the dirt bike, talking and acting as if nothing happened. It was almost as if the whole first fifteen or twenty minutes of our visit never occurred.

Jake said he needed to replace the spark plug wires on Emmett's bike. They had somehow rubbed against the exhaust pipe and melted clean through. He thought we had some stray wires in all the junk lying around our garage, so he and I headed home to find some. I think we needed a break from all of Emmett's drama, anyway.

As we revved our motors, I saw Jake turn to glance up at Bella's window. She stood by it, as pretty as ever. We both waved at her, and she smiled and waved back before closing the curtains.

I got to thinking about what Emmett said to Jake. _I saw that look you gave her._ I wondered if it was true. I didn't see how Jake had looked at Bella-_-_his back was toward me-_-_and I was too busy staring at her. So, when we stopped inside the garage, I asked, "Did you really mean what you said to Emmett about Bella?"

Jake's eyebrow rose. "You mean when I said I didn't like her? Sure."

"Good," I said straight out, startling myself because I only meant to think it.

Jake grinned. "So, I'm not the guy Emmett should be worrying about, huh?"

I always could tell him anything. We couldn't have been closer had we been _born_ brothers. "You think that went for me, too, Jake?"

"Nah ... keep it under wraps for now though. It's not really up to Emmett, anyway. It's up to Bella." He scowled. "At least it should be. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, but in the meantime, I better try to get a feel for what Jasper might think about it. I really don't think he'd mind. He's mellower than Emmett."

"Just don't go spreading any rumors about yourself and other girls to him. Trust me. It's a lesson I learned the hard way," Jake warned, elbowing me in the shoulder as if I was supposed to know what he meant by that.

I would have asked, but he said, "Tell you what, I'll get your ATV going, and you can take her for a ride. I bet she could use a little cheering up. Take Leah along with you, and no one will think anything of it."


	3. Chapter 3

_ **Chapter 3** _

_**Bella**_  
  
Gawking at myself in the full-length mirror, I struggled with my hair as I got ready to go to the movies with Leah.

Seemed like I blinked, and it was my third summer in Forks, more like the end of summer now. When school started, I would be a freshman in high school. Everything was changing--apart from the way I felt about Jacob. He blinded me. Meaning, every other guy near Jake remained nameless, faceless blurs in my mind.

Leah couldn't understand it. She constantly tried to get me to go out with someone, especially because Jacob went out with other girls. She used that argument on me all the time.

I heard about the different girls who interested him or that were interested in him. Emmett made sure of that. I was forever pretending not to care, which wasn't always easy. Once in a while, I found myself disgusted with Jacob about a story I'd heard, especially when it involved someone I knew.

But his sunny smile permeated through me every single time he flared it in my direction, so I could never stay mad at him for long. Plus, he didn't have the slightest idea of my feelings for him.

Why wouldn't he go out with other girls?

Brushing through my disobedient hair, I felt spiritless, and having another bad hair day wasn't helping. You would think I'd have gotten used to them. Bad hair days happened a lot in one of the rainiest places in the continental US.

Summer went by too fast this time, and all season long I dreaded the mention of fall, September, or the turning of the leaves, just because when school resumed, Jacob would go away. He would go away next week, set to attend Chemawa Indian School in Salem, Oregon. Chemawa was a boarding school ranging from ninth to twelfth grade, made up of Native American kids from all over the country. They lived there all year, coming home only on Christmas and summer vacations.

After giving La Push High School a year, he decided it wasn't for him, and he chose Chemawa for the boxing opportunities it provided. Everyone acted as if it was nothing. Lots of kids from La Push went to Chemawa, including Jacob's older sisters who would be seniors, which I'm sure was another one of his deciding factors.

Jacob hardly came around anymore, a consequence of Emmett's love life.

One day at the beach, Emmett met a girl named Rosalie from Olympia, Washington. She was staying with her grandparents for the summer. He ended up spending a lot of time with her. You could say she was his first "serious" girlfriend.

I already ached for Jacob, and he didn't even leave yet. Every new sunrise burned a little more, and I was becoming more sorrowful by the day.

"Bella, I'm here!" Leah's voice echoed from the living room.

"I'll be right down!" I gave up on my hair, clasped my lucky anklet on and dashed down the stairs.

We were just about to leave when Jacob stopped by looking for Emmett. As usual, Emmett was somewhere with Rosalie. "Must be in love," he grumbled, cranky. "Tell him I stopped by again." Jacob seemed bummed too. It must have been in the air. "What about Jasper and Seth, do you guys know where they are?"

"I think they went swimming," Leah said.

"Maybe I'll go look for 'em."

When he walked out the door, I grabbed Leah's shoulder and pleaded, "Ask him to come with us."

She squinted in aggravation. "No, you do it if you want him to come."

"You know I can't do that." I peeped out the window. Jake was already on the sidewalk. "Come on, Leah. He's leaving next week. I won't see him for four months. I'll do anything for you." I joined the palms of my hands together in prayer position. "Hurry! Before it's too late."

Leah didn't mind I liked Jacob as long as I kept her out of it, a principle of hers I never understood. "You're just lucky I'll miss him too," she groaned, running out the door after him. As the door closed, I thought I heard her say, "he's going to kill me."

I didn't know what she meant. I told myself to ask her about it later. I gave her some time before I followed.

The moment I stepped outside my eyes bumped into Jacob's. I stopped short for the brief second my heart stalled and my tummy tumbled. The peculiar expression he was wearing enveloped me. "What?" I asked him, throwing a questioning glance toward Leah, hoping she didn't say something, she shouldn't have said.

"Are you sure you don't know where Emmett is?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Well, I guess I'm driving then," he smiled.

Going to the movies together wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Some variation of the six of us always did it. This was something different. The antsy tension I sensed from Jacob was more unusual than anything I'd observed before. He acted uncommonly quiet on the way, which made it difficult for me to carry on a normal conversation with him.

It was odd that Leah was doing enough talking for the both of us. "It's probably crowded today. We should just do something else. I bet Seth and Jasper are having fun. Maybe we should just go find them?"

"I didn't drive over here for nothing, Leah," Jacob said.

"We're already here. We might as well go in," I said, glaring at her. She pretended not to notice.

We followed Jacob into the dim-lit theater, and when we found seats, he stepped aside and guided Leah to go before him, giving me a sweet smile.

I smiled back, skipping inside, because for the first time, it seemed as if Jacob might have liked _me_. Butterflies bloomed in the center of my stomach, and my heart began to pulse. When his hand touched mine, I shivered at the wispy but _wonderful_ skin contact, causing me to slip into a surreal, ecstatic fog.

* * *

** _Jacob_ **

Bella looked eye-catching beautiful when she strolled out the door. She only wore a t-shirt, faded calf-length jeans, and flip-flops with a thin woven chain draped around her petite ankle, but she was everything to look at. The little crush I developed on her magnified tenfold--ever since that day she slipped off the porch. Though she was the forbidden fruit, I felt sure it wasn't just because she was off-limits to me.

Just a flip of her hair, a friendly little smile, an innocent tilt of her head produced feelings in me I couldn't ignore. It was safe to say; I had it bad. Sometimes when we hung out, I paid attention to her while she did the simplest of things, like: read a book, rinse the dishes, or brush her hair. It didn't matter what she did, she always looked hot doing it.

I wanted to go out with Bella so much it was ridiculous. At the same time, I wasn't sure if "she and I" was such a great idea.

I knew Emmett's stand on the matter. No guy in his right mind would want someone to mess with his little sister and do what we guys were always trying to do, least of all his best friend.

Bella was different, special. You could see it just the way she carried herself. Any guy would have his work cut out for him if he tried something, and I supposed she'd also be quite a conquest at the same time. But--while I don't deny she affected me like that--with the way I cared about her, I could never mistreat her. Girls like her were hard to find. She was too good for the jokes around Forks and La Push, and she was probably even too good for me.

Emmett was right to keep the losers away. A stern glare from him along with his size was enough deterrence. I doubted Bella knew; her jovial, but short-tempered, bear of a brother scared the guys around town, and me being his good buddy, well that was a no brainer.

Seth was another problem, because he had a crush of his own on her. I couldn't blame him, especially if he saw her the way I did. I should have told him the truth from the beginning when he first asked. _But no!_ I let Seth believe I was rooting for him. Hell, I practically encouraged my younger cousin, time after time.

When push came to shove, I had to accept Leah's movie invitation. Emmett wouldn't be there for once. I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that.

On the way to the theater, I talked myself into believing Seth's crush was just a mild case of puppy love, a tiny little thing that didn't really matter. As for Emmett, I told myself I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. Before we even parked, I made my mind up. I would try to get with Bella. We found seats midway down the aisle. I tugged Leah in front of me and waited for Bella to follow her.

Bella smiled at me, her eyes bright with anticipation; I thought.

Lacking in confidence or not, I could be bold when I wanted to, so soon as the lights turned out, I brushed my hand up against hers and waited to see if she'd move it away from me. A receptive touch of her soft, dainty fingers, finding their way around my pinky, kicked me into high gear. Grinning, I quickly followed up by wrapping my hand around hers, leaning closer to her as I breathed in the smell of her shampoo.

"Hey, what are you doing?" A low guttural voice erupted from behind us. Emmett. _Dammit!_ It was the most irritating sound of my life.

Bella sucked in a short shallow breath, jerking her hand away. She and I twisted toward each other, looking over our shoulders. Emmett and Rosalie sat down, Emmett leaning forward. 

He appeared right out of thin air and sat directly behind us. Talk about timing! Pressing my clenched fists against my lap, I tensely forced them down my thighs. "Hey, what's up," I whispered, trying like hell to hide my irritation. "I went by your house to see you, but you weren't home, so I came with these two."

"Yeah, I've been really busy." He tilted his head toward Rosalie and grinned.

"I can see that," I said, smiling and greeting Rosalie with a nod of my chin.

I never saw that look on Emmett before. He had to be in love. Good for him. You didn't see me trying to keep him from the girl _he_ loved. Emmett turned to Bella. "Did we miss much?"

"Just the previews," she whispered.

"Sh-," hushed some nearby people.

When Emmett dropped back into his seat, Bella and I glanced at each other. Her eyes were wide. She nibbled on her lip, shook-up. A light slapping sound resonated against the thin carpeted flooring. I saw Leah reach out and put her hand on Bella's jittery knee.

The day Emmett blew up at us popped into my head. I knew I didn't care if Emmett was behind us. I prepared to deal with it. I figured he'd be mad for a little while, but if he was really my friend he'd come around. Bella's who I worried about. I wasn't sure if she minded that he was sitting there. I wasn't sure how much his thoughts about "us" mattered to her. Lobbing that around in my head, I got sick of worrying about it.

I took hold of her hand again, hoping she wouldn't pull it away from me. She didn't. She moved closer, holding a tight grip on mine. So tight, my palm started to sweat, but oh well!

For the rest of the movie, I fought the urge to put my arm around her and maybe even kiss her. My time was running out in Forks. I didn't know if I'd get another opportunity. Having Emmett sitting behind us, made me angry as hell.

That was when my mind began to sway. I started to wonder how mad he would be if I kissed her and ended up thinking about how upset Seth would be when he heard about it. He was just like my little brother. He trusted me. By the end of the movie, I felt like maybe the time wasn't right for us, because I would go away next week. Anything could happen when I left. It occurred to me, someone else could be with her by the time I came home. Long-distance relationships didn't last.

Quil and Embry's girlfriends found other guys almost as soon as they left, although, they claimed it happened the other way around. Maybe it did, either way, it wouldn't be good. In fact, I remembered saying to them, "Why in the hell would you want to have a girlfriend you can't be with?" I couldn't see the point in that. Everything that made sense to me earlier, suddenly didn't feel right, and I didn't know what to do.

Emmett insisted I hang out with him, Rosalie, and Bella for the rest of the evening.

Making the choice to hold off on asking Bella out--until I had more time to spend with her--left me feeling guilty at the end of the night. She was floating around her house like a butterfly. I decided it was better if I didn't see her again. I might to do something stupid; like kiss her and ask her to wait for me. But then, what if we couldn't make it last? I feared we might mess things up for us, before we ever got anything going.

I stayed in La Push right until the day before I left. It turned out that that was the something stupid I did.

* * *

** _Emmett_ **

As the movie played on, I noticed Bella, sitting extra close to Jake. A while back that would have thrown me into a fury. I always halfway knew she had a thing for Jacob. I didn't mind, but not when I thought Jake had one for her. I pretty much told him to stay away from her. I didn't use those exact words, but I know he got my meaning.

Did I blow it out of proportion? Yep. I'll say this though, my reaction made perfect sense to me at the time.

We traveled out of town for boxing matches on plenty of occasions. Jake was a talented fighter. He always won, and that made him popular with girls. Me? I lost sometimes, but I'm a hell of a good-looking guy. Girls were always chasing us around. It wasn't just the girls our age either. We liked older girls better, and we made out with more than a few of them anytime and every time we got the chance. I knew how Jake was with girls.

Bella was naive. I worried she'd end up getting hurt. I thought it was my responsibility to look after her.

I used to see guys cheat on their girlfriends all the time at away matches. I never understood why girls wanted to act married when they were just going out with a guy. Most of the guys I knew didn't take having a steady girlfriend that serious. I didn't want that happening to Bella. To be honest, I wouldn't have let her go out with any of those guys.

Jake and I thought it was better not to have any girlfriends. Why would we want one? Why would any guy want a girlfriend when there were so many other hot girls out there?

My whole outlook changed when I met Rosalie. Once I met her, she was the only girl I wanted to see. She owned me. I grew up a lot since that cold winter day when I acted like a prick to my sister and to my best friend.

I sat behind Jacob and Bella, observing the way their shoulders were leaning toward one another. They appeared as a typical couple on a date. I thought about it, realizing Jake didn't go out with anybody all summer long, as far as I knew, anyway. As for Bella, she never went out with anyone _ever_. I figured, what the hell--live and let live, right?

I decided Bella was old enough to take care of herself. Jake was a great guy, a great friend, the best. If anyone would be with Bella, it may as well be him.

Now and then, Bella would turn around to look at me. I pretended not to notice anything. When I stood up to get some popcorn, I was positive they were holding hands.

After the movie ended, I waited to hear the news they were dating. But neither she nor Jake ever mentioned anything about it to me. After a few days went by, I began to think I imagined the whole holding hands scene. I thought it best not to bring it up, thinking they might get the wrong idea and assume it mattered to me. I minded my business from that point on. I never thought to let them know about it though.

* * *

** _Bella_ **

Jake came over to say goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I assumed the time we'd shared at the movie was just the beginning for us, and the rest of the evening was wonderful too, but when he didn't call or come around after that, it devastated me, especially because we'd held hands.

I wouldn't let him know I cared about that though. I thought perhaps holding hands was only holding hands to him, nothing more. If he wanted to act like it was nothing, then so would I. Acting was something I was good at as far as him.

Though his disappearance hurt me, it was nothing like the pain I felt from knowing I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. I had looked forward to Jacob Black every single day for the past two years. That was the true reason I wouldn't let myself face him. I was afraid that if I did. He could see how much I cared about him. How much I would miss him. How much I wanted to cry. In all reality, I was afraid I would cry and everyone else would see it too. I tried to keep my head down, pretending to be reading a magazine while I listened to the conversation.

Everyone wondered about the school, the campus life, the rules, and the ways to keep in touch. I wondered if he would find a serious girlfriend while he was away and if he'd fall in love like Emmett did. Would he turn to someone when he got lonesome for home?

While they all sat around the kitchen table chatting happily, no one knew that for me, it was the end of the world.

Jake told us cell phone use had been abused. The administration determined phones had become too hard to monitor, so there was a new policy. Students could take them but had to turn them in and check them out during specific calling hours. "Embry took one last year and said it became too much of a hassle to even use it. I'll try to call you guys when I can though," Jake said.

"Oh, Jake will be back before we know it," Renee assured us then suggested, "You could always write to each other."

Emmett and Jake smirked making not faces at one another.

Renee caught it. "Why? Am I missing something? What's wrong with writing to each other?"

"Writing's for wusses," Emmett said, "girls and wusses."

"Is that some kind of weird rule I don't know about? Boys can't write to boys. That's a stupid rule. Can they at least write to girls?" she asked, looking over at me. 

"Why would we want to? That's what emails and texts are for," Emmett replied.

"Emails!" Renee repeated. She said it as if a light bulb had just lit up in her head. "I forgot about those."

"It's the same with computers," Jake mentioned, "too hard to monitor who kids are chatting with. They have a computer lab and we could take laptops, but they should only be used for schoolwork. So they say. I think we can email. Quil says they get around some rules all the time."

"Sounds like it sucks," Jasper said.

Jake shrugged. "Must not, everyone always wants to go back."

"I can see why," Emmett remarked. "All those girls and no parents. I can guess what rules they're getting around."

"Emmett!" Renee scolded with a raspy voice. She changed her voice back to normal, saying, "Well there it is. Jake will call and email when he can. And like I said, you can always keep in touch the old-fashioned way, huh, Jake?"

"How many girls did you promise that to?" Emmett gibed.

"Ah ... I'm really not pen-pal material. I uh... promised nobody anything," Jake said in a flat tone.

His eyes met mine. _What's that supposed to mean?_ I wouldn't wait around to find out.

I stood up, clenching the magazine tight, and strolled out the back door to be alone. Sadness, anger, and confusion all coiled up together inside of my heart and mind. I dragged a lawn chair to the corner nook behind the house to hide from the world. 

I wasn't out there long, when the sound of Jacob's husky voice interrupted my useless reading. "So, Bella..."

Hardening my expression to hide the sadness, I was determined not to let him see; I lifted my head.

"Um ... I'm taking off now."

The awkward tension I was afraid would surface after the movie was as uncomfortable as I'd imagined it to be. What was I supposed to say and do? I didn't know if I should hug him goodbye or not. If it were Emmett, Jasper, or Seth leaving, I would have given them a hug. I found it remarkable how much confusion and change a couple hours of hand-holding could bring. In hesitation, I rose to my feet. "Okay ... Have a safe trip and I hope you like your new school."

He took a fast, lengthy stride toward me. "Look, Bella, I'm really sorry I couldn't come over. I should have. I wish I did."

Hearing him say he was sorry and wished he saw me made me feel so happy and relieved. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those words until the moment he said them. "That's okay. I'm sure you had a good reason."

Glancing to the side, he gulped. "I had a reason." He pushed his fingers through his short, black hair in apprehension before turning back to me.

Whatever it was, I knew he was struggling with telling me about it. I hated to see him like that. "I told you it's all right, Jacob. Just forget about it," I reassured, giving him a warm smile.

He sighed, loosening his posture a little. "Okay. I'll see you on Christmas vacation?" He attempted to grin and awkwardly slumped a little to hug me.

I reached my arms around his neck and hugged him back and felt his lips press against my cheek beside my ear. He kissed me. It was a nice startling surprise that warmed me deep inside. My lips spread across my face, giving him a great big smile, and I was positive he enjoyed my reaction, because he returned a smile just as revealing as mine.

Kissing me again on the top of my head, he said another goodbye then left. I was ecstatic for the first several minutes afterwards, but that soon changed to miserable once I realized he had gone.

* * *

_ **A/N** _ _ In keeping with the tradition of SM, Chemawa is a real Native American Boarding School in Oregon. I thought about leaving out Emmett's portion, but I wanted to give him a chance to explain himself._


	4. Chapter 4

_ **Chapter 4** _

_ **Leah** _

Bree Tanner, a strange but brave seventh-grade girl, stalked Jasper, so he would take her to the Forks Teen Holiday Dance, a fundraising event held to raise money for needy families in the area.

Friendly, athletic, and popular, Jasper got asked out a lot. He didn't want to go with Bree, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings, either, so he told her he was already taking someone else. She went all Fatal Attraction, annoying him with her persistence. I couldn't wait to tease him about it more. I stood nearby at our lockers, eavesdropping, when she demanded to know the name of his date. Jasper reached for my arm, jerking me toward him, and said, "Speak of the angel. I'm going with Leah. We've been planning this for months. Haven't we, Leah?"

It was hilarious. I burst out laughing, and Bree stared at me, surprised and confused.

"Tell her, babe." Jasper glared. I recognized he was serious, and he would be very pissed if I didn't back him up.

Leaning my head against his shoulder, I cleared my throat, attempting to hold a straight face. "It's true, Bree. I've been looking forward to this day for ... well, forever," I told her, barely able to contain my laugh.

She didn't buy it. "Whatever ... Jerks," she spat, under her breath. Wrenching herself around, she sent her dark, chin-length hair bouncing back and forth, as she stormed down the hallway.

"That was mean, Jazz." I decided, after I had time to think about it.

He shrugged. "Not if we really go together."

To ease our consciences, we plotted to make good on the lie and attend the dance as a couple--a pretend couple. It was the honorable thing to do according to him. The two of us attempted to convince Bella to come out with us. She never wanted to do anything. I knew she was crazy in love with Jacob, but he wasn't around, and she couldn't stay home wasting away her youth, waiting for him to come back. Well, she could. I just didn't think she should. Fifteen was prime dating time. A lot of good-looking guys showed interest in Bella, but no one surpassed Jacob in her eyes. She didn't want to waste a minute of her time on them.

When Seth told me he thought he was in love with Bella, it stunned me. I didn't understand how anyone couldn't see she only had eyes for Jacob. Seth was clueless. He and Jake both were.

I saw that love-struck look in my brother's eyes, and I didn't have the heart to tell him he didn't stand a chance. All I did was a promise not to tell Bella, concluding what Seth didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Bella was just as clueless as he was. Seth did anything and everything he could do for her. All she ever noticed was a friend. She never saw how he looked at her, how sweet he treated her, letting her know how nice she looked, and protecting her from her awkward self whenever it was necessary. A true white knight, only his damsel in distress wasn't aware of his affections.

Seth didn't take his non-existent romantic relationship with Bella to the extreme the way she did with Jake. He sometimes went out with other girls. He said he was patiently waiting for Bella to notice him and saw no harm in going out with someone else while he waited. I thought it was a guy thing; the difference between them and us. His dating was the reason Bella never realized how he felt about her.

I made it a priority to steer clear of the entire situation which was no easy task, since they all found it easy to confide in me about these things. I loved Jacob like a brother, but my loyalty lay with Seth. I didn't want to see anybody hurt, Bella included. I felt it best for all of us if she didn't go out with either of them, so I had no qualms about trying to get her to go out with some other able-bodied guy, as long as he wasn't a dork. I had yet to succeed.

On my way to my bedroom to get ready for the dance, I caught sight of Seth sitting on his bed. Slouched over with his head lowered, he appeared devastated. "What's wrong, Seth?"

"Nothing important. I just got off the phone with Lauren," he said, keeping his head down, eyes focused at my feet. "She thinks we're spending too much time together. She told me she didn't want to break-up. She just wanted to go with some high school dude to the dance tonight."

"Are you serious? What a bitch! Get rid of her, Seth!"

"Duh. You think I'm an idiot? I told her I didn't have time for a girlfriend, anyway. She could do what she wants. I don't even care."

"You look like you care."

"Ah ... I'll get over it. I just want to be alone. Do you mind, Leah?"

I left Seth's room holding in my tears for him. He was hurting, and when Seth was hurting, I was hurting. Lauren had been the first girl he seemed to care about--besides Bella. A helpful electrical spark flickered through my brain. Bella!

If I could get her to go with Seth to the dance, he'd forget all about hag-zilla. Jasper and I were going together. I didn't see why they couldn't do the same. I called Bella, prepared to use the "you owe me one" line if I needed to. She knew it was true. Once I told her what happened, I had no trouble persuading her to come with us. She cared about Seth as much as I did.

The prospect of spending alone-time with Bella excited Seth. I'd never seen him so enthusiastic about attending a dance. By the time we entered the auditorium, all thoughts of his break-up with Lauren went away.

Loud music assaulted my ears as soon as we stepped inside, so I covered them to give my poor eardrums time to adjust to the decibel change.

Colored strobe-lights pulsed with the beat, like they were doing a dance of their own. The Teen Holiday dance wasn't a winter formal which was the main reason I opted to go. With all the Christmas lights, hanging from the rafters and the sparkling snowflakes and bright stars, dangling low from the ceiling, it could have been formal. The entire gym reminded me of a romantic, wintery prom. The decoration committee outdid themselves.

Cliques of people stood outside the dance circle but hardly anyone was dancing. It was still early, though. Searching the room, I spotted several La Push high school guys, juniors and seniors, standing in the corner. It's where I hoped to be by the end of the evening.

I brushed my hands down my outfit, doing a once over. I was glad I wore a light-colored, tight-fitting skirt and a figure flattering blouse that glowed in the florescent lighting. My curves were coming in. I didn't mind showing them off.

Bella and I parted ways with the guys to do our own thing for a little while, but before we did, the four of us agreed to make sure we'd share at least a few dances with our fake dates for the pretense of it all. This would be important if or when Bree and Lauren showed up. I started to get a little bored, so I was glad when I saw Jasper and Seth coming across the floor. I nudged Bella. "Here they come."

"It better be a slow song, or I won't dance," Bella mumbled. "You hardly have to move during a slow song. I haven't even seen Lauren yet. Do you think she's here?"

"Oh, who gives a care? Besides, I might beat her up if I see her." I wasn't joking either.

A country sounding romantic number twanged through the speakers. Jasper grinned as he approached. He was handsome. I didn't think I realized how good-looking he was before then. He reached for my hand and escorted me onto the dance floor. Once beneath the Disco ball, I placed my arms around his neck, thinking he would put his hands around my waist.

"What are you doing? This song is for two-stepping," he informed.

"Two-stepping, what's that?"

He reached up and unclasped my arms from his neck, put one hand on the small of my back, took my left arm, stretched it out, and locked hands with me. "Okay, take two steps forward with the same foot," he said, walking me forward. "Then one step back with the other foot."

I had a tough time doing it. It bothered me, because I thought the guys I had been trying to attract attention from were staring at us. I laughed, pretending it was fun, so they wouldn't know how ridiculous I felt.

I looked over at Bella to see how she and Seth were doing. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands were holding her waist like normal people. "Why can't we dance like everyone else?"

"It's boring to be like everyone else. I thought you enjoyed being different," Jasper said.

"Only when the difference looks good," I muttered, stumbling all over his feet and then tripping all over my own.

We stopped moving. "Let's try it again. I'll count and lead. You just relax like a rag doll while I move you."

I fell loose, and he carried me around the floor. It was exhilarating once figured it out. "How did you learn the two-step, Jazz?"

"I learned it when we lived in Arizona. My class did a demonstration in front of the school during the Cinco de Mayo celebration. It was a long time ago, but I never forgot how."

The next song was another slow dance, though not a country-western one. This time I made Jasper do it the normal way. We laughed a lot. He had a great sense of humor, and he was such a charmer. I could see why he was so popular with all the junior high girls. We stayed together all evening, dancing several more dances. I told myself it was to give Seth some time to hang out with Bella.

A pretty, dark-haired Latina, named Maria came up to Jasper when the DJ made the last dance announcement: "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

She went to high school, and the only reason I even knew her name at all was because she was always with hot guys. Getting asked to dance by a high school girl, a beautiful one at that, was an accomplishment when you were only an eighth grader. Jasper's eyes relayed excitement.

"Go ahead, Jazz. I'll be at our table when you're done," I said, smiling at Maria.

As I walked away, I felt this ugly jealous feeling brewing inside of me. Somewhere between two-stepping and our versions of America's Next Best Dance Crew, a huge crush came out of nowhere, blindsiding me. The thought of me developing a crush on Jasper was ridiculous. I knew him too well to like him that way. I drifted toward our table in a stupor when the shocking sight before my eyes halted me where I stood.

To my amazement, Seth and Bella kissed!

* * *

_ **Bella** _

Seth and I were out on the dance floor when Lauren showed up. She sashayed through the heavy doors like she was the bell of the ball, draped on the arm of some loser I recognized from school. He wasn't even cute.

I glanced at Seth. He averted his eyes away from them, pretending he hadn't been looking. He tried so hard to be tough. "It's okay, Seth," I said, feeling sorry for him.

"It is ... okay," he claimed with a large smile. "I really don't even care. I mean, I do a little. But it's not like I was in love with her or anything," he explained. 

I didn't know if I believed him, but I knew he felt uncomfortable talking about it. I wanted so badly to help him, to make him feel better. Glancing back at Lauren, I scowled. Self absorbed girls like her really got under my skin. I wanted to make her sorry. Hanging against him tightly, I buried my nose into his neck. I guess I tickled him because he laughed. "Stop, Bella. You don't have to," he said, pulling away to look me in the eyes. He grinned, amused.

"Stop what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"You're trying to make her jealous, aren't you?"

"I am," I admitted. "She deserves it. He's a loser, and you're so much better than him."

He seemed surprised and flattered by my comment. It made me happy for saying it. "Thanks, Bella, but I don't need play games with her. I was having a great time before she got here, and I'm still having a great time."

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Positive."

"All right, but I'm still getting her jealous, Seth," I insisted.

I thought it better than Leah beating her up. Placing my nose back into his neck, I tickled him more until he chuckled. Finally, feeling him give into the charade by holding me tighter and breathing into my hair, I smiled against his shoulder. I was doing a good thing for a good friend, and I was positive Seth would be there just as soon for me if I ever needed it.

We were having fun. It felt good to be out of the house for a change, hanging out with him and all of my other friends. He seemed to be in such a great mood I wondered if he was still faking it for her. Before long, Lauren couldn't take her eyes off of us. Seth pretended he only had eyes for me. She looked furious about it. I gained an enormous sense of satisfaction, seeing her annoyed yet envious expression.

We did such an awesome job that my friend, Angela, came up to us and remarked, "If I didn't know the true reason you two are here together, I'd think you were a real couple. Seth looks completely into you, Bella."

Seth and I exchanged a startled glance. I felt myself blush. He laughed. "Hey, I'm a good actor. What else can I say?" He reminded me so much of Jacob sometimes. We got up to dance another slow dance. During the dance Seth asked, "So are you interested in anyone around here, Bella?"

"Around here?" I responded, looking around the room.

"Around anywhere? Around Forks, I guess."

"Hmm ..." I stalled for a second, deciding I felt comfortable enough to tell him the truth. It was a strange new sort of connection between me and him. "He's not around," I answered.

"Really? Around where? Around here?" he asked, waving his stretched out arm about the room. He brimmed with curiosity. "Who is he? What's his name?" he continued to pry.

I tried to imagine Seth's reaction to it being Jacob, blushing from his penetrating glare of interest. "Can you keep a secret?" I asked.

"Sure, sure." He nodded. He had a partial grin on his otherwise serious expression, but I didn't doubt he was being honest.

I wanted to tell him, confide in someone close to Jacob with a unique insight into Jacob's feelings. For a moment, I thought it would be okay. "It's ..."

His eyes widened in suspense.

I swallowed. "Um, it's ..." Wavering, I tried to spit Jacob's name from the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it to roll out. My lips refused to let go of my secret. It was too unlike me to open up to anyone about Jacob. "I can't say, Seth. I'm sorry."

Jacob would be home for Christmas in the next day or two. I learned from listening to Emmett and observing the male species; guys moved on quick when a girl couldn't keep their attention. If Jacob was no longer interested in me, I didn't want him to find out I continued to have feelings for him. I wasn't clear where things stood between us anymore. Jacob had called Emmett once in a while, never asking to speak with me as I hoped. I got a hello passed on to me from time to time. That wasn't enough to go on though, but I was holding on tight to the way he made me feel the last time I saw him.

"Ah, c'mon, Bella. You can't give me that much and then leave me hanging."

"It's just that I've kept it to myself for so long."

"You mean he doesn't know?"

"I'm not sure if he does or not. I thought he did once, a long time ago. I wouldn't want to force the issue with him. What if he said he didn't feel the same? At least this way I can hope. You know what I mean?"

"Actually, I know what you mean. It'll never happen to you though," Seth spouted with confidence. "I'll bet you any amount of money that any guy you're interested in will jump for joy to hear about it."

I rolled my eyes. "You're just biased because you're my friend."

"Don't believe me then." He shrugged.

The song ended. Hand in hand, we walked back to the table and sat down. I realized it was easy for me to talk to Seth. I felt fortunate to have him as a friend. "Seth, I'm really glad I came with you tonight. I haven't had this much fun in months."

"I think none of us have," he agreed, pointing to Leah and Jasper with interest. "What are they doing over there?"

I cracked up. "It looks like bad impersonations of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears."

We laughed at them while they laughed at each other, continuing to watch as a popular girl from my grade interrupted them. It appeared she asked Jasper to dance, and he said yes.

Seth and I both turned our heads toward each other at the same moment, and just like a blinding flash of light in a pitch-dark room, he kissed me.

It was so sudden and so surprising that all I could remember about it was how warm and soft his lips were on mine. And he tasted ... rather good. Flabbergasted, I pulled my head back. My face went beet red, flaming hot with color, or that's what it felt like to me.

Seth snapped to wide-eyed innocence. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to do that." He scanned the room as he sputtered, "She was looking!"

I couldn't see a hint of color on his cheeks, but his expression said it all. I shifted myself in Lauren's direction; she was gawking at us with a face as shocked as mine must have been when he did it.

"Bella, I hope you're not mad."

I shook my head. "Surprised is all," I muttered, somewhat dazed. He could have warned me.

Jake appeared in my mind. What would he think if he heard about it? I observed the room, cupping my hot face in my hands. No one but Lauren seemed to pay attention to us. It happened so fast, _maybe no one else saw?_ The thought calmed me. "It's okay, Seth. I understand. But ... can we keep this between us?"

"Sure ... yeah... the guy... right. Yeah. Okay." He sounded so nervous I couldn't help but smile. As I smiled, he smiled, bringing forth the hilarity of it all. Laughter emerged between us, and Seth took a breath of relief. Leah approached us from behind, so we slowed our laughs to chuckles and forgot about it.

"I promise, Bella. I won't say anything to anyone," he said, on our way home when Jasper and Leah weren't paying attention to us, letting me know that he was still stressing about the kiss.

"I know you won't. I trust you, Seth." I grinned and took hold of his hand to assure him everything was fine.

* * *

_ **A/N** _ _ Jake will be back next chapter. =D_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_ **Bella** _

Breathing in the smell of fresh-cut pine at the Christmas Tree Market, put me in a Christmas mood. I rearranged my scarf and tucked my chilled hands into my coat pockets as me and Dad searched for the perfect one.

Carelessly trailing behind him, I plowed into a body, bouncing me backward. Swift on the reflexes, Embry clutched my shoulders, steadying me upright. "Bella, you okay?"

"Embry!" I spread open my arms, giving him a huge welcome-back hug. I danced, inside, at the sight of him. "Better than okay. You're back," I squealed.

"Well, I guess you're all right then," Charlie said, giving me one of his typical looks, this one showing he didn't quite get the behavior of today's teenagers. "Good to see you, Embry," he added as he walked away.

Seeing Embry meant Jake was home. I couldn't wait to see him.

"Where is he? Did he go home or to the Clearwaters'?" I asked.

"J? I should have known it wasn't me who put the humongous grin on your face."

The speculative nature of Embry's quirked eyebrow made me stop to take a calming breath.

"I take it you missed him."

"Oh, we all did," I said.

"His dad picked him up. He said he was going home first. He was eager to see everybody, so I'm sure he'll show up in Forks soon."

I turned toward Charlie, mentally willing him to hurry and pick a tree. Finding the perfect evergreen wasn't as important to me as it was a moment earlier.

"Hey. You'll probably see him before I do. Can you give him this?" Embry asked, holding out a piece of beaded jewelry interlaced with colorful little gemstones. "He left it on the bus."

"What is it?" I reached for the pretty strand of beads.

"Something for some girl."

The beads slipped through my fingers, sinking to the ground just as the air yanked from my lungs. "Oops," Embry said and bent down to retrieve them.

"His girlfriend?" I blurted, listening wholeheartedly for his every word.

"Could be. He didn't say, and I didn't ask."

The knowledge Jake had found a girlfriend he was serious enough about to get jewelry for floored me. Though I always knew and feared the possibility, I wasn't prepared.

The memory of his hand snug with mine, the sweet tender kiss he placed on my cheek, and the smile he graced me with before he left gave me enough hope to think maybe it wouldn't happen. My highest of highs plunged, causing a sudden lump in my throat. Turning away from Embry, I cleared the corners of my watery eyes, ignoring his outstretched hand.

Embry's eyes shot open. His face showed his conclusion, and he blurted, "Bella, Jake never said ..." He closed a fist around the beads.

Raising a hand to interrupt him, I covered my nose with the other, so he would think I was trying not to sneeze. "It's allergies. Standing by these trees isn't helping." I twisted toward Charlie with a determined attempt to get myself together, observing him as he walked around another tree, inspecting it. Blinking my eyes to remove moisture in them, I wasn't about to let Embry--or anyone else--witness my tears and my stupid, childish behavior.

Charlie pointed at the tree. I smiled, nodding my head.

Passing my smile from Charlie to Embry, I faced Embry's questioning stare. He fidgeted uneasy, concerned with my initial response to his words. "Nah, Bella. You looked like you were about to cry." I wouldn't have guessed he could be so blunt.

"Cry ... Cry for what?" I pretended to sniffle while rubbing my eyes like something irritated them.

"I didn't mean to make it sound like Jake has a girlfriend. He doesn't."

"Like I care." I smirked, faking a laugh. "Whether he does or doesn't, it isn't any of my business. I don't know why I even asked."

"Don't act like that, Bella."

"I'm not acting like anything. I really don't care what Jacob does. Why would I?"

"He told me all about you and him at the movies. I just forgot."

I dropped my head, giving up on my facade. I hated it surprised me so much, I couldn't don the mask I had always worn naturally.

Charlie paid for the tree and hauled it to the truck.

"You're right Em. I'm sure I behaved idiotically enough for one day. So I care. There's no need for you to backpedal. It's not like I can do anything about it. We may as well just drop it. I have to go."

"Listen to me, Bella!"

I rolled my eyes. The impulse to cover my ears like I did when I was younger and Jasper and Emmett were teasing me to death, tempted me. I didn't want to hear anything more about Jacob or the girlfriend he didn't have, but bought jewelry for anyway.

"Honestly. He never said who it was for. He doesn't have a girlfriend. I wasn't thinking." He pointed at me. "And you're jumping to conclusions."

"Bella!" Charlie hollered from down the path.

I held my finger up, signaling for him to hold on while I replayed Embry's "could be," and "some girl" in my mind. I gazed at Embry. "Maybe I jumped to a conclusion, and he doesn't have a girlfriend. There is some girl though, right?"

Embry's brows wrinkled, his distress clear. He puckered his lips, pointing them sideways for a moment, before answering. "I ... I really don't know."

I squinted and demanded, "Stop it now, Embry. You wanted me to listen to you, so tell me."

"Shit." Bowing his head, he sighed. "There's no one special."

My stomach turned.

Embry threw his head back, looking into the sky for a second. "Ugh, Jake will pound me for this. He really will ... Okay, he went out with two girls, but I know there's nobody he really likes at school. That's the truth, Bella."

Charlie called my name again. "Just a minute, Dad," I yelled back, trying to decipher Embry's words and determine how to feel about them.

My misguided heart ached while my levelheaded mind tried to be rational. I wondered if it even entitled me to feel betrayed. I shrugged. "Nothing really went on between me and Jacob, anyway. He doesn't owe me anything. I would really appreciate it though, if you wouldn't tell him we saw each other today, Embry."

"I'll second that." He let out a breath.

"I better go." I turned to walk away.

"Bella." Embry reached out, touching me on the shoulder. When I turned back to face him, he said, "Jake wishes something would happen between you two. I know for a fact he does. Give him a chance."

I forced a meaningless smile, drowning in my pain and confusion. When I got home, I purposely forgot to mention Jacob was back. I went straight to my room, telling everyone I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to be alone. I looked forward to the day of his homecoming for four months. Now all I wanted to do was forget Jacob Black ever existed.

* * *

_ **Jacob** _

Home for Christmas Break, Bella was all I could think about the moment I stepped from the bus. I was dying to see her.

Sue made me eat a home-cooked meal while Seth and Leah clued me in on all I missed while away. It didn't sound like I missed very much. There was hardly ever any excitement around Forks and La Push. The only things that ever changed were people's ages.

Leah and Sue left the kitchen as soon as Seth and I talked boxing. After they were both gone, the conversation turned to girls. Seth told me about some girls he had taken out a couple of times. That was music to my ears, especially when he chatted about this girl, Lauren, he had been going out with and really liked. It was too bad it didn't work out; I was proud to hear he dumped her as soon as she tried to play him. I wouldn't have put up with her crap.

As I listened to him, I got the feeling his crush on Bella had become a thing of the past and ended up wondering about it out loud. "I take it you don't like Bella anymore?"

He cocked his head, staring at me puzzled. "What makes you say that?" he asked, as if my question was groundless.

Surprised, I stepped back from the conversation with a shrug. It offended me he was going out with other girls then sitting right there across from me implying that he still liked Bella. Until I remembered, I did it too.

How wrong was that?

Sure, I was with a girl here and there if I thought I liked her. All I kept finding out was that she wasn't the girl for me. Nothing ever lasted. No matter how _cool_ a girl was to hang out with, or how _hot_ she was to look at, it always got old fast.

Usually, trying to date another girl left me thinking about Bella. It made me notice I never stopped feeling the way I felt about her. I never stopped wondering about her or wishing for her, regardless of how far away she was from me.

I'm not sure why I went out with other girls; I just did. Technically, it wasn't even really going out, most of the time. It was more like, hanging out. It didn't seem wrong to me because Bella and I weren't actually a couple. It didn't sound too good when I heard it coming from Seth, though. I was thinking about this when it seemed Seth mentioned something that sounded a lot like, _he_ went out with Bella. I tensed, tapping at my ear with my fingertips, wondering if I heard him correctly. "Hold on. Say that again."

"I said the best part about the whole Lauren mess is that I ended up getting to go out with Bella. I took Bella to the dance the other night." A prideful glimmer showed in his eyes. "That's what I've been getting to."

"Oh, yeah?" I swallowed hard and took in a lung full of air. I let my breath out when he said they only went as friends. But it was more than that to him_._ I could tell by the excitement in his voice as he re-capped the evening.

"She said it was the most fun she's had in months. She told me she was glad she went with me. Then we..." He stopped talking with a mysterious grin.

"You what?" I slanted an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish.

"We had fun, that's all. It's a start, though, don't you think?"

"Yep, it's a start." In all reality, it was a start. I cleared my throat. "Good deal," I said, feeling a pang of anger and jealousy toward him.

I thought if I left things alone the situation would fix itself. Seth's crush on Bella would go away, or he'd put Bella in a position where she'd have to tell him she wasn't interested, hinging on the idea she wasn't. If it were any other guy, I knew without a doubt, I'd have been insanely selfish with Bella. This was Seth; he looked up to me. What was I supposed to do now? I had gotten to where I didn't want to step aside, cousin or no cousin.

The more he talked, the more he got on my nerves. It relieved me when Sue made him chop some firewood before we could go over to the Swans'. That gave me time to find out from Leah what was going on between Seth and Bella.

"Leah, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, interrupting her game of Halo.

"As soon as I'm done here. I'm on a roll."

"Pause it!" I snatched the controller from her hands and practically lifted her from the sofa, dragging her into the guest room, more commonly known as my room.

"What are you doing?" She scowled with a raised voice. "That was the farthest I've ever been."

"I just want to ask you something." I closed the door and contemplated how to begin. Leah knew Seth liked Bella. After the movie that day, she told me she didn't want to know anything about anything until I told Seth about everything. She was my only source of information, though. I had to ask her. "Did Bella mention me while I was away?"

"Ah, Jake," she whined. "It's called plausible deniability, remember? I'm not getting involved in any, way, shape, or form, so don't even ask."

"I'm just trying to figure out where I stand." I stared at Leah, hoping she'd tell me something.

She just kept shaking her head back and forth.

"C'mon Leah. This isn't just about me. It's about Seth and Bella too. If I knew for a fact Bella was interested in him and not me, I wouldn't interfere." I stopped short of saying _I think_.

"Really?" She eyed me with skepticism.

She made our talk way more difficult than it needed to be. "I would. Seth's the main reason I stayed away from Bella all this time. You already know that. So, is she into him now, or what?"

"She didn't tell me she was if that's what you want to know." Leah took a harsh breath, uncomfortable with the conversation. "Jacob, you know how I feel about all this. You're not being fair to me by putting me in the middle. I wouldn't talk to Seth about you and Bella if he were the one asking."

"Why can't you just tell me, Leah? It'll be easier on all if us. I promise."

She grimaced, cutting her eyes away from me then huffed. "All right, I'll tell you what I think. If you had asked me the same question two days ago, I would have said no, Seth doesn't have a chance. Now I have to say--I'm not sure, he might. You need to ask Bella."

"No. I won't do that. Has she said anything to you about _me_?"

"Just that she was hoping you would have called her or something."

"_I_ was hoping she'd answer the phone at least _once_ when I called over there. I didn't want to start any trouble if I asked Emmett to let me talk to her. He would have probably hung up on me, anyway. Is that all she said?"

"The last time I checked, which was _before_ the dance, she was waiting for you to come home." A trickle of happy relief went through me despite how Leah made sure she emphasized that it was _before_ the dance. "She's openly said she likes you." Leah frowned and added with bitterness, "So, you've got _that_ over on my brother."

She just as well kicked me in the shin with the way she said it. Her tone made me see how upset she was and how hard our talk was for her. Seth was her twin, and I put her on the spot; she probably felt like she was betraying him. I suddenly felt rotten about asking her anything. "I'm sorry, Leah. You're right. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. You know I'd never purposely do anything to hurt Seth. I'm trying not to here."

"I know, Jake. It's just ... it really broke Seth when things didn't work out with him and Lauren. He'd never say it, but it did. You should have seen him, Jake. Even though I'm not sure how Bella feels about him, I know how she feels about you. I don't want to see Seth like that again. I'm afraid that's what will happen if you go over there trying to pick up with Bella where you left off."

"I don't want to see him hurt. I don't want him pissed off at me, either, but how is it fair to Bella if she's been waiting for me to come home, or what about me?"

"It's not fair. That's why I can't get involved in whatever you all do. That's why I don't want to know anything about it."

"So, you think I should wait a little longer until Seth's over this Lauren?"

She rolled her eyes, agitated. "I didn't say that. I said, do what you want, Jake. Just don't put me in the middle," she snapped.

"Okay, Leah. Jeez!" I sighed. "Can I at least ask you this? If I waited until say ... summer, for instance, because I'll only be here for ten days. You think Seth would give me the same courtesy and not interfere?"

The look she gave me in return was one of disbelief. "You'd risk the possibly that she could fall for Seth or some other guy in the meantime? May is months away."

"Is it a big risk?" I took the liberty to ask.

"It's a risk. A tiny one at this point as far as I know, but it still exists."

The way I saw it was, the possibility of Bella falling for Seth, or some other guy, existed if she and I got together now or not. May _was_ a long time away. "I might. Like I said, I don't want to see Seth hurt. I really missed Bella though, more than anyone."

"If you waited, I'd talk to Seth for you. I'd do my best to get him to understand. Bella--she'll hate me if she even thinks I talked you into anything. The decision has to be all yours, Jake. Either way, I'll respect whatever you decide. I won't be mad at you."

"Thanks." I was grateful for Leah's honesty.

We went over to the Swan house as soon as we could get away from Sue, Harry, and Billy, which wasn't easy. I didn't know they missed me that much. Sue cried when I first walked through the door. It was definitely an over-the-top reaction. We didn't call to tell anyone we were coming. I wanted to surprise them. Renee answered the door. I didn't know if it surprised her to see me, but she and Charlie were both surprised by how much I grew.

"Jacob!" Renee exclaimed as she reached up and hugged me. "You're getting..." She stepped back and surveyed me "... really, really tall."

I grinned.

"Now don't get too much taller. Remember, I'm saving Bella for you." She winked.

"I'll try not to." I chuckled.

I heard those kinds of remarks from Renee before. I was never sure why she made them. I used to think it was just to irritate Emmett, or to embarrass Bella. Whatever the reason, I sort of enjoyed hearing that from Renee.

Jasper and Emmett weren't home, and Bella was up in her bedroom. Renee said Bella wasn't feeling well, whispering she didn't think Bella was sick, only feeling down. She had me go up by myself to surprise her. Because I didn't call her, I was nervous about seeing her again. I didn't know why I didn't think of it before, but Renee wouldn't have thought twice about me asking to speak with Bella.

The steps made loud creaks on my way up. I never noticed it before. If Bella, Emmett, or Jasper ever tried to sneak out of the house, they wouldn't get away with it using those steps. At the top of the stairs, the hallway felt way too quiet. I took some deep breaths, hoping she would be happy to see me then knocked on the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_ **Bella** _

I sat semi-cross-legged on my bed, squeezing my worn out Pillow Person into my chest with my chin resting on her sunken head. Her name was Winkleberry. Charlie brought her home to me when I was in kindergarten, and my best friend, Marissa, moved away. The story on the tag said she was everybody's best friend, and you could tell her anything. She'd keep all your most precious secrets. She was missing a limb and had grown so tattered, stuffing leaked from some amateur sewing repairs I gave her over the years, but despite the shape she was in, she remained handy to me.

Voices carried from outside, and the low, robust tone belonging to Jacob trailed its way through my unopened window, triggering an increase in my heart rate fused with anxiety.

_What pane of glass?_

I couldn't believe I had one with the way all the outside sounds invaded my room whenever I preferred nothing less than deafening silence.

A knock at the front door followed Leah, Seth, and Jake's oblivious chit-chat. I wasn't sure how I would feel seeing him again, or that I even wanted to see him again. But I couldn't really be mad at him either, because the facts remained the same, we weren't dating. It would be unfair for me to think he should have behaved as if we were, but I couldn't help it. I felt disappointed, hurt, and furious at him. I rubbed my temples, feeling more distressed.

Only a second later, I sprung to my feet, tiptoeing across my bedroom. I cracked my door open just to hear his voice. Mom answered the door, and I heard her announce, "Jacob, you're getting really, really tall. Now, don't get too much taller. Remember, I'm saving Bella for you."

I cringed at Renee's ridiculousness. Nobody wanted to have to listen to those kinds of remarks. It was disturbing enough when we were younger. Now that we were older, it was insane sounding.

"I'll try not to," Jacob said with laughter in his voice.

"Holy buckets, you grew!" Charlie exclaimed. "What is it now, five-ten or five-eleven?"

"More like six foot."

_Six-foot_! I had half a mind to run downstairs and throw myself around him just the way I did with Embry. But that was only half a mind. I felt too disheartened, knowing Jacob really was the guy in the picture Emmett painted for me so long ago. It was a good thing he didn't know what had happened between me and Jake at the movies, because Emmett loved to say "_I told you so"_ to me.

"Where is everyone?" Jake asked.

"I sent the boys to the grocery store. They should be home soon. Bella's upstairs. She claims she's not feeling well," Renee recounted with the rest of her words straggling off soundless.

_Claims?_ I shook my head, squinting in anger. She was relentless. Furious over her attempts to accomplish who knows what, another reason I shouldn't have exposed my feelings for Jacob to anyone. I pushed my door shut. I was about to turn my stereo on to drown out the lower level sounds, hoping the music would smother my yearning to see Jacob, when I heard footsteps on the stairs.

I might have guessed she wouldn't let me hide up in my room, but this was my chance to talk to her privately, to tell her to stop interfering, and to leave Jacob alone because there was nothing going on between us. I wrenched the door open, and my heart leapt, practically out of my body, making me go breathless.

Jake smiled that charming smile of his, the one smile that always made me weak in the knees. Tall, broad, and handsome, he was perfect. My lips began to form a smile. I truly was hopeless. Biting my lip, I lowered my eyes, assembling my defenses. "Hi, Jake!"

"What, no hug for me?"

I forced myself to reach up and give him a light embrace. Not only had he grown taller, but he was more developed, and strong, by the feel of him. A slight squeeze coming from the arms he had draped around my lower back brought me to my senses. I abruptly let go, placing my fingertips on the fronts of his shoulders and pushed myself away from him. I turned around and said, "Sorry, Jacob. I'm not feeling well."

"I know. Renee told us. What's wrong?"

"What are you doing up here, Jake?" I muttered. I folded my arms around my waist and sat down on my bed. "You don't have to humor her, you know?"

"I wasn't. I wanted to come up and see you."

_Well, you don't have to humor me_. I grimaced.

His expression turned confused, and he took a step back. "Sorry, you're not feeling good."

_He's going to leave._ "Wait a minute, Jake!"

His eyes widened. "Yeah?"

I decided I'd have to sort out my tangled emotions later. "I'm feeling well enough. Come in and tell me about your school?" I grinned, softening my expression.

His shoulders relaxed, and he came in, partially closed the door, and sat down beside me. "I like the school and the people. Living in a dorm is really different though."

"Really? What's that like?" I asked, sensing the prickly tension between us.

The way he absentmindedly lifted Winkleberry and began to fiddle with her nervously told me he sensed it too. "There's a lot of kids around, but it's not living with your family. It gets kind of lonely sometimes, and because of all the dorm rules, I don't even get to spend as much time with Rebecca and Rachel as I thought I would. I miss ..." He looked down and realized he was holding Winkleberry in his hands. His face puckered. "What the hell?"

The startled jump in Jacob's eyes when he realized what he was toying with was more than comical. I laughed, disintegrating some awkwardness that clogged the atmosphere.

He grinned. "You don't sleep with this creepy little thing, do you, Bella?"

It was a breath of fresh air that took me back to the way we'd been before the movie theater. "No." I slowed my laughter. "It's a classic. My dad says they don't make them anymore."

"Huh." He dangled her around in his hands, examining her for another couple seconds then handed her back to me. "Looks like she's been beaten one too many times. Anyway, I'm glad to be home. I really missed you guys."

"We missed you too."

As I returned the sentiment, I wished so much to be back when he didn't have a hint of my attraction to him, and I didn't know of his disregard.

Embry's allusion I meant more to Jacob than the girls he dated in Chemawa ruffled through my head. I wondered if there was any truth to his statement. Then I wondered he meant it as a compliment, because it felt more like an insult to my intelligence.

No, I told myself I would not exaggerate what little went on between Jacob and me and ruin our close friendship. He did nothing wrong, really. The day he left, he even made a point of telling me he didn't make promises to anyone. The only person I had the right to be mad at was me, for refusing to accept Jake's behavior of not coming over after the movie and not calling me when he was in Chemawa for what it was: a sign he didn't want to take things any further with me. I frowned at the realization.

"What? What's that look about?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, looking away from him as my face went warm. Presuming this was as good a time as any to clear the air between us so he would know I understood, I coughed then made myself say, "Jake, it doesn't have to be weird between us or anything. I mean, I know things got a little mixed up with us before you left. I just want to say that ... I want to forget all about that."

He probably already did, but at least he'd know I was okay with it, and we could go back to being normal.

His eyebrows lifted. "What? Why?" he asked, surprised, like he didn't have the slightest clue why I might even say that.

"Why?" I parroted, hearing a thump on the other side of the door.

Someone else was in the hallway. We both turned toward the door, and Jake stood up."You coming down, Jake?" Seth asked, as the door pushed open. "Emmett and Jasper are back." He waltzed inside while Leah stood in the hallway with a strange look on her face.

"Anyway, Bella, your mom and dad are taking us out to dinner. Pizza, I think. Are you coming, or are you too sick?" Jake asked.

I didn't know if I had enough energy to sit around the table with everyone holding up some charade. "Um..."

"Ah, she's not too sick. Come with us, Bella," Seth urged. His bubbly energy was always contagious to me.

I thought, maybe I could fix this if I didn't pay too much attention to Jacob just like before, and said, "Sure, anything for you, Seth."

* * *

_ **Jacob** _

I picked up my pizza and took a bite, glancing across the table at Bella sitting beside Seth, thinking about how he pulled her chair out for her. She didn't blink a surprised eye. Actually, no one did. I wondered if he always behaved that way toward her. I never noticed it before, or maybe I did, but it just now stood out and bothered me.

Bella was reading a _Trading Post_ paper while everyone talked. It was the last time I saw her all over again. She wouldn't look at me, and I found it hard to concentrate on what everyone else talked about.

It seemed like she was mad at me again, and I didn't know why—either that or she really was leaning toward Seth, from the looks of it.

"You okay, Jacob?" Renee asked. "You're too quiet."

My eyes roamed around the table, and everyone stared at me. Bella even popped up from her paper. _What was she reading that stupid thing for, anyway?_ "Sure, sure, just tired from the long trip."

They all went back to their conversations. Emmett and Charlie talked about a football game. I glimpsed over at Seth and Jasper. Jasper was telling Seth about a Civil War documentary he had watched on The History Channel. Leah paid deep attention to whatever Jasper said.

I took another slice of pizza, but I wasn't hungry. I didn't know why everyone felt like they needed to feed me.

"Jake ... They must have a good gym down there. I can tell you made some gains." Emmett said, slowly stretching and positioning his arms into a loose double bicep pose. "You're almost as big as Dad."

_Oh, oh, here we go!_ I grinned.

Emmett had a classic football player build. He lifted weights a lot, and he got bigger. He always wore those damn preppy, dress-up sweaters though. I reached over and poked the front of his shoulder a couple times, showing he was soft. "Seriously, dude, how many shirts you got on under there?"

Emmett's face twisted in insult. "I don't have a bunch of shirts on under here!"

Seth and Jasper cracked up laughing right away. It took Charlie, Renee, and Leah a second to catch on. Bella wasn't paying attention. "One point for Jake," Jasper said, holding up his index finger. That was something we used to do when we were younger. We'd score the jabs we took at each other by how funny we thought they were. All it did was egg us on and sometimes pissed us off.

"Okay, you got me," Emmett grinned, laughing under his breath.

Bella lifted her head and almost smiled.

"For real though, Jake, what's the boxing like down there?" Emmett asked, interested.

"It's good." Everyone was gazing at me, so I elaborated. "It's a good size team, and there are some really talented boxers. It's not what I expected it to be, though. I mean, a lot of them have my skill level, but as far as sparring goes, there's hardly any guys my class."

"That's 'cause you ain't got any," Emmett razzed.

I chuckled. Yeah, I walked straight into that one. Jasper put his thumb down at the same time Seth said, "Two points." I flicked my crumpled napkin at Seth's face.

A couple minutes later, Charlie and Renee got up and walked into the game room. They had this weird infatuation with Pac-man and Ms. Pac-man. One by one, everyone else followed except for Bella, me, and Emmett.

"So, Jake, how's the girl situation in Chemawa?" Emmett asked.

Leave it to him to ask something like that right in front of Bella. She looked up. "Typical," I said, stretching my arms overhead, trying to act casual and keep myself from glaring at him.

"Typical?" He smirked. "So ... does that mean you're seeing one or ten?" He laughed, his expression instigating, Hell bent on being a pain in the ass.

I knew what he wanted her to hear from me: that I had a girlfriend. "None." I squirmed, stealing a fast glance at Bella. I thought I saw her cut her eyes away. I didn't know if it was at me or at her obnoxious big brother.

Emmett gave me a closed lip grin then stood up and moseyed into the game room. I took it as maybe he suspected I had a thing for Bella and wanted to make sure nothing would happen on that front.

We were both quiet after he left. She couldn't have been reading that paper. It was a _Trading Post_ for cripes' sakes!

I stared at her wondering how our conversation would have gone if Seth hadn't interrupted us when he did. As curious as I was though, I didn't know if I really wanted to hear what she had been about to tell me. I decided I better just leave it alone. I already felt crappy from her distant behavior toward me. I didn't want to make things worse for myself.

"They're playing pool. C'mon, let's go take on the winners," I suggested.

"I still don't know how to play pool," she replied. Her eyelashes quivered bashfully.

_God, she was beautiful_.

"I bet I can teach you."

"Easier said than done." She laughed. I grinned; it felt good to see her smile at me, and it was about time. "Okay, I'll try it," she agreed.

We joined everyone in the game room. Emmett and Seth beat Leah and Jasper, so they ended up being our opponents. As usual, Emmett was already bragging about how good a shot he was. I put my quarters on the table. Emmett lifted his chin to me. "Do they have a pool table in the dormitory? I bet you still can't beat me."

"We'll see," I replied. "Bella's gonna be my partner."

Emmett laughed. "Now I _know_ you won't beat me."

"Shut up, Emmett," Bella snapped.

I ignored him, racking the balls for the game. Seth shot first, but nothing fell inside a pocket. I studied the table for a few seconds then told Bella what ball to shoot for. I figured she, at least, knew how to shoot the ball. The first shot she took, the white ball jumped a foot high off the table and came flying straight for my head, barely missing me. Everyone got a big kick out of it, and Emmett started in with the teasing. "I don't understand how someone who can get an A in geometry, can't play pool worth a damn."

"I told you to shut up!" she barked, lifting the pool-stick as if she would whack him with it.

I would have loved to have seen that. "So what, I can play pool, but I can't get an A in geometry," I rebutted. "That was just a practice shot. Give her another chance."

Emmett agreed, boasting, "I'm telling you, Jake. You don't stand a chance against me, no matter how many tries she gets."

_In through one ear and out the other_.

"I'll line up the cue ball against the ball I want you to shoot, and the pocket I want you to aim for," I instructed Bella. "All you have to do is shoot on the spot I point to."

"It works, Bella. That's how I learned to play," Leah said.

Bella leaned over the pool table, holding on to the cue stick awkwardly and aimed to where I was pointing. She pulled the cue stick back and shot. The cue stick went upwards and barely nicked the white ball. Her face flushed; it was one of her cute, clumsy moments.

The white ball only moved a little. Emmett and Jasper cracked up laughing. "If we could have taught her how to play, we would have done it by now." Emmett chuckled.

Jasper nodded. Bella frowned, rolling her eyes. It pissed me off whenever they treated her that way. "Be quiet, and take your turn," I grumbled. Emmett was wearing on my nerves _big time_. "It's a wonder she can do anything with you two jokes for brothers."

He ran the table for three balls before he missed. He always was a good shot. Then it was my turn, and I hit two balls. Seth shot next, he made one. We were back to Bella's turn. "Here, Jazz, you do it," she said, offering the pool stick to Jasper.

She already wanted to quit, but I wouldn't let her give up because of those two knuckleheads. "Just take your time, Bella, you'll get it this time," I encouraged. She huffed and leaned over the pool table, ready to shoot again. I lined up everything with my eyes once more and pointed at a spot.

"Jake, she needs to learn how to hold the cue stick the right way," Seth advised.

"Show her how, Seth," Leah said. She whipped her head toward me then quieted her voice, mumbling, "Or somebody."

Seth put his arms around Bella and leaned over her to show her the proper way to hold the stick and shoot. Even though it was all innocent, I was burning with jealousy. I couldn't even stand to watch and had to turn away until they finished.

"I'm ready, Jake."

We tried it again. She hit the mark on the white ball exactly where I was pointing. The number seven ball went straight into the pocket I called. She jumped up and down. Jasper, Leah, Charlie, and Renee clapped for her.

Emmett slapped Seth on the shoulder. "Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

She knocked two more balls down before she missed. We tied. Emmett hit the white ball too hard and scratched. It was my moment to do some heckling. By the time it was Bella's turn again, we only had one ball left plus the eight ball, and so did they. When she hit our last colored ball in, Emmett's face was mad red. I couldn't help but laugh at him. He hated losing, and I knew he especially didn't want to lose to me or Bella.

"The eight ball's gonna be trickier because we're gonna have to bank it," I told her.

"What's that?" she asked.

"We have to hit the eight ball so it bounces off the side of the table before it goes into the pocket we call." I lined it up for her, but she missed. "That's okay. It was a hard shot to make."

It was Emmett's turn. He hit his last ball in then went for the eight ball. He shot it straight in without banking it. "Whoo-hoo," he yelped.

"You didn't bank it!" We all complained at once.

"Who said we had to?" Emmett replied, smug. "I don't recall hearing that rule being made."

"You knew that's how we were playing it. That means _we_ won because you didn't bank it," I argued.

"Nope," Emmett jeered, laughing.

"Pfft." I flicked the back of my hand at him. I looked at Bella. "He could gloat all he wants. Everyone's on our side anyway, including his own partner." I winked at her. She just turned away.

It poured wet when we left the Pizza Palace. We all hurried across the parking lot to the car. I noticed Seth holding his hand on Bella's lower back, probably to make sure she didn't slip.

I swallowed. The searing jealousy I felt was too much to bear. Bella didn't like me anymore. I already couldn't wait to get back to school, to get as far away from Forks as possible.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_ **Bella** _

"Jazz, if you really cared about a girl, would you date someone else?" I asked, as I poured two bowls of cereal for us.

"You mean, if I was dating someone, would I cheat on her?" He set the plate of toast he'd made on the table, took a seat, and poured himself some milk.

"No. If you weren't dating her, but you wanted to be with her, and someone else wanted to go out with you, would you?"

He pushed the milk toward me. "If I felt that way about her, why wouldn't I be dating her?"

"Maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her, or maybe she's interested in someone else." I thudded the carton of milk back down on the table with too much vigor. "I. Don't. Know. Jazz. Pick a reason."

He knocked his spoon against the table, deliberating. "It all depends. If I liked her, but she wasn't interested in me, I might date someone else. I don't know. Everybody I was ever interested in always liked me too. I probably wouldn't even like her if she didn't like me," he answered, making it sound so simple, so cut and dry. Jasper looked over his shoulder as Emmett traipsed into the kitchen, heading straight for the refrigerator. "Emmett," Jasper called. I glared at Jasper, shaking my head, preferring to keep our conversation just between us. He didn't catch my signal. "If you were really into a girl, would you date some other chick you weren't that into? Bella wants-"

I kicked him under the table.

"Ouch! What'd you do that for?"

Emmett rotated toward us, taking a gulping swig of orange juice from the carton. "Gross, Emmett, don't put that back in the fridge," I ordered then glanced back at Jasper, glaring the signal at him again while claiming I kicked him by accident.

He refused to take the hint. "Would you date another girl if you really wanted to be with someone else?" he asked.

Emmett plunked down on a chair and poured himself a bowl of cereal. "It all depends."

"My sentiments exactly." Jasper smirked. "It depends on the situation."

"Yep, it does. Take me and Rosalie for instance. I want to be with _her,_ but she's not around here anymore."

Emmett's comment surprised me. I thought he and Rosalie were doing fine. He didn't go out with anyone else after she left, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it. Girls always called to talk to him, but the only time I ever saw him thrilled was when he was on the phone with Rosalie. "Yes, but you haven't been dating anyone else," I reminded him.

"I know. To tell you the truth, I don't know how much longer I can keep that up."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's not like you'll _die_ if you don't go out with anyone."

He arched a brow. "I just might. I mean, I wish she was here, but she's not, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"School's almost out, though. I thought she was coming back for the summer."

His casual facial expression and his lighthearted breeziness disappeared. "She doesn't know if she'll get to come back here this summer. Her parents want her to go to Europe with them. I just don't think it's working anymore."

I realized he felt bad about the fact he and Rosalie seemed to have lost touch. He wasn't usually pessimistic. As much as Emmett teased me and as much as we argued, I couldn't stand to see him depressed.

"Lately, it's gotten so hard to even carry on a decent conversation with her over the phone. It's like we have to search for things to talk about. The silences are getting longer, and the phone calls are getting shorter _and_ further apart."

"So, who's the girl?" Jasper asked, as if he heard a different conversation coming from Emmett than me. "That hot redhead who never takes her eyes off you when we're out at the motor cross pit? She jumps better than half the guys."

An air of smugness took over Emmett's expression. He grinned.

I gasped as I realized Emmett's interest in another girl. That was the underlying motive causing him to question his relationship with Rosalie. "You mean you're thinking of dating someone else?"

"Actually, I am. I have a feeling she's thinking the same thing. At first I thought, Olympia's not that far away. It'll be easy for us to get together. I've seen her, what ... three times all year long?"

I couldn't believe what I heard. Emmett was in love with Rosalie. We all knew it. Why would he even consider dating someone else?

"Don't give me that look, Bella. It's not like we didn't try."

I realized I was glaring at him. "I just don't understand how you could talk about ending your relationship with her as if it's nothing."

Emmett communicated to Jasper a look that said, _what's the big deal?_ Or maybe it said, _help me out here_. Jasper quirked a half smile, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head like, _I don't know_ and _nope._

Emmett swallowed the mouthful of shredded wheat he had been crunching on, pulled the cereal box back toward himself, and ignored me while he poured another bowl. Losing my appetite, I pushed my soggy bowl of cereal--which I'd neglected to take a single bite from--away from me, tossed an angry look at the both of them and stormed out of the kitchen.

Renee was coming into the house, carrying several mounds of clay and a pottery wheel. "Bella, Hon, would you get the door?"

I yanked the door closed, creating a whopping loud bang. Emmett leaned back in his chair and poked his head into the living room for an instant.

"What's got you in such a mood this morning?" Mom asked. I helped her carry her craft supplies to her work area squeezed into the laundry room.

I knew I would probably regret explaining my mood to her, but I needed to do some venting. "I just don't understand why guys have everything so much easier than us girls."

"In what way?" She took out a mound of clay and kneaded it in the palms of her water-dampened hands.

"I'm talking about the way they handle relationships. Nothing ever seems to hurt them. They can move from one girl to the next effortlessly. Why is that?"

"Oh, I don't think it's that easy for them. They're just better at hiding their feelings than we are." She set the heap of clay down on the pottery wheel, squirted more water over it, and pressed into it with her fist.

"They don't even have to have feelings for someone to be with them. It's disturbing. It's ... gross. I could never be with a guy I didn't have feelings for, and I wouldn't dare make-out with someone I wasn't going out with. I doubt I'd ever let a guy I wasn't head over heels in love with kiss me."

Renee smiled, and I could tell by her satisfied appearance, I pleased her with my declaration. "Are we talking about Jacob here?"

"No, Mom!" That was the reason I thought twice before talking to her about anything. She thought my life revolved around Jacob. I skewed my eyes, insulted. "We're talking about _me_ here."

Jacob may have crossed my mind during the conversation with Jasper and Emmett. He was also more than likely the source of my anger toward them. But the primary reason for asking was because Angela tipped me off that one of the popular guys from school--a junior who I'd heard from two different people, liked me--had plans of asking me out. This time, I wasn't sure if I would say no, but I dreaded saying yes. "Does not being excited that one of the hottest guys in school wants to ask me out make me a loser?"

"Absolutely not. Why would you even think it does? Your genuine nature just keeps you from pretending things you don't feel. That's a good thing."

I gave her a faint smile as if I found comfort in her words. Honestly, I didn't. I _had_ to consider myself a loser for hanging on to hope of having a relationship with Jacob for as long as I did. All right, Jacob was weighing on my mind for the past few weeks. What else was new, right? It was almost time for him to come back home again. What kind of summer was I about to have? I couldn't help but agonize. Would it be amazing or devastating, or more of the same? Uneventful nothingness!

After the rise and fall of disappointment I had over Christmas vacation, I realized knowing what Jacob was up to didn't roll so easily off me how it did in the past. Maybe it was because I was older. I also recognized I was becoming accustomed to being alone and unhappy, as if it was natural for me. It was a very distressing awareness.

"You know, Bella, there's nothing wrong with dating, nor is dating as definite as you seem to think it should be. All it really is, is getting to know somebody better. It's a way to determine whether you want to have a relationship with that person."

Mom was right. I'd never know unless I tried. I did not understand _how_ or _if_ I'd be able to squash my feelings for Jacob. All I knew was that I had to try it for my peace of mind.

Jacob's actions confused me, and whether I wanted to admit it, it hurt. I had to accept the reality he wasn't around and wherever he was, there would always be _some other girl _in his life. I didn't think I should want to be one of those girls, and I would not be.

* * *

_ **Jacob** _

The loud ricocheting cheers that hung in the arena sounded muffled and far away to me. Droplets of sweat ran down my hair, stinging my eyes and salting my lips and taste buds, as it trickled down my face, splattering against the canvas when I slid my leg between the ropes to climb out of the ring. I was drenched from head to toe, dead tired with aching ribs and weak, numb, Gumby legs.

I slapped the hands of unfamiliar spectators telling me "good fight" as I made my way to the long, cold corridor and back to the locker rooms. My Chemawa boxing coach, Garrett, met me inside. "That was a hell of a fight you put on out there, Jake. I'm proud of you."

Nodding, I wiped the sweat from my face with a towel. After he left, I unlaced my shoes, peeled off my soggy trunks and the tank top, stepped into the shower stall, and turned on the cool water. I closed my eyes and let tears of disappointment blend in with the crisp pressurized water that gently battered my fatigued body.

I lost! I couldn't believe it. My most important fight to date and I lost, blowing the first chance I ever got of going to Nationals. It hurt. I rarely lost, and it hurt bad--emotionally--more than any amount of physical pain I ever experienced in the ring.

From the time I was eight years old and fighting exhibition bouts, I had looked forward to taking a National Golden Gloves title. I couldn't wait to turn sixteen just to take part at that level. There was nothing more important to me; taking Nationals was always on my mind. I never thought about anything else as much, aside from Bella.

I took the State Golden Gloves easy enough. I'd been doing it for years in Silver Gloves, which was for boxers fifteen and under, anyway. The competition was always the same. If they'd been boxing for as long as I had been, I knew who they were, and I had seen them fight before. Silver Gloves only went as far as State though. Golden Gloves could take you all the way to the Olympics.

I felt an Olympic medal was the only way to prove to yourself that you were one of the best in the world-pound for pound-just like Oscar De La Hoya, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Muhammad Ali, to name a few. True. There were all kinds of famous championship boxers, talents that never took part at the Olympics level at all, or never even took Nationals. They turned professional too soon, for the money, more than likely.

Me? I wanted to beat the best in the country and in the world first. And I'd stay amateur until I did. I felt like if I wasn't good enough to take Nationals, then I wouldn't be good enough to turn professional either.

Seems I wasn't even good enough to take Regionals.

Only the State Champions went to Regionals, and in my weight class that was me. The Golden Gloves competition was a lot harder than any Silver Gloves tournament I'd ever took part in because it was based purely on weight. So, the guys I had to box ranged anywhere from sixteen years of age to thirty-five.

I'd never fought so hard in my life. I felt sick about losing, so sick it brought me to tears. It had been a long time since I cried about anything. The last time I could remember crying was when my mom left. I was ten years old when that happened, and I'd never had a reason to cry since.

When I came out of the shower room, my La Push coach, Old Benjamin, was waiting in the locker room for me. He had hopped on a plane as soon as he found out I made it to the championship bout. He flew all the way to Mesquite, Nevada and had to watch me _lose_. What a waste of his time and money. Ben knew me well enough to know exactly how badly the loss would affect me. I was sure he was there to give me a picker-upper speech I really wasn't ready to hear. "Good job," he said, patting me on the shoulder.

I gulped down my hurt. "Not good enough," I croaked, trying to smile. I blew out a mouth full of defeated air and dropped on the bench to put my shoes on.

"That fight could have gone either way. It was that close, Jake. You've got nothing to be ashamed of. That guy was ten years your senior. That's a whole hell of a lot of experience over you. He got that decision because he had just a little more power behind his punches than you did. That's _the_ _only_ reason he got the decision."

Feeling dismal, all I could do was nod.

"This was your first trip to a regional match. You made it to the championship bout, and that's something to be proud of. You can't expect to take it your first time out."

Becoming angered, I squished my eyebrows together. Ben knew that I didn't go for excuses. "You did," I voiced with a harsher tone than I'd meant to use.

He tightened his mouth and inhaled. "Yep, yep, I did. But things were different back then. There was a boxing team in every town throughout the entire state of Washington when I was growing up. We had that much more competition to grow our skills. Nowadays, there are far fewer teams to develop from. Shoot, Forks ain't even got one anymore."

As much as I'd love to cram myself with a bunch of excuses to make me feel better, I couldn't do it. I felt too pissed off at myself. I tensed my jaw, turning my face away from him, hoping I wasn't appearing disrespectful. Ben was just like a grandpa to me.

"I'm speaking the truth, Jake. The further south you get, the bigger the teams get and the more teams there are. That makes for better experienced fighters. The guy you boxed was from a huge Las Vegas club. Twenty-six years old, but he barely pulled off that win over you, a young sixteen-year-old. No question about it, you have all the talent. Develop a little more physically, and there'll be no stopping you. Now, ah ... Seth's been calling. I haven't been answering. I figured you'd want to talk to him yourself." He took his cell phone out from his vest pocket and stretched it toward me.

"Nah, go ahead. You can tell him for me." I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Okay, then. So, I'll see you back in the La Push gym when?"

"Two weeks."

"Good. I think I spotted a thing or two we can work on over the summer."

I heard Old Ben's cell phone buzzing as he shuffled in the door's direction. I didn't think he wanted to pass on the bad news himself either, because he didn't answer it.

As he walked out the door, it occurred to me that the only person's voice I wanted to hear at the moment was Bella's. I wanted to go home. I could let her know that I'd been thinking about her and possibly get an idea of whether I had a chance.

The last time I spoke to Leah, she unhappily revealed that nothing more serious than friendship was going on between Bella and Seth.

Me, Emmett, Quil, and Embry found out a long time ago that it was a bad deal to get caught up as being the friend-type guy to the girl you're crushing on. If Bella wasn't the girl Seth was interested in, I might have warned him of that. As it was, though, he had all the advantages just by being there in Forks with her.

"Ben!" I blurted. I jumped up and strode out after him. "I want to make a phone call." Someone up there must have been taking pity on me, because out of all the times I called her house, she finally was the one to answer the phone. I said a silent _thank you_ while looking up in the air. "Bella, Its Jake."

"Jacob!" I thought she sounded fairly excited. "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm in Mesquite, Nevada right now."

"Oh, yeah, Seth told me you made it to Regionals. Emmett's not here right now. I'm sure he was looking forward to hearing from you."

"That's okay. I really just called to talk to you."

I heard a banging sound, and then a thud, and then Bella wailing, "Ouch, Ouchee, Ouch!"

I pulled the phone away from my head and eyed it for a second before lifting it back to my ear. "Bella?"

"Jake. Jake. Sorry, Jake. I accidentally dropped the phone." She laughed. "Then I bumped my head on the wall when I bent down too fast to pick it back up."

I smiled just picturing her. I could imagine how cute she looked, probably blushing and biting her lip. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Sure, I'm fine. So, how did you do today?"

"I didn't win. I took the silver."

"Wow, you made it all the way to the Championship. That's great. Emmett said you were the only guy from your entire team that even made it to Regionals."

It sounded great coming from Bella. "Yeah, but I was hoping to get all the way to Nationals."

I heard Renee hollering for Bella in the background. "Jake, I'm sorry, I have to go. My date's here."

"Date?" I choked.

_She had a date_. I finally came to my senses and called her up without a care of how Emmett or Seth would feel about it, and she had a date-as if my chest didn't get pounded on enough for one day. My heart sank. I couldn't catch a break with Bella.

And who the hell was the date?

The only way I could get through the next two weeks with any amount of peace was the fact I only _had_ two weeks before I got to see her again, and I'd have the whole summer there in Forks. I gave it my all this boxing season, and all I could do now was keep training and look forward to next year's regional tournament. It was time for a break, time for me to focus on Bella, and to figure out a way to make her mine.

* * *

**A/N **Jake is back next chapter. Lets see what happens. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

** _Bella_ **

A spicy cinnamon and apple aroma wafted from the matching candle votives, scattered throughout our unoccupied living room. Home alone, again, and bored, I inhaled then sighed. This was just another typical summer Friday. Everyone who was anyone was probably getting ready for some highly anticipated date. Me? I was sniffing candles.

I had yet to go on another date since Mike Newton. Mike was the first date I'd ever had the guts to accept, knowing full well I would not have the romantic fairy-tale, first encounter that ended in a head-spinning, tummy-twirling, amazing first "real" kiss most girls would have looked forward to if they got to go out with one of the hottest guys in school_—_all because it would not be with Jacob.

_"You have to read between the lines with a guy like Mike," Emmett warned me, sounding disgruntled when he found out I was going out with a guy who was a year older than him, a first-string varsity player on his football team, no less._

You could bet I read between the lines, every single one.

_Does he think I wouldn't be willing to pay for my meal? Does he think every girl wants such delicate treatment they can't open the door for themselves? Does he think he will get somewhere with me by taking me to a drive-in movie theater to sit all alone with him for two entire hours, plus? Does he think I'd be falling all over myself by now just to make out with him?_

I didn't realize how badly I behaved until I saw the confused and beaten down look on Mike's face as he got back into his truck, after walking me to the door in silence and giving me an awkward wave goodnight.

Once I had time to sit down and pick apart what went wrong with the evening, I concluded that Jacob's phone call caused my failed first date. I was sad to have to end the conversation with Jacob and I took it all out on Mike. Everything about him during the date turned me off. I didn't like the way he combed his hair, the smell of his cologne, the way he chewed his food, the way he smiled at me, and I _hated_ the way he went overboard to be charming and sweet.

Just the sound of Jacob's voice had crumbled my resolve not to hope and wait on him anymore, because, I was a silly little girl with a silly little crush-who would always wait for him to pay me a morsel of attention. Maybe he finally figured that out. I made myself sick, which was why I decided, in that moment, if I had to lock myself in my bedroom all summer long every time Jacob was in the vicinity, I would move on.

Disgusted with my behavior toward Mike, I phoned him a day later to apologize and asked him to give me another chance. I told him I didn't mind groveling if that's what it took to get him to forgive my despicable rude attitude. It relieved me when he laughed and said, "Yes, I'll go out with you again."

Our second date was nice. It still wasn't an earth-shaking evening, but it was nice, and it ended with a polite peck on the cheek.

When Jacob returned home, he showed up with Leah and while he visited with Emmett and Jasper, Leah, of all people, took me aside and asked if I wanted to go for a drive with him. He didn't know how to talk to me alone without making Emmett suspicious, so he convinced Leah to do it for him. My jaw dropped at the invitation. It was the last thing I ever expected. Doing a happy dance and squealing inside, my soul wore a huge glowing grin, even though shock froze on my face.

_I promised myself. I promised myself_. Oh, but I wanted to go so bad.

My thoughts spun in disarray, and it took a huge amount of strength to say, "No, tell him I said no."

I wasn't trying to play hard to get. I just wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't waiting for that very thing from him, and a part of me was afraid to let my guard down again, afraid to go there with him and end up finding out it wouldn't work out for us, for whatever reason.

Leah's smile of disbelief fell to displeasure when she realized I was serious. "Jeez, Bella, I don't want to tell him that. Just go, I know you want to."

Trying to sound convincing, I replied, "That was last year."

Maybe that was the wrong move, but I thought if it was meant to happen between us then somehow it would happen naturally. Because, really, how difficult should that have been?

After I turned him down, though, it didn't feel like we could even be friends anymore. He always got this cranky expression on his face whenever he saw me, and that irritated the hell out of me more than anything. He didn't have the right to treat me, or any other girl, badly, giving me the cold shoulder and making me feel guilty for not going out with him. Who did he think he was?

Despite him always being over at our house, we rarely talked. Rosalie wasn't able to come back for the summer, so Emmett was always home.

I stayed away from Jacob as much as possible, spending all my time with Seth, Jasper and Leah. When Jasper and Leah were both busy, Seth, and I did things together. It was comfortable, and we always had fun. We talked about everything, except, Jacob and whoever the girl was that Seth pined for.

Jacob's Rabbit zoom by the house. I knew the sound well, because he had a crack in the muffler that made his car sound like a souped-up sports vehicle, the specific reason he said he would not replace it. A second later, Leah burst through the door in a panic. "Please, let him keep driving. Please, let him keep driving," she repeated, as she ran to the window and cracked open the curtains.

"Who?" I asked. "What's going on?"

"Jacob. He just passed by, and Sam's parked across the street."

She caught the eye of a seventeen-year-old boy named Sam Uley, and she wasn't even fifteen yet. But, with her five-foot-seven shapely figure, complimented by lustrous, waist-length hair, she looked like she could be about seventeen or eighteen. She was gorgeous. Sue and Harry thought Sam was too old for her, so they wouldn't let her date him. She ended up sneaking around with him every chance she got. Whenever she was with him, she told her parents she was with me, and I kept thinking it was just a matter of time before we got caught.

"Good. He kept going. Sam's taking me to a bonfire behind the cliffs tonight."

The bonfires behind the cliffs were drinking parties. The tall rock cliffs were shaped like a V, and if you made the fire in the right spot, you couldn't see it from the main road. It was where all the older kids hung out and partied during the summer.

"Leah! You know what goes on out there." I said with a pleading tone. She dismissed me with a wave of her hand.

"I know. I'm not drinking_—_neither is Sam. We just want to go hang out with everyone. Oh, and I told my mom I would be over here having a movie night with you."

Sue didn't call to check on Leah and Seth when they came our house. There was never a need.

"Jeez, Leah, I told you I wanted no part of that." I scowled and raised my voice. "You'll get us both in trouble." She was unaffected by my outburst, and her smirk made me want to call Harry and Sue to tell on her myself.

"I won't, Bella. I have to go now. I'll call you when I get home." She ran out the door, spun around, and jumped back inside. "Shit, he's coming back!" Standing by the window, she repeated, "Please, let him pass. Please, let him pass."

Jacob slowed down and pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, and came stomping toward the door. Leah yanked the door open before he could knock. As soon as he saw her, his brow furrowed. "I knew it." Coming inside and shoving the door shut, he asked, "Leah, what's Sam doing parked across the street?"

Leah rolled her eyes, turning away from him. "I'm just going to a movie, Jacob. It's not a big deal. Mom and Dad don't need to know."

"What do you mean they don't need to know?"

"Ah, don't go getting all _'big brother'_ on me, Jake. It's nobody's business but my own."

Insulted, he snapped. "It's my business if I say it's my business ... and if I have to say it to Sam I will!" The intensity on his face was frightening.

Leah's eyes flew open, scared. She knew nobody intimidated Jacob. He never liked to fight outside of the ring, but guys always started trouble with him just to see if they could take him. It was another one of those "Guy things" that Emmett was always telling me about, so Jacob had one of the meanest reputations in the area.

Her self-ruling conduct disappeared, and the begging started: "Please, Jacob. It's only to a movie, please. I really, really like him. He's so nice to me, and I don't understand why everyone wants to keep us apart."

Jacob's sternness wavered as he eyed her. "Are you sure it's only to a movie?"

Pursing my lips to keep from spilling the beans, I didn't want to say anything, but I didn't want her to go either. Jacob glanced at me over Leah's head and got the hint I threw to him by fidgeting and looking away.

"Tell me the truth, Leah."

Leah scowled and folded her arms across her chest. "All right then. I'll tell you. We're going to the bonfire behind the cliffs."

He was shaking his head before she could finish her sentence. "Nope, no way. I can't let you do that. You're too young to be out there, Leah. It's not good."

She cinched her eyes and turned away, her bottom lip curving as if she was about to cry.

"Leah, Jake's right. It's not good," I said to help her see reasoning.

She whipped her head toward me and gave me a look that felt like a smack. I should have stayed out of it.

"Jake, we're not drinking. You _know_ I know better than that. I can't tell him I can't hang out tonight because I'm too young to go out there with him."

I grimaced. _He should already know that_.

"Besides, you owe me, Jake," she mumbled. Then she turned to me with watery, pleading eyes. "You both do."

Jacob and I flicked a quick glance at each other. Weighing the option, he stared at her. "Okay, Leah, but promise me you won't do anything stupid."

Her face lit with a smile. "I won't, Jake. I promise."

"There's no cellphone reception out there. Sam _better not_ drink. I mean it, Leah. Don't make me regret this ... Maybe I should talk to Sam," he suggested, turning and stepping forward.

"No, don't!" Leah objected in alarm, putting her hand on Jacob's chest and maneuvering herself in front of him. "Nothing bad will happen. I promise, Jake. Can I go now?"

We watched out the window as she jumped into Sam's truck and drove away. Jacob shook his head and sighed. "I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me." He stood gawking out the window for a short time then asked, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, why?"

"Want to come with me to a bonfire?"

I stared into his eyes, a little dumbstruck, as I considered how we'd be able to keep an eye on Leah. I was in for a night of worrying, anyway. He gave me a little smile, and because I hadn't let myself notice him in such a long time, I forgot how beautiful he was when he smiled.

Batting my lashes in contemplation, I reached for the phone to call my mom. "Okay. I'll go _if_ I can."

It was incredible that Renee didn't give me the typical parental line of questioning when I asked to go with Jacob to the beach and stay out later than my normal curfew, if I ever went anywhere, that is. She sounded more excited about it than me. When I got outside to the car, Jacob's full smile hit me like an explosion of warmth. I smiled back, feeling nervous and flushed, even though I didn't understand in what context we were going to the beach together, as friends or something more.

With the sunlight diminishing, we drove up a winding truck trail in the woods and found a parking place where everyone else covertly parked. Trekking through the crusty sand, I didn't know what to expect. My head pulsed with tension because I was somewhere I shouldn't be. "Have you ever been out here before?" I asked.

"Yep, I came out here with Quil and Embry a few times at the beginning of the summer. The last time I was here a big fight broke out, girls were fighting and everything. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, and nobody called the police. I haven't been out here since." Glancing at me, he did a double take. "Are you okay? You seem worried."

"I am. Kinda ... sorta ... Mom and Dad will kill me if they find out what's going on out here."

"Charlie and Renee will kill _me_ if they find out I _brought_ you out here, so that's why they won't."

As we made our way to the party, several people, girls and guys were giving me the evil eye, like I somehow didn't belong. It was easy to see I wasn't welcome. "I don't know about this Jacob," I whispered, as a chill of unworthiness crawled down my spine.

Jacob placed his hand on my lower back before taking me by the hand. "It's just because you're the sheriff's daughter. They probably think you'll tell on them or get them caught. Don't worry, you're with me."

_You're with me_. I loved the sound of that.

Loud music jammed from a large stereo speaker, resting on one of the sand buggies, and everyone appeared to be having a good time. I recognized several older kids from Forks. There were also a lot of unfamiliar visitor kids. The visitor kids were summer cabin residents and beach house vacationers.

Maybe it was all in my mind, but just as we caught up to the party, all the conversation noise screeched to a halt on my account, and everyone glared at us. I froze, wrenching my hand from Jacob's, about to turn around and sprint back to the car. Jacob cupped me around the waist and tugged me back into him, spouting loud and sarcastic, "Am I purple or what?"

"Yeah, what's the fucking problem?" another voice bellowed to the rear of us. I threw a glance over my shoulder and saw Quil. He and Embry were coming up behind us. The eyes fell away, and the commotion resumed. I never felt so happy to see them in my life.

"Freakin' weirdos," Embry grumbled.

Leah called for me and Jacob from somewhere in the middle of the horde. She and Sam were swerving through the crowd toward us. It relieved me she was smiling.

"Did you see that?" I asked, referring to the way everyone acted when we arrived.

"They did that to me, too, only not as bad."

"I hope you're not mad that we're here," I said.

"No. I was glad to see you and Jacob. I didn't feel comfortable out here at all."

I told her I had permission to come out to the bonfire with Jacob, and that my curfew was midnight. It pissed her off, because she had to be home at ten-thirty, and Sue thought she was over at my house. "Well, let's call our moms and see if I could spend the night with you." she suggested.

Sam was all for it, so he borrowed a sand buggy from one of his friends, and he and Jacob took us up to the main road where there was enough reception to call home. I called first, and Renee was fine with it and then Leah called Sue.

"Bella wants to know if I can spend the night tonight. Jacob's taking us to the beach for a little while. Renee said it was okay with her." She listened for a few seconds, rolled her eyes, then handed the phone to Jacob. After giving him a grilling and a safety speech, Sue gave in.

When we got back to the party, the small mound of firewood was glowing vibrantly, filling the air with a cozy stream of opaque smoke which helped me to relax somewhat and try to enjoy the party energy.

The deeper the night's darkness became, the drunker people seemed to act. Jacob didn't want to stand around the fire with them anymore. He mentioned that Paul was getting on his nerves. "I don't like to be around people that are drinking, especially drunk teenagers," he muttered, as we walked up the beach to sit down on a piece of driftwood.

I swung my legs over the log, turning myself in the ocean's direction. "Why do you come out here then?" I asked, thinking about when he said he'd been out to the party _a few times _and observing him as he sat down next to me.

His ears appeared to have reddened at the question, as if he were blushing, before he replied, "I'm not sure ... boredom, I guess."

"Have you ever drunk alcohol before?"

"Once or twice," he admitted, breaking a small piece of bark off the log and crumbling it apart with his fingers. He cast a sideways glance at me. "With Emmett."

That was the last thing I expected, and I blurted out in a high pitch, "Emmett drinks?"

"I wouldn't say he drinks. Just that he drank ... a couple times. We did it last year during some overnight tournaments. All we got was really, really sick. We got really drunk, and we got really sick. I didn't see the fun of it either time."

"He never told me."

"That's because he's afraid you might try it too."

The notion that Emmett would never stop treating me like a mindless little girl pounded me. "I'm not as stupid as him," I spat, annoyed.

Jake let out a little chuckle. "Well. Don't tell him I told you, okay?"

The wind picked up, and it started to get chilly. We left in such a hurry to follow Leah; we didn't think to prepare. I wore a sleeveless summer blouse, and he wore a thin, white t-shirt. Neither of us brought a sweater or a jacket. I slid down into the sand to shield myself from the breeze with the log. He slid down beside me. "We can go stand by the fire again if you're cold," he offered.

I turned to the fire and listened to someone drunk and yelling around. Paul. I didn't want go back over there. "No. That's okay."

Sitting beside each other in silence, I couldn't think of a thing to say to him. It had been that long since we'd talked alone. I felt sad about the uncomfortable tension that now loomed between us. It was never there when we were younger, never there before we held hands. It made me miss the easiness we used to share. I angled my eyes and watched him from the corners. He turned his head to look at me, so I shifted my eyes straight ahead again. When I looked back at him, he was smiling. "What are you smiling about?" I asked as I wound my arms around myself to get warm.

He tightened his lips, replying, "Nothing," with a shake of his head, watching me rub my arms with the palms of my hands. "Can I go find a jacket for you to wear?"

"No. I'm fine."

Wiggling closer to me, he said, "Okay, Bella, don't take this the wrong way, but can I at least _try_ to keep you warm?"

I could tell by his leaning body language he wanted to put his arm around me. What way did he want me to take it? Giving it only a split-second of thought, I met his gaze and nodded. Scooting closer, he draped his arm over me, and when I let my body melt against him, a simmering attraction came on fast, and it came on strong.

All it took was one tiny little nudge from his fingertips, urging my chin upward for our lips to find each other. His mouth tasted sweet, and the feel of his tongue mesmerized me. For never having kissed that way before, my mouth coupled with his, knowing exactly what it was doing all by itself, and I felt my tummy swirling right along with it.

It was my first "real" kiss. It was with Jacob, and it was intoxicating. I could have kissed him for the rest of my life. I never wanted to stop. When it did, I gazed straight ahead, speechless, feeling like I was in a fluffy dream. The briny essence of the ocean air, the musical colliding of the waves, and the strength of Jacob's body blanketing me struck all at once, staggering me. I was with Jacob just as I'd always dreamed to be.

_Oh, my gosh! _I was finally living at the moment I had prayed for a thousand times and wished for with every shooting star from the first time I ever saw him. If I didn't already know that he was all I would ever want for the rest of my life, I knew it right then—beyond any doubt.

* * *

**A/N** _See how Jake feels about this next._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_ **Jacob** _

Being with Bella at the bonfire was a miracle, because I was damn near positive she hated me. Just a few days before Emmett left for his football camp, she gave me that impression _loud_ and _clear._

Emmett and I had been sitting at the kitchen table, munching on Tabasco-doused Doritos and talking about the upcoming boxing match our team was hosting in La Push. It disappointed Emmett, because the match would be the weekend of his football camp. He loved boxing but not as much as he loved football. When there was a conflict between the two, football always won. "It sucks that I have to miss it," he said as Bella strolled in to get herself a glass of water. "Bella will take my place and cheer for you though, won't you, Bella?"

She peered over her shoulder and gave him a wicked, dirty look. She said nothing, but the words I heard in her expression shouted, "Shut up, Emmett! I hate Jake."

I laughed. It was the easiest way to cover the uncomfortable feelings racing through me. She took it the wrong way, banged the kitchen cupboard shut, and stomped out of the room. In front of Emmett, I'd shrugged it off. What else could I do? But in reality, she had made me feel like crap. It filled me with an unbelievable hopelessness, thinking it was time to call it a day and just move on. I couldn't figure out what I did to upset her. All I did was try to get her out of the house, away from Emmett's intrusiveness, to ask her out. She avoided being alone with me ever since.

Seth's _friend-type guy_ method appeared a _hell_ of a lot better to me at that point. I raged with envy whenever I watched him and Bella waltz out the door together, all comfy-cozy, or heard them quietly laughing at some hush-hush, between-the-two-of-them joke while they sat in Bella's private hideaway in the corner behind her house.

I'd never pegged myself to be the guy a glutton for punishment, but I hung out at the Swans' more than ever, no matter how much she ignored me or how much it hurt. I didn't even know how I gave it another go.

She was with me though, sitting beside me in the tepid, moist sand and appearing fairly content. Even though the situation was a little quiet and tense, it was more than I had expected out of the day, and I was feeling good about it. A little edgy, but more enthusiastic about the simple opportunity to—if nothing else—repair whatever damage I had done to our friendship. But deep down, I was hoping for much, much more out of the evening—hoping, wishing, praying—practically begging the universe to let our spur-of-the-moment alone time end way beyond friendship.

She shivered as the wind blew around us.

Glancing back at the sultry, orange glimmer of the cheery fire, I realized just how far away from it we had hiked. Everyone was making strange faces at us when we'd first arrived; I was afraid Bella would have me take her home. I told her it was because she was the Sheriff's daughter, which was true mostly, I assumed, except I knew some of those girls, and they were staring at her because of me. I thought it best to get away from the crowd before one of them got drunk enough to come up to me and say something nobody wanted to hear. I finally was with Bella, and I was determined not to let anything, or anyone, screw it up for me this time. But by the same token, I wasn't about to let Bella freeze, either.

She didn't want to go back to the fire when I suggested it, so I asked her, in my way, if it was okay for me to put my arm around her. By the way she eyeballed me, I had no idea what her response might be. Her expression suggested that my request pleasantly surprised her, or possibly offended her. My heart froze for a second while I waited to find out which was the accurate conclusion.

A hint of excitement brightened her features. Relief poured through me at the sight of her beautiful eyes lighting up. Thoughts of her lips on mine had consumed me for far too long to allow this golden opportunity to pass me by, so as soon as I perceived her soft, cool, goose-bumpy skin beneath my arm and my fingertips, and the light pressure of her slight figure pressed up against the side of my chest, I couldn't resist kissing her. That pent up desire had been building up for way too long as it was.

Gently touching the lower portion of her cheek, I guided her face toward mine. She lifted her head a smidgen, her eyes traveling up, but only as far as my lips, giving me the impression that she wanted to kiss me too. I placed my mouth over her soft lips and gave her a very attentive, lingering kiss, relishing the sweet taste of the coconut-flavored lip balm she was wearing, as her arm tightened around me and her hand clutched on to my shirt.

Intent to explore her eyes, I slowly released her lips, words of "I love you" not quite to the tip of my tongue but looping around in my mind. She turned her head away in a daze, bordering on a blush. Then dropping her hand from my back, she angled her body out of my arm, and tensed, causing me to wonder if I had misread her willingness.

I didn't really believe that maybe she didn't intend to kiss me back the way she did, but now I wasn't sure what was going on with her. As much as I'd enjoyed her quick, eager response, her actions afterward left me confused. Doubt that she didn't want to be with me the way _I_ wanted to be with her, jabbed at my self-confidence, and in reluctance, I let my arm slip down from around her and shifted with my own uneasiness. I focused on her creamy-pale shoulder while she stared out over the ocean, blackened to the point of invisibility, for a little too long without uttering a sound.

Her silence drove me crazy. I felt desperate to know what was going on inside her head. Did she feel nothing from our kiss? Or did she wish I was someone else? _What am I doing wrong? _Furrowing my brows, I leaned over to get a better view of her face, which she seemed, trying to hide from me suddenly.

"Bella, how come you've been so mad at me all this time, anyway?" I inquired, grasping for some insight.

"Me?" she said in a tone halfway between asking a question and making a contradiction. She turned slightly, tilting her head, and a tress of her hair, nudged by the breeze, slipped to the front side of her neck, shielding more of her expression from me. "You're the one that's been mad at me, Jacob." She pushed the tress behind her ear, and it blew right back again.

"Mad at you ... for what?" I asked.

"I don't know ..." she stalled in hesitance "... the drive, maybe?"

"Nah, you were already mad at me way before that day—forever, it seems like."

"I wasn't." She fidgeted, cleared her throat, and confessed, "I just didn't want things to be weird with us anymore. I ... I don't want it to be that way anymore, Jake." Her face drifted back toward me, her eyes focusing down then lifting to meet mine, a serious pleading in them.

I didn't believe I ever had behaved weirdly to her, but hell, if that was the only hesitation she had? I jumped straight into the warm chocolate of her gaze, guided her hair out of the way, and kissed her again, longer than the first. When our lips separated, there was no mistaking her sigh of pleasure. I smiled. "All right, then. No more acting weird around each other."

"Promise it won't be awkward after tonight then," she said with a doubtful wilting of her mouth.

"Okay," I agreed. "It won't. But you have to promise me you'll quit acting bashful now." We knew each other too many years and too well for that.

She rolled her eyes, arguable. "I'm not acting bashful," she said, sounding pouty.

"Uh huh," I responded, in a y_eah right_ tone.

She chuckled, folding her arms around herself again. I rapidly rubbed her arms a few times before resting mine directly over hers to make sure she was warm. Her body, intimately snug in my arms, had me feeling all kinds of happiness.

One more intruding question, though, weighed heavy on my mind. "So ... what about Emmett, then?"

I had already freely leapt passed the point of no return and was probably about to lose my best friend because of it. A certain amount of guilt swelled inside of me from not giving his boundary the slightest consideration when I crossed it. I wasn't the one who would have to live in the same house with him and his angry opposition, though. I worried how much influence he'd end up having over Bella once he found out about us.

Bella leaned to the right, turning to see my face and chewing on her lip in an unsure manner as we stared at each other. Then she did a little shrug of her shoulders. "He doesn't tell me everything."

But I knew we had to tell him if I wanted to see her again that way, and I did. "We don't have to tell him if you don't want to, Bella. But he's bound to find out."

She didn't answer right away, eventually responding with, "Not necessarily. I mean, he doesn't have to ... if ..." she quieted a second. "Unless we're ... I mean, is this?" she asked, waving her fingertips between the two of us.

I realized what she was getting at. She wanted to know whether our being together would be more than just a onetime deal. "I hope so. What about you? Do you want to go out with me, Bella?"

Her face lit up like she just won the lottery, and to be honest, I felt exactly the same way. I just asked the girl of my dreams out, and she said _yes_. Granted, it was a nonverbal nod, but it was still yes.

Strands of her chestnut hair blew wispily against the skin of my neck and face as she stretched herself tall, lifting her mouth to meet mine and starting the best kiss of the night so far. "Who's acting bashful?" she teased with a grin.

It was still early, and the night was getting better by the minute. We decided we should probably keep "us" a secret from everyone until we told Emmett first, figuring it would be better for him to hear it from the two of us, together. I also needed time to come up with a way to break the news to Seth. It suddenly occurred to me that that would be a far more difficult situation to encounter, given the torch he carried for Bella and the fact he'd carried it for just about as long as I had.

A deep, hefty voice hollered, "Jacob!" through the darkness.

_Now what?_

Bella turned to me in concern.

"That's Sam," I said. Alarmed by his tone, I hopped to my feet. I reached for Bella's hands, pulled her up, and we headed toward his voice.

Four shadows came into view. As the gap closed between them and us, I realized it was five shadows: Quil, Embry, some girl, Sam, and Leah. Sam hung onto Leah, practically dragging her along with him.

I picked up my pace, lengthening my strides. The closer I got to them, the more I realized ... Leah was drunk. "You dumb son-of-a-bitch," I growled, exploding with anger. I lunged forward, shoving Sam and jerking Leah out of his arms at the same time.

Leah slumped down into the sand, garbling, "Stop it, Jake."

Quil and Embry flew between me and Sam. "He didn't do it, Jake!" Quil shouted while he and Embry pushed me back. "It's not his fault!"

"I didn't give her anything to drink, Jake. I swear I didn't," Sam claimed. "I haven't drunk anything myself."

"Well, who the hell did?" I roared.

Everyone's head snapped toward the girl they'd brought with them. Her name was Emily. She was the wild daughter of a wealthy attorney who had a summer cabin in the area. I didn't want to have to talk to her, let alone see her. I hung out with her one night at the beginning of the summer when I tore out of Forks, licking my wounds after Bella shot down my request for her to go for a drive with me but went to a movie with Seth the very next day.

"Someone," Sam snipped with sarcasm, tossing a mean glance at Emily, "took her to the bathroom. When she came back, she was acting a little buzzed. I asked her about it. She said all she was drinking was a Coke. I didn't realize I needed to check."

I cut a pissed glare at Emily. "I didn't know this was her first time," she retorted in defense. "She's the one who asked me for a mix."

"I feel sick, Bella. Help me," Leah slurred, her posture swaying and wobbling as Bella tried to get her to her feet. She couldn't stand up to save her life!

"Fuck!" I gritted my teeth. "You had no damn business bringing her out here in the first place, Sam!"

Leah hit the deck again, dropping on all fours with her head bobbing above the ground and puked. Sam fell to his knees beside her and lifted Leah's hair to a ponytail. "I know. Don't you think I already thought about that?" The worried, remorseful frown on his face as he tried to help her had me halfway feeling sorry for the guy.

Emily told us Leah only drank one can of whiskey Coke. I bet more than half the can be whiskey. Sam held Leah in his arms with her hair out of her face while she barfed all over the beach.

All I could think about was how screwed we were. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten," Bella answered.

"We have roughly two hours to sober her up," I bitterly laughed, shaking my head at the predicament I had gotten myself in to.

Quil and Embry helped me make a small fire, and Emily came back with two thin blankets. We made Leah lay down on one and covered her up with the other. She finally quit gagging and passed out. She slept with her head resting on Sam's thigh.

I became aggravated when Emily wouldn't go back to the bonfire. She was trying to be with Sam, sitting beside him, acting flirty as Leah lay there comatose. I'd finally had enough of her and told Embry to take her somewhere, anywhere. I knew all he had to do was ask her. She was one of those kinds of girls.

While we waited for Leah to sleep some of it off, Bella and I sat cuddled together, busy trying to come up with a plan that would keep us all from getting killed. I couldn't see any way out of it. I was already preparing to face the music head on.

Bella was more optimistic. "We're going need Jasper's help," she discerned. "We'll have to tell him what happened."

I could already picture the rage on Emmett's face when he heard that Bella was out at the party with me. Emmett didn't scare me. He couldn't take me in a fight, but I was positive he'd feel the same way about it I did when I found out Leah planned to go with Sam. I wanted to kick his ass and tell him to stay the hell away from her. She wouldn't become that girl who got stupid drunk and did something she regretted.

The way it looked: the minute Emmett's back turned, I took Bella out and took her to a place where she had access to alcohol—a place she didn't belong. While that assessment was correct, the situation was innocent and unintentional. I hoped he could see it the way it happened, and if he didn't, then I would get pissed. I groaned. _He should know me better than that by now._

"What?" Bella asked.

"Ah, just thinking about Emmett's reaction when Jasper tells him about it. It'll piss him off enough about us, even without adding I brought you out here. Just gives him more of a reason to object to you being with me ... Rather have just him against me than Charlie and Renee, though, which will happen if your parents find out about this party."

"Jasper won't tell him we came out here and Leah got drunk, if we ask him not to. He knows how Emmett can get."

Reassured by Bella's optimism, I pulled her close and settled in for the next couple of hours. During our wait, I ended up telling Bella all about the boxing match that I lost in Mesquite. Unable to hide the painful emotions that continued to linger inside of me, I told her how hard I fought and how devastated I was when they announced the winner and it wasn't me. I didn't mean to come off sounding like a wimp, but that was how much I wasn't over the loss yet. "You know, that tournament is going on in Little Rock, Arkansas right now as we speak. It started Monday, and the finals are tomorrow. Man, I wish I could have been there!" I sighed and smiled as Bella reached for my hand and wound her fingers through mine.

Out of the few other people I'd shared my aspirations with, she was the only person who seemed to take me seriously. I mean, they all listened to me, but I doubted they really believed I would accomplish the goals I had set for myself. To most of our parents and the adults around La Push, boxing was just a supplementary activity that kept us kids out of trouble in our small, tedious community. There was no real future in it. And Ben, who once had the potential to be great, was reduced to a has-been, an unsuspecting babysitter filling our heads with pipe dreams.

Ever since we were kids, Bella would be the first person out of the house wanting to hear how we did after we returned home from a boxing match and the first person to call us for results when we were staying out of town during a tournament. She gazed at me with such intensity, as if she were hanging on to my every word, whenever I ended up talking about my hopes for the future to her, re-capped a boxing event, or merely mentioned which one of the older members of our club Ben set me up to spar with and how well I did against them.

I loved the affectionate way she looked at me those ordinary times. I guess that was why I wanted to speak to her the day of my biggest loss. I didn't think anyone would ever understand the magnitudes of my desire and determination to succeed, not even old Ben. He believed that I could, just not that I would. Still, he had high hopes for me. I tried not to take his lack of faith in my dedication to heart, understanding that at his age, he had already seen too many young, wasted talents come and go, including himself.

Bella pressed into me and kissed me on the cheek. I noticed the beautiful, adoring gaze I nearly forgot was right before my eyes again, comforting me. "Look at it this way, Jacob ... After tomorrow, you'll know who you'll beat next year."

I grinned, realizing that had I been in Little Rock, I wouldn't have been with Bella. "Well, if tonight's my consolation, then I guess it's okay I lost."

She smiled a rosy smile. I gulped subtly before touching my lips to hers, admitting to myself that I was a goner and falling deeper with every moment that passed.

Two hours went by like the snap of a finger. "We're on our way, Mom. Jake will come inside when he drops us off. He needs to talk to Jasper about next Saturday's boxing match. Can you put him on the phone?"

Once he answered the phone, she said, "Jazz, say nothing. Just listen."

Bella summed up everything that happened, then gave Jasper instructions. "Distract Mom. Get her to stay in her bedroom until I come and get you to help Jacob. You'll both have to get Leah upstairs and into my room without her being seen."

Bella listened a moment, and sounding irate, replied, "I don't know how. Make something up, Jazz."

She skipped in her seat. "Oh, I know. Tell her you're having girl problems, and you need her help. She loves stuff like that. We'll be there in a few minutes. Call her in there and _keep_ her in there! Oh, yeah, take some of Mom's scented candles up to my room and light 'em first ... You'll see."

She hung up the phone and turned to me. "I'll keep Mom busy until you get Leah up the stairs. I'll send Jasper out to help you take her in," Bella said. "I know my mom's eager to hear all about my night." Our eyes met. "Don't worry. She'll be glad."

"I'm not worried," I said, as we rumbled up the driveway. I always got the sense from Renee that she'd be happy if Bella and I got together.

"It's a good thing Dad's on the night shift this week," Bella mumbled as she walked up the path to her house.

I helped Leah out of the car. She stank like stale booze and was dead weight heavy. Just the simple knowledge that we would have to carry her inside and up the stairs to Bella's room to keep her from stumbling made me tired.

"Holy hell, she reeks," Jasper remarked, laughing and reaching his arm under hers to take her by the waist. "Now I see the reason for the candles."

Leah opened her eyes, woozy and noticed Jasper latched on to her. She let go of me and flopped her arms around Jasper's neck. "I love you, Jasper Swan," she sputtered into his face.

Jasper and I whipped our eyes at each other, shocked. "What the hell?" I chuckled, listening to her drivel, "You're the hottest guy in the whole school ... in the whole town of Forks ... in the entire world. I love you, I love, I love you, Jasper."

"Sh-" he whispered, his face glowing bright red.

I couldn't take it. I covered my mouth with my hands and ignited with laughter.

"Shut up, Jake! Let's hurry and get her into the house already."

Jasper placed his fingers over Leah's mouth to keep her quiet while we both lifted her up to take her inside. She kept moving her face away from his hand, slurring at him how much she loved him. Tense-jawed, he whispered back, "I love you, too, now be quiet!" We carried her up the stairs. I never saw someone so purple. Embarrassment flooded out of his flaming ears, and he was sweating by the time we got her up there.

I couldn't stop my muffled laughter. "Better shut her up with a kiss, Jazz," I taunted.

He shot an angry glare at me. "Knock it off, Jake! She's wasted."

We set her on Bella's bed. She rolled over, babbling about the spinning room and mumbling Jasper's name.

"Yep, and she's all yours until Bella gets up here." I snickered as I left the room.

* * *

**A/N ** _The boxing match is up next._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hi all. Because of the upcoming boxing match, told from Seth and Jacob's POVs, this chapter turned out to be very long, therefore, I separated it into two chapters. So, now it's very short compared to all the others. I considered excluding this portion, Leah's POV, but she really had some explaining to do. I hope you enjoy! Also, I received my first book mark on this story. Thank you so much!

**Chapter 10**

** _Leah_ **

A person can't love somebody one day then not love them the next. It's just not possible. If it _were_ possible, it couldn't have been a genuine love. And I believed Sam loved me—deeply and truly loved me. The immersed glow I'd observed on the occasions he'd confessed those wonderful, special words made it impossible for him to deny.

I got that I made a mistake, and he was mad at me, but it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be. He just needed some time ... a few days to realize that it was just a stupid incident. And the sharp, throbbing spasm of pain I felt in my head that came with the slightest movement of my body would keep me from ever repeating it. I was even breaking out in cold sweats, trying to keep from gagging on nothing.

I spread the thick, cotton washcloth out over my palm, turned on the cold water, and held my hand underneath it for a little while before slapping the icy, soaked rag on top of my head as I slowly lay back in the bathtub, letting the cold wetness drain down my scalp, neck, and face. My head hurt too bad to worry about Sam's assertion for the moment.

Sighing and moaning, relief was nowhere. Barely mustering enough energy to slosh myself out of the tub, I crawled over to the toilet, dripping water all over the red brick-patterned linoleum floor and dry heaved as quietly as I could, until some disgusting, yellow fluid from my dehydrated, nauseous stomach made its way out of my mouth. I felt like I was dying.

When I toweled off, wiped up the floor, got dressed, hauling myself out of the bathroom, I met Jacob in the hallway.

"Good. You took a shower!" he snipped, his voice loaded with confrontational sarcasm.

I pushed my way past him, holding on to my aching head. As if I wasn't feeling tortured enough as it was, he followed me into my bedroom, refusing to realize my ignoring him meant I wanted him to leave me alone.

He wouldn't go away easily, nor did I really deserve for him to. The sooner I got the tirade over with, the better. "I'm sorry, Jake," I murmured, finding my way to the bed, sadness and regret already threatening tears from my eyes.

"Leah, what the hell were you thinking?" He glared, disappointment and anger clear on his scowl. "What the hell would you have done if Bella and I weren't there?"

Weary, I frowned, without a single ounce of fight in me. There was no excuse for my idiocy—no acceptable defense. I attempted to explain why I took the drink, anyhow. "I wouldn't have done it if you weren't there, Jacob. Honest. I felt safe enough to try it because you and Bella were there."

Regardless of how ridiculous my reasoning sounded coming from my lips, after the fact, my claim was essentially the truth.

"Pfft ..." He huffed, with a roll of his eyes. "Don't give me that crap, Leah. Do you realize how much trouble you could have got us all into?"

I closed my eyes and hung my head in shame, wondering how I could have been so thoughtless, especially after I had promised him I wouldn't do anything stupid.

Everyone seemed as if they were having so much fun, though. I didn't think a few forced down gulps of the nasty tasting mix Emily gave me would hurt me, and they didn't. Not at first. I kept waiting to feel some difference, but I kept taking more gulps when that difference didn't come soon enough. All at once, the next thing I knew, I was sloppily hanging all over Sam, barely able to hold myself up, if even that.

"All because you're too mentally weak to _just say no_," Jake rambled on, sounding every bit the parent as Harry and Sue.

He was right. I _was_ too weak to say no. I let the condescending eyes ogling me—for not drinking—pressure me. I guess I really just wanted to fit in, to be part of the crowd. Oh. I became part of the crowd, all right, the worst part of the crowd. I was the entertainment and the joke of the night. _Why didn't I just leave?_

Each remark Jacob made lifted the guilt inside of me a little higher up my throat. "I've been out there a few times. You didn't see me getting drunk, stumbling all over the place, and puking my guts out!"

I squeezed my eyelids closed and quietly uttered, "I know, Jake." My shame sent tears dripping down my cheeks. I buried my head in the palms of my hands to let him finish his rant, supposing it justified his anger. He quieted once I sniffled.

"Leah." His tone was gentler.

I lifted my head, wiping my eyes.

"You better never do that again," he ordered, giving me a hard stare. "Sam better never take you out there again. He got lucky this time!"

"Don't worry. He won't," I assured, unable to control the breaking of my voice as I stretched out on my stomach, flat against the bed. I couldn't hold back the sorrow any longer, and I burst out crying. "He dumped me, Jake. He doesn't want to see me anymore. He said he didn't want the _'baby-sitting'_ responsibility."

Jacob blinked, and his scolding facial wrinkles eased away.

"And whatever you're thinking of saying, Jake, don't. I don't want to hear it!" I sobbed, glaring. I was projecting some blame over my hurting on him, but I didn't care. "I wish you'd just leave."

I doubted he had any words of comfort for me, anyway. He never liked me going out with Sam. No one did. The thought everyone would be happy to hear the news of our break-up stung, a lot.

Jacob dropped his gaze to the carpet. "Sorry, Leah, but you're right. I have nothing good to say." He lifted his head. Despite his words, I could see he wasn't void of compassion as he offered his uninvited opinion. "Sam's almost eighteen. He really _is_ too old for you."

The silent tears fell harder. Burying my head in my arms while I listened for the door to close behind him, I let them fall free.

After a few more moments had passed, it occurred to me the sounds of his presence continued. I peeked back up. Jake was leaning against my dresser with the oddest smirk curled on his lips. "Besides, according to you, you love someone else."

Jasper with his arm around me flashed in my mind. I stiffened with recollection and gasped. "Oh, my freakin' ... I remember!" I wailed.

Flipping over onto my back, I had the intention to sit-up, until the sharp pang of my hangover stabbed me in the brain, forcing me to hold still and relax on the bed. I reached for the pillow sitting beside me and smothered the visible humiliation burning in my face, horrified.

Jake's subtle chuckles increased to full-blown laughter, bringing more bits of the night, pouring into the broad daylight of my consciousness. "Oh, no! What am I going to do now?" I questioned myself out loud, hating my senselessness even more and trying to find a comforting thought to help me save face the next time I saw Jasper. "He has to know I wasn't in my right mind."

"As the wise, once _well-versed on-the-subject-matter_, Billy Black has spoken frequently, 'drunken words are sober thoughts,'" Jake recited, speaking in the voice of his dad. Then he guffawed without remorse.

Embarrassed, I followed with my laughter. It took my mind off Sam. "Okay. Give me a break now, Jacob," I pleaded, giving him a smile as I stewed in my embarrassment.

He literally gave me a break when he told me not to worry about it. Jasper understood my mindless intoxication, and he reminded me that Jasper, also, never had the fortune, or misfortune, depending on how you might look at it, of hearing Billy's wonderful words of wisdom.

"Did you talk to Bella this morning?" he asked, on a more serious note.

"Yes ... She tore into me, too!" I revealed, glum.

"Did she tell you anything else?"

"Just a little," I said, sure of the conversation about to follow.

"Did she tell you I kissed her?"

Live excitement sparked from him. I rolled my eyes. He was worse than Bella. But even though I wasn't in a joyous mood, I decided the least I could do—after letting him down and virtually getting us grounded for life—was to rise above my self-pity for his sake.

It also tempted me to tease him a little and make him sweat. They planned to keep it a secret from everyone, and here they were both champing at the bit to spread the word, after less than only twenty-four hours. I narrowed my eyes. "No. She never told me you kissed her."

He flinched, getting a puzzled _maybe-Bella-didn't-want-Leah-to-know_ straightness to his face.

I held my face expressionless, slowly finishing with: "What she said was ... that you guys made out!"

He flaunted a huge grin, and I was glad to see him with so much happiness—Jacob and Bella both. But I quickly remembered and imagined the appearance of Seth's devastation hovering over the horizon.

"Are you going to tell Seth?" I asked, hearing noticeable sorrow in my question.

He nodded then sighed, frowning in worry. "Not until after the boxing match next weekend. I'm supposed to be helping him train for it, and that won't happen if he's pissed-off at me. I don't want to mess with his head before a match, especially not this one."

I fully agreed with Jake's intentions because every La Push boxer was passionate about the hometown win. They gave their all during the yearly, local match. It was one of the few times they could showcase their skills in front of all the people they knew. The boxing gym had existed in La Push forever, and most of the dads and grandfathers boxed at one time, or another themselves. Boxing was huge around La Push; the entire community, and a large Forks crowd, showed up to support them, and the guys always made it well worth anyone's time to attend.

"That's a good idea." I moaned, rubbing my temples in pain again, physical head-hurting pain for myself and emotional heart-hurting pain for me _and_ my brother.

I gave my word to Jacob though, and I planned on abiding by it. Bella and Jacob had waited long enough for this relationship and deserved it. Once I had experienced first-hand how it felt for people to interfere with my love life, I decided no person had the right to stand in the way of two people who wanted to be together, two people I knew were in love—not even my brother.

I pushed away, or attempted to push away, the new feelings of misery arching up inside of me I didn't want Jacob to see, which I'm sure he didn't want to see either.

As Jacob was about to leave the room, he turned to me and said, "It hurts, doesn't it? Uh ... you and Sam," in a way that led me to believe he could see the gloom I was trying to hide versus the idea that he may have been speaking from his own experience.

I shook my head up and down, even though half of the pain he was witnessing on me was coming from thoughts of Seth's soon-to-be-damaged heart and pride. I hoped he assumed it was my heartache written all over my face.

"Sorry," he said, then closed the door behind him.

I lay on my bed after he left, thinking about the conversation I'd had with Seth about Bella just weeks before Jacob came home.

"_Why don't you just tell her how you feel already? Kiss her and tell her how you feel now."_

"_I will when the time's right. What? You think I'm worried about her going out with that douche, Mike Newton? I could see she doesn't really want to. I just don't understand why she is. But I bet you know, don't know?"_

"_Who knows why she does the things she does," I countered, mentally kicking myself for opening the conversation up to the very line of questioning I had tried so hard to avoid._

"_Whatever," he snapped, then added a softer, "I really think she likes me though."_

_He looked into my eyes with questions, and I answered honestly and with a smile. "I think she likes you, too." I added the words,_ _but she loves Jake in my mind and frowned deep inside of me as I spoke them._

Whether Bella realized it, she had an attraction to Seth. It was just buried deep beneath a thick layer of intense Jacob-love. I had observed enough close interactions between those two to know this to be true. Lately, Seth had been spending more time with her than even I had been. They treated each other with such caring closeness, plus always being chipper and laughing when in the other's company.

Seth had a sense of it, as well; it's the reason he couldn't give up. I had been hoping he'd buck up and call her on it before it was too late, but her behavior could be baffling. It was no wonder why he didn't. Her actions didn't always match her words, and her words didn't always match her feelings. Not that she was dishonest; she just wasn't always in touch with her inner Bella. She kept guys away with her indecisiveness and body language. I think it was part of some defense mechanism she had.

I came to believe Jacob could also see this attraction between her and Seth when I sometimes caught him staring at the two of them with jealous eyes, which I assumed, was the reason he backed off for as long as he did. That was all over now.

Being twins, Seth and I shared pages of firsts together, and if Sam didn't make up with me soon, we were about to share another one. The simple realization brought a new flow of tears from my eyes. _Sam has to forgive me. _It was the only way I could be there for Seth one-hundred percent. I brushed my tears away, reminding myself that Sam loved me, then closed my eyes and floated off to a nap.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hi all. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it.

**Chapter 11**

_ **Seth** _

I warmed up by hitting the punching mitts Jacob held in front of me. Then, sipping some water, I got ready to watch Jasper's fight. He was up next. There was a short intermission after his, another fight, and then it was my turn. They scheduled Jacob to box after me. The main event—he was the last fight of the night.

The boxing match had a decent turnout. About ten local teams showed for the event, along with some Canadian teams. A packed Civic Center, just about everybody I knew was in attendance, even some of my Fork's teachers.

The air smelled of popcorn and sweat. Not a good combination, I know. But it was the energy coming from the hometown crowd that always got to me. That level of excitement was contagious and powerful. They loved us, and we loved them. It always reminded me of how proud I was to be a Quileute from La Push, even though, technically, I was from Forks.

Our team was doing very well. Over three-quarters of our guys had won, which added to the pressure to continue the trend. You didn't want to be one guy who lost in your hometown when everyone you knew was there to cheer you on.

Jasper exited the locker room and stood near the ring, shadow boxing, while he waited. If he was anything like me, I knew he wished Emmett was there. I was sure Emmett was Jasper's main wing man during a match.

Jacob was mine. When I boxed, the only person's voice I listened for was Jake's. I only heard his voice; I automatically tuned everyone out to listen for him to give me instructions or give me approval. Naturally, the coach told you what to do between rounds, but it's not always easy to absorb while you're dead tired, trying to catch your breath.

I'd listen for Jake to tell me I was doing all right. If I wasn't, I'd listen for him to tell me what I needed to do to win. He'd say things like _straight jabs, keep your guard up, one-two, he's putting his head down-uppercut_. I made it through some tough bouts that way. Now that Jacob wasn't around most of the year, I listened for Emmett's and Jasper's voices, but I didn't feel as confident during those bouts, though. Since Emmett wasn't in attendance, I wondered whose voice Jazz would listen for, probably Jake's.

Jake was helping our coach in the corner. As a corner man, he couldn't say anything to us when he was standing beside us. All he could do was hand us water, the spit bucket, and use the towel to wipe away our sweat ... or blood when it was necessary. But Jacob would listen to the coaching, and if Old Ben left a key point out, Jacob would step away from the ring—the only way he could cheer—and tell us what the coach missed. This time, because Jacob's fight was so close to mine, he couldn't be in my corner. It didn't matter as long as was he was present.

I wanted to show him I had been working hard all year. Judging by his voice over the telephone a few months back. I disappointed him when I got eliminated at the state tournament, so I wanted to show him. I may have lost, but not because I'd been slacking.

My opponent's name was Riley, and I knew him well. We had fought each other before, several times. He was like my nemesis in the ring when I was younger. Boy, did we have some battles. He'd win one time. I'd win the next time. It went back and forth like that all year long until he had a growth spurt and moved out of my weight class. I caught up to him now, and we were about to face each other in the ring once more.

Bella and Leah sat in the front row, but Renee and Sue didn't come; neither of them liked to watch us box. They always became upset, even if we were winning. Harry had to work, but Charlie stood in his sheriff's uniform, near the back of the room.

Nearing my fight, a small amount of nervous fear began to bubble inside of me. I wasn't afraid to box, just afraid to lose. I always got that way before a fight. I didn't care what anyone said. Everyone got nervous about losing some degree, before a fight. If they said they didn't, they were lying.

Boxing wasn't a team sport. It was just two guys, one winner, one loser. Should you be the loser, you had to take the loss all by yourself. Nerves and fear were helpful feelings, according to Old Ben. They pushed you to fight harder, to pull every ounce of energy from your worn-out body just to win. They gave a boxer what we called _heart_, and a person with heart never gave up.

I took a seat beside Bella when Jasper climbed into the ring, and she smiled at me. Something about her smile always calmed me. She had faith in me; it made me feel good, and I always welcomed the opportunity to impress her.

"Are you nervous for Jasper?" I asked her.

"I have a few butterflies, but nowhere near what I have when Emmett's about to fight, though."

That made sense, because Emmett was a heavy guy due to his muscle mass. His fights were tough because his competition was huge. When he climbed into the ring, you knew it could go either way, but when Jasper climbed in the ring, nine times out of ten, he would win. Jake was like that, too. Me, I won about seven out of ten. I could be honest about that. Seven out of ten was a very good boxer.

Jasper and his opponent met in the center of the ring. The bell chimed, they touched gloves, and it was on. We were silver gloves, so the rounds were only two minutes long. But it was a _long_ two minutes when you were boxing. I could tell right away Jasper was way better than his opponent, Diego, a participant from Riley's club. He was decent but not quite the same boxing caliber as Jasper. It was a sure win for Jazz. As I watched on, I recalled when Jasper first started boxing.

_We already hit about four boxing matches, but Old Ben continued to refuse to let Jasper fight. All the guys Jasper's weight had too many fights on Jazz, too much experience. They had been boxing since they were eight years old, like me. Jasper was eleven and never fought before._

_Coach didn't want to throw him in with a guy that was too skilled._ _A bad loss on your first couple of matches when you're that young could determine whether you ever wanted to box again. _

_By the fifth match, Jasper was dying to get into the ring. He begged Old Ben to let him fight. Finally, Ben matched Jasper up with me in an exhibition bout during our annual boxing match. I was one weight class above Jasper, but we were best friends and teammates. Coach felt like he'd have some control over the bout. He told me to take it easy on Jasper and to consider the fight to be more like a sparring session. We'd sparred before; it was no big deal._

_We stepped into the ring together, the bell dinged, and we ended up fighting our tails off! _

_I started by throwing some mild jabs at him, snapping his head back a few times. Then he connected me with a hard right that dazed me. I had to step up my efforts. I started to hit him harder, and he started firing back just as hard. And he was fast. Man was he fast, a natural-born talent just like Jake. I couldn't let him beat me. It was his first fight, and he was lighter than me. How would that have looked? I had to turn it all the way up._

_The crowd was going bananas at what a good show we were putting on. The only people in the entire Center that weren't cheering were our families. Harry and Charlie were sitting right next to each other. I'm sure that was awkward. I listened for Jake's voice, but I couldn't hear anything coming from him, either. I got the win, but it exhausted me. _

_It overjoyed Jasper just having had the chance to fight._ _Charlie was as proud as a peacock._ _Jasper was beaming when they took off his headgear and was still beaming after they announced me as the winner. We hugged each other, and I said, "Dude, I was planning on taking it easy on you, but you were hitting me way too hard. You made me work for that win."_

"_Thanks," he said, grinning. "Next time."_

_We never had a next time. It upset Harry that we fought each other. He told Ben he never wanted to see us in the ring together again. I remembered Harry's exact words. "Those two kids are friends. They don't need to pound each other up like that."_

"And the winner is ... In the red corner, Jasper Swan," the commentator announced.

I stood up and followed Jasper into the locker room to tell him he did a good job. When I came back out, it was just about my turn.

"Good luck," Leah said, as I walked past her and Bella to climb into the ring.

"He doesn't need luck when he's got all that skill," Bella said, smiling. "You'll win, too, Seth. I know it."

The bell rang, and Riley and I got busy. He didn't hit as hard as I remembered him hitting. He was still fast, though, and he had good moves. He was making some decent connections.

Jake always told me to use the first couple exchanges to see my opponent, so I always told my brain, _look at him. Now what do you see? _My brain answered; _He's dropping his left._ I saw it again. Every time he threw his right, his left glove went down a little, exposing his chin. _Right hook, Seth! Right hook!_ I hit him with a couple hard right hooks, and after that, I had his number. The first round finished, and back in the corner, Ben said I was doing fine, but I wasn't keeping my own guards up well enough. The buzzer sounded for the second round. We went back at it. This time Riley had his left up high, so I threw a flurry of body shots. He dropped it again. I gave him two jabs, followed by a clean straight right. He backed up, and started to swing wildly, exposing himself even more. I had him easy.

I heard the bell ring for the end of round two, and the referee yelled, "Break!"

The next thing I knew, Bella sunk into my eyes. A feathery, white border hovered around her. She was an angel. _Wow, what a dream_. Hearing her whisper, "Seth," I wrapped my arms her and drew her to me, delicious flavored coconut seeped into my taste buds as our lips locked.

The feeling of two hard punches ramming into my chest woke me. "Seth, what are you doing?" Bella shrieked.

"Huh?" I didn't know what was going on. Bella lingered above me, wearing an outraged, crimson scowl. The door flung open behind her. Jacob, Quil, Embry, and Jasper straggled in. Bella whisked around and bolted straight for the hallway. I sat up, swinging my legs off the side of the table I was lying on and shook myself, trying to focus and clear up my fuzzy mind.

"What happened?" Jake asked, examining my face. I noted rippled worry lines surfacing on his features. "Seth? You okay, brother?"

A sick-feeling knot grew in the pit of stomach, causing me to ache in disappointment mixed with disbelief as I began to comprehend what happened. I got knocked out!

* * *

_ **Jacob** _

Jasper took his fight as easy as always, and I got gloved and ready for mine. Once I finished warming up, I stood, lightly throwing air punches, waiting for Seth's upcoming match.

The sensation of someone's sight tapped me. I knew who it was. I smiled, pivoting in her direction to see her better. The way she grinned at me made me want to kiss her before my fight, but we were keeping it on the "down low" which proved to be pleasurable in its own right. A certain amount of excitement came with sneaking around, stealing little make-out sessions every chance we found.

When Seth was up, I moved a folding chair close to his corner and relaxed. I had watched him and Jasper spar each other, so I knew Seth was in good shape. I had no worry. He started off slow, but he was doing all right. Almost immediately, I recognized the guy was open for a right hook. I always waited before I called any help to anyone, just to give them a chance to figure out their opponents on their own. I grinned—_there you go—_cheering him on as he saw Riley's weakness, found his rhythm, and started hammering on him.

I was positive he took round one. When Seth returned to the corner, I stood up by the ropes and heard Ben tell him to keep his hands up better. Seth went back out and finished with round two in the bag.

The bell sounded, ending the round.

But just as the referee was yelling "break," Seth dropped both arms to turn, and during the same instant, I caught sight of a late punch from Riley, already swinging through the air about to connect.

_Protect yourself at all times. _The punch landed, and Seth went down.

I leapt to my feet, stunned, as Seth struck the canvas. He hit, sitting straight up in the shape of an L. For a second, I thought it only knocked him down. He turned to look at me, in slow motion it seemed like, then his eyes rolled behind his head, and he fell straight backward. The rest of his body smacked flat against the canvas. My heart started pounding as the referee began counting him out. I lifted my hands to cup my mouth, realizing I had gloves on, hollering over and over again, "Get up, Seth."

Jasper was at my side, bellowing, "It was after the break! He got hit after the break!"

By count number four, Seth sat up. By count number seven, Seth stood. Before count number ten. He had both of his fists up high enough for the Ref to let him continue. He walked with an ever-so-slight visible wobble back to the corner for a one-minute rest and, unsteady, plopped down on the stool.

Ben asked him if he was okay and he nodded. Jasper gave him some water, and he drank and spit. Ben looked deep into his eyes to make sure Seth was alert.

Feeling edgy, I swallowed. "You good, Seth?"

Nodding again, he seemed all right to me. The sixty-second break ended, and the bell sounded for round three. They touched gloves. This time, Seth launched into an awkward swinging. The way he was moving didn't look normal. He began to back up, and he wasn't landing any punches. Leah and Bella were sitting in the front row with a perfect view. Worried, I sat down in the open chair beside Bella, concentrating on what I was observing in the ring.

Seth almost looked as if he was stumbling in there. "His feet aren't moving right," I murmured to myself as I popped back up, out of my seat. Seth's head was snapping back. He didn't appear to know what was going on at all. _Something's wrong with him ... He's fucked up!_

Ben must have noticed what I had been noticing, because as soon I stepped beside him to say _watch how he's moving_, Ben pulled the white towel from his back pocket and tossed it into the ring.

The fight was over. Riley won by corner retirement.

Jasper and Quil swiftly unlaced Seth's headgear, lifting it off him. Ben asked him how he was doing again. He nodded, mumbling something, sounding like, "I'm all right."

The doctor came over and shined the flashlight in his eyes, asking him how many fingers he was holding up. Seth answered correctly, and the doctor cleared him to get out of the ring.

I spotted Leah, and she was crying. Bella was on the verge of tears. They came over to where we were standing. I wanted to walk with Seth into the locker room, but my fight was up next. Jasper couldn't do it because he was helping Ben in the corner.

"Go with him to the locker room, Leah," I instructed.

I heard her say, "Come with me, Bella."

Bella widened her eyes as if she was asking for my permission. That was a little strange. I smiled and nodded at her.

"I'll be right back," she said.

I felt restless because of Seth, and I was doing my best to stay composed. My focus was on finishing my fight as soon as possible just to go check on him. I planned on ending it the moment I stepped into the ring.

My guy was new, from one of the Seattle teams. Roule. He was shorter but beefier than me. I knew he was inexperienced from watching him hit the pads. You could always tell how good someone was by their skill on the pads.

They called my name. I shuffled for the introduction and met the Ref in the center. I heard the bell; we touched gloves, and I moved toward him, punching at his gloves a couple times and waited for him to come in on me in return. We engaged, throwing our first exchange of punches.

He lifted both hands up high in front of his face with his elbows a little too far out, exposing his whole body. He was less experienced than I'd first thought. _Cake_. I threw a quick couple jabs to his head, watching as he lifted his guards more. Then I switched to the body and knocked three fast thrusts into his ribs, hearing the gruff sound of a painful wheeze, jutting from his lungs as his mouthpiece popped out from between his teeth and fell to the canvas. He went down on one knee, gasping for air and couldn't get back up. Twenty seconds was all it took. It took longer for me to get free of all my gear.

Quil, Jasper, and Embry met me as soon as I climbed out of the ring. Seth's fight pissed everyone off. They chatted about how the punch happened after the break. Meaning, they thought the fight officials should have given Seth five minutes for complete recovery. I wasn't exactly sure if it happened _after_ or _during_ the break.

As we headed into the locker room, we passed Riley in the hallway.

"Hey, dude! You got lucky with that _after_ the break shot," Quil mouthed off, stepping in front of him. "Seth kicked your ass all over the ring."

A smile twitched Riley's lip. "Yeah? Well ... Maybe he should learn to keep his hands up till the Ref breaks."

Quil poked his chest toward Riley. I stepped in front of Quil, and Riley backed up, fear in his eyes.

"Good fight, man," I said, extending my hand out to him.

He narrowed his eyes, hesitant but reached out and shook it. "Thanks." He smiled.

I stepped back, out of his way, keeping myself between Quil and him, and let him walk by. It was disrespectful not to give a guy his props when he won. Quil shoved me from behind ... He didn't understand that.

As soon as I pushed the locker room door open, I felt a weird sensation of—I don't know _what—_I just walked into. Bella was blushing. I tried making eye contact, but she lowered her eyes from me and hurried out the door.

"What happened?" I asked, initially referring to Bella.

When I witnessed the glossed sheen in Seth's eyes, my concern changed. The blank expression that quickly turned to emotional upset-ness cut my heart. "Seth? Are you okay, brother?"

Seth's eyes welled. I remembered the feeling aired on his face, all too well. It hurts bad enough just to lose, but to get knocked out, and in front of all your friends and family, has got to be a million times worse. "I don't know, man," Seth uttered slow with a lumpy throat, fighting to hold in his tears. "I've never been hit that hard in my life. It _rocked me_ out of my mind."

Seth's watery eyes and hurting voice brought moisture to my own. "You had him, brother." I hugged him, becoming lumpy throated myself and trying to mask it while saying, "You were winning. If it wasn't for that late punch..." But not quite getting it to come out as un-shaky as I would have liked.

"Is that what happened? I got knocked out with a late punch?"

"Nah, Ben threw in the towel," Jasper answered. "You didn't get knocked out. Personally, I think Ben jumped the gun. It looked to me like you were coming back."

"Sh- I don't remember any of it." He hung his head. "All I remember is hearing the bell, hearing the referee yell 'break', and that's _it_."

I gave Seth my version of the events. None of us agreed about what we saw. We were all amazed when he revealed he didn't remember fighting part of the last round, Ben throwing in the towel, the doctor checking him over, or even walking into the locker room after it was over. “I came to, and I was..." he stopped talking.

I remembered Bella. "And you were...?"

"I wa ... I... was nothin'," he stuttered with a weird expression. "It's all a blur."

Leah called Harry and let him know what happened, so he left work and came to pick her and Seth up. "Doc said it was more shock than anything," Harry explained to me before he left. "You staying at the house tonight? I'll make sure Sue leaves the door open for you."

"Okay. I'll be home as soon as we're done here," I told him.

Apparently, Jasper had an infatuation with this Maria girl ever since she had asked him to dance one time. After his fight, he impressed her, so she asked him out. He didn't think twice about jumping in with her for the ride back to Forks. The rest of us stayed and helped Old Ben clean up the Center.

There were so many fights it was already, 10:30 p.m. by the time the match ended and 11:00 p.m. by the time I got Bella home. I parked across the street, because I wanted to spend some time with her before she had to go inside. Leaning over, I found her lips with mine.

No sooner did I kiss her when blinding headlights beamed through my front window. Maria pulled into Bella's driveway, and Jasper climbed out. I briefly wondered where they came from, because they left way before we did. He went straight inside, not appearing to have noticed my car. We hadn't told him about us yet, but I had my suspicion that he may have known, just not by word of mouth.

"Leah seemed upset about something," I mentioned to Bella, thinking maybe it was because Jasper left with Maria. She never denied she liked Jasper when I was teasing her about it.

"I know. When she went to call Harry, she ran in to Sam and guess who?"

"Emily."

Bella nodded, substantiating my thoughts about Emily trying to be with Sam. It made me furious to think she was the true reason he broke up with Leah. Gross. She had already been out with half the team. Sam was a fucking idiot and didn't deserve my little cousin, anyway.

"I'm sorry I missed your fight, Jake."

That reminded me, so I asked, "By the way, what was up in the locker room? You looked strange, like something was wrong."

Bella fidgeted and faced the window in silence. I didn't like it when she acted uncomfortable, because it made me feel uncomfortable, as well. I wondered what the deal was. When she redirected herself back toward me, even though it was dark, I saw her rosy hue begin to emerge. Her eyes fell. "Nothing... I was just upset that I missed your fight, that's all. I shouldn't have been in the locker room with Seth in the first place."

"That's okay that you were there for him. He needed help. He told us he couldn't remember anything that happened within about a ten-minute time frame after the knockdown."

"Really?" Her surprise was normal, but her expression told me there was something deeper bothering her, something more than just concern.

I didn't know what it was, but I didn't like it. "Okay, what's up?"

"Nothing," she claimed, "It's just ... weird ... and it's ... dangerous."

"It is pretty weird, but the doctor said it was more shock than anything, though. He's going to be fine. Don't worry about it."

"All right," she said, tying her arms around my neck to kiss me, continuing to exude an odd, troubled vibe that I intended on asking about again but _... not at the moment._ A couple seconds later and I forgot all about it.

Every time I felt her trying to let go of my lips, I started a new kiss that she would eagerly fall back into. She was already a little past curfew, and I knew it wouldn't do us any good to get her into trouble, but I didn't want her to leave. I didn't have a curfew, at least not one from Billy at my house, but I did my best to please my aunt and uncle whenever I stayed with them, so I eventually had to let go of her for real. "You better go inside before they search for you."

"Yeah, I know. Are you coming over tomorrow?" she asked. It was a question I heard a few other times already. One I felt related to me and last year's stupidity, which brought a lot of guilt because I knew she thought about me avoiding her last summer, and she worried that it would happen again.

"Yep, I am," I caressed the outline of her jaw with my thumb, immersing myself in her rich, dark eyes. I planned on spending as much time with her as I could before it was time for me to go back to school. "I'll be here so much; you'll be hiding from me by the end of the summer."

"Never. I might hide with you, but I'll never be hiding from you," she replied, giving me a fast kiss and opening the door. "I'll miss you until tomorrow then."

I waited for her to get all the way inside her house before I drove back to Harry's place. Seth was already asleep when I walked inside, but Aunt Sue was up, and I was sure she would be up for the next couple hours, or possibly even all night to wake Seth up periodically.

As I climbed into bed, I thought about how great the rest of the summer would be, once we got over the two hurdles known as Emmett and Seth, that is. Worn out, I instantly dozed off to sleep, blissful and otherwise carefree.

Everything changed overnight. Sue awakened me telling me my mom was in the hospital. She was sick, and they were running tests. They had already paid for my plane ticket, and I had one hour to get packed. They scheduled my flight to leave from Seattle in the next few hours. I put my clothes on, anxious and went back to La Push to collect my things. My mind was a million places. I needed to get to California to be with my mom, fast. I felt worried and scared for her. I needed to see Bella, and I also needed to talk to Seth.

Billy and I were in such a rush; I barely convinced him to let me stop at Bella's house to say goodbye. Bella would understand, but the only problem was, I wasn't sure when I'd be coming back home again.

Consumed with impatience, I huffed in exasperation as Billy leisurely drove the maximum speed allowed the entire way to Forks—creeping up the road as if going a meager five miles above the legal limit was a crime punishable by death. Leaning over, I made a flagrant glance at the speedometer.

"Calm down, Jake," Billy responded. "We're fine." I ignored him. I didn't see myself as being able to calm down and take a comfortable breath until I was in the plane, up in the air, and on my way to see my mom.

At last, we turned down Bella's block. In the distance, I made her out, standing on the side of the porch, probably looking at the flowers or brushing her hair. Who knew? _Good_. I had a little breathing room, and it wouldn't be necessary to go inside to explain my situation to everyone else before I could say goodbye to her.

"Dammit," I grumbled—_no such luck—_when I spotted Seth coming from behind her house.

_Oh well, so much for a private goodbye._

Billy cast a nosy glimpse at me, but the aggravated grimace plastered on my face most likely deterred the question. Bartering on whether to stop, I watched Seth stealing up behind her, and I did not have even a single minute to deal with him.

Billy began to ease up on the gas right about the time Seth scooped his arms around her from behind. Then, to my disbelief, she wiggled herself around and ... Were they in a hug?

Bella's expression in the locker room entered my mind, causing me to wonder what might have happened last night, again. Did Seth confess his undying love to her, or what? Whatever happened, neither of them gave me a straight answer when I'd asked about it. Anger flooded my insides. _What the fuck? _I turned away, looking out the opposite window. "Just go," I growled.

The truck jerked forward when Billy reacted startled to my cranky outburst. "We don't have time," I added. I had more pressing concerns to worry about—my sick mom.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

** _Bella_ **

It devastated me to learn that Jacob went back to California during Christmas break. When he dropped out my life without giving me so much as a clever explanation, or so little as a pathetic excuse, I didn't think he would go to such lengths to keep it that way.

_That's not fair to him_. I told myself as Emmett and I drove to the Clearwater's to collect Leah and Seth for a spur-of-the-moment welcome-back excursion to Port Angeles, but it was the way I felt. Jacob took a real scare, and if I were honest with myself, it was understandable, and noble he'd want to go back and spend his Christmas vacation with his mom now that she was feeling better.

It conflicted me why I even wanted to see him. Maybe it was for a chance to snub him the way he snubbed me. Give him an _icy_ welcome home—make him think his return didn't impact me in the slightest. God knows he deserved to feel every bit as awful as he caused me to feel.

Or, was it just because I missed him and wanted to see him again? Possibly to hear from his own lips how he missed me just as much, and how his world stopped spinning when I was no longer a part of it the way mine did when we suddenly stopped talking. And maybe for the opportunity to have his arms wrapped around me, once more, holding me. Perhaps even kissing me so well that my head spun again with the clean scent of soap from his freshly scrubbed skin, while feeling his damp hair between my fingertips, like those times he sneaked over to see me after boxing practice.

I sighed wishful then faked a cough when I thought Emmett might have heard it. The biggest reasons I wanted to see him though, was to find out what went wrong between us. I felt I deserved nothing but the truth, regardless of how much his words of rejection might hurt.

We skidded into the Clearwater's driveway—Emmett drove terribly—jerking to a halt. Seth came out of the house. We already lost Jasper to Maria's self-centered whining, and it looked as if Leah would bail on us too. "So much for a Swan-Clearwater Christmas reunion," I said to Emmett.

Seth had grown taller, and his shoulders were broader. It surprised me though, how much his face appeared to have matured since last fall. His personality often reminded me of Jacob's, but now I noticed how much of a physical resemblance they shared. Squinting as he brushed a feather of wavy, black hair from his eyes, he shined a bright grin. Like his older cousin, Seth's natural, cheery smile could pale the clouds in the sky, reminiscent of feeling a bright sky after bad weather. I couldn't help my grin.

His eyes locked on me for the tiniest instant. Sensing the rapid warming of my face, I looked away, grabbing a tight rein on the startling spark of enthusiasm that surfaced. I was no longer mad at him, but I had shied away ever since the locker-room incident.

_Losses had always put Emmett and Jasper in bad moods, so I didn't think too much of Seth's remoteness, but I got worried when he closed his eyes for too long, thinking it was possible he suffered a concussion making him fall asleep. Leaning over him, I touched his shoulder. "Seth."_

_He opened his lids, his eyes floating about my face. Then, as quick as a hawk, wings spread wide and swooping at its prey, he had me in his clutches, forcing a bombshell of a kiss. It was a kiss I wasn't expecting, a kiss I never could have imagined, a kiss I didn't want._

_It riled me to the point of wanting to smack him silly. I almost did the next day when he came sneaking up behind me as I stood in the front yard, inventing reasons for his out of character, caveman behavior, wondering what the hell he was thinking. But he grabbed me in a defensive bear hug before I even got the chance to whirl all the way around and raise my hand to slug him. "Stop it, Seth! Let go of me," I demanded. Forcing myself the rest of the way toward him, I broke free from his clasp, swatted at his forearms, and shoved him away from me. "What's wrong with you?"_

_Withdrawing, he retorted, "Sor-ry," He grimaced as if I was over-reacting to the way he wrapped his hands around my shoulders with no shame for his behavior the night before._

_Fury burst within me. I scowled, gritting my teeth to control the rising of my voice, so no one in the house heard. "Do you think what you did is excusable? Forgivable?"_

_A genuine apologetic gleam followed a swift and surprised broadening of his eyes. "I know, Bella. I know. I really am sorry. That's why I came over. Give me a chance to explain."_

_I glared at him, folding my arms over my chest and tapping my foot in impatience as I waited for his explanation. "Honest, Bella, I thought I was dr ..." he paused, before giving up a loud huff and beginning again. "I thought you were ..."_

"_Yes?" I coaxed with impatience, arching my eyebrow._

_Running a hand through his hair, he averted his gaze over my head and smirked. It wasn't a humored, taunting smirk. It was more of a shy, wary smirk. He was stressing over the incident as much as I. "The point is, Bella, I didn't know. I didn't even realize what was happening ... I ha-hardly remember anything, anyway," he explained. Tucking his chin down, avoiding direct eye contact like a remorseful child who had just got scolded, he pleaded, "So, please, please just don't be mad at me."_

_Giving it some thought, I believed him. His injured tone and the desperation he tried to conceal made me feel sorry for him, so I decided I wouldn't tell a soul about the occurrence, not even Jacob. No matter how upset I was; Seth was my friend, and I cared about him. I couldn't embarrass him like that. Jacob might get mad, Emmett would tease him, and Leah and Jasper would probably get mad at me for telling if Seth got hurt over it. Pulling away from him instead was better. It was an appropriate act of loyalty to Jacob and a penance to ease my guilt over my decision to keep Seth's kiss from him._

Seth unexpectedly left to Chemawa without even saying goodbye to _me_, choosing to attend the boarding school his freshman year. I felt like I hurt his feelings when I didn't forgive and forget, so I waved a white flag in the form of a birthday card I mailed, while sending a special Miss You card to Jacob. Seth was the person I turned to when everyone else was busy. He always had time for me. He always made me laugh and made me feel good. I couldn't deny I missed his company while he was away.

Cool air flowed over my skin, contributing to the nervy goose bumps prickling up on me when he tugged the car door open. "No, Jasper?" he asked, as he climbed in the backseat.

"Nope. No Jazz," Emmett said, talking to him through the rear-view mirror. "Said he might show up later _if_ Maria's up for it. I hope she's not. Kind of defeats the purpose, you know. I take it no Leah, either."

"She just now changed her mind. She's too busy." Seth tapped me on the arm with the back of his hand. "She wants to talk you before we leave, Bella. She's in her room."

I entered the house, taking a purposeful inhale, relishing the faint smell of sweet grass Harry routinely burned each night to keep the bad spirits away. Turning from the hallway into Leah's doorway, it shocked me to see her normally tidy bedroom torn in shambles. A sturdy, silver footlocker lay open on the lush foam-green carpet. Two smaller pieces of luggage nesting on the star-quilt dressed bed cried out to me, like grating sirens. _Not her too!_ My mouth fell open, with the sensation of calamity already settling in my stomach.

Leah exaggerated a sad frown the way babies sometimes did prior to bursting into tears. "Don't, Bella. You'll make me cry. I'm having enough trouble with going away to school already."

I obeyed, grabbing hold of my lip with my teeth before I could replicate her frowning expression, if I wasn't already doing it. "Okay. But why didn't you tell me you made this decision?"

"Because I wasn't sure. I mean, I signed up a few weeks after Seth left because I missed him. My parents said I could have until now to change my mind. I thought I did, right up till last night."

I cleared aside a pile of clothing and sat, settling into the bed. "But if I had known, I could have prepared and gotten used to the idea. Now, it feels like there's no time left for us." Christmas vacation always flew by far too fast, as it was. "Are you sure you want to go?"

She nodded. "I'm wasting here, and ever since Sam, I don't like the person I've become. I feel so stupid."

I saw nothing different about her when she and Sam split up. I thought she got over it fine. I admired how strong and levelheaded she was throughout the ordeal. "What are you telling me, Leah?"

She lifted a sweater from the bed and began folding it, presenting obvious loneliness. The problem became crystal clear. It was me. I'd been a terrible friend, always withdrawn and too caught up in my heartache to bother to look around to see how life's trials affected others. Not paying attention to the people I loved and cared about the most. I was unforgivably self-centered.

"Half the time, I don't know whether I'm coming or going, and it's been months. I force myself to hate him. Most of the time it helps, but sometimes"—she minimized the emotional crack in her voice—"all I want is to be back in his life. I miss him so much, and it's not right."

The more she spoke, the more ashamed I became. We had so much in common and could have leaned on one another through our painful situations. Yet, I was barely just discovering it. "I understand, Leah. I should have been there for you. I'm so sorry," I said, blinking back tears. "Some best friend, huh?"

She shrugged. "It's not important. What is important is that I get far away from _Sam_. Start over."

"But do you think running away is a good idea?"

"I do. No offense, Bella. I know you've loved Jacob since, like, forever, but your relationship was nowhere near the level of mine and Sam's."

_Relationship level?_ What was she talking about? Then, it hit me. "Oh, no, Leah! You and Sam didn't ... Please tell me you didn't." She was way too young.

She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, revealing the reddened rim; the trait she shared with Jacob and Seth, that I'd learned showed a blush. "Of course, not." It didn't escape me she didn't look me in the eyes.

"I just believed him when he said he loved me. He told me he loved me, and with all my heart I believed him. What an idiot to trust him."

I was leery of her answer. At any rate, I let her off the hook. There was no point in me dredging up something she probably realized with great amounts of devastation, was a huge mistake she couldn't undo, no matter how much she might want to. If I had been paying closer attention to her, Sam would have gotten a mega beat-down. I was sure Jacob or Emmett would have loved the privilege and still would-if they ever found out my fear.

"And to top it all off," she added, summoning me from my thoughts. "I've found that I have twisted stalker tendencies."

"What? You're stalking him?" I probed, slapping my forehead. _Where have I been all this time?_

"Not literal stalking," she explained, lifting finger quotations. "And ... not Sam, either."

"Who, then?"

She reached down, pulling open the drawer of her bedside table. "Look at this."

She held up a photo of her, Sam, and Emily. I recognized they had taken it the night of the bonfire. Leah was in the middle, cheeks pressed close to Emily's, smiling cheesy.

"You kept this? Why?"

"See what I mean? I'm obsessed with her. I take it out and stare at it at least once a day. I've memorized every single, obvious to subtle facet of her face, always comparing it to mine. Wondering what she has that I don't. Wondering exactly what Sam saw in her."

"You mean, besides bra-less boobs and a phony smile?" I tried to make light of the situation.

She laughed. "Really, Bella, how _sick_ is that?"

_It's out there._ I didn't answer out loud because fearing you are crazy made you sane in my opinion. Reaching over and putting my arm around her, I gave her a small hug, thinking about what Renee might say in this situation. "We _know_ what he saw in her, sweetie ... same thing they _all_ did." She gave me a slight roll of her eyes. Renee must have hated whenever I gave her that look. "I'm serious, Leah," I insisted. "Emmett told me all about her when he heard what happened."

Emmett told me a lot of things about girls like Emily, and he told me a lot of things about a "typical" guy, a little _too_ candid I'd often thought. "Believe me, it's nothing to be proud of."

"I know, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."

I pulled together an understanding smile. "Well, if change is what you need, I'm all for it. But the healing process begins here." I took the picture from her hand and lifted it before her eyes, my fingers meeting in the top-center for the beginning of a split. "Do you want to do the honors, or should I?"

She gathered her lips, holding back a smile. "I'll do it." The first split in half was thoughtful and slow. But her eyes brightened with each additional rip, until she shredded the entire photo into several tiny pieces, a job well done.

Simultaneously sighing, we exchanged grins. Leah would be fine; she was tougher than me. She could sure hide things better than me, too, although, I was having trouble deciding if that was a good characteristic or not.

* * *

Emmett and Seth's quick exchanges of humor had me laughing all the way to Port Angeles. A far bubblier mood took me over by the time we reached the mall.

Excited and chatty people moved in and out of the busy mall theater and captured by the smell of white buttered goodness wafting through the air, taking in a holiday movie seemed like the perfect plan. As we stood outside the show hall studying the posters and discussing what to see, the doors opened. A few more giggling females filed out. Emmett and Seth's heads mechanically turned to ogle. _Please_. I rolled my eyes, appalled by their behavior. Guys were so obvious about one thing.

"Hey, Emmett," said a tall, slender, tendril-haired redhead with cool, ice-blue eyes, overemphasizing the swinging of her hips as she approached him. "What a lucky day."

"Victoria." His face lit up in a ridiculous smile, exhibiting deep, happy dimples.

Annoyed, I shuffled a few more feet away, so I wouldn't have to talk with her, focusing my interest on the posters. The way she seemed to be drifting back and forth between Emmett and this rough biker guy named James earned her a top spot on my _people-I-don't-care-to-pretend-I-like_ list.

"Bella," she greeted.

I lifted my hand, acknowledging her over my shoulder without turning to see her, because I didn't welcome the pointed stare she gave me, as if I was an insignificant ant she'd love to squash.

"I take it you don't like her very much," Seth said, gesturing to Victoria with a tilt of his head.

"About as I munch I like cold, slimy snakes."

"Wow," he said, with a small chuckle. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Bella, Seth," Emmett called out. "Victoria and her friends are heading over to The Rack to play some pool. What do you think?"

The Rack was grungy pool hall located a few blocks from the mall; a place frequented by stoner types, bikers, and teenage wanna-be-thugs. I didn't much care for the crowd or its wild atmosphere, even though a lot of teenagers hung out there.

Seth shrugged. "Whatever. I'm up for anything."

I glared at Emmett. He knew I wasn't a fan of Victoria or her mindless followers.

"What?" he retorted, with defensiveness.

"This was supposed be a reunion," I reminded him.

"Tell it to Jasper and Leah. I'm sure it was a bust when they blew the rest of us off. We'll all hang out together, later."

I glanced at Victoria who stood about three feet away. She didn't smirk, but her expression was gloating. "No thanks," I replied, shifting my gaze back to Emmett. "You two go on without me. I'll see a movie by myself."

Emmett squinted, letting out a low groan. "Don't be a brat, Bella."

The spark of anger inside of me flared. "I told you to go!"

"Go ahead, Emmett. Go with them." Seth said, always the gracious mediator. "I'll see a movie with Bella."

Emmett turned, gazing at Victoria, his eyes all over her figure. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, batting her lashes. _Ick._ I cringed, feeling a little grossed out and biting my tongue to keep myself from saying the word out loud.

"We'll meet you when the movie's done," Seth suggested.

Another second passed. "Fine, but I'll meet you two here when the movie's over, instead. I'm not planning on staying there long, anyway," he revealed, beaming at Victoria as she grinned back. The way they were looking at each other, it was clear they now had other plans.

Aggravated at the sight of Emmett reaching for Victoria's hand and strolling away with her, I grumbled, "Let's get the tickets, Seth." I looped my hand around Seth's arm and tugged him to the busy ticket counter. "I just don't see what he sees in her," I said, as we moved into the snack-bar line. "Rosalie was so classy. And Victoria? Well, she's just trashy."

Seth looked about to disagree.

"Don't say it!" I cut him off before he could get any words out.

The right corner of his mouth turned up knowingly, but he asked, "Say what?"

Making my voice deep and sarcastic sounding, I mocked, "It's a guy thing."

Seth chuckled. "I wasn't planning to say that but..."

Still riled, I cut him off again. "Emmett spends all his time hammering _me_ about the girl I'm _not_ supposed to be, but the minute one of those types bats her eyes or shakes her ass, even the best guys turn to mindless pups. Morals and self-respect, who honestly cares?" _Guy's don't_.

"A small buttered popcorn please and a medium orange soda," I ordered from the Native American girl behind the counter.

"And I'll just have a Coke," Seth added.

She turned away from us to retrieve our orders.

"Dime-a-dozen-girls according to Mom and they're not my type," Seth stated, as a matter of fact.

"Dime-a-dozen-girls? Cheap, right?"

"Yep, and common. It's what she calls those girls with bad reputations. Damn, I'm forced to hear the lecture of how that kind of girl is worth ten cents a dozen, right along with Jacob, every time someone like that calls the house for him."

Taken aback, I blinked, wondering just how often that was.

"It would surprise you how much she hears from her quilting circle," he said.

"Well, at least she cares," which was good to know, "and do you both listen?" I asked.

"I do," he said, and with a lecturing tone, added, "You should, too. Emmett's only trying to protect you. Jake and I would do the same for Leah." His voice dropped a little. "_If_ she'd ever listen."

The girl behind the counter returned and handed me the popcorn and the soft drink.

"Seth, it's good to see you home," she said, handing his Coke across the counter to him with a great smile plastered on her full, natural dark-linered lips.

At first glance, she was rather plain looking, wearing her straight, light brown-sugar shaded hair—which matched her skin tone so perfect, she was almost one color—in a loose ponytail down her back without the slightest bit of makeup to enhance any of her features. The sparkle of her eyes when she smiled, though, brought out all her natural beauty.

I squinted. I knew that smile, flirty.

"It's good to _be_ home," he replied in a friendly tone.

Feeling oddly possessive of him, I slapped the money on the glass display counter. "I'll get it, Seth." Rushing him away, I thought to myself, _the nerve!_ She didn't know if Seth and I were "together, together" or not.

Once seated in the cool, soft-lit theater, waiting for the movie to begin, I proceeded. "Perhaps if you ... err ... Emmett," I corrected, realizing I was being presumptuous. "Emmett, if he wasn't so hypocritical with his advice, commands, threats..." I trailed off, attempting to word it right. "Or whatever it is he's trying to do, scare me away from guys, I guess. He'd carry more credibility. Maybe then I'd listen to him."

Though, I did listen to my older brother. I believed his warnings about the deceitful ways and sometimes rotten motives of guys. Why wouldn't I? He hung with enough of them. He was also more the model of a typical male than I cared to know, and he seemed proud of that fact.

Seth brushed a flake of popcorn from my lower cheek. "He just wants you to be wiser than the average girl."

I scoffed. "What does that mean? Like, smarter than the average bear?"

He chuckled. "See? Now you sound like Leah. I just meant better than the rest."

_Pure_ was the term he was referring to. "Well, I'm not better than the rest." I raised my napkin and wiped my mouth. "I'm just the same." _And why shouldn't I be?_

Eyes doubtful, he gave a small smile. "No, you're not. Trust me, Bella. You're nowhere near the same."

Tinged with embarrassment over my lack of experience and lameness, I rolled my eyes and glanced away. "So, I don't go out with a lot of different guys. That's not a bad thing."

"Never said it was. It's actually a great thing."

I grinned away the uncomfortable compliment, trying to figure out how we went from Leah not wanting to take advice from Jacob and Seth to _my_ social life, or lack of it. Hurrying to change the subject, I wondered about his dating life. "So, are _you_ seeing anyone?"

He shifted in his seat. "Not now. I mean, I have had some girlfriends, but I'm not with anybody now."

"Still holding out for little Miss Special, I presume."

He smiled, or tried to, but it came out empty appearing. "Nah." Then with a thin-veiled faraway look in his eyes, he furthered, "Not anymore." I lifted my eyebrow, pressing him to continue, and he gave a quick shake of his head as if he'd just woken himself from a daydream. "It's just that the guys at my school change girlfriends like they change their shorts."

Jolting, I practically choked on the orange soda I was slurping. I slapped him on his thigh, laughing at his crude analogy.

"No lie," he said. "I'll tell you what. There's probably not a girl in the entire freshman class that hasn't been with at least _one_ of my friends already."

"And whose fault is that?" I asked, wanting to place blame on the wandering-eyed male.

He appeared puzzled. "I don't think it's anybody's fault. That's just the way it is." His face puckered, giving my question more careful thought. He followed up his answer with, "But if I had to blame someone, I'd have to say it's all those horny_,_ boy-crazy girls' fault." He emphasized the entire last portion of his statement.

Antagonism rose inside me, and Seth busted with laughter, letting me know he was only teasing me.

"Hell." He chuckled. "You're not happy with my gender these days, are you, Bella?"

My angry flush switched to a duped blush. "I guess not." I grinned and nibbled on my lip in embarrassment.

"In all seriousness, though," Seth explained, "the school is not that populated. It's way bigger than the high school in La Push. But it's not very much bigger than the one in Forks. So, it's easy to get to know everyone right away-to determine quickly if you'll like any of the girls more than just a friend. After a while, it just gets stale."

"Dating gets stale?"

"Dating for _the_ _hell of it_ gets stale. I mean, I like to go out with certain girls. But what's the purpose in pretending that you like them more than that if you already know your heart isn't in it?"

I couldn't agree more. "Aww. You're just a closeted romantic, aren't you, Seth?"

He grinned. "Whatever, but if anyone else gets wind of it? I'll claim you're the biggest BS'er in the world."

Chuckling, I promised not to tell.

"What about you, Bella? Anything ever happen between you and Mr. Forks Wonderful?"

I shrugged, holding my composure, so he wouldn't think the topic made me uncomfortable, and replied, "That ship sailed a while ago."

The impression dawned on me, considering he referred to Jacob as Mr. "Forks" Wonderful-he had no clue about Jacob and me. Jacob wanted to be the person to tell him, and he never did. _Why?_

"And now?" Seth probed, bringing me back to the conversation.

"Now? Oh. I go out sometimes, friendly dates." I lied. I felt embarrassed still being hung up on Jacob. "But, like you said, I know every guy in school. It's a sure wager my Prince Charming isn't among them."

A few moments later, I fidgeted, struggling not to ask the question I wanted to know more than anything. I finally conceded to myself I always intended to take the conversation there from the moment I embarked on the discussion. "And Jacob? Is he seeing anybody?"

"Seeing anybody?" Seth made a noise that resembled a choke or huff. "Psh, you know _Jake_!"

I pulled my brows together, curious. "What's that about, Seth? Why did you say Jake's name like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like ... resentful or something."

"I did?" He shrugged, oblivious. The innocence of his reply convinced me there wasn't any heat behind the tone I'd thought I'd heard. "I just meant ... Jake's Jake."

"Jake's Jake, the player Jake?" I asked with caution, trying to act casual, hoping my tendency to blush didn't betray me.

He answered with a shade of hesitance. "Nah, I just meant Jake's Jake. He's like a robot with only one operational program. And that program is to take the Regional Championship and then move on to Nationals. Every girl knows he's not boyfriend material," he tossed in, I thought, with sarcasm. "But some girls love that, I guess." He smashed the empty paper cup of his soda. Lifting his eyes over my head and behind me, he whispered, "Jazz, over here!"

I turned to the right of me, and Jasper and Leah were squeezing their way over to us.

"Dude, you made it," he said.

"Ah, sure did," Jasper replied in a fake southern accent he was fond of using. "Bros before ho-" Leah slugged Jasper in the arm, glaring a warning not to finish the chauvinist statement. "-ly crow," he ended with. He plopped down in a seat in front of us, rubbing his arm and wincing. "That hurt."

She sat down beside him. "My dad brought us. We called Emmett to find you."

As the soft lighting dimmed darker, and the previews began, I drifted back to the days when Jacob first left for California.

_Nearly two entire weeks went by and no word from him. Each additional day fading past without a phone call made it harder for me to leave the house. I could glance down at the cell phone a million times to see no missed calls. I felt compelled to glue myself to the home telephone, too, just in case. I started to think, maybe he didn't want to speak to me. I didn't understand why that might be._

_To say I was becoming neurotic with worry and miserably sad was an understatement. I felt like a lovesick zombie with no will to eat, or sleep, or do much of anything else, aside from staying near the phone and trying with all my might to give the appearance to others, and to pretend to myself, I had nothing to worry about. If I had known all it would take to get him to call was for me to force myself to walk out the door with a determined intention of leaving, I would have done it much sooner. I halted on the porch when I heard the phone ringing, waiting for someone to answer it. I overheard Emmett say, "It's about time. Been wondering what's been going on," to whoever was on the other end. "Glad to hear it ... No problem ... Bella?"_

_Practically breaking the door down, I flew back inside as he was saying, "You just missed her," ready to wrestle the receiver away from him._

"_Who is it?" I blurted, witnessing the baffled look on Emmett's face._

_He rolled his eyes like he thought I was crazy. "Justin Bieber ... Who do you think?"_

Jake!_ Biting my lip, I held myself immobile a partial second and took a quick breath while I reached for the telephone. Emmett turned his back to me a little, curling the phone into his chest as if he wouldn't give it up. Angered and roughly reaching around him, I was just about to struggle for it when he let go, giving me a playful grin before he sauntered out of the living room and into the kitchen._

"_Bella, you there?" I recognized antagonism in Jacob's tone._

"_Going to Seth's," Emmett bellowed._

_I waited until the back door creaked open then shut. "I'm here, Jake."_

"_Emmett?"_

"_He just went out the back door. Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned about the strong heaviness I perceived._

"_Now it is. I thought he wouldn't let me talk to you."_

"_What did you say to him?"_

"_Just that I didn't have a lot of time and that I was calling to talk to you. He tried to tell me you weren't home."_

"_I wasn't. I mean, I just left to go to the library when I heard the telephone ringing."_

"_Really? Good thing, cause I'm not sure when I would have been able to call you again." He started to apologize for not calling sooner. "Rebecca and Rachel had the phones turned off. Money's been really tight since my mom can't work and uh..."_

"_I understand. You don't have to explain anything. How is your mom?" Leah had been keeping us posted with what little they'd heard, but it wasn't a great deal. "Is she getting better?"_

"_She's much better, but she has to have chemotherapy to be sure they got it all." He sounded worried and sad when he talked about Sarah. I said a silent prayer for her to get well soon. His mood transformed, though, when he began to tell me what else he'd been doing. "There's a huge, local boxing club in the area I've been training at. A lot of skilled boxers train there. Just the sparring I've been able to get in on is making a big difference. Some of these guys are so good, Bella, you wouldn't believe it." He loved boxing, and his excitement made me glad he could do something out there._

"_A few guys here in my weight class have already competed on the national level. I can gain a lot of experience training with them."_

"_That's great. I'm happy for you."_

"_What about you? What's been going on over there?"_

"_Not much." I wasn't about to tell him all I did was hang around the house, waiting for him to call. "The usual." I made a quick mental list of what transpired since he'd left. "Jasper's dating Maria now, and he's behaving identical to the way Emmett was acting last summer. Lovesick."_

_He laughed._

"_Leah and Sam never got back together."_

"_That's good. And what about Seth?"_

"_Seth?" Seth and I never talked since the day after the boxing match. I avoided him out of leftover anger and annoyance, but he avoided me too, probably out of embarrassment. We didn't have to deal with it because Emmett hung out with him over at his house when Jasper began occupying all his time with Maria. "The last time I spoke to Seth was when he came over to tell me how his knockout felt. He felt embarrassed about it. I felt sorry for him. I haven't seen him since, so I don't know what's going on with him."_

"_Does Seth know about us?" he asked._

"_Was I supposed to tell him? I can if you want me to."_

"_Nah, I just thought the subject might have come up, that's all, because you two spend a lot of time together."_

_I thought I heard a jealous ripple in his voice but then thought better of it. Seth and Jacob were close, so Jacob had to know Seth and I were only friends. The kiss was just a quirky accident that only happened because of the knockout. It had to be the way Seth explained it._

"_That's all right. I'll tell him the next time I talk to him," he said. "I should be the one to do it." I furrowed my brows in wonderment as I listened. "I think he might have a thing for you."_

_I gasped, taking a moment. He couldn't be serious. "Did you really just say that, Jake?" I asked with a nervous stomach, feeling furious about that stupid incident again, as I explained, "because, he told me he had a crush on some other girl. He's never told me her name, but he mentioned her to me a few times. Didn't he ever tell you about her?"_

"_You're right. Never mind what I said. Now that you bring it up. He has mentioned her to me a few times."_

_I brought my hand to my chest in relief. "And her name is?"_

"_I forget," he said. "Let's change the subject. I don't want to talk about Seth." Neither did I. "What about Emmett? How pissed off was he when he left?"_

"_I don't think he was. He seemed like he wanted to tease me, but he wasn't mad."_

"_Well good. That's it then." He sounded happy with the knowledge. I was, too, realizing everything would be fine for Jake and me to see each other out in the open now. "__Bella, I have to go. I've already been on the phone too long." He hesitated, and his tone hit gloom again. "I don't know when I can call you again, because we need to keep the bills down. I don't want my sisters yelling at me."_

"_I'll call you," I told him, and we made plans for the best times to reach him._

_Emmett made long distance relationship conversations sound difficult, stressful and fruitless, but talking to Jacob was easy. I listened to the boxing stories Jake shared with me to no end._

_But sometimes, if he missed my phone call, because of a late practice or a boxing match, it bothered him. Hardly anything I'd say to get him to believe I understood calmed him. Those conversations became tense. I could never be angry at him for pursuing his dream as focused as he did. We'd end up wasting half of our already too short amount of telephone-time with me trying to convince him of it. His hopes and dreams were just as important to me as they were to him._

_I wasn't going anywhere. I was "his" girlfriend. His girlfriend was all I'd ever wanted to be. There was no need for him to worry that I might want a "better" boyfriend, as he'd sometimes put it-one who was closer, who could take me out and spend time with me-because I never would want anyone else but him. It didn't matter how far apart we were. And once we were together again, and before the next time we parted, I would make sure he knew how I felt._

_Fall descended, bringing the new school year along with it. We discussed how we'd keep in touch with one another after he got back to Chemawa. We had talked once a week, sometimes twice if Jacob could manage it. He didn't have internet access, so emailing or chatting wasn't possible. Once he returned to school, though, we thought we'd be able to message back and forth all the time. We were looking forward to it._

_He called the day he was getting ready to leave. I felt antsy about the change, insecure with him living near a dorm full of girls who would have more in common with him than I did. I worried it might not work._

"_Why are you suddenly so quiet?" he asked, "What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Something's wrong. Tell me," he said._

_I didn't want to bother him with my insecurities, but since he wanted to know, I said, "This long-distance stuff, it is going to work, isn't it?"_

"_You think it won't?" he countered, with a hint of worry in _his_ voice._

"_No. I think it will," I explained. "It's just that ... you know ... it didn't work for Emmett and Rosalie." _And they were in love, I opted not to add.

_A moment or two passed. "Well, we're not Emmett and Rosalie. I want it to work, and I know you want it to work. So, we'll just make sure it does. Because, Bella, I lu." he stopped speaking._

_The biggest smile popped onto my lips. I trembled with goose bumps, and my heart battered my breast. He was on the verge of telling me he loved me._

_A deep sigh preceded a tremble of his husky voice as he continued, "I, uh ... really wish you were standing right here in front of me, I uh..." _Love you!_ He didn't say the words, but I heard them anyway. I grinned in elation. "I... he stammered. "I just really need to see you for this. I miss you, and I can't wait to see you again."_

_Being instantly consumed with happiness, and with such an intense love of him, I said in a haze, "I miss you, too, Jake."_

_Never did I imagine I could feel so overwhelmed in bliss, excitement, anticipation, and most of all, love, all at that same. It felt excruciating. I nearly cried with happiness. I couldn't wait to see him again, either. The waiting would be an agony. But it would be well worth it, hearing his words of "I love you" when I could see his expression as he said them, and to feel him all around me while I tasted the soft, sweet kiss of his lips. And then, to witness his reaction when I spoke, "I love you, too," in return._

_Everything after that moment was irrelevant. I lay on my bed, lost to the world with enough elation to sustain me for days._

_Until I found out he lied. Only ten days of him being back in Chemawa passed when I realized it. He didn't even try to make it work._

_First, he stopped replying to my emails. Then, he didn't call when he said he would. I tried to convince myself he had good reason, but after the third time I contacted the dorm office, heard the paging of his name, and once again, they asked me to leave a message, I realized he would never take my calls. Nor was he ever going to email back._

My stomach twisted, my throat tightened, and tears filled my eyes. Shifting in my seat, I blinked my lashes, resolved not to cry as I leaned my shoulder opposite Seth's, so he couldn't sense the change in my mood and discover the quiet re-breaking of my heart. Sinking into my chair, I folded my arms around myself, finding it hurt just as much this day as it did the day, I realized it was over, and I should stop trying to bother Jake.

Feeling Seth's gaze move toward me, I turned away, leaning my head back against the seat, pretending I was sleepy, glad he didn't ask.

* * *

**A/N **_Next Chapter:_ _Its summer break again. So, you know what that means. Everyone, including Jacob, is back home again. See how Bella handles it and find out why Jacob did what he did._


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_ **Bella** _

It sounded like a stampede drove the door down, and Jasper's yelling set my blood racing. "Bella! Bella? You up there?" Darting down the stairs in a panic, I slid from the corridor into the living room, prepared for something awful.

The sound of Seth's laughter startled me. I didn't expect the Chemawa kids to get back home so soon. I had been successfully—well, maybe not successfully, but semi-successfully—ignoring any thoughts of the coming summer vacation. I was just so tired of assuming and imagining and over-thinking everything in my life. I was just done.

"Look what we found at the Dairy Queen!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Seth." I met him in the center of the living room and gave him a hug. He looked good, handsome. "When did you get back?"

"Early this morning."

I was about to ask for Leah when I heard Emmett in the kitchen chatting fast and loud. I turned my attention to his words. "Not much, except for practically getting _jumped_ today," he said.

"Who's he talking to?" I asked, but I already had a good idea who was on the other end of the line.

Not waiting for an answer from Seth or Jasper, I followed Emmett's adrenaline-filled voice into the kitchen. He faced away from me, leaning on the kitchen counter with the phone pressed to his ear. I noticed his ragged and grimy shirt and his short, brown hair, mussed. When I approached, worried, he turned to me and scrunched his brow, prompting me to shush while he talked about a fight.

Spotting blood lacing the inner rim of his mouth and a red gouge on the side of his nose. I looked at Jasper and Seth and demanded, "What's he talking about? What happened to him?"

"He almost got jumped by James and that bunch of losers he hangs out with," Jasper told me, and began to spill all the details. "Seth and I were standing by the tables outside the Dairy Queen, toward the back of the building. We didn't even realize James and his boys were on the other side. Emmett was in the truck by himself, talking to some girl on the phone. As soon as he hopped out, James was there—I didn't even see him walk past—pointing his finger and saying, 'It's you and me.'

"It was crazy. Emmett told him he didn't want fight, and he tried to step around him. Then Emmett had James pinned down on one of tables, pounding him good. So many people collapsed around them, we had to force our way through the bunched crowd just to break them up."

Seth joined in. "By that time, some of those other guys were grabbing Emmett by the face and the hair, hitting him in the back, trying to pry him loose to help James out. But Emmett was going berserk, like a bear, too strong and too focused to notice. He never stopped swinging until he was sure it was Jazz and me that had a hold of him."

Jasper nodded, retaking the conversation. "And then it seemed like we passed through a bunch of hands, everyone pulling and pushing us backward until there were people standing between us and James and his crew, telling us to get out of there because someone called the police."

"Frick. Emmett was fast!" Seth laughed. "One second he was shaking his head saying, 'I'm not fighting you,' and the next second, he stepped forward, spun his upper body, slamming James down by the throat and blasting him in the face. A wicked-looking black eye, showed on James, before we even got 'em separated, which was only a moment or two later. That's how fast it happened."

The story horrified me, but Seth and Jasper acted as if they were getting a big rush out of it—so was Emmett, by the sounds of it.

Turning back to see him, I found that the conversation had switched to a party. "It'll be at the pit ... We had to move it when the police started watching the road out by the cliffs ... Yeah, it's that big crater-shaped dip in the woods a mile past Newton's cabin. You remember?"

"He's going to a party. Are you going? I want to go," I said to Jasper. I didn't go to a big party since Leah got drunk last summer.

"I don't care if you come, but it's not up to me," Jasper said. He gestured toward Emmett. "Gotta clear it with him first."

Emmett clicked the phone off, so I went over to check his wounds better. "Let me see." I reached out and adjusted his head to get a closer look at his eyes and his mouth.

He pulled down his lower lip and showed me a deep cut inside where, he explained, one of his teeth had sunk in. I cringed. "Ouch, Emmett. That looks terrible. Are you sure it doesn't need any stitches?"

"Nope," he replied, shaking his head. "I've seen worse on some guys after a match. It'll be fine once the swelling goes down."

Feeling apprehensive, I followed him into the living room and suggested, "You better have Mom look at it, anyway."

"Don't need to. In fact, we're out of here. I already told her we're staying at Jake's tonight, and we better get going, too, before she catches us home."

He leap-strode up the stairs. "Wait a minute, Emmett," I called out. When he stopped, I used a casual tone with just enough pleading in my voice. "I want to go to the party with you."

Keeping his back toward me, he slouched and grumbled as he turned to face me. "What else is new?"

My forehead wrinkled as I wondered what he was grumbling about. I never asked to go with him to a party before.

"Look, Bella, Mom's on her way home. I don't have time to argue with you, so I'll tell you exactly what I told those two when they asked," he said, glancing over at Jasper and Seth while they took turns bouncing quarters off the coffee table and into a glass of water, acting like they weren't listening to us. "Number one, I'm getting drunk. Number two, you're not. And number three, Mom and Dad better _never_ hear about it!"

Excited, I grinned then added, "Okay. I swear I won't tell, but Leah gets to come with me."

He made a growling noise in his throat but didn't object. As he reached the top of the steps, I shouted, "Wait, what should I tell Mom?"

He laughed. "That's your problem." The door to the bathroom banged closed.

Thwarted by his answer, I sat down on the sofa between Jasper and Seth, frowning. "What am I supposed to do now? She'll never let me go to a party unless I tell her I'm going with you guys. But then, she'll probably have twenty questions for Emmett, and if she sees him like that, she might not let _him_ go, either. And how are _we_ supposed to get home if you're all staying at Jake's and Emmett gets drunk?"

"No problem," Jasper said. "Just tell her you're spending the night at Leah's, and Leah will tell Sue she's spending the night here with you." Seth agreed with a nod. "And we'll just ... figure out the rest later." Jasper decided with a shrug.

"That won't work. And I'm sure we're a little too old for sleepovers."

Jasper focused on the quarter in his fingertips for a second then bounced it high off the table, watching it plop into the water glass, pleased with himself and smiled. "You and Leah haven't seen each other in so long," he said, as he picked up the phone and handed it to me. "Mark my words. They will expect a sleepover."

Upon hearing Mom's trusting 'yes', I gave the thumbs-up sign to him and Seth along with a thankful sigh, when my stomach clenched into an anxious-feeling knot, because after months of loving Jacob, of missing Jacob, and then of _hating_ Jacob ... I was about to see him again.

* * *

_ **Seth** _

Bella's face shimmered, reflecting the yellowish-orange glow of the bonfire in the center of the clearing.

I was leaning against the car where we had parked, high on a mound across from her, sipping on a Coke and half-way listening to Emmett, Quil, and Embry joke and raise hell with one another.

She fiddled with her chestnut hair without moving her glare from the blaze, as if she wasn't standing smack in the middle of the first-party-of-the-summer celebration. She would always be beautiful. The way she held her eyes, though, squinted from the smoke and heat radiating in her direction, and the somber way she positioned herself were so out of place from the raucous moving about her it was impossible to stop staring.

It was like observing the focal point of a bland painting, where the only image outlined with definition and color is that of the subject, and nothing else in the setting ever really mattered. That's the way I felt looking at her. She'd seemed happy for little while after we'd first arrived. But now, it wasn't hard to tell she was hurting—bad.

In the background, Emmett was telling Quil and Embry about his fight.

"Then I saw Seth reach into the crowd and grab hold of this babe of a blonde. 'Come with me if you want to live," Emmett mimicked, doing a hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger impression and backhanding me on the shoulder to draw me back to the conversation.

Quil and Embry broke out in laughter.

"There I am getting jumped, and _this guy_ is creeping on some hot little bystander."

I tossed Emmett's arm off me, as I clarified. "No way. I was afraid she would get hit."

"Sure you were!" he mocked. "I saw you get her number."

I grinned. "She gave it. I didn't ask."

"Too bad _we_ weren't there. James wouldn't have had the balls if we were," Quil said.

My attention drifted back to Bella. She still hadn't moved a muscle. I didn't like seeing her exhibiting so much depression. I thought I should talk to her, but I didn't know what was wrong with her. Well, I kind of had an idea, but I didn't know how to make it better or if I wanted to.

"It is what it is." Emmett took a big chug of his beer. Then he dabbed his busted lip with his hand. "That's the price for messing with a psycho's _ex-girlfriend_."

"Wait a second, Emmett. Whose ex is Victoria again? Yours or James'?" Quil joked.

Grinning, Emmett laughed, clanking his bottle against Quil's. "Touché." He took another swig. "Just glad Seth and Jazz showed up when they did to pull me off, or I'd be in jail right now."

"Self-defense," Embry said. "What else could you do?"

Leah and some of Bella's other friends gathered around her, blocking my view.

"Tell _that_ to my parents. I hate to see the look on Charlie's face tomorrow when he sees me. Maybe I could hang out in La Push with Jake for a few days, 'til it goes down a little."

Not even Leah could get Bella to smile and join in on the festivities. She and the other girls wandered away, leaving Bella to her misery.

"Should we take a stroll around the grounds? See who else is out here?" Embry asked. "Looks like fifty cars are here now."

Bella coiled her arms around herself. It couldn't have been from the cold; she was too close to the fire. I downed the last of my Coke, squeezed the can, and tossed it into the trees, never removing my eyes.

She seemed to reach out to me with her misery, taking my spirits to Hell with her.

"You coming, Seth?" Emmett asked, turning around and looking up at me from a few feet already down the mound.

I didn't realize they all walked away.

Emmett waved Quil and Embry to go on without him, muttering, "What's so freaking interesting down there, anyway?"

A couple leaping strides and he was standing beside me again, stretching his neck, and combing over the crowd.

"Nothing," I denied, signaling him to follow me with a tilt of my head. "Let's go then."

Suddenly, Emmett let out this from-the-gut cackle, a laugh that lasted for at least fifteen seconds.

"What?" I played innocent, hoping he wasn't thinking what I thought he might have been thinking.

"I don't believe this." He snorted, continuing to laugh, shaking his finger at me in a _gotcha_ sort of motion.

I swatted his hand out of my face. "How many beers did you have?"

"Too many. But that's beside the point." He shined a razzing gloat. "I don't know how I could have missed this, after _all_ this time."

I turned and took a long step downward from him, mulling how I could get him to shut his mouth and quit following me as I resisted the urge to soar into a run. _He's bluffing! He doesn't know anything._ I slowed my pace and shoved both hands into the pockets of my jeans, deciding to ignore him.

When we reached the bottom of the clearing, he clasped on to my arm and began dragging me toward Bella. Setting a rigid stance, I shook him off.

"Just come here for a minute," he insisted.

Wary, I let him pull me toward her, speculating what he had up his sleeves.

"I may be drunk, but I'm not _drunk_," he said.

We grabbed Bella's attention as we stepped past the invisible barrier, she occurred to have created around herself.

"Seth Clearwater, this is Bella Swan. Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater."

Bella questioned me with her eyes. I shrugged with a shake of my head.

Emmett stepped back, surveying us for an instant. Then he placed his hands on Bella's shoulders, maneuvering her close to me. He lifted my arm, positioning it around her and took another silly look. "I like it," he said, serious, cheesy grinning at the two of us before rambling off to who knows where.

"He went too heavy on the sauce tonight," I tried to explain and slipped my arm off her the moment Emmett's back turned.

Nodding with a forced smile, she replied, "So, I saw."

"I'm not even sure what that was all about," I claimed.

She shrugged, unconcerned, showing it didn't matter to her.

The heat from the fire hit me like a blast. Uncomfortable, I ran the back of my hand across my forehead, wiping away the beginnings of perspiration.

"Where's Jasper?" she asked, gazing around us.

Stuffing my fists back into my pockets, I rested my backside on the car beside her. "I think he wandered off looking for cellphone reception," I replied. "Is he and Maria still together? He hasn't said, and I don't want to ask. She didn't answer, already back in a world of her own. I nudged her with my shoulder. "Bella."

"Sorry, Seth. They've been fighting a lot lately. That's all he's told me." She bit her lip and fidgeted. "Sorry about that. I just ... I guess ... I shouldn't have made Emmett and Jasper bring me with them, because now that I'm here, all I want to do is go home."

I didn't say a word, waiting to give her a chance to confide in me if she was willing.

"I didn't realize earlier, but I only came tonight because I thought…" She stopped herself from saying anymore. "Never mind what I thought. It doesn't matter."

But it mattered to me. I hated to see her so unhappy, and I knew I was about to do something that would probably end up being an action I'd regret. "It's Jake," I said.

Her short, airy gasp startled me. She tensed and her face lit up. "Where?" she asked, her eyes darting all over the crowd.

_That_ told me all I needed to know. I swallowed hard. "I meant, it's Jake. You came with us just so you could see Jake. He's the guy, isn't he?"

She dropped her head down, twisting her foot in the dirt, and then lifted her face back up with reddening cheeks. "It is Jake," she finally admitted.

My chest tightened ... but not a lot. It wasn't as if I didn't already suspect that answer, but it still hurt to hear it coming from her lips.

"Jake…" she repeated, her voice a dream-laced whisper as she said, "he's _always_ been the guy," making me realize just _how much_ he'd always been the guy. "Has it been obvious?"

"No," I replied, pushing my own wounds aside. "Not at all. I just sort of figured it tonight."

"I didn't think I cared if I ever saw him again, but I guess I do," she said, "and I know that I shouldn't."

We fell silent, and the quiet between us felt uncomfortable. "He said he was coming. I thought he would have been here by now," I offered. True, but words used only to break the silence.

"He probably found out I would be here," she muttered, soft and unemotional; but the pain in her statement sliced me deep. I couldn't stand for her to feel that way. All I wanted was to see her happy and feeling good about herself.

"Come on, Bella. You don't really believe that, do you?"

She swayed her body from side to side, like a tiny flower shifting with the breeze, and answered. "I don't know, Seth." Looking me in the eyes, she asked with a glimmer of hope, "Has Jacob ever said anything to you about me?"

I had no choice but to answer with the truth. "Well ... no. But you haven't talked to me about _him,_ either. So, that means nothing."

She rolled her eyes, turning away from me.

_Ugh_. That was all I could take. "Let's go," I said, standing upright and taking her by the arm.

"Where to?"

"To find Jacob! There's about thirty or more cars out here, and everybody isn't standing at the fire."

We trekked from car to car, asking everyone we knew if they had seen Jake, getting loads of different answers, depending on who we asked. I started to wonder _myself_ if he was avoiding us because several people claimed they had seen him, directing us to the routes they'd thought he'd gone or to who they'd thought he was with.

Because of the darkness beyond the fire, I steadied Bella to make sure she didn't fall. I didn't mind, though. I always watched over her that way.

After she almost fell, she threw her arms up in the air, frustrated. "It's no use. We'll never find him, so let's just go back to the fire, Seth."

I didn't argue. I tired of searching for him, too.

When we situated ourselves back on the hood of the car we had been sitting on before, Bella sighed. "We'll never find him, because he doesn't want to be found." She lifted her finger to one of her eyes, and I thought I saw the twinkling of tears. "Not _by me_, anyway. I just don't understand what I ever did so wrong to him, Seth."

_I do_. Or, at least, I thought I might.

It was all I could do to not look away; guilt tore at me, and I didn't want to see her cry.

The only thing I wanted—more than anything at that very moment—was for Jake to show up and make her feel better.

"If we can't find him, it's because he isn't here," I maintained, attempting to provide her some words of comfort. "He's training for Nationals, and you know how he feels about partying and drunk people. When I get back, the first thing I'll do is let him know you were looking for him, and I'll bet you any amount of money he'll drop whatever he's doing to go find you." I hoped.

She looked away in disregard. "Then why do you suppose everyone else has run in to him, except for us?"

"Pfft, they're all drunk," I reminded her. "They probably don't know who they've run in to. Leah didn't see him, and neither did Paul, Jared, or Sam. Anyone who _wouldn't_ be mistaken hasn't seen him." Which was true.

"Maybe," she said, yet added a sad sigh of surrender. "Either way, I give up."

She leaned herself to the side, her shoulder brushing against mine. For a moment, I thought to put my arm around her to give her a supportive hug but pushed the thought aside, because I didn't want her to get the wrong idea—considering my past screw-ups.

She needed a friend, not a dope trying hit on her while she was down.

Soon after, I let myself relax against her, arm to arm, and I felt her lean against me.

"Enough of this gloom," she said, her head touching my shoulder as she lifted her eyes to meet mine, and as I inhaled the smoky scent caught on her, she smiled and asked, "So, now you know my secret, Seth. What's yours?"

"Jacob, where you been all night?" someone sounded out.

_Be careful what you wish for. _I glanced over to the group hanging closer to the fire, and Jacob was making small talk with different people, threading his way toward us. For some unknown reason—probably the _get-the-hell-away-from-my-girl_ glare he gave me—I sprung up and away from Bella as if I was doing something wrong.

"It's about time, dude. I've been ..." Bella moved in close beside me, hiding her hands in the pockets of her zip-up sweatshirt, shoulders tucked together like she was trying to make herself appear smaller. "We," I rephrased. "_We've_ been looking for you all night."

"So, I heard," he replied, homing in on Bella and gluing his eyes to her like I wasn't even there.

"Where you been?" I asked, receiving only silence.

I slid my attention back and forth between the two of them, feeling like I was interrupting a personal moment, tempting me to back away and out of their circle, and getting the feeling that if I did, they wouldn't know or care.

They were swimming in each other's presence, practically drowning in it. It was weird and annoying, and it _sucked_ to have to see it.

Bella's face glowed, and her blush matched with her cherry-glossed lips. Staring at him, she looked more beautiful than I'd ever saw her, except for one other time I could remember—that time she slipped off her porch. She had the look that I first fell in love with, and she had it because of him.

Jake gulped, trying to take his eyes off her but seeming unable and then, at last replying, "I was here for a little while. But I needed to go home to call my mom." He looked as if he was answering her instead of me.

I coughed, uneasy. That seemed to do the trick for Bella. Looking over at me and shuffling forward a step, she asked, "How are you, Jake?"

"I'm good. How about you?"

_Awkward. _"So, how did you get here, Jake?" I asked, to thin out the awkwardness and bring back some normalcy to the atmosphere.

"Dirt bike," he replied, giving me a minimal amount of attention.

"You mind switching places with me? I'll take your bike back to Billy's, and you can head home with these guys." I needed to get the hell out of there and fast. "I'm pretty drained, and I don't think Emmett will be ready to head out for a long, long time. He's ridiculously trashed."

Jake seemed to think about my question, becoming more lucid. Reaching into his pocket, he drew out his bike keys.

As I started to walk away, I replayed his expression as he came face to face with Bella after several months. It was a mixture of longing, affection, and heartache. _He's Flippin' in love with her!_I got a taste of what Emmett must have felt when he had _his_ revelation. I paused, scratching my head and wondering, how in the _hell_ I never saw it before.

It really pissed me off! All he had to do was tell me about it.

"_Clearwater!" one of the residential staff members hollered. Yah—short for Yaha Uta—was a brawny_, _middle-aged man. He was about six foot two, and he wore a long, thick, black braid. He looked younger than he was and had a reputation, which warned us not to break any of the rules when he was on duty. "Mail delivery."_

_It excited me to read Bella's return address on the upper left corner of the purple envelope. She wasn't talking to me before I left home. I tore open the envelope, being reminded I had an audience when Yah mentioned he also had one for Jacob, asking me if I minded taking it to him since I was already heading in that direction._

"_No problem!" I replied, plucking it from his large, calloused hands before tugging my card out of its envelope._

_It was just a birthday card. Bella wished me good luck at the new school and told me she would miss me. But I appreciated the sentiment just like she'd just said she loved me, because she was super pissed at me at me before I left._

_Jake's card came from her, too—a black envelope. What really caught my attention was the smell. It was obvious she sprayed it with perfume. Bella wasn't the flowery-type girl._ What the hell? _I stood in the hallway, holding the envelope to my nose, speculating._

_Then, I remembered it wasn't_ his _birthday_. _My curiosity kicked me in the rear. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't even try. Ducking into the nearest restroom, I opened it up. It wasn't really a love letter; I didn't think. Just some miss-you words, some good wishes stuff on the upcoming boxing season, and an "I can't wait to see you again" signed "Bella" with a smiley face, and there was a picture of her inside._

_The most I could get out of it was that she had a crush on him, unless I was reading too much into it. She told me she missed me, too, and might have said more if we'd got along better before I left. I felt a surge of anger, though, and unsure of who with—Bella, Jake, or myself. So, when he walked into the restroom. I stuffed his card into one of my books._

"_There you are. I almost went to breakfast without you," he said. When I ignored him, he asked, "What's going on?"_

_At that moment, I needed him to know how I still felt. _"_Look, I got a letter from Bella." I waved my card in front of him, grinning as wide as a clown._

"_Oh, yeah. What'd she say?"_

"_She said she really misses me. I didn't tell you what happened between us, did I?"_

But even after I gave him the opening, he admitted nothing about her to me, and I ignored my suspicions, trying not to think about it. Scowling, I continued toward his bike, deciding he was just at fault as I was, maybe even more. _That's what he gets_!

Still, Bella didn't deserve any of it. I rubbed the back of my now stiff neck.

I thought about Jake's lack of reaction when I _exaggerated_ what went on between Bella and me at the Holiday dance, and again, after my fight in the locker room. Maybe I was in such denial back then that my mind played a trick on me, because now the memory appeared a lot as he'd sucked in his breath as if he'd just taken a hard fist to the kidneys.

I thought about what _his_ response might have been toward me, had I been "the guy" instead of him. Considering the intensity of emotions, I saw, and finally allowed myself to understand, my head told me: there was a high possibility I would have been in for a good fight. But my gut ... my gut feeling was no matter how difficult it might have been, he would have been happy for me. He was my brother. Encouragement was all he'd ever shown me before, and he deserved better from me than what he'd got back.

Debating, I hesitated, running both of my hands through my hair. Then blowing out a sharp breath of air, I spun around and headed back to face the music.

Bella sat so close to Jake on the trunk of Jessica's car that she just as well sat on his lap. I almost didn't want to disturb them. Freezing about a good twenty feet away, I lifted my voice. "Hey, Jake!"

He leaned away from her, tipping his chin at me. After saying something to her, he stalked toward me. "Yeah?"

"It never happened the way I said it did." I straight up confessed, watching confusion appear on his expression.

"Huh?"

"Bella didn't kiss me. She didn't kiss me either time." His confusion turned to anger. "I was the one that kissed _her,_ Jake, both times. I'm not even sure she kissed me back." The cat seemed to take hold of his tongue, so I continued, "I had no business making you believe it was more than that. I was just being stupid! You can tell her that. She'll probably hate my guts but tell her if it'll make things better between you guys." I tossed his keys back to him, muttering, "I'll find another ride home." I turned away. He could hate me, too, if he wanted.

"Seth!" he bellowed, in a tone demanding me to stop.

I did, bracing myself for the anger sure to follow, but when I turned around, he lobbed the keys back to me. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I snatched them from the air, surprised, and nodded.

"We'll go do something," he said. "If you want. That is?"

I nodded another yes.

A few different emotions weren't hard to read—mostly understanding, forgiveness, and there was something else. Pride. Jake was proud of me.

I couldn't say I was happy as I hopped on his bike and drove away, but I wasn't exactly sad, either. I was more like satisfied or content. Happiness, I would work on. When I got to the top, I curved around on the mound and stopped to take one last look at Bella. A little too far, but I bet she was blissful.

Jake was a tower in comparison, but somehow, they also seemed to be the same size. I shrugged, guessing I was more _able_ to see them as Jake and Bella "the couple" versus just Jake and just Bella than I'd have thought.

* * *

**A/N ** _Jacob is up next with his view on what went down._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_ **Jacob** _

_When Seth told me he and Bella made out twice, it shocked me. She'd flat out lied to my face._

_I stared at the mound of scrambled eggs and greasy bacon lying on my breakfast plate, my stomach twisting. Excusing myself, I half-mindedly wandered to the infirmary and told the nurse I thought I was coming down with the flu. All I did for the rest of the day was hide in my room like a wuss. I lay on my bed in the dark, doing nothing but hurting and thinking. Did she feel that damn sorry for him she had to make him feel better by kissing him? Why would she do that? It was hard to believe, but it still made sense to me, because they both acted weird after that, and I felt like I walked in on something that night. _

_I tossed and turned all night long and didn't get an ounce of sleep. They'd kissed, and yet she pretended she had no idea Seth even liked her. She had to have known, especially since it happened more than once. I saw them together. I knew there was a little something between them. How stupid did she think I was? The more I agonized about it, the worse I felt. I'd been made a fool by supposedly the sweetest, most genuine person in my life. Who'd have thought she had it in her? Not me. _

_Come morning, I was stone-cold pissed. _

_As for Seth, after I got over the enormous urge to pound the shit out of him, I decided I couldn't blame him for finding a moment to kiss her because I knew I would have done the same. In fact, I did the same. Nope, that was all Bella. While Seth wasn't forthcoming because she'd asked him not to tell anyone, Bella straight-up lied to me. Twice._

_Betrayal blistered red hot; it felt like the worst pain in the world, worse than being dumped or suffering a wicked and humiliating loss, even. I didn't want to talk to her at all. Twice when she called, I told myself to give her the opportunity to explain. But come on, what could she really say?_

_I was too pissed off. Pissed because she had me feeling stupid and depressed and pathetic—the way I saw some guys after they'd been played. Most of them were dumb asses who went back for more. I never understood that guy, and pride refused to let me be one. _

_I didn't stay mad at her for long. Maybe a few weeks, a couple of months at the most. I missed her... really, really missed her. But by then, enough time had passed I didn't know how to break the ice between us. I didn't even know how to go about beginning a conversation with her—about_ it _or any other subject, for that matter. It seemed like the situation was too big of a problem to fix over the telephone. So, ultimately, I let the problem of her kissing him and then lying about it go, and I let her go in the process._

Now Seth told me it wasn't true. Crazy thing, I wouldn't have cared if I died believing his story. I didn't care anymore. The moment I got a close view of Bella, leaning up against Seth, eyes clinging to him, cozy in the bonfire light, I realized it didn't matter what had happened between them, because I still wanted to be with her. I stood there, watching for a moment. They were sitting close to each other, isolated from the crowd, absorbed, like two people about to hookup for real. Something primitive flared inside of me, the something that caused a guy to stomp another guy's guts out over his woman. I headed straight over there with nothing on my mind, except for taking her away from him.

But those feelings didn't surface in time to keep me from making another misinterpreted decision and acting on it. Earlier, when I first arrived, I saw Seth and Bella from a distance. They were traipsing from car to car visiting people, hanging out together, and going about their business. Same old, same old.

_No big deal_. I told myself it didn't bother me, but even still, I left. I never considered Seth and Bella were looking for _me_, and because I had already been thinking about going back to California for the summer, that was what I decided on. I needed the more diverse training if I even hoped to do a good job at the National Tournament. Billy had been sober for a few years; he got along fine without me, and since Bella and I were long over, there were no more reasons to be in La Push.

Once my parents agreed, I felt like I could breathe easier, and I came back to the party. I could have waited until after I talked with Bella—to see her face to face, at least—to find out if there was anything left between us. _What the hell_. I huffed. _Always an idiot._

Seth sulked away, heart-hurt and crumbling. He looked the way I'd felt all those months ago. We were in such a fucked up situation. It took a lot of guts for him to tell me the truth, and it made me feel guilty for going behind his back to begin with. I loved my cousin, and he hurt enough. So no, I wouldn't blame him to repair my relationship with her. It was my dishonesty with him and my misjudgment of Bella that brought us to this point. I had to find another way to make Bella and me right, without using him as an excuse. She never kissed him, not on purpose anyway. Taking a harsh breath, I ran a tight hand down my mouth and chin and turned toward Bella. She was no longer sitting on the car but standing by it, and her attention was on the crowd. _Now what?_

She smoothed her hand through her hair, gathering an arm full, and swept it all to the front of her shoulder. My eyes lingered on her, casual and alluring with a detectable pout on the soft curves of her cherry lips—attractive far beyond anyone _and_ _everyone_. I wet my lips. How had I let a misunderstanding obliterate our relationship and keep me away from her? Admiring her, I found the bright side of the situation. She was here, and so was I!

Super invigorated, I grinned.

Before Seth's interruption, we sat together uncomfortably close, forcing dull and meaningless talk. It was terrible to be near her and experiencing such a strain between us. My palm rested flat against the trunk of the car mere centimeters behind her. If she leaned back just a smidgen, she would have been leaning against me. If I leaned forward just a tad, I would have been holding her. But there was an obvious gap of _cold_, unfriendly space separating the two of us as solid as a marble wall.

She looked up at me as I approached. Examining her expression, I sought a place to start, some words to say. But the only thoughts coming to mind were: I love you. I miss you, I'm sorry, and ... "I was a dick," I blurted.

Pulling her eyebrows together, she stopped me with a hard, unforgiving stare. "Why did you do that to me, Jake?" she asked with a very serious tone, lifting her chin and glaring directly into my eyes. She'd been waiting for this discussion.

Somewhat startled by the scorn that appeared on her face, I rubbed my lips together and rose on my tiptoes, unable to articulate an explanation. It was too bad I couldn't skip past this portion of the night. "I'm sorry, Bella." I started to explain, "It was just that. Well, we weren't together for so long, and I forgot how we were together. How perfect it was going ..." I didn't get the chance to say "_for us._"

She scowled, bursting, "Don't you dare do that to me, Jacob Black!" Her voice trembled. "Don't give me some absurd _guy_ _line_ to confuse me. I'm not a _freaking idiot_. It's ridiculous, and it's insulting!"

My eyes shot open. Wow, I pissed her off. As hostile as she sounded, it didn't quite mask the wounded note weaved in her voice. I glanced over her head for a moment to gather my thoughts. How was I going to do this without bringing Seth's name up? _I could kiss her ... She'll probably smack me_. "I know it sounds ridiculous, Bella, and maybe it makes no sense to you. But if you'll just listen ..."

She turned away from me, gazing at the raging fire some kids newly stoked, her eyes narrowing and raging just as fierce as the fire. "Don't make something up on my account," she grumbled.

I should have been the one furious. Another guy kissed her while we were going out, my cousin to boot, and she intentionally kept it from me. Here _I_ was on the verge of begging _her_ to forgive _me_ for being upset about it. I hated to argue with her though. I just wanted to be with her. I wanted to touch her again, hold her again, and kiss her again. "I know I messed us up, Bella," I conceded. "I did it because ... I did it because ... because I was jealous."

I reached deep inside for that answer, and I knew it was true.

"Jealous? Jealous of what, Jake?" she asked, her voice insisting.

"Of everybody," I explained. "I was jealous of every guy who got to be here with you when I couldn't." Her face didn't show any emotions, but she was listening. "I was afraid we might not last, being so far apart and everything. Then, once I messed up, I didn't know how to go back and fix it."

"You messed up?" she asked, eyes large and round. "Jake," she frowned, looking crushed, and the lower rims of her eyes began to glisten.

I reached out, placing my hands on her shoulders while she attempted to pull herself away. "Not like that, Bella. I never messed up like that," I corrected. "I didn't cheat on you." It had been over for a few _weeks_ before I went out with someone else. Now wasn't the time to bring that up. The conversation we were having was difficult enough. "I just didn't talk to you is all."

"Because you were jealous," she reiterated, flat and thick with ridicule. Fighting tears, she blinked and refused to make eye contact with me.

"You're right. I'm not making any sense, but it's true. Look, you wrote to Seth." It was impossible to keep his name _completely_ out of it. "I got pissed off and jealous of your friendship with him."

She turned and glared at me in disbelief. "Seth?" she scoffed. "It was just a birthday card, Jacob, and it was _Seth_!"

Angered by her display of innocence, I pursed my lips and buried the urge to summon what I knew for reprieve. It took an ocean of control not to fire back.

Her tone dropped, soft and sad sounding, and she choked, "I wrote to you, too, you know?"

_Dammit, Seth!_

Barely holding in my growl, jaws clenched, I took a moment to calm myself. "Like I said, Bella, I really messed up. I should have told you how I was feeling, what I was thinking, but I didn't." Caught in the moment, I leaned, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes, and I brushed my thumb across the shiny damp spot on her cheek as she opened them back up, disgusted with myself and Seth for hurting her. "After I pouted and acted like a prick, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't admit it. I didn't know how to, and I didn't want to talk about it over the phone. Where would it have led? To a fight? To us breaking up?"

"We broke up anyway," she mumbled.

"I-I know we did," I said, lowering my head, sorry.

"So, what was the point then, Jacob?"

The point was, I didn't have to be afraid of losing her anymore. I stayed quiet for a second. "I guess there wasn't one."

Over in the party crowd, someone spoke my name. Turning in their direction, I caught sight of Embry, Quil, and Emmett with a group of girls making their way down the hill. I abruptly scooped my arm around Bella's hips to usher her away before they spotted us. She had curves she didn't have last summer. A brief image of her without her zip-up sweater claimed a moment's attention.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I grabbed her by the arm as she started to protest. "Come here," I said, tugging her to a nearby pickup truck. "It's Emmett and them. I don't want them to see us."

"So what? All we're doing is talking." Looking behind us, she tried to pull her arm from me. I held on to her. "Besides, Emmett doesn't care."

"I know he doesn't. I'm not done talking to you, though."

She bit her lip, leery.

"Just ..." I released her arm and scrubbed at my forehead with my fingertips. "Can I talk to you alone for a little while longer, Bella? Please."

Jared bellowed my name. "He was standing right over there," he told Emmett and the guys, pointing at the car we'd moved away from.

I ducked below the window of the pickup truck's cab, yanking Bella down with me. Our eyes met. I raised my eyebrow. The hint of a smile that softened her features was as welcome as a green spring morning. She nodded her approval. Brushing my hand over hers, warm and soft and slightly trembling, our fingers locked together, and we crept away.

Upon reaching the dark cover of the trees, Bella spread her fingers rigidly. I flinched a little, but I let her hand slip from mine.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say, Jake," she said in a quiet voice of question.

I frowned, my mind refusing my mouth some urgently needed words of charm, of poetry, or of just a freaking logical explanation, so she could find in her heart to forgive me. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears like a drum.

"What do you want from me now? I mean, where do we go from here?" she asked.

There wasn't the smallest sign she wanted anything more to do with me, none that I could see.

_Maybe my hasty decision wasn't so hasty._

I gulped, the realization sinking in that she didn't want to be with me anymore. What did I expect? "Can we at least be friends again, Bella? I don't know ... just talk sometimes or something?" If that was all I could have from her, so be it. Girlfriend or not, I wanted her in my life.

She glanced down at the ground for a minute that felt like an hour, a very long hour. When she lifted her head, she smiled. "We can do that."

So much relief washed through me that my level of energy drained. I felt exhausted.

Even though just being friends didn't excite me. I planted a wide smile on my face. I could take it or leave it, and I was taking it. "I'm glad," I said.

We stood in awkward silence a moment or two longer. Clearing my throat, I asked, "Well, shall we go back to the party then?"

"Okay." She tucked her hands into her sweater pockets—I guess she didn't want me to hold her hand again—and took a few steps. A dull thud came from her shoe hitting against something. She buckled, tumbling to the ground, her thick, dark hair whipping through the air close behind.

"You all right?" I asked, reaching for her.

I couldn't hold back my grin as she rolled her eyes, her color flaming. She nodded, allowed me to lift her up, and brushed the muck from her jeans.

We gazed at each other, trying to control our smiles. Spreading my fingers wide, I held out my arm, offering her my hand. She grinned and accepted. Stopping once we reached the bottom of the crater, we let go of each other's hand. Seeing her wipe her palm on her jeans like she was wiping away my touch made me think about just how hard she'd have to work to be friends with me—another blow to my ego.

I tried to conceal my grimace of frustration. "I don't see Emmett down there anywhere. Are you ready?"

"Yes," she said and took a step forward.

I wasn't ready. She was the only person I wanted to hang out with, and I dreaded leaving things as they were. When she took another step, a moment of desperation prompted me to spout, "Bella." I reached out and clutched her sweater with my fingers.

She paused, turned, and tilted her head toward me. "Yeah?"

Thoughts of rejection clashed with my wanting her as I looked into her eyes. "I really missed you," I told her. My breath, along with a stutter, caught in my voice. "I- I always miss you."

I felt like I ceased functioning while waiting for her response. She just stood there looking at me with a blank, hard-to-read expression on her face. Discouraged and afraid to say anymore, I thought it was over and how much I loved her. Then, almost as if she was reading my mind, her eyelashes fluttered, her face brightening to emphasize an emerging smile.

"I missed you, too, Jake," she said, and in a blink, she pressed herself against my chest, her arms tangled around me, her breath wonderful and sweet on my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face into her hair.

* * *

**A/N ** _Bella is up next with her version of events and moving forward from Jacob's Pov. Hope to hear from you!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter** **15**

_ **Bella** _

Leah's breathless voice popped out from the shadows. "There you two are."

I gasped, and Jacob gave a soft groan, letting his taut arms and warm hands, applying pressure to the flesh above the low hips of my jeans slip from me, the moment I pulled away. The mutual enthusiastic embrace felt like a sigh of alleviation. I underestimated how much I wanted it and how good it would feel.

"We've been looking for you all night," she said.

"Who's we?" Jacob asked, with little interest. His eyes remained on me longer before he let out a disgruntled breath and turned to face Leah.

"Everybody. Where'd you two go, anyway?" she asked. One of her eyebrows lifted as she directed her question from him to me with a glance.

"Just for a little walk," I replied.

Her lips turned down in regret. "I interrupted something."

"No," I exclaimed. She only helped me do what I couldn't find the strength to do myself, which was to pry my telltale body away from his. Even within the most realistic daydreams I had entertained, I made Jacob grovel for forgiveness for days before I gave him the time of day. Occasionally, I even cut the conversation short with a slap—but leaping into his arms after a simple _I missed you?_

I quietly cleared my throat. "We were just on our way to join everybody." My eyes flicked to Jacob for confirmation.

"Are you sure?" she asked him. "Cause, it wasn't on purpose, Jake. I was just passing by."

Though he appeared annoyed, he smiled. "Bella's right. We were just headed over there."

"If you say so…" She crossed her legs then uncrossed them. "But first, come with me to the bathroom, Bella."

Hooking her arm with mine, she tugged me away. I dawdled, about to turn my head back to see him. Before I could, Leah huffed, yanking me forward in a rush and hollering, "Meet you at the fire, Jake!"

She rattled on about who hooked up with whom and how wasted certain individuals were while we scurried past people, vehicles, and trees on our way to find some acceptable form of cover. I couldn't care less.

I had thought I was over Jacob. With all my heart, I tried to be, but then I realized with an aching sureness I wasn't. Not by a long shot. But once I saw that infuriating and presumptuous grin on his face after he spoke to Seth, all I could hear was Emmett's voice in the back of my mind, warning me against being _stupid_.

_"You have to decide right now how_ _you'll let girls treat you." _Emmett had been talking to Jasper at the time, and we were only in grade school, but it was a sound piece of advice, and I got the message, too. Pride and anger surged to the forefront. I had to fight the urge to tell Jacob I hated him and never wanted to speak to him again, even though it wasn't true.

The door to being with him again, was about to close. Stubborn, I was about to let it.

While I guarded the tree Leah squatted behind, she casually asked, "So, what was going on back there?"

I felt that if Jacob, and I made it to the fire without saying another word to each other, we probably never would talk—at least not on any level I would ever be happy with, let alone, satisfied. I knew this, and I panicked inside as we moved forward, but I didn't know how to stop us. So, when _he_ interrupted that progression, I completely caved.

Now we were… _What were we? _Choosing not to speculate, I said, "Nothing really. He just gave me an apology for what happened between us."

"It looked like he was giving you more than that."

Though she couldn't see me, I rolled my eyes. "He wasn't. I was just accepting his apology."

Twigs crunched and crackled underfoot as she wandered out from behind the large misshapen tree, slapping a low-hanging branch out of her path. She poured liquid sanitizer from a small bottle into one of her palms, slipped the bottle into her back pocket with her free hand and then washed the sanitizer throughout her hands. "It looked like you were accepting more than that," she teased, using the same contradictory tone.

"Well, I wasn't," I snapped in anger. The innocent comment wasn't meant to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed, but it did. I spun around and started back to the party.

Hurrying alongside of me, she laughed then joked, "Somebody's thong is twisted."

I ignored her, making myself hurry.

She matched my stride. "What's wrong?" Now her voice sounded concerned. "I thought you'd be happy to be back with Jacob."

"I'm not _back_ with Jacob," I spat. "So just… shut up about it." I didn't turn my head to see her reaction to my hostile outburst, but I assumed it surprised her, because it was unusual.

Deep inside, I wanted to get back with Jacob. Except, I didn't want everyone to know I wanted to. I didn't want him to know I wanted to get back with him, and letting Seth know anything turned out to be a colossal mistake. I was sure he told Jacob how I felt.

"Bella," Leah said. I looked back and forth from the ground to ahead of me, paying attention to where I placed my feet rather than paying attention to her. "Bella," she said again, her tone the urging of a caring best friend. "What's wrong? What did he say? What happened?"

Needing to unload my frustration, I made an abrupt stop and faced her. "I'm just so damn mad at him, Leah." It was difficult to explain it to her when I could barely make sense of it myself. I paused. Taking a deep breath, I blew it out extra slow. "Actually, it isn't even him I'm mad at," I admitted. "It's me. I'm mad at myself because I'm not mad at him. Not as mad as I should be—as mad as I'd like to be."

On one hand, I really wanted to forget he heartlessly dumped me with no good reason and just be his girlfriend again. But I also wanted to be strong, as strong as I would have wanted another girl in a similar situation to behave, and have the guts to walk away, without looking back.

"I wish…" I reached for the words. "I wish I didn't want to be with him anymore, but I can't let go of him, either. I don't want to give him up, Leah. Does that make any sense?"

"After Sam—" she made a choking noise— "It makes more sense than you know."

"I can't let him think he could dump me whenever he feels like it with no consequences. I just can't do that."

She looked at me with sympathy. I could see that she more than understood. "Look, Bella, you don't have to decide anything tonight. Make him sweat a little. Shit, make him sweat a lot if that's what you think he deserves. You have every reason, and if he doesn't understand that you need time then, well, too bad."

I tossed around the notion as I dropped behind Leah to let her lead the way. The longing and truthfulness in his eyes when he'd said he missed me clarified that the ball was in my court, but I'd never known Jacob to play those types of games with a girl. According to Emmett, _there were just too many other hot girls out there. _Thinking out loud, I muttered, "Jake's never been the guy to chase a girl."

"Not usually," Leah replied.

Jacob had a crowd of friends surrounding him when we got back to the bonfire and I was still stressing, so I hid myself among Leah and the girls from La Push. Though we locked eyes through the crowd several times, he didn't approach me, nor I him. Maybe he needed time, too.

During the party, Leah nudged me. "Look at that skank!" She exclaimed, her eyes narrowing in disgust as several more obscenities spilled from her mouth. She developed quite a tongue in Chemawa, and her attitude seemed bolder than it was before she left; living independent of her parents for those months must have hardened her.

I turned to where she pointed and saw Lauren and Jacob standing together.

"First, she tries to burn my brother. Now she wants my cousin? She better get away from him before I go over there and drag her ass away… by the _hair_."

At first, I wondered if Lauren might try to get back at me for going to the holiday dance with Seth, until I realized almost nobody knew about me and Jacob. I wondered what she might be up to. Lauren being Lauren, I didn't put it past her be hitting on him, but I couldn't see Jacob being interested in someone as high maintenance and fake as she. Besides, all they were doing was talking. "He's a big boy. I'm sure he can handle Lauren."

"He doesn't know she's the Lauren who broke Seth's heart."

"Just leave them, Leah. Jacob will figure it out." I looked away, trying to be mature and sensible about the situation. "He's not stupid."

"He's a _guy_," she contradicted.

And Lauren knew how to play them. Seth hadn't even been immune to her manipulations. I shuffled my feet to a position where I could see the two of them better, then I pretended not to be watching. In the five to ten minutes they'd talked, Jacob kept smiling, and she kept playing with her hair. It made no sense to me how he could stand Lauren for _any_ length of time. They had nothing in common, and her conversation was always so self-centered and so petty.

I annoyingly heard the answer in my head. _It's a guy thing_.

Then, Jessica, a part of Lauren's entourage, who stood near them, chatting with some friends moved into position. She took a big step backward. The hard bump she flung on purpose sent Lauren colliding into Jacob. It was a well-executed scheme.

_Oh, God. _I rolled my eyes.

Lauren latched on to him, attempting not to fall, but it was probably a disguise to cop a feel and end up in his arms. Jacob staggered, his hand on her back, taking her with him a few paces before catching himself upright. From where I stood, I couldn't see their expressions, but I could see his hands gripping her elbows. The positions of their heads made me think they were staring into one another's eyes. Lauren was exquisite.

I scowled, and the urge to punch her expanded inside me like a fragile balloon, ready to rupture all over _Miss. Wannabe Center of Attention. _"I'm going over there," slipped from my lips too angrily. Jake belonged to me. He was my Jacob. Maybe we weren't together, but so what. I stormed toward them to bust up their little soiree with Leah close on my heels. Advancing, I said in a cheerful tone, "Hello, Lauren." I grinned wide, not caring how phony I sounded.

Leah inserted herself in the group containing Jessica, Angela, Eric, and Ben who stood behind Lauren. Leah held a rigid posture, and although she faced the opposite direction of us, she knew of the conversation about to take place. As for Jessica, we liked her. She made us laugh and was friendly and nice to people whenever Lauren wasn't attempting to corrupt her.

Lauren stood right in front of Jacob's face. I stepped close beside him. "Are you having a good time, Lauren?"

"A great time," she replied, batting her lashes at him while barely acknowledging me with a slight turning of her head. "Jacob told me he won the Regional Championship this spring, and now he's on his way to Nationals."

I could have kicked myself for not having congratulated him on it yet; Lauren didn't know the first thing about boxing.

"I'm thrilled to meet you, Jacob, and proud to say I know Jacob Black, our own local boxing hero."

"Thanks," he replied with a flattered grin. "Same here."

Filled with jealousy, I seized Jake's hand. "Thanks, Lauren. I'm proud of him, too."

"Oh," she squeaked, backing away, and not a half a second too soon. "You two?" she questioned, eyeballing Jacob for the answer instead of me.

"Yes, me and Jake," I snapped, remotely considering how he would have responded if I gave him the chance.

She laughed, a mocking gesture.

Surprising me, Jake lifted our intertwined hands to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss into my skin. My tension eased as I looked up at him.

His eyes were on Lauren. "For months." He stated it so casual that _I_ almost believed him.

She skewed her eyes in skepticism. "Really?" Her voice was annoyingly sweet as she dropped her gaze from Jacob to me and said, "Funny, I never realized you were into _guys_, Bella." She glared at me with a vindictive smirk on her face.

"Bitch," Leah hissed.

The noisy party conversations had lulled to whispers. A quick survey of Jake, I noticed it stunned him, too.

"Just _this_ guy," I bit back.

Clenching my fist, I tried to smile the rage away. I ached with a passion to hit her—hit her hard. Emmett and Jasper taught me how to throw a solid punch a long time ago. I wondered about them. Were they among the nosy spectators, watching us in anticipation of a catfight?

"Who would have thought?" Another phony laugh made its way from Lauren's forked tongue. "Anyway, Jacob Black, it's been nice talking to you, too bad it couldn't last." Her expression was that of _it'_s_-your-loss_ as she turned, head held high, and meandered away. It was almost admirable, how well she handled being snubbed, but girls like her rarely acknowledged rejection, if ever.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't know," Jessica said. "Lauren gets like that sometimes." Her eyes deflected to Jacob, "Especially, when she doesn't get what she wants."

Once Jessica departed, being well acquainted with his sense of humor, I didn't have to see Jacob's face to imagine his lips pursed and probably muffling laughter. I flicked my arm up and whacked him on the chest with the back of my hand not looking at him.

"Shut up," I warned, feral anger being replaced with mortification. I literally was about to assault another girl because of him. I never realized I'd dare do such a thing. To make matters worse, Jacob witnessed it all. Burning in humiliation, I spewed, "I should have let you hookup with her!"

Racing back to Emmett's car, the party was the last place I wanted to be. I had to get away from there, because I made a public fool out of myself.

"Bella!" Leah yelled.

Refusing to turn around, I sensed someone trailing me. By the thud of the steps, I knew it was Jacob. "Bella, wait up," he called out.

"Leave me alone, Jake," I demanded. His fingers brushed my shoulder, beckoning me to stop. I yanked my shoulder away, forging ahead. "You can't keep doing this to me."

He grabbed my sweater. "Just stop, Bella."

Raising my voice, I whirled around and shouted. "I don't understand you, Jacob. You're confusing. Why can't you just say what you're feeling for once?"

He tossed his head back, appalled. His expression angered. "Say what _I'm_ feeling?" he echoed. "I have. You haven't been a neon billboard yourself. Why don't you try being honest for a change?"

My mouth opened to argue, but what was there to say? He was right. Concealing my feelings from him became second nature. I'd done it for so long, half of the time I probably didn't even realize I was doing it anymore. I slipped my hands into my sweater pockets, wishing I could hide in there with them. I wanted to disappear. "Go away, Jake."

"I'm not going away until you give me an answer," he said. "_My_ feelings haven't changed, Bella. I only want to be with you. I think you want to be with me, too. If you don't, just tell me, and I'll leave you alone." Looking relieved to have gotten that out, he swallowed. Averting his eyes, he added, "No big deal."

I didn't have any thoughts coursing through my brain to help me open to him. Nor could I find the strength, or the wits say yes, or no. Tears of frustration moistened the corners of my eyes, so I turned away. Then he touched my shoulder somewhat firmly, an insistence of attention.

When I looked back up at him, he drew me close and kissed me. It was soft, slow, and expressive. Self-assurance radiated from his touch. The motion of his mouth emitted honesty. I loved his behavior held no reluctance or confusion or awkwardness. That was him. He was that person who knew exactly who he was, where he was going in life, and how he would get there. I'd fallen in love with this Jacob. This Jacob, I couldn't resist.

After he kissed me and I kissed him back, he took my hand in his and led me back to the party. No more words seemed necessary. The only other thing said between us before we rejoined the group, with our hands clasped together was him asking, "Is everything okay with us?"

And for me to tell him it was. Indecisiveness and distrust made me incapable of meeting him halfway to make up, or to even decide. Pride hindered me, so he crossed the divide for both of us, and the love I felt in his kiss made it impossible for me not to get back with him. I already looked forward to tasting his lips again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

** _Bella_ **

When he at last surfaced, Jasper sauntered toward us, smiling. "Jacob, dude, it's good to see you finally home."

"Jabbing Jazz Swan." Jacob greeted Jasper the way guys do, with a handshake and a fist bump and some other gestures, ending just shy of a hug. He tipped his chin at Jasper. "Where have you been hiding yourself?"

Jasper made a sour expression, suggesting he didn't want to talk about it. He switched the subject. "What the hell they feeding you guys in Chemawa, giant pills? Seth, too. He gained at least another inch on me."

"Ah, you're coming along fine… except for this…" Jacob gibed, reaching out and ruffling Jasper's golden-brown locks. "Better be careful or soon you won't be able to fit that mop into your headgear."

Jasper laughed and shrugged. "Guess I'll just have to braid it then."

When the pause in their conversation came, Jasper asked me, "Where's Emmett? I came to check on him, make sure he's sobering himself up by now."

"I don't know where he went." I searched the crowd for Jasper and Emmett throughout the evening. When I didn't see either of them, I worried that maybe Emmett got angry because Jacob and I were together, and maybe Jasper was somewhere with him, trying to keep him calm. I mentioned it to Jacob, but he pointed out that if Emmett saw us together and got upset about it, we'd know it, no holds barred. Jasper wouldn't be able to calm anything down. "We saw him earlier from a distance. He was with Quil and Embry, but that was a long time ago," I told him.

"Embry? I just saw him." Jasper pivoted and pointed. "He's in that car over there."

Using one of his arms, Jacob made slow wide waves at the vehicle. The door swung open and Embry climbed out. He stalked over to us.

"Do you know where Emmett went?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah, he and Quil headed out with some girls we met. They were looking for you before they left. They wanted you to go with them. They tried to take me, but I had my eyes on someone else already." Embry took a quick look over at the car he exited. "He said he'd catch up with you later."

"Did they say where they were going?" I asked.

"Nope. Those girls weren't from around here. I think they have boathouse or a rental cabin or… a tent or something." He shrugged.

_Tent? Gross_. It baffled me how easy strangers, a lot of them being girls, found their ways to our local gatherings.

The party-crowd began to disperse, leaving a nice quiet ambiance. The air stayed gentle and warm, and the clear sky sparkled festively. The only problem was; Emmett still hadn't resurfaced, and he had the truck keys.

We sat on the ground along with a few other small groups of people, next to the fire pit. A ring of boulders surrounded it for protection. The bright pyramid lessened to the size of a well-contained campfire. Low rolling flames lifted and slithered, licking at the dark remains.

Jacob caressed little designs into the palm of my hand while we chatted and laughed with Leah.

Quiet and slouching, Jasper rested on a stump, barely smiling if someone said something funny. "Emmett better show up soon. I'm tired. I'm ready to go. I should have taken the keys from him," Jasper said, chucking a rock into the fire, impacting the flaming bundle hard enough to cause a puff of glowing red embers to scatter into the air.

Jacob wrapped his arm around my hips. Tipping his shoulder, he nudged me. Meeting his gaze, he placed a subtle, mouth-watering kiss on my lips, raising my temperature making me wish we were alone. Staring into his eyes afterward, I replied, "Emmett knows we're out here. He won't forget us."

"Yeah, well, he was drunk. You dummy," Jasper snapped, catching me by surprise.

He'd been in a cranky mood since he appeared. Maria was the only person with the ability to affect my outgoing, even-tempered brother that way. The controlling type, she didn't like when Jasper showed he had a mind of his own. I bet she didn't appreciate him attending a party without her and, presumably, did her best to make sure he didn't enjoy it.

I was about to tell him to shut up and stop taking his miserable relationship out on us when Jacob tightened his grasp around me. "So, he met a girl. He'll be back. He's probably parked somewhere nearby or held up in one of those hotel rooms on First Beach."

"Passed out," Leah grumbled. "I say we find another ride to Uncle Billy's before it's too late, and everyone we know is gone. I didn't even recognize half of the people here tonight."

She had a point; I saw only few familiar faces left.

"Emmett will have a freaking heart attack if we abandon his baby," Jasper warned, sulky sounding.

Indignant, Leah snapped, "So what? He abandoned _us_, and his truck is a piece of crap!"

Emmett drove a used older-model extended-cab pickup truck. Because of the rough exterior, it wasn't much to look at, but it was his first vehicle, there was room enough for six, and he paid for it all by himself.

Mike Newton and Tyler, another guy from school, collected empty beer cans and bottles littering the ground, placing them into a pile for an easy morning-cleanup, a sign the party was over. More motors revved to life.

"I'll have Embry take you guys back to La Push? But I'm staying," Jacob said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.

Recognizing the invitation, I said, "I'll stay too. I'm sure he'll come back soon. His truck is nothing special, but Jasper's right. It's his baby."

Jasper made a disgruntled groan. "Me too… I'll be in the truck, though. This could take the rest of the night." He stood up, stretching, and yawned. "I'm tired as hell."

"I guess we're waiting then." Leah pouted. Moping, she rose to her feet and followed Jasper away, complaining, "I stayed sober for this?"

Several vehicles formed a mini caravan on their way back to the highway, and the area emptied of people and cars. I watched Jasper and Leah climb into Emmett's truck, parked on a bank, only about half the length of a football-field away. It appeared a lot nearer now that there was nothing left between it and us.

Mike brought out a shovel from the back of his truck and threw dirt on the fire to put it out. The fire crackled and sizzled, letting off hefty clouds of smoke.

"Do you know that guy?" Jacob asked, getting to his feet.

I stood up beside him, dusting off my rear. "His name is Mike Newton. He's one of the recent High School graduates."

Jacob lifted his voice. "Hey ah… Mike?"

Mike quit shoveling and approached. "Yeah?"

"We'll be here for a little while longer. If you don't mind, we'll put the fire out before we leave." Mike gave Jacob a distrustful glare without answering. Jacob added, "We're waiting for Emmett to come back, you know him, right?"

Mike ran his hand over his mouth and turned his head, glancing over his shoulder at Tyler and a few others who still stood around. He glanced at me then back at Jacob. "Yeah, I know who _Emmett_ is," he answered in a patronizing manner.

A corner of Jacob's mouth lifted, conflicting with the anger in his eyes. Relaxed for the most part, I noted a vague tightening of his posture. "So, you know we'll put the fire out when he gets back then."

Mike let out an artificial chuckle and asked, "Have you been drinking, dude?"

"Have I been _drinking_?" Taking offense, Jacob's irritation unmistakably surfaced. "Hey, man, is this even your property?"

I didn't know why Mike was acting like such an asshole, but if he kept it up, I intended on asking him just that.

"It's not my property, but it _is_ my home a mile south of here. I'm not about to trust some half-shot guy I don't even know, who probably doesn't give a rat's ass what happens beyond the reservation line. I don't care how many fights you've had."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jacob said, straightening up to his full height. He was so tall and broad and built compared to Mike. Since Mike was the State's Senior Football Athlete of the year that said a lot about Jacob's body. It was very nice.

Mike directed my attention to shovel when he slightly lifted it. If Jacob's facial reaction to the provocative movement didn't frighten him, it should have. I hopped in front of Jacob, confronting Mike in anger, raising my voice. "We'll take care of it!" He lowered his eyes to me. Neutralizing my voice, I told him, "I'll make sure the fire is out. It's already dying by itself, anyway. You know _me_, Mike, and you know my family, and you know you can trust us."

Mike stared at me long enough to give me the impression he knew better than to make eye contact with Jacob again.

"All right, Bella" he said. "I'll leave the shovel here for you." He released the shovel, letting it thump on the ground and stomped away.

"Fucking douche," Jacob snarled, sneering as Mike, Tyler, and the last of the partiers piled into his jeep, spotlighting areas of the night when they backed around to find the dirt path that led to the road. "Way to protect him, though," he said out of nowhere.

I couldn't decide if he was being serious or sarcastic or what he even meant by his remark.

"Mike Newton. Now let's see… didn't you go out with him before?"

The question was irrelevant, so I ignored it, instead explaining. "I wasn't protecting him, Jake. I was protecting _you_."

"Me?" He smirked. "Oh yeah, the shovel… right." He lowered himself back to the ground, getting comfortable in the trampled grass beneath our feet.

I sat down beside him. "Not because of the shovel. I just didn't want you to get into trouble if you like… broke his face or something." Guys like Mike ran their mouths occasionally, yet when they couldn't back themselves up, they were the first to complain to the authorities. It was unquestionable that Mike was about to bite off more than he could chew.

"Wow, fighting over me and protecting me all in one night," he teased. "I should be flattered."

"Aren't you?"

His eyes traced my features. Seizing the moment, I leaned to kiss him. "Very flattered," he whispered against my lips as our mouths touched.

Sinking deep into the kiss, I pressed against him, a little self-conscious as I felt us beginning to recline. Leah and Jasper might have been watching. Jacob removed one of his arms from around me to keep us propped up. I gathered it hadn't been the intention. After a moment, I sensed a tightness in his lips, his mouth less giving than at first. Something was wrong. I knew it before the kiss waned and we parted. Concerned, I stared at him as we adjusted ourselves upright.

"I've got to tell you something important, Bella, and I hope you'll understand."

I didn't like the sound of that. His words caused a worry in me. We didn't need to waste any more time on the past or talk anymore about our breakup. "Don't ruin it, Jacob," I muttered, shrinking away and turning to see the fire when I noticed the amount of dread exhibited on his expression and in his body language.

"I don't want to, but I've got to get this out tonight. Better late than never." Sensing something awful coming, I kept glaring at the fire. "Would you look at me, please?"

Hooding my eyes as my head rotated toward him, I asked. "What is it, then?"

"All it is, is that… I won't be around here for the rest of the summer. I thought I should tell you now."

I blinked as his words sunk in, shocked. "You're going back to California?" It was the obvious conclusion.

He nodded. My heart sank. "Jake," I whined, briefly thinking he had to be joking as I asked him why and when.

"Two weeks. I'm giving my dad the same time I spent with Mom every summer."

It stunned me he would work so hard to get me to forgive him only to come back a little while later with _this,_ and with such lousy timing on top of it. Then again, what would my reaction have been if he broke the news after we made out?

"I'm sorry, Bella. I thought I made the right decision when I told them and now… I don't know what to do because of you." He groaned, his shoulders slumping. "I want to stay here with you at the same time."

"Couldn't you have told me sooner?" I asked, after everything we went through earlier, I felt messed with somehow.

"Why? Would it have made a difference in you being here with me now?"

"No, but still."

"I never had a chance from being surrounded all night. This is actually the first opportunity I've had."

True. "I'll give you that, but _why_ do you have to leave?"

"It's not so much I have to leave _here_ as it is, I have to _go_ there." He attempted to explain. "Billy and I… No, scratch that. This is all me. I honestly believe I wouldn't have made it through to Nationals if not for the time I spent in California last summer. The training there was better."

"You can't know that for sure. You're a great fighter, and such a focused and hard worker. I bet you would have won, anyway."

He pressed his lips into a tight line, taking a moment to consider. "Maybe so, but I don't want to risk it. I've been working toward this tournament since I can remember. Each fight will be tougher than tough. I want this Championship so _bad_—" Balling his hands into fists, his forearms flexed — "my knuckles hurt." If I don't do _everything_ within my power to succeed, I'll wish I did, because Regionals is cake compared to Nationals."

"There's got to be another way, Jake." I argued. "Jasper told me Old Ben is one of the best coaches out there and one of the most talented and greatest fighters of his time. How did _he_ do it? If he's such a great coach, then I don't understand why you need to go somewhere else to win."

"The coaching's not the problem. It's the lack of worthy sparring partners. My teammates are good, but I've been there, done that. I'm not learning anything more training with them. And as far as good competition goes, around the state—the rest of the guys in my division aren't any better." He leaned back on both of his hands, crossing his long legs at the ankles, focusing on the fire. "Besides, Ben's a bad example. I mean, he _is_ a great coach, but he's not such a great role model for me to follow."

I raised my brow. "What do you mean by that?"

"Did Emmett or Jasper tell you about Leon Spinks?" he asked, turning to look at me. I shook my head. "Leon Spinks is a Light Heavyweight Champion boxer of the 70s. He fought his way to the 1976, Montreal Olympic Games and brought home the Olympic Gold. When they were amateurs about my age, Coach met up with him at a minor boxing event." He smiled." Coach Tko'd him early in the second round. I heard from elders who witnessed the fight that he stopped Spinks easy. Just think about it, Bella. Old Ben fought this _talented_ and _successful_ boxer and he _beat_ him easy." Jacob appeared in awe of his words. "That's how good Ben was… Leon Spinks took an Olympic Gold Medal, turned professional, and even fought against Muhammad Ali twice, winning once. And Ben? Well, he went on to coach us."

"But was that because he never left Washington to train elsewhere?"

Shaking his head, he said, "Nah… that was actually because of _Tia_." If Jacob meant it or not, he spoke Tia's name with resentment. "They fell in love young, had a kid, then got married. Before he knew it, all his priorities changed. Once his life became about working to support his family, there was no room for boxing… Whenever someone asks him why he never fought in the Olympics, he tells this lame story about being afraid to fly in airplanes back then: 'I never would have made it out of the country, because my plane would have crashed, and I'd be dead.'" Jake rubbed his temple, a ghost of a smile surfacing. "It's kind of funny the way he says it."

I didn't think I liked what I heard; Jacob blamed Tia for Ben's decisions. "So, are you saying that Ben falling in love and having a family was the mistake of his life?"

"Not at all. I'm just saying he could have waited. He's got to wonder what it would have been like for him if he'd have put everything he had into boxing. If he let it be his focus, at least long enough to see how far he could have taken it. I wonder what it would have been like for him."

Jacob's aspirations had always been clear, but I discovered a little more about what drove him.

He repositioned himself. "There's never been a shortage of promise and potential in La Push. People just don't know how to use it. Sometimes I think being our own Sovereign Nation is a detriment. We're a little country within a big country. We're living in a world of our own out in La Push and people get stuck there ... Take Sam for instance. Last year, the University of Washington offered him a _full_ track scholarship to sprint for them. He didn't even last one semester away from the Rez. How pathetic is that? People get stuck. Still, they go around happy as clams. I don't want to be one of those wastes of potentials, getting sauced—like Billy used to do—and bragging to their kids about their glory days."

Because I cared about him and loved him as much as I did, Jacob didn't have to work so hard at making his point, despite what he may have thought.

Silence interrupted our debate. I twirled my hair, biting my lip and gazing into the fire. Jacob claimed he didn't know what to do, but it sounded like he knew exactly what to do. Numbness settled over me as I accepted, he had to go. No matter how much I hated it or how much it would hurt, he had to go. Sad, and surrendering out loud, I mentioned, "That won't happen to you, because you're different, Jacob. I think regardless of where you go or who you train with, you'll _succeed_, but if you want to go, then go. Do what you need to do."

I didn't think I spoke with animosity—if I did, I didn't mean it—but Jacob responded by saying, "I suppose you're _pissed_ _off_ at me again." The tone he used stung.

"No! I admit, I'm not happy with your decision, but I'm not mad." I could never have been. "It's not like I can convince you to stay, anyway."

His eyebrow cocked. "You don't think?"

I didn't think, but it was nice for him to imply it. I gave him as much of a smile as I could offer through the sorrow following the acceptance. "Thank you," I said.

"For what? Ruining everything, again?" he asked in a depressed tone.

I craned my neck and touched my lips to his cheek. "For making me understand. You're better at communicating than I am."

He laughed then licked his lips. "Is that your way of telling me I talk too much?"

I grinned. "It's my way of telling you I'm sorry for the way I acted tonight." I didn't always know what he was thinking, but he tried harder to express himself to me more than I ever did with him. Calling me out on it, opened my eyes. "What you said before about me not being honest with my feelings was true. I guess I'm not a very trusting person, and that's not your fault."

"Well, I didn't communicate with you when it _counted the most_ and screwed things up _royally_ because of it. But that's over now. I'll make sure nothing like that happens between us ever again. It'll work for us this time, I promise you!"

I nodded.

We fell silent, the two of us transfixed on the smoldering heap. It wasn't an uncomfortable atmosphere just a quiet one. "So, what's next?" he asked.

Wondering about his question for an instant, I let out a soft sigh. "I suppose we make it the best two weeks possible."

Jacob reached behind his neck with both hands, clutching at the back of his nylon shirt and stretched it over his head. He was wearing a plain t-shirt underneath, but it rose along with the other one, allowing a view of his narrow, well-toned waist and incredible abdomen before he tugged the shirt back down. "I can't believe Emmett's not back yet. I'm wasted. I've been up since five-o'clock this morning, yesterday morning, I mean."

"I know, right?"

He rolled his shirt into a ball and lay back using it as a pillow, spanning his arm for me to join him. I had a better idea. I retrieved one of the old quilts I brought from the truck. Considering Leah last summer, I came prepared. Standing beside the truck, on top of the bank, I inspected where we had been sitting, realizing how good of a view Leah and Jasper had from inside the truck. We might have only appeared as dark shadows to them, but it was easy enough to get the picture. As far as privacy, that awareness watched over us like a chaperone. Making out became frustrating for both of us, and eventually Jacob fell asleep.

I lay on his shoulder with my arm flung across his chest, listening to him breathe, and trying to memorize every detail of him. His clothes smelled of smoke, but the skin of his neck smelled masculine and nice. The muscles on his arms appeared thinner, slacked. Relaxed and resting, he looked innocent teenager, but that wasn't the case. The skill of his mouth and touch was evidence enough. Not that it came as a surprise or was even disturbing; this was just another facet of Jacob that I think I already knew.

I didn't realize I drifted off until the wild sounds from the woods drew open my eyes. Not wanting to disturb him, I crept out of his embrace and surveyed the area. The fire died, leaving only red-ember logs. The night took on a blue overcast, a sign of dawn approaching.

Trembling, I zipped my sweater then placed Jacob's nylon shirt over him. I considered going to the bathroom when echoes of movement sounded in the trees, along with strange squawks and growling noises. I poked at the fire with a branch, trying—of no use—for a rekindling. It wasn't safe in the wilderness without a deterring blaze. "Jacob, wake up," I whispered, pushing him with my fingertips. "Wake up, Jake."

It took me several tries before he stirred and showed life. Opening bloodshot eyes, he sat up, wrapping his arms around himself, gazing around and gawking at Emmett's lonely truck. "Fuck, he left us here all night," he said, shaking his head. He suggested I wait for him in the truck while he made sure the fire was out.

Leah made room for us, climbing into the front seat with Jasper. Even though it was a little warmer and more comfortable, I never quite made it into a deep sleep. Muffled voices invaded my semiconscious state. A door slammed, I thought, but my heavy lids refused to open as I gripped the quilt over me and Jacob.

A loud, obnoxious bang jerked me out of his arms to see Emmett's big grinning face plastered against the window. I cranked the window down. "Rise and shine!" He beamed with cheerfulness.

"Shut the hell up before one of us smacks you!" Jasper mumbled in in a tired voice.

Emmett laughed.

Jacob shifted, rolling his head in Emmett's direction. I watched Emmett's eyes pop out of his head, wondering whose arms he'd thought I'd been in.

"You made it," Jacob muttered, taking time opening his eyes. "It's about time!"

"I got blank last night." Emmett chuckled, sliding behind the steering wheel as Jasper scooted next to Leah, who I was sure was awake, but probably, too angry and too tired to pay him a sliver of attention. He turned the ignition. The old-timer roared with enough zest any owner would be proud. Then in typical irritating-Emmett fashion, he dropped his arm over the seat behind Jasper, twisting to see us, giving us a blatant five second observation. _God, he can annoy._ I felt happy when he grinned and asked, "So, back to your house, Jake?"

"Yep."

Finally, we were home free.

* * *

** _A/N_ ** _ The information given by Jacob about Leon Spinks are facts. _


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N **I'd like to give a special thank you to all who are reading, each read is special to me! Enjoy. _

**Chapter 17**

** _Jacob_ **

Huge thuds carried across the wooden floor of the stage, coming from each fist Emmett slammed into the heavybag Paul held for him. The heavybag station and the speedbag station were setup on opposite ends of the stage.

Clenching my hands—sheathed within leather speedbag gloves—into fists, I started slow, at first, giving the heavy pear-shaped orb right-handed jabs. I listened to the rhythm the bouncing leather made as it ricocheted back and forth between my fist and the square metal base it dangled from. Holding the tempo steady, I phased in my left fist, alternating it with my right, and increased the pace with every exchange, attempting to block out all other noise but the rhythmic beat. I finally flowed with good speed and precision when for the hundredth time during the session, one of my jabs missed, interrupting the motion and leaving the black and red orb bobbing from its hook chaotically.

_Shit! _I had trouble focusing since I got to practice, hardly maintaining a sweat.

The one-minute-rest signal beeped. Glad it finally did, I dropped my arms, feeling frustrated. I shook them out one at a time and followed that up with shoulder rolls. Then I walked in small circles, shaking out each of my legs, pacing and waiting for the three-minute bell to ding again. Skimming the main floor below me, I contemplated giving up the speedbag and moving on to another activity that took less attention.

Seth and Brady shadow-boxed in the corners of the gym. Embry and Quil tossed the medicine-ball back and forth as hard and as fast as they could. Coach was over in the area we used as a mock ring, instructing Jasper and Jared as they sparred with each other. Sam and Collin were jumping rope in the middle of the floor with some little guys, teaching them to do it right. A few other men were lifting weights.

Eyeing the vacant exercise mats used for push-ups and sit-ups, I realized I wasn't up for bodywork either. I waited the rest of my speed session out, doing nothing.

Across from me, Paul's neck corded, and his sweat-damp face stained with color from trying to keep the bag mobile for Emmett, which appeared to be a workout. I smiled. Emmett _loved_ to throw power shots. Watching him pound the bag, it occurred to me, nearly two years passed since I'd last seen him fight. It had also already been a year since I'd seen any of the others in the ring. _Sure, would be nice to see everyone box again,_ another good reason to stay in La Push.

The interval buzzer sounded, and this time a lot of the guys grabbed their gear and headed out. _No matter._ I didn't mind practicing alone when a training partner wasn't needed.

Ben set no rigid practice-schedule for our club members. We just knew he would be there to train us between the hours of five and seven, six days a week. The rest of it was up to us. If we came, we came. If we didn't, we didn't.

I'd gotten to practice an hour late for the third time in a row. Coach knew what I needed, so he immediately called me over to spar with Paul. Once sparring was out of the way, I continued working-out, but I was only going through the motions. I couldn't seem to get into it. I felt just too _not-in-the-mood_ for practice.

Before practice, Bella and I spent time at Second Beach, alone, and if I let my mind go there, which I did, we spent time at second base, too. The memory made me grin. This only excited me so much because it was Bella. At seventeen, I was no stranger to sex. Though I wasn't striving for it in first place. It was just that in heated moments my hands sometimes got ideas of their own. I controlled myself super quick. It would complicate our difficult situation further by rushing sex into the mixture just because I was leaving or—more important—_because_ I was leaving it would seriously complicate everything. I drenched my mind in that freezing reality whenever she acted just as into what we were doing as me, because then it became nearly impossible to put the brakes on.

I'd never been the pressuring type, and Bella was extra-special. She was too important to me to risk damaging our new relationship by attempting to go too far too fast. If I stayed, who knew what would happen... and how soon? That scenario troubled me as much as it excited me. On second thought, it troubled me nowhere near as much as it excited me.

The bell dinged again.

I forced myself to the red floor mats and knocked out sets of push-ups and sit-ups. Here, the only thing I needed to focus on was getting through the burn until I reached the desired numbers I was striving for.

We only had eight days left together, and I still didn't know what to do. I hated to leave. Things were going so great between us. I didn't want it to end, and I thought she felt the same. But earlier, right before I dropped her off at home, she made a point of telling me she didn't want to carry on a long-distance relationship once I left. I didn't know what to think about that. Surprised, I just sort of nodded and said, "It's up to you." _What the hell? _But what else was I supposed to say?

Obviously, she didn't trust me anymore, which was a crock of shit, because what happened between us the last time wasn't _totally_ my fault. I wondered how big of an argument we'd get into if I brought that up. Arguing would be such a waste of time. If I stayed, there wouldn't even be a need to argue.

I realized I'd lost count when my abs started screaming for mercy. Stretching my arms over-head and pressing my back flat against the mat, I let the pain ease before tackling another set.

All during practice my mind repeated, thinking about what we had been doing, thinking about what she said, thinking about staying, thinking about leaving, thinking about losing, and just plain thinking about her, and losing. I couldn't allow myself to lose. I _had_ to win.

I might have been able to get on board with the idea if she had at least told me why... _She_ might have told me why if I'd at least asked... or if my _big_ heavy foot wouldn't have slammed down on the gas pedal so quick once she'd shut the door and stepped away. I didn't even recall saying goodbye to her. I glanced back through the review mirror, and she stood there—staring. _A dick move_, I shouldn't have behaved that way, but under the circumstances, I wasn't in the greatest of moods at the time.

I understood where she was coming from. Long-distance relationships just didn't last. Maybe that was reason enough for us to break it off. Another guy might have jumped for joy to have a clean breakup with his girlfriend before he went away, no strings attached, and no blame because it was _her_ idea, to boot. If it had been another girl, _I_ would have been the guy to jump for joy. But it wasn't another girl, it was Bella. She was once again a part of my life, and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want to let her go again.

Maybe, this was an ultimatum. Her way of getting me to stay. How much sense did that make? Because when summer ended, we'd be right back in the same boat, facing a breakup.

I stopped to rest my abs again. I half-assed my workout and I knew it. Flipping over, I knocked out another couple sets of pushups, trying to earn a decent sweat.

She seemed serious about her decision. I didn't doubt it's what she wanted. Was it even fair for me to convince her otherwise? I mean, I was the one choosing to leave. Maybe I didn't even have the right to disagree with her.

Sections of yellow overhead lighting darkened, dimming half the room. Quickly completing my pushups, I got to my knees, reading the clock. It was five past seven, the rest of the guys entered the hallway, leading to the locker room.

Old Ben retrieved gloves, ropes, hand-wraps, and other training materials, setting them inside a plastic tote he carried around with him.

Practice was over.

I wanted to go back to Forks to see her, just to be with her more. Make up with her if we were fighting, since I wasn't sure. What I didn't want-was to think about us breaking up anymore. Was it necessary for me to force the issue with her? I didn't think so. Thinking it over for a day or two more was probably the best bet, anyway.

Feeling a sudden burst of energy, I jumped to my feet and guzzled down the rest of the water in my squirt-bottle then rolled the mats and took them to the corner where we stored them. I decided to help Ben clean up before I showered. The tribal community board got hairs up their asses if we didn't keep the building tidy.

Without looking at me, old Ben's raspy voice asked, "You feel all right today, Jake?" He headed over to collect the training gloves I left on the stage by the speedbag.

"Yeah, I'm feeling great," I said, catching up so I could carry the tote up the steps for him.

"You didn't look so great during that final round," he said, as I took the container from his hands. "You let Lahote work you into the corner fairly easily tonight and even let him give your coconut a good pounding before you showed up in there."

I stifled a laugh. "It didn't hurt."

A drop of his jawline emphasized disappointment before he looked away and started up the stairs. I had pretty much just pissed on the fundamentals he'd been teaching me for years. I should have known better than to take his concern so lightly. "Keep your hands up and protect yourself at all times," I recited. "Sorry, Ben. I won't let it happen again."

He bent down and picked up a hand towel that was lying beneath the heavy bag then slowly shuffled toward the curtains to pull them closed. "You got something going on with you, son?" he asked. Then, informing me as if he was telling me something I didn't already know, he said, "because your head wasn't in it tonight. Your body was here, but you-you were somewhere over in... cuckoomonga for all I know."

I couldn't tell if he'd said Cucamonga that way on accident or if he believed it was the way they pronounced it.

"Nope, nothing." I headed to the storage area that hid behind a set of folding bleachers at the back of the stage.

Along with his eyes, the weight of his question pressed on me the entire time. Feeling guilty, I sifted through the plastic box in search of a heavy rope, deciding to stay awhile longer and give him a little more effort since I made it obvious.

Now that he was asking, I _was_ curious to know what he would think if I didn't go back to California as planned. Spotting my favorite jump-rope, I dug it out from the bottom of the barrel then slid the box behind the bleachers, ready to talk. "Coach, you know how we decided training with a bigger boxing club would be better for me?" I explained as we reached the bottom of the steps.

Glancing at me, he interrupted and asked, "Who did?"

"Ah... _we_ did," I replied, motioning with my hand.

When it appeared, the conversation didn't register to him, I reminded him of exactly what he said. "It was in the locker room in Mesquite after I lost. You said you won Regionals your first time there, because so many boxing clubs existed back in your day, and that down south the training was better because the clubs were bigger and there were more competitors to develop... your skills..." I trailed off, confused when he shook his head.

"Is that really why you're going to California, son?" His tone was one of disbelief.

"Yep."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I never meant to give you the impression that that's what you needed to find success, Jake."

"What do you mean?" I scratched my sweat-damp scalp as he clarified the conversation from his point of view.

"I talked about myself in that instance, Jake. I told you how _I_ took the Regional championship back then. Remember now, my advice to you was to develop more _physically_ and there would be no stopping you.

"See, Jacob, your greatest strength is your ability to figure out your opponents. Pick them apart so to speak. You analyze them early, adapt quickly, and counter them efficiently. And that, son, is a skill that can't be taught _anywhere_. It just comes naturally for you."

Dubious of his assessment, a corner of my mouth curled. While I appreciated the superhero vote of confidence, I worked hard in that ring every single time, and it was never that easy. "You make it sound like I can't lose."

"The potential to lose is always there. What I'm telling you is this: I don't care if you fight twenty different-style boxers between now and Nationals. Come tournament time, your opponents are all going to be new to you, and you will still need to pick them apart and give them everything you've got."

"So, you're saying that I don't need to go?"

"I'm saying that, while I can't guarantee you'll take the whole damn thing, I can guarantee you whether you stay here or go South-if you put your heart into your training and into your level of fitness, you'll do great."

"Well then, how come you didn't mention this to me before?"

"You didn't ask what I thought, and I wouldn't have wanted you to. It's not my place to tell you what to do, because what you believe will work best for you—_will_ work best for you." His eyes narrowed and his expression took on a more serious cast. He gave a stern glare. "But you _can't_ cheat yourself during practices. I can't stress that enough, Jake. You will run into individuals just as talented as you are, and you _need_ to be physically ready.

"I had an agreement with Coach Garrett that I would keep you in tip-top shape this summer. But after what you've been showing me this week, I'm not so sure I can. So, we passed the buck. We had a conference call with the training manager down there, and they're expecting you. Looking forward to having you, too. Seems they got one of their own attending Nationals this year. Kid by the name of Alec, I believe."

"I know him," I said. "He's a Super Welterweight. We sparred a lot last summer. He went toe to toe with me every time. He's tough."

Alec's uncle Caius was the club's owner and a coach. Alec's father was this rich guy named Aro, who had huge aspirations of becoming the next Don King. For a rich kid, who probably got everything handed to him on a silver platter, Alec worked hard, a true competitor.

Ben reinforced his beliefs. "You're talented and you're driven, son, and as long as you stay focused—no matter where you are—you will find success."

"My girlfriend said the same thing pretty much." Showing him the rope in my hand, I told him, "I know what you're saying, Coach, and I'll jump rope for about thirty or forty minutes, maybe run some laps before I call it a day."

He looked pleased. "Let me know if you need me to make another phone call. If you change your mind about leaving, that is." While I unwound the heavy rope, he asked, "Girlfriend, aye? I thought that's where you've been hanging out."

"Where's that?" I asked, wondering what he thought he knew.

Laugh lines appeared on the fragile skin near his eyes, coinciding with a mischievous smirk. "Like I said before, 'cuckoomonga.'"

Before I could respond, he turned, jiggling the building keys in his right hand and repeating with quiet laughter, "cuckoomonga." His boots clicked along the old asbestos-tile flooring on his way across the gym. I always wondered why he wore cowboy boots to practice.

Eyes focused straight ahead of him, he muttered something, and he did it so low I barely heard him say, "Hanging out in cuckoomonga so much might not be the best idea."

Whether he meant for me to hear him at all wasn't clear.

_He ought to know,_ and he just had to remind me of it as soon as I thought I decided. I lifted my voice. "Ben, were you really afraid to fly in airplanes back then?"

Pausing in his steps, he answered me without looking back. "Still am."

"But you flew to Mesquite last spring to watch me fight in the championship."

"And I'll do it again," he assured, resuming his steps.

I grinned; he was just like my grandpa.

After he left, I didn't even last ten more minutes. My stomach started grumbling, and well, I had to eat, didn't I? Quickly coiling the rope back up, I called Bella, to tell her I was sorry, and asked her to come out with me. I figured a few more days in cuckoomonga couldn't hurt. Once I hung up the phone, I realized everything Ben said was true. I also realized I'd never be able to concentrate on boxing if I was close enough to spend time with Bella, if there was somewhere else, I'd rather be, something else I'd rather be doing.

Bella had the potential to become my biggest obstacle, and the worst part of it was—right now, I didn't care.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_ **Bella** _

It was four days into the National Golden Gloves Tournament being held in Kansas City, Missouri. Quarter finals.

Jacob called each night to share the good news, so I expected that the cell phone singing and jumping on my bedroom dresser was him. I guessed correctly. "Hey," I greeted, excited.

"It's over. I'm done," he said, breathing hard as if he just exited the ring. He paused, and I waited for him to tell me he won again, but all he said was, "I just got super, super tired this time."

A second of soaking up the gloom infused in the words and I grasped what he meant. He lost. My heart ached for him. He wanted this so much.

"I don't know what the hell happened. I just had no legs tonight."

I briefly closed my eyes then rose from my bed, giving the opened door a slight shove. "Awe, Jake," I murmured. The door swayed to a stop only part way closed. "Are you okay?" I asked, as I began to pace back and forth.

"Great," he replied, almost sincere sounding. "And I'm not saying that sarcastically. I even did a three-mile run before I called you just to clear my head. I had all the energy and speed in the world. I felt _fine_."

Pursing my lips, I was a little confused, but I started to anticipate some kind of silver lining to the news. Instead, his voice made an unpredictable change, and it all came crashing out. "I just don't get it, Bella. The guy was nothing but a scrub. He wasn't even good. What the _fuck_!"

"Jake, just tell me what happened," I said, willing him to calm down.

"I got beat! That's what happened! Weren't you listening?" he snapped in anger. He took a breath, adjusting his tone as he began to explain. "The middle of the second round, my legs started to feel heavy, like the canvas was quicksand or something. And by the end of the last round, my defense was shot. I had no speed, no power... I had nothing."

It was difficult to fathom; Jacob had never performed so terribly. The unrecognizable depiction caused me to want to hear the opinion of someone less subjective, someone who viewed the fight from outside of the ring. "Was Ben there?" I asked. He was the boxing expert, especially on Jacob's boxing.

"I wish he wouldn't have been," he grumbled, a terse response.

"Well, what did _he_ think about it?"

"He said I did _great_. It wasn't a unanimous loss, but what difference does _that_ make? It's a _loss_!"

I pushed my hair behind my ear and sat back down on the bed. No words I could say would make him feel better at this point. "I'm really sorry, Jacob."

"For what? It's not your fault. I should have listened to Ben. I didn't train hard enough. I should have been doing it from day one. I only had two weeks of intense solid work by the time I got to California. What good was _that_? I busted my ass to get to Nationals then I just pissed it away. I did _exactly_ what I promised myself I wouldn't do. I can't believe I did that. I knew better."

He talked, but _not_ to me. The unspoken regret of spending time in Washington, of spending time with me, rolling off him in waves, crushed me, however unintentional. I hung my head, staring at my bare feet. If he could have done it all over, he probably would have never come home. From day one, as he put it. A massive pang of guilt turned my insides. Even though he wasn't accusing me of anything, I felt somehow responsible.

A woman's voice asked to be excused in the background. The interruption relieved a small amount of the tension.

"Are you still at the tournament?" I asked. It was an empty question I used, trying to take the conversation somewhere a little less painful for both of us. "Where are you?"

"I'm standing outside the hotel," he said, his voice more even. "My fight was over a while ago, but I... I don't know. I think I've been in a daze."

"I wish I was there with you." Because then I could have been more of a comfort to him. I could have held him and did whatever I needed to do to make him feel better.

After a short pause, he replied, "Yeah, me too." Then he made a coughing noise and said, "Bella, I've got to go. I'm going to... take a long hot shower or something and... get some sleep. Try to anyway. I'll call you tomorrow."

He had a broken heart. It sounded like his head was all over the place. I wanted so much to tell him it would be okay, but all I felt safe enough to say was, "Sure. I love you!"

"I love you, too."

Placing the phone down, I automatically lifted Winkleberry from the bed stand where she sat and curled her into my chest. A gentle knocking on the door drew my head up to see an arm, reaching past the slim opening of my door. Recognizing the braided leather bands around the wrist, I said, "It's all right to come in, Seth."

The door drifted open and Seth entered. "Was that him? How'd he do?"

The lump that formed in my throat prevented me from answering verbally. I shook my head.

"Oh," he said, his posture slouching. "Yeah, when he didn't call us tonight, I figured that. But I was still hoping. I knew he'd call you. That's why I came over... Did he say what happened?"

Emmett appeared in the doorway. "I thought I heard your voice," he told Seth as he joined us.

That gave me the opportunity to clear away the lump. "He lost by a split decision. He said he got exhausted, and he had no legs."

Seth reiterated some of Jacob's words. "No legs, no power."

"He said that too," I said, speaking soft through my frown.

"Jezus, that's too bad," Emmett said. "But, hey, he made it to Nationals and was only three fights away from being number one ... That's got to be like, what? A ranking of four or five in the nation now? That's a damn fine accomplishment to me. Hopefully, he'll see it that way."

"He won't," Seth said. "You know how he gets after a loss. Shit, I wouldn't put it past him to be back in the gym tonight." The concern must have shown on my face because Seth's eyes met mine. "It's not a bad thing. He'll just reevaluate his training and throw himself into his boxing for a while. That's just how he deals with losses."

Emmett shook his head in disapproval. "The guy has really got to learn how to take a loss."

Jasper emerged freshly showered with wet hair and a towel hanging around his neck and joked to Emmett. "You're the expert, teach him how."

"I'll teach you how," Emmett said, snatching the towel from Jasper's neck and whipping him with it.

It lightened up the mood some.

"Emmett and I are going to grab some pizza at the Pizza Palace. You want to come along?" Jasper asked Seth.

Seth nodded.

"Leah's on her way over. I invited her earlier." It may have been my imagination, but I thought Jasper almost blushed when he mentioned that.

"How about you, Bella?" Emmett asked, then told Jasper to hurry and get dressed because he was starving.

I shook my head. "I don't think so." Jake hurt. I wanted to stay at home and hurt with him. Hanging out with friends and family, trying to enjoy myself while he was in pain wouldn't have felt right to me. As they filed out the door, Seth last, I lifted my voice. "Seth." He stopped and turned around to face me. "Jacob will be all right, won't he?"

"He'll be fine... um, just don't think he's ignoring you when he works out twenty-four seven. It's nothing personal."

"I won't." I smiled a little.

Seth wasn't exaggerating. Jacob stayed in the withdrawn training-funk longer than I would have imagined. But aside from that, he and I were doing fine. We remained close, talking to each other regularly, even though technically we weren't dating anymore, though he never quite settled with me on that idea.

He wasn't blatantly depressed or anything; he just trained obsessively. Seth, Emmett, and Jasper told me not to worry about it. They didn't see a problem. According to them, once Jacob exercised his heart out and corrected whatever he thought he did wrong, he would be back to normal. He stopped communicating with everyone in Forks but me, and because of that I worried about him a lot. So, it thrilled me when he called and told me he was contemplating going to the beach with some friends from the gym.

"I think you should go. Have fun for a change. You never do anything fun."

"Boxing's fun," he begged to differ with a scolding tone.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean. Some different fun ... because summer _is_ almost over, you know?"

"Now that you put it that way, I think I will."

We began our ritual of swapping stories, and I updated him on the rest of the gang. "I'm proud of Jasper," I said. "He didn't go through that depressed relationship-withdrawal how Emmett did when he and Rosalie first broke up."

Jasper and Maria quit seeing each other the day after the party at the pit.

"That's because _he_ broke up with _her_."

"I know, but still. There has to be some kind of void when a person spends so much time with someone and then suddenly that someone isn't there anymore. They went out for almost a year."

"You think there's someone else?" he asked.

"Seth," I said, and we both laughed.

"Definitely less maintenance."

I heard a difference in the noise on his end of the line. Jacob asked me to hold on because he had another call coming in.

"Hey, Charlotte..."

"No. It's still me, Jake."

"Sorry. Be right back."

I waited for Jake to return to our conversation, speculating about who Charlotte was. Once back on the line, he said, "That was Charlotte, wanting to know if she should pick me up or not. I told her yeah."

"Charlotte?" I repeated. "She's the person you're going to the beach with?"

He hesitated. "One of them... She's a kick boxer from the gym."

I highly doubted he would have ever mentioned Charlotte if he hadn't mixed up the calls. "Oh, I see," I said. My heart began to pound.

"Um... no," he disagreed. "I don't think you do. She's just a friend I talk to sometimes at the gym. That's all."

"That's fine with me, Jacob." I was lying of course. "I mean... you could have told me you were going out with a friend who was a girl. You didn't have to try to hide it."

"I wasn't trying to hide it. I didn't know she would be the person picking me up."

I lifted an incredulous eyebrow. "Well, was she the one who invited you?"

His silence answered me.

This was unchartered territory for me, unchartered territory for us. Moving the phone away from my ear, I needed to take a calming breath to disguise my uneasiness and insecurity before I asked him who else would be there.

"Peter, he's one of the guys I told you about, and his girlfriend I suppose... and maybe some of the other guys. I don't know. Why? What's the big deal?"

_Really, Jake? _A double date was the big deal.

"Bells, come on now... you're the one who suggested I go. I didn't even really want to, at first."

_But, you do now, since Charlotte is picking you up?_

It was maddening how he spun it around on me by reminding me I urged him to go. If I had known that most important detail, maybe I wouldn't have been so encouraging. But it wasn't as if I really had to twist his arm. Who did he think he was fooling?

Regarding to this new development, if there was a correct form of behavior I should have been displaying or an appropriate way to handle the situation, I wished someone would have shared it with me. How was I supposed to react?

"Bella?"

"Wha_t_?" I snapped on accident.

"I don't know what you're thinking, but there's nothing going on between me and Charlotte. We're just friends. What more do I have to say?"

I didn't know the answer to that question. I only knew that, whether we were still together. I didn't want him to go, but I didn't want to have to ask him not to. I just wanted him to know it already.

"Besides, you went with that guy, Eric, to Seattle last weekend and hung out."

A new science exhibit had just premiered at the Pacific Science Center. Eric was a science geek, so he and I hopped the ferry to Seattle to go see it. I'd known Eric for years; seeing new exhibits together was sort of our thing. Was this what this was about? "Yes, but that was different."

"How so?"

"Because Eric and I really are friends and..."

"And what?" he interrupted with a hot tone. "I'm lying?"

Startled by his outburst, I felt like I had to choose my words carefully, like if I said the wrong thing, a simple flame of misunderstanding would burst into a huge angry fire consuming both of us. "I'm not saying you're lying, Jake. I'm just saying you've never mentioned her before."

"What was there to mention?"

Infuriated at his snarly response, I retorted, "I don't know. You tell me." Our conversation was quickly spinning out of control, which was strange. If there was nothing going on and it was no big deal then why was he getting so defensive about it?

"Do you not want me to go, or what?"

I would have _loved_ to answer him honestly. But it wasn't up to me if he went or not. I would not make that decision for him. It really struck a nerve he placed me in such a predicament, a predicament that had me feeling so mentally and emotionally unsure of myself I couldn't decide which way to turn. "Go. It's okay."

"It doesn't sound okay."

It wasn't the words he spoke so much as it was the tone, he used that I didn't like. He sounded irritated and argumentative. What was he trying to do? Get me to _beg_ him to go? Send him off with my _blessing_? "What do you want to hear from me, Jake?" I asked with a raised voice.

His voice rose a in return. "I want to hear that you _believe_ me when I say there's _nothing_ going on."

Frustrated, I sighed. "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tried to hide it then."

"I didn't hide it!" Then he just got cruel. "But you know what? It doesn't even matter what you think anyway, because my mind is made. I'm going. I'm getting out of the house, going somewhere besides the gym for once."

What could I possibly say to that? My thumb hovered over the end-call button of the cell phone as I considered hanging up on him, wishing I was speaking to him on the wall phone so it would create a louder bang if I did. I didn't know if it was the level of exasperation I experienced or just the instinct to hit back, but out popped, "Go! I don't _care_. We're not a couple anyway, remember?"

I could feel the powerful blow I delivered in the air of silence that followed for a few strained seconds afterward. Although he didn't agree with my suggestion way back when I made it, he didn't disagree. He more like avoided the subject altogether. But it didn't change the fact. It was wrong for me to seize that moment and sling it at him like it was a weapon, but I felt a satisfaction in knowing I pissed him off the way he pissed me off.

"Not this shit again!" he uttered then asked in an irate tone, "Are you serious, Bella? Because it sure as shit felt like it to me." Then he hung up.

I almost screamed as I flung the cell phone on my bed. The nerve of him to throw the time he spent training in my face. I wasn't the person who locked him in the gym all summer. He did that to himself. I considered calling him back, though I wasn't sure what for. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue arguing with him or to make up with him, or if it was to ask him not to go. Feeling as indecisive as I felt at the moment, I squashed the urge.

I hoped maybe he would call _me_ back. He didn't. After an hour went by, I assumed he was already out with Charlotte. I dug deep into my pride to dull the searing ache in my chest, letting it grow until it swallowed my hurting and made me so angry, nobody could pay me to speak to him.

I abruptly awoke during the night, with thoughts of him swirling in my head, stripped _naked_ of my pride. All that was left was awful, empty loneliness. Curling up on my side, I pulled the blankets up to my neck and stared at the glowing red numbers on my alarm clock. It was barely midnight.

I wondered where he was and what he was doing. I wondered if he was home yet. I wondered if he had a good time. I wondered how much of a good time. I wondered if hanging out with Charlotte was worth the fight, we had about it. I wondered _so_ much and so _graphically_ that I made myself cry.

Why couldn't I just give him what he wanted? Why couldn't I just believe him? I answered my question. It was because I was afraid to play the fool. I didn't fully trust Jacob, because I never understood what went wrong the first time we broke up.

I wanted so badly to support Jacob through his ordeal it made me jealous to know he had become friends with another girl, who had more of an opportunity than me to be there for him. That's why I freaked out the way I did.

Sifting carefully through the fight, I presumed, sent Jacob running off to spend time with her while in such a _furious-at-me_ state of mind, I realized what a stupid mistake I had made. I left the door opened for him to find something _with her_: comfort, a friendship, a connection, and-most threateningly of all-a stress free fun situation for comparison to our stressful situation, which might cause him to realize we didn't need to put ourselves through this, because it wasn't happy, and it wasn't fun for either of us.

I used to think the phrase "it's complicated" that I'd often heard on television and movies and read in books, used to describe someone's romantic relationship issues was such a copout. I would say to myself or-more accurately-to the character I was yelling at in my head. "What's so complicated? Just tell him (or her) the truth about what you really think and how you really feel!"

_I was the worst hypocrite of this._

I told myself people made situations way more difficult than they needed to be, and they were the ones who brought on all of their own problems, and all they had to do to "un-complicate" it was to tell the truth.

_Easier said than done._

Lying awake, tossing and turning over Jacob and my relationship and the kaleidoscope of emotions and thoughts forming and reforming, I found a new respect and understanding for the phrase _it's complicated_.

I thought I had a sound plan when I decided it was best for us to end things once he left. I meant ending it to guard against a day like this, a day when our relationship might seem too challenging to continue. I meant it to provide us a way out without destroying us forever.

I arrived at the idea by seeing how much better Emmett and Rosalie were doing once they broke up. He ran into her one day at the grocery store when she was in town to see her grandparents. They struck up a conversation, and it led to a new beginning, this time without placing themselves under the boundaries of a typical boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. They didn't label themselves to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. By not doing so, they removed the stresses of trying to carry on long-distance. They considered themselves to be close friends. But they were more than close friends. They were-for lack of better words and as Jasper often teased Emmett about whenever she was in town, earning himself slugs in the arm-friends with benefits.

Though a crude name, implying a cheap, undesirable relationship of a purely sexual nature, I didn't view theirs to be that way. The benefits I witnessed and considered being impressive were how much more often they made time to see each other than they did when they were going out. How they were always eager to share their most important accomplishments with one another. They spoke often, and when they couldn't, it didn't threaten their relationship. According to Emmett, they both understood that the other had a life that sometimes took them away for a while.

That sounded sad when I first heard it, but I never saw Emmett sad about it. Emmett dated occasionally, and I didn't think he ever cheated with Rosalie on whoever it was he was seeing; yet, I knew if Rosalie was in Forks, he would be with her. Maybe I was over-romanticizing, but it seemed no other girl or guy could come, seriously, between them because they were the other's first choice; given more workable circumstances they'd have a committed and monogamous relationship, because they loved each other more than they liked anyone else. I supposed time would truly tell.

What I didn't know was how they managed. Were there certain subjects off limits for discussion? Did they tell each other when or if someone else entered the picture? If so, did it hurt? Or did they just drift apart when those times occurred, sensing it from the other's behavior and just letting it be?

I could have asked Emmett all those questions, but that would have been giving him an invitation into my relationship with Jacob. I knew better than to do that. I hoped Jacob and I could figure it out together, but he never gave me the opportunity to discuss what I had in mind when I tried to talk about it. He just told me it was up to me.

If I didn't know Jacob any better, I might have made the assumption he left it up to me because he didn't care either way. But I knew how much he cared. He didn't want to talk about it, because he didn't want it to end. I think I enjoyed that knowledge. No, I _loved_ that knowledge. That's why I allowed us to continue behaving as if we were still together, against my better judgment.

_Big mistake. _

Left to my own devices, I created a catastrophe. No wonder Jacob got so pissed off he hung up on me. How could I have been so wrong?

Initially, I thought I used my decision to breakup against him in the most inappropriate manner, to piss him off. I felt callous and guilty for it. I belittled him for believing we were a couple when in all reality he wasn't wrong. We were still a couple, in every way possible, at least. I just didn't want to admit it if he might be on the verge of ruining it.

_Bigger mistake._

I now saw I used it out of desperation, grasping on to it like it was a lifeline. If we had ended it like we should have-like I wanted to-maybe, we wouldn't be in the current predicament. Maybe I wouldn't be lying in my bed awake and feeling like I was dying. Wiping away more tears, I groaned. I behaved so immaturely. I deserved whatever consequence followed, even if it meant losing him.

_Biggest mistake_.

Thoughts of him sharing moments with this other girl was a pain like no other, and what made it even worse, I realized that I might have been the sole reason he was out with her.

_Colossal!_

Regardless of how much we might both regret all of it in the morning, we didn't have the power to take any of it back, especially if Jacob crossed that line that would change everything between us.

Feeling as I did, I couldn't imagine what the coming days were about to bring, but I was quickly reaching the conclusion we weren't meant to be. Something always got in the way. Some cosmic force refused to let us be happy. However, there was one thing for certain I knew, one thing I had no doubts about_:_ Never, ever did I want to suffer through another night like this. It was the worst night of my life.

Two and a half long _miserable_ days later, I received a text on the cell phone the rest of the family and I shared.

_For Bella, Can I call you? Jake._


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_ **Bella** _

When Mr. Campbell assigned personal journals to the creative writing class, it excited me for the opportunity to develop my writing skills and to record inner thoughts and creations for future reflection. Each Monday, he would give us guidelines to follow but would let us choose the subject. The first week's suggestion from _him_ was a poem using any rhyme scheme pattern. The first week's subject from _me_ was Jacob.

We had only been over little over two weeks. Still going through emotional difficulties, there had been too much left unsaid between us for there to be any other subject on my mind. Add to it spells of regret, anger, and missing him, and I couldn't argue that I wasn't a pitiful mess. Again.

In the library, jotting down whatever popped into my Jacob-crowded mind during fourth period study hall, I felt satisfied with the results, but I stressed about sharing my experiences with Mr. Campbell. He wouldn't grade our papers. We were only handing them in for completion points. However, he would read them and offer little critiques and writing tips, written on sticky notes so we could remove them at our convenience. To give us freedom of expression, we understood that the writings in our personal journals were confidential. But allowing anyone a peek inside my head, inside my _soul_, frightened me to death, especially a male someone.

Focusing on the paper laying before me and attempting to convince myself to be brave in my truths and write as if nobody but me would ever see the words, I noticed the energy of the library lifted and the quiet chatter increased. I raised my head to find our Port Angeles transfer student, Edward Cullen—aka, the new kid in town—had just entered the library and was speaking to the librarian.

Gazing around at the horde of females who had their eyes on him, I thought how ridiculous they all acted whenever he entered a room. There wasn't any mystery how he achieved this level of instant popularity. He arrived in Forks just in time to fill Mike Newton's vacant position on the football field as quarterback, along with positions as one of the top dogs and male hotties of our school. You name it: cheerleaders, smart girls, popular girls, athletic girls and girls with questionable reputations all swooned at the slightest attention from him. He was, after all, fresh meat.

Letting out a small grin, even I admitted the first time I came face to face with him, which was way before he ever appeared in Forks High's lowly corridors, he star-struck me.

It happened during last Christmas's holiday break, while on a Port Angeles excursion. The time when Seth and I took in a matinee together in which Leah and Jasper later joined, and when I felt bad from dwelling on mine and Jacob's first failed attempt at a relationship throughout the entire movie.

_We left Seth and Jasper waiting for Emmett at the food court while Leah and I ducked into a boutique, so she could exchange a blouse she had bought Sue as a Christmas present and ended up deciding on another one instead. _

_I did my best to return to a happy place for the sake of the group when I recalled The Music Shop was next door. I'd get a new classical CD, and as soon as the sun went down and I was in my bedroom, all by my lonesome, I could wallow in despair as much as I cared to and cry until the tears ran out again with nobody being the wiser._

_Leaving Leah in the long customer service line, I wandered next door, disappointed to find that it wasn't any less crowded with holiday shoppers than the boutique had been. Being preoccupied with memories and brooding, I didn't pay much attention to anyone or anything, when I absentmindedly skirted around a shelf and ended up banging my thigh hard against the corner._ Ouch! _I grabbed for the pain. Then_ _a knee-jerk mysterious reaction followed. I didn't know how it occurred, but I ended up stumbling backward and bumping into a standing CD rack and knocking several CDs onto the floor._

_Trying to gather them up frantic and blushing, I knew all eyes were on me. I may as well have had my hands creamed in butter, because I couldn't get a grip on any of the cases. They kept jumping out of my hands with a mind of their own, working effectively not to get caught. _

_"Here let me help you with that," a poised male voice offered. A body knelt beside me, casually reaching strong steady hands into the pile of plastic I fumbled through, which helped me gain control of my embarrassed self. I peered up through my hair, and the warmest, _deep _sea-green eyes I had ever had the pleasure of falling into_ _met my sight, I smoothed my hair behind my ear to see him better. He smiled crookedly, causing a slight stuttering inside of my chest._

_I softly gasped; Jacob was the only person who ever elicited involuntary responses like that from me. How strange was that? I couldn't help but feel relatively excited that it was even possible._

_Together, we gathered the CDs in silence and slid them into the slots of the rack. "Is there something I can you help you find?" he asked._

_"Sure. I was looking for Halina Czerny Stefanska's Chopin."_

_He grinned. "Right this way."_

_Following him to a tiny one-row section at the back of the store, I gaped at his broad shoulders and very awe inspiring physique-_-_a physique that screamed out "mega athlete." I didn't even attempt not to stare at the display of muscles visible beneath the fitted fabric of his blue V-neck shirt. Sleeves pushed up to the crook of his elbows and wearing dark-beige twill jeans, confidence exuded from him and his sense of style._

_He flipped through the CDs, turned to me and said, "Sorry. It doesn't look like they have it. Um ... I'd recommend this." He tugged out a Debussy Greatest Compilation CD. "If you don't already have it."_

_I grinned, taking another dip in the green sea of his eyes as I took hold of his recommendation. "Thanks for the suggestion."_

_"Edward." A female voice sang out from across the store. He gazed over my shoulder, and I turned my head toward the voice. A beautiful blonde woman standing by the register gestured him over to her. She was a classic early Audrey Hepburn gorgeous, less Audrey's dark mane, that is._

_"Glad I could be of help," he said, moving a step back and waving to the blonde._

_"Your boss?"_

_He laughed. "That's a matter of opinion. She's actually my girlfriend."_

_I dropped my eyes below his collarbone, realizing he wasn't wearing a nametag. "You mean, you don't work here?"_

_"Nope. Just trying to help a lady in distress."_

_"Edward," the soft melody of a voice played again, this time with impatience._

_Now that I knew she was his girlfriend, she appeared younger. I figured them to be at least nineteen or twenty._

_"Got to go. She_ can _be rather bossy." He winked. Passing Leah's gawking eyes and gaping mouth, he glided with smoothness toward the blonde siren._

_"Thank you!" I called out after him. He turned back, nodding with a smile._

_"Whoa! Who was that?" Leah asked, as she approached._

_"Just a nice guy," I replied, wandering after him with my gaze as he left the store._

I never expected I would ever set eyes on him again. Not in Forks and not in my school. Since seeing him again, I realized that he didn't look that old at all. The sophisticated way he carried himself during the circumstance when we met caused my miscalculation.

Emerging from my daydream and recalling the words Leah spoke that day. _"Wouldn't you just love to have a guy like that?"_ It mortified me to grasp I'd been staring and probably with a goofy look on my face. It mortified me even more to see _him_ staring back. Thinking he was about to smile at me, I broke eye contact and buried my attention into my project. I wasn't at all interested in becoming an Edward Cullen groupie, regardless of how handsome or fresh he was to our small town.

* * *

_ **Edward** _

I divided my attention between finding source material for a report and this _breath-taking_ brunette I noticed staring at me as the librarian pointed me in the right direction. She looked so familiar, long dark hair and large brown, sensitive eyes. I recognized her face from somewhere but couldn't figure out where or when we might have crossed paths.

She gathered her belongings to leave the library when a loose-leaf paper slipped from her binder and went gliding to the carpeted floor, softly settling behind her as she walked away. "Pss," I muttered, waving to get her attention, but she wouldn't acknowledge me and continued out the door.

I headed over to retrieve the document for her. It lay face down beneath the vacated wooden table, a writing, a poem. I should have stopped reading when I comprehended its private nature, but I kept going.

_One day I hid my heart from you, a long time ago._

_Though you were often near, my heart would never know._

_You've always held the power to hurt me; it happened once or twice before._

_It took all the strength I had in me, just to close that door._

_I guess my guard was down on that random summer day._

_Because when you smiled at me, you swept me away._

_And once the door opened, I longed for your arms._

_I longed to hold and kiss you and melt within your charms._

_You took me to the beach, a night I never will forget._

_A passion-wakening memory, a special time we kept secret._

_It was the first time that you held me, and you gave me my first kiss._

_At the time I couldn't guess, you'd disappear like this._

_Beneath a liar's moon, you waltzed back_ _in_ _my life._

_I gave you back my heart amidst the fire and the strife._

_Sweet lips touching mine, you convinced me "one more try."_

_Here one day and gone the next, before I could blink an eye._

_I understood what I was getting into before I returned your kiss._

_If I'd known then, what I know now, I'd have made myself resist._

_But I crumbled with your touch, became foolish and unsure._

_I had to stay inside your arms; they seemed my only cure._

_Forever I have loved you, almost believed you shared the feeling._

_But once again, you put me away. It was my soul chance was killing._

_A pathetic little soul crushed from all the times we've parted._

_Paying for the fight I lost, the fight that _never_ should have started._

_Then you just walked away—_unhurt, unharmed, unfazed.

_It left me devastated, thoughtless, and betrayed._

_I know I'll never have you, and I know we'd never make it._

_But these dreams, they keep coming. This feeling, I can't shake it._

_Makes it hard not to hope, someday our love will come to power._

_And all the dreams I have of "us" will wake, live, and flower._

_But you don't feel the same as me. It's a fact I can't deny._

_That's why I'm giving up for good. It's time to say goodbye._

_I pray I never see you. I pray that this at last will end._

_Forever's finally over, Jake. I won't be with you again._

_Dreams die!_

Wondering about her, and so I could return her belongings to her, I chose a student at a table near where the attractive author had been working. The dolled-up cherry-blond gazed upward from her sitting position as I approached. "Hi"—having been introduced to this girl during the past week, I searched to remember her name—"Lauren," I greeted.

Shifting in her chair and straightening her slender body tall, she smiled, pleased I remembered her. "Edward."

"Yes, I'm wondering if you could help me."

"I'll do my _very_ _best_." She fluttered her lashes.

"Could you please tell me who that girl is that was sitting right there?" I asked, showing who I was referring to by turning my head to the empty chair. "She left this behind." I lifted the paper.

Lauren stretched her neck a little, assuming I wanted to share it with her. Her lips turned up at the corners in enthusiasm. I knew Lauren's type—_dated_ Lauren's type on plenty occasion—and some of these beautiful, innocent angel-faces contained atrocious mean-streaks. I brought it back toward my chest.

Her upward turned lips straightened back to normal. Slightly rolling her eyes, she flipped her curled, long hair over her shoulder and said, "You mean Bella Boring?" with a certain amount of emphasis on the letters b.

"Excuse me?" I asked, pulling back, puzzled.

"Bella _boring_ Swan," she said again, emphasis on the second b.

"Swan? As in ... Emmett Swan?" Emmett was the best football player on Forks High's football team which I had recently joined, All State last year from what they told me, so I knew him just from practicing with him.

"I know, huh? Super hard to believe, isn't it?"

_My God! _This girl seemed like kind of a bitch.

Later during the evening as I worked on my homework, Alice, my stepsister, came into the study. "Edward, do you have one of those big erasers? This algebra assignment is killing me."

Alice was once my neighbor slash classmate until my father married her mother and turned us into a version of today's Modern Family. It's how we ended up in Forks. My dad, Carlisle, exchanged his prestigious position at the Olympia Medical Center in Port Angeles to open a smaller family practice in Forks, so he would have more time to dedicate to be a family man.

I displayed the large pink most-valuable tool when performing algebra, up in the air then placed it on the other side of the table nearest her. She came over and plunked into the chair across from me. "God, it's only the first week of school, and I'm already struggling in Algebra II. And we're only working on assignments that should all be review from last year. Problems we should have already learned in Algebra I. Honestly, I don't know how I will pass this class. I've forgotten _everything_ from last year," she complained.

Lifting my eyes from the report I typed on the laptop, I said. "If you want my help just ask."

"Help, please."

"All right. Give me a few minutes to finish this up."

Only a few seconds passed, and she curiously asked, "What is _this_?"

I looked up as she elevated the upper corner of the paper, I left resting atop the books I had checked out from the library.

"A girl by the name of Bella Swan..." I stalled the explanation to complete my thought, making sure I got it down on the page before I lost it,"... left it in study hall today."

"Edward, you shouldn't have this ... this is ... personal." Her declaration came in the tone of _shame on you_ as she read on.

Suddenly conscientious, I stopped what I was doing and reached across the table, placing a flat palm on the face of the paper and nudging it from her fingertips and back onto the books to prevent her from reading any further, glaring displeasure back at her. "Exactly."

She complied with my wishes by rolling her chair away from the table. To eradicate any further temptation from her, I took the page, closed it within my notebook, and placed the laptop over the notebook as she watched.

"Well, what are you planning to do with it? You shouldn't keep it. Tear it up and throw it away or something." She seemed really bent out of shape over me having it in my possession.

"Throw it away? I can't throw it away. What if she needs it?"

Her eyes rounded like she had just remembered something. "You said Bella Swan, didn't you? You're right. She's in my second hour English class, and this is probably the assignment that is due tomorrow."

Alice sat back, relaxing against the chair. "Problem solved, my lucky little friend. I can return it to her tomorrow, before class."

"Thanks, but that's unnecessary," I said to her surprise. "I will return it myself."

"No, you're not," she concluded, smiling as if I were making a joke. My expression remained stone, causing her to move forward from her laid-back position. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned on the table, judgmental. "And you will do, what exactly? Use it as a conversation starter? Bad idea."

"Of course not. All I want to do is talk to her." I hoped talking to her would jog my memory of where I saw her before. "She looks familiar, and I'd like to know why."

"Edward, listen to me. As an expert on being female, plus, knowing all the innermost workings of our minds, Bella Swan will not like the knowledge that you are the person who has this."

I gave Alice's concerns some thought then removed the page from its hiding place and made a big demonstration of folding it in half before her eyes. "I'll tell her I didn't read it."

She made a face that told me she thought I was being an idiot. "And you really think she will believe that?"

_Why not?_ I shrugged. "You underestimate my ability to convince."

Giving up on the argument, Alice said, "Go right on ahead. She's _your_ enemy to make."

The word enemy was a bit strong in my opinion.

Observing me skeptically and smirking, she asked a teasing question, "Has my little brother been bitten?" It annoyed me whenever she made a joke out of her being the older sibling; Alice was only two months my senior. I wanted to ignore her remark, but with the way she kept looking at me, I gathered she was being serious in wanting to hear an honest answer.

Lifting an eyebrow and glaring at her for being absurd, I informed her, "Rebound guy's not my thing." At least, it had never been before.

* * *

_**A/N**_ _Some of you will be happy to see Edward enter the story._ S_ome of you may not be. I listed him as a character on the first page. All I can say is that, although Edward may have taken the stage, Jacob has not left the building. Jacob will elaborate on his and Bella's breakup in the next chapter. _


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

** _Jacob_ **

Feeling refreshed after a steaming hot shower, I toweled dry and was on my way back to my dorm suite when I spotted the large mirror, bolted to the cement wall. Just then, a remark Quil made about me getting skinny over the summer popped into my head. I got a little lean with all the extra conditioning I'd been doing, but I was still within the middleweight division, fighting at one-hundred and sixty-five pounds, so he had to be joking. Removing the dampened towel from my waist, I wiped away a patch of vapor blocking my reflection then re-wrapped it around my hips. I flexed into a double bicep pose, rippling with defined muscles, plumped veins, and deep-cut abs. I couldn't help my smirk. _Skinny my ass... jealous is more like it!_

When I got back to the suite, I shared with Quil and Embry; I slid on some jeans and searched inside my footlocker for a shirt to wear. Hearing a knock on the door, I glanced over my shoulder to see Seth entering the room. "What's up?" I asked.

"A bunch of us are going down to the c-store to get some snacks. Want to go? Quil and Embry are waiting downstairs."

"No, I better not. I've got too much homework." I pulled a clean shirt down over my head then looked for some socks, deciding tomorrow was a good day to do laundry. "Do me a favor and get me something," I said before he left, "a big bag of Doritos, some Tabasco, and a quart of milk."

Seth spread out his empty hand to show me he needed some money.

"Over there in my wallet in the drawer." I waved my hand toward the desk and sat down on the twin-sized bed to put on my socks. I was about to tie my shoes when I noticed Seth took too long. I straightened up to see what he was doing and caught him gripped by something else inside the drawer. I didn't have to guess what_, _my pictures of Bella.

Aggravated by his staring, I shot to my feet with an abrupt urge to knock him away from my things. My quick movement jarred him, and he banged the drawer shut, turning toward me with the money in his hand and a question on his face so clear that I knew what it was before he even asked it. "Why did you break-up?"

It was a conversation I avoided getting into with him since our first day back at school. "Do me another favor and don't ask, okay? I really don't want to talk about it."

He knew when not to press an issue with me so as he was heading out the door, in no way did I expect the nosey shit to spout, "Dumb ass."

Storming behind him as he lengthened his stride, I slammed the door closed, pissed. I kicked off the untied shoes, sending one of them skidding beneath the bed and thudding against the wall.

Even though I finally spilled my guts to him about my feelings for Bella, I didn't owe him an explanation for anything that went on between us. It didn't matter to me what Seth knew, thought he knew, or heard about our break-up. It was none of his damn business. Besides that, I wasn't ready to tell anybody how bad I left things between me and her.

A moment later, I took the pictures out myself. Staring at the photo of us, side by side with our arms around each other, taken by her mom outside their house, I remembered when Renee told me she was saving Bella for me. I cracked a smile. It was a weird statement, but it would have been nice if it was possible.

I flipped to the one that Leah snapped of us at the Ferry terminal as Bella and I were locked in a long kiss goodbye. We were so focused on one another that last day; it seemed like we spent the whole time alone while waiting for the ferry to board passengers. If not for the picture, I wouldn't have remembered Leah was even there.

The last was my favorite, a close-up shot I captured of her on Second Beach, when a golden summer sunset, bouncing off the smooth and steady ocean cast light on her in a way that brought out her natural beauty. She was smiling but contained a sweet, tender sadness in her eyes at the same time. Studying the picture, her expression finally made sense to me, because it was the day, she said she wanted to end things once I left.

It was also the day I decided she was wrong, and we weren't going to. _Shit. _I groaned. It would have been so much easier if I had just let her have her way. Remembering how I ruined us like it was yesterday, I grumbled, "Dumb _fuck_ is more accurate."

As I continued to focus on the sad characteristic in her eyes, my mind and heart reloaded the turmoil and grief of the last few weeks.

_"Why are you even going out? You can't behave better than an asshole in the mood you're in," Rachel snapped as she yelled at me for slamming crap around the bedroom during her favorite television show, after I hung-up on Bella and began getting ready._

_"Mind your own business," I told her, ignoring her glare as I stomped out of the house and jumped inside the car with Charlotte._

_It didn't take me long to realize Rachel was right. Trying to force myself to get in the party-spirit made my mood even shittier, and I didn't care to hide me not wanting to be there from anyone who approached me. The amount of negative energy seeping from my pours could bring everybody's night down, or so Charlotte said as she offered me a solo cup topped-off with foam. I snatched the cup out of her hand and guzzled a couple—well, way more than a couple—cups of rotten-tasting keg beer to loosen up, grimacing after every chug._

_Because I wasn't a drinker, that didn't work out for me and as the night moved on, what started out as little interactions between me and Charlotte got out of hand. The next thing I knew, I was in the backseat of Charlotte's car, and I was doing with her what I didn't even do with Bella yet._

_It would be a lie if I said I got so drunk I didn't know what I was doing at the time. When the truth was; I just got drunk enough not care about anybody but myself._

_When I woke up in the morning hung over, I felt miserable about the argument and sick about what I did, but I made no excuse for myself. Excuses weren't my thing. I didn't make them when I lost a fight, failed a test or flunked a class, or when I did something so bad or so stupid that there was a consequence to face. I always took responsibility for my actions. So, when I opened my eyes, head aching and stomach knotting in shame, I knew whatever kind of relationship me and Bella had was over._

_Blame was another issue though. I blamed Bella for the argument. I wouldn't have even taken a drink if it wasn't for the fight we had. I hated alcohol, and I hated alcoholism._

_Laying in my bed and thinking about how the argument started, I understood her jealousy because it was the way I felt when I heard, after the fact, that she spent a day in Seattle with some guy I didn't know. But you didn't see me haul off and start accusing her of doing something wrong._

_Charlotte was just like one of the guys. She was hot, but I honestly wasn't interested in her like that, and she wasn't interested in me either as far as I knew. Hard to say that now, but it was still true._

_Bella just refused to trust me, and I couldn't stand knowing that. Trusting was difficult for me too, but I chose to trust Bella, even after she didn't tell me about Seth, because we had to if we were going to last. I really thought we could last. And I really thought we were together. That's what set me off the most about the fight. If we weren't together, then why was she so fucking bothered by Charlotte? That was a load of shit, though, and regardless of what Bella said, I knew in my heart we were together. The guilt eating me up inside told me so._

_Because my mind was such a mess, I decided not to call her until I had time to sort things through. Obviously, she was still pissed off or she would have called me first. I was glad she didn't._

_On the third day, I knew somebody had to call somebody, and I figured it might as well be me. I already went through too many rounds with myself about what to do and what to say that I just wanted to get it over with. By this time, the argument and what happened with Charlotte afterward had taken on a surreal vibe and for the most part, I became numb to the situation._

_I think that's why I barely heard a word Bella said in the opening minutes of our conversation or remembered anything I said in return as we made our way through routine small talk. It felt weird, because I felt too calm, cold inside.Once we hit the awkward silence though, I jumped straight in and said, "I don't know how you feel about this anymore, Bella, but you were right. This won't work."_

_Judging by the long tense quiet that followed, it was easy to tell she didn't expect to hear that. She finally responded, saying, "Jake, I know I said some things that I shouldn't have, things I didn't mean, and I know you're pissed, and I'm sorry. But I planned to say the opposite. I want to make this work, so can we just talk about it? I can explain."_

_I groaned inside, why couldn't we ever be on the same page at the same time? Shaking my head, I said, "No. It's too late. It wasn't a good idea from the start. I know that now."_

_Nothing we could say to each other would change the fact that we already proved we couldn't make it work and with me proving it the worst way. Even if I still wanted to try, we were beyond that point now. I knew it even if she didn't._

_That stupid fight was a little bump in the road that we should have been able to roll right over._

_"Slow down a minute, Jake," she said, angry. "So, I got jealous and blew everything out of proportion the other night. But you're blowing everything out of proportion today. We had a fight, so what? Couples have them all the time."_

_Rolling my eyes, I spit out, "Oh, so we're a couple now."_

_"Stop it, Jake," She insisted._

_It was plain that all she wanted to do was makeup, but I couldn't do that. I felt confused and twisted with anger that we were only in this position because she didn't trust me. But more than that, I was ashamed of how I handled it, and I felt like I would drown in guilt if I didn't suffer the consequence._

_"Bella, what can't you understand? I just don't want to do this anymore, pretending that it's all good when we both know it's not. I'm not doing it anymore... no matter what. I'm done." I realized how heartless that came out, but I had to finish what I started._

_She sighed, exasperated and asked, "Well, what happens now? Do we just hang-up the phone and never talk again?—" I couldn't believe that she would still want to talk to me after this—"Can, can we still talk?" Her voice sounded a lot softer at the end._

_"I don't know. Maybe." Thinking about the pressure of talking to her like nothing ever happened, I added, "We can't have it both ways, Bella. It would feel too much the same."_

_After I said that, we listened to dead air. It was like there was nothing to say but we didn't want to disconnect either. Eventually, I asked, "Okay, Bella?" She huffed, and when she said okay back, she said it in such a sad way my heart hurt. I closed my eyes and turned away from the receiver, feeling disgusted with myself._

_I thought we were done, but I could tell she still wasn't ready to hang-up. After another long period of silence, I figured she didn't want to be the person to say bye, so I said, "Hey, I'm going to go ahead and hang up now."_

_"Wait a minute, Jacob. I need to ask you something, first. When you were out with Charlotte, did something happen?"_

_I didn't plan to tell her anything about me and Charlotte. I couldn't decide if that was because I wanted to protect Bella or to protect me. It was one of the things me and my conscience went around and around about. But now that she was asking, she had the right to know. Only, I couldn't bring myself to say it, as simple as the word "yes" was. Instead I said, "What do you think?"_

_"I think it did. It must have because if it didn't, you wouldn't be acting this way right now."_

_I thought of saying sorry in that moment, but sorry was the most worthless word under the circumstance. It was tantamount to a slap. So, I said the only thing that came to me that would let me admit it without literally admitting it. "Well, now you know."_

_"Yeah, I guess I do. Goodbye, Jake." Before she clicked off, she muttered with tears in her voice, "God... you took the first chance you had and couldn't even wait five minutes for us to figure this out, could you?"_

I sunk into a fog for a couple of days after. When it cleared and understanding set-in, the pain of losing Bella came crashing through me like a tsunami, screwing me up to the point of self-destruction. I went for a long run to clear my head just the way I always did, but when that didn't work, I ended up bloodying my fists against the metal dumpster behind the house. I was just lucky I didn't break my hands. I realized it then that I needed to talk to somebody before I hurt myself in a worse way.

I couldn't talk to my parents because they had problems of the own, mom with her health and dad with his alcohol addiction. They didn't need mine, too. Rachel and Rebecca lived in their own personal dramas. Embry would have made a joke, "But you were on a break," like we were some mother fucking _Friends_ episode, and Quil would have said, "Fuck it. Find someone else."

Emmett was the best equipped friend I had to unload my problems on whenever I needed to. He joked, but when it came to something serious, he took it that way and offered his best advice. I figured it was because Charlie was such a good dad, setting good examples. Since it involved Bella, though, he wasn't an option.

So, I called the only person I knew who I thought would understand. Old Ben. When Tia put him on the phone and I heard his voice, I could barely contain my tears as I started telling him how I'd been feeling since I got beat out of Nationals.

"_You're too hard on yourself, Jacob, always been," he said, after he heard me out. "You need to be patient with yourself and your boxing. Give yourself time to grow as a fighter and as a man, and keep believing that everything that happens inside that ring, including the losses, are necessary on your path to success... Sure you'll have setbacks, everybody does, let them _make_ you, son!"_

_As I listened to his words, I wiped away the few tears that squeezed their way from my eyes._

"_Now... do you want to tell me what brought this on tonight?"_

"_I broke up with my girlfriend," I said. That was all I could get out._

_He waited for more but when I said nothing else, he said, "Well... if you've been taking the same stance in your relationships as your boxing, trying to force your way through it, I could see why you're having problems. These things can't be rushed. Take some time to learn who you are, and when the time's right, you'll find it works out the way it's meant to be."_

_Hearing him say that, I wondered if he went through the same things as me, having to choose, when he gave up boxing to be a working man for Tia and his kids. So, I asked him, "Ben, do you ever regret not becoming a professional fighter?"_

"_Shoot," he said, "I'm a natural-born family man. I was seventeen years young_ _when I had my first kid. "Shi- I was as young as you are now," I smiled about the squeak he made and pictured him smiling too, "and Tia was only sixteen. A lot of teenage boys I knew back then would have headed for the hills if they knocked-up their girlfriend, and some did. Not me. I couldn't wait to be a dad and start playing house with her. So, if you want to know if I would do things differently, given the chance, the answer's no. I wouldn't change a thing._

"_Living in La Push and serving in the community, working a regular job by day, working with you kids in the evening, then going home to Tia at night are the best things in my life._

"_The time I spend with all the young fighters that come through the club, your dad included, giving them something good to do to help them stay away from alcohol and drugs and watching everyone grow up just the way I did with my own kids, I wouldn't change that for nothing. So, I say, I'm right where I belong."_

_I thought so too because after talking to him; I felt better, so much better._

He helped me see that there was more going on with me than I knew. The pressure had been building in me since Nationals—maybe longer—and getting beat out of the tournament early affected me badly. It wasn't as if I didn't know my goals were mountainous. I was reaching for the stars. I always knew in my head just how hard it would be. But for the first time, after that loss, I knew it in my heart. It suddenly seemed like my future, the only future I ever imagined was at stake.

The day of the beach party, during practice, Alec asked me if I planned on coming back to California over Christmas break again. Bella expected me home for Christmas, and we were both looking forward to being together again, but now I wasn't so sure if I should go back to Washington during the break. I didn't have a free ride back to Nationals with the up-and-coming season; I would have to earn my way there again, so I wondered what to do. I told Alec I wasn't sure. Subconsciously though, I must have already decided and knew it would be almost a year before I saw Bella again.

That's why I was desperate for her to trust me and was so mad when she didn't. This root cause didn't stand out to me until Marcus, the training manager, asked me the same question before I left, and I could tell him yes without a worry.

I had a new plan now. I would dedicate the year to getting back to Nationals, focused solely on boxing until the tournament was over. Do it right this time. Then win or lose I could go home to La Push, satisfied I gave it my all. School would be over by then. Rachel helped me get enrolled in the University of Washington, and hopefully Bella would take me back.

No, I would get her to take me back. Like Ben said, when the time is right it would all work out the way it's meant to be. She and I were meant to be. I loved her since I was fourteen. That wouldn't end. If possible, it would have already happened.

Lifting the photo of her, I touched it to my lips then put the pictures away, excited it was my last year of school and pumped boxing season was about to begin again. _Time to get this show back on the road!_

* * *

** _A/N _ ** _What do you think? Does Jake deserve another chance?_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_ **Bella** _

I climbed into Emmett's truck, waiting for him to come out of the school, considering how the holidays had crept up on me. Christmas Vacation came again, already.

Sitting inside, I watched the front doors, swinging open every couple of minutes to let gobs of excited students out into the crisp winter air then close with none of them being Emmett. I wished he would hurry, because I was just as excited as anyone else to get home and start my vacation away from here.

When I finally located him behind a cluster of students, I wondered why he was bringing Edward Cullen over with him. They were good buddies on the football field, but they didn't hang out with each other outside of that, so I couldn't really call them good friends. I rolled the window down as they approached my side of the truck.

"Bella, Coach created a highlight-clips video of my best plays this season. He wants to share it with me before he sends copies out to the recruiters who are asking for it, and then we'll go over the list of schools _I'm_ interested in attending next year. So, I'll be awhile, but Edward, here, offered to give you a ride home," Emmett said, patting Edward on the back of the shoulder.

Edward smiled, revealing a cute dimple, gracing only one side of his face.

"Sure," I said, lifting my book bag from the floor of the truck. He and I had a study hall together, so we were on friendly terms, and I had gotten to know his sister, Alice, well. The initial new-kid-in-town fanfare faded, but he was still popular and was just an overall nice guy.

Once we were inside his car and out of the parking lot, he asked, "So, has Alice called you yet?"

"About what?"

"You haven't heard? She's heading up the spring prom committee and plans on getting every, single junior involved."

It was the junior class's responsibility to host the seniors for the Junior-Senior prom. That was the Fork's tradition, because Forks High didn't have a huge student population. There were only about a hundred students between the two grades. "No, I didn't know that."

"Well, heads up. She'll be calling." He fumbled through a cd holding-case strapped to the car-visor above the steering wheel.

"I'm not much for planning things, but I wouldn't mind, helping to decorate or do something inconspicuous like that."

He found whatever cd he had been looking for and slid it into the stereo. As soon as the music started, I heard the first song of Debussy's Greatest Compilation and grinned. "You remember that day?"

"Not at first, but I figured it out though. I just always wondered if you remembered it."

I opened my mouth about to say, _how could I forget? _Thankfully, I caught the words before I let them go, switching my reply to, "I remembered you, but it was such a long time ago, Christmas vacation last year, in fact."

Comparing the guy who was sitting behind the wheel to the guy who rescued me that day in the mall, I realized the memory of him didn't quite match the person he seemed, after getting to know him better, so I never gave it much thought anymore. "It's funny, because you don't seem to be the type of guy that would be into this kind of music."

He was an amazing quarterback, and because I watched him play football all season with Emmett, all I noticed him as, was a jock—a jock that could have a successful male modeling career if he ever wanted to—but the guy that suggested the classical piece of music that day had all but disappeared from my memory.

He told me he played the piano. Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, focusing on me, he explained. "Normally, not this kind of music. I play a lot more Elton John, Billy Joel, and other modern-music piano players, but I like to practice with classical music, because its complexity helps me to improve my skills. I play with a band in Port Angeles now and then on the weekends."

"Wow! I wouldn't have guessed that, but it sounds like a lot of fun."

"It is. Maybe you could come and hear our band play one of these days?"

"I'd love too."

In the short ride to my house, I'd learned he used to attend a private boarding school when he was younger, but as he grew older, it didn't suit the person he felt like he was and wanted to be, so he convinced his dad to let him transfer back to public school. That said a lot about why he seemed so refined and charming, with good manners and politeness, and he was very intelligent too, the total package.

I thanked him for helping me that day and wanted to ask him why he did it at all when he wasn't even an employee of The Music Shop, but he started to say something else as we were coming up on my street. "Bella, we're going to Chicago for Christmas, but I was wondering if ..."

"Jake!" I blurted, cutting Edward off, when I saw Jacob's rabbit parked in our driveway, after we rounded the corner. It was sticking out at me like a glowing red thumb. After everything that had happened between us, you would have thought he would have had the decency to stay away from me. Far, far away from me.

He shouldn't be here, not now. Jasper and Emmett told me he was going back to his _new_ home in California over break, and I couldn't have been happier with their news. The only thing his return would accomplish was to ruin my Christmas vacation.

Edward stopped saying whatever he had been on the verge of saying and pulled up alongside the curb.

I glared at Jacob's car, wondering why he thought he could invade my life again, and deciding that I would not let him get away with it this time. Grabbing my things, I opened the door, preparing myself for a confrontation. I was so preoccupied that I barely remembered climbing off the car until I almost slammed the door shut without even thanking Edward for the ride home. Coming to my senses, I tugged the door back open and leaned down to see him better while replaying the past few minutes of our conversation in my head. "You were saying something, Edward?"

"Forget it," he said. When I kept staring at him, he squirmed and swiped his hand through his auburn hair. The gesture made me noticed the contrast in the color of his mane brought out the greenness in his eyes spectacularly. It was a great combination. "I was just saying that we were going to Chicago for Christmas, and I was wondering if you and your family had any similar plans during the holidays."

"No, nothing as exciting as going to Chicago. We're home bodies."

He smiled, and my eyes hit his one dimple again. "Well, happy holidays to you and your family."

I nodded, wishing him and his family the same, and thanked him for the ride home. Once Edward pulled away from the curb, I turned my attention back to Jacob and his stupid, ugly car. He should have known better than to show up here like nothing was wrong with his coming over, and he was about to have a rude awakening.

My mom's car was gone, but the police car was home, so Dad and Jasper were both inside, which was too bad for them, because I didn't care who may have been keeping him company. Whoever was inside would have to watch me kick Jacob out of _my_ house. Storming through the door, I heard Jasper talking to him from the kitchen. A spark of rage ignited, spreading through me like a flame caught by the wind, and throwing my backpack on the couch, there was no stopping me. I barged into the kitchen, raising my voice and spewing at the back of Jacob's head, "What are you doing here?"

He spun toward me with a laugh. "Nice to see you too, Bella."

"Seth!" I jerked back, stunned to see _his_ face wearing Jacob's hair. He looked more like Jacob every time I saw him. I cupped my cheeks. "You cut your hair!"

"And that's why you're going off on me?"

Relief washed over me it wasn't Jacob who was standing in my kitchen, acting as if he had a right to be there. When I gave him a hug, I reached for the missing locks at the nape of his neck, scrubbing at his short hair. "I'm sorry, Seth. I was just surprised to see you, that's all."

Jasper laughed, and I knew that he knew precisely who I had originally thought Seth was, and when Seth told me that Jacob gave him his car as a birthday present, I knew he, too, understood my outburst.

An abrupt sadness rose in me at the news of Jacob's car, because to me that was a sign that Jacob wasn't planning on coming back here anymore. Even though I didn't want to see him, it hurt knowing he was really gone from my life for good. Information about him was probably always going to, either piss me off or hurt me, so I pushed the awful feelings down as quickly as they came up and replaced the subject in my mind with Seth's growth spurt.

It shouldn't have weirded me out how much he compared to Jacob. Seth always had the same sweet bright smile, pretty-brown eyes, framed with thick eyelashes, and the same bronze skin with a hint of ruddiness to his high cheekbones. Those traits were nothing I never noticed before, but it was jarring this time, because not only had he cut his hair, he had caught up to Jacob's height, which was about six foot two. He also had the fit form of well-trained boxer. He wasn't as muscular as Jacob yet, but he was getting there. The bone structures of their cheeks and chins were a little different, but I could bet they would easily be mistaken for one another now, to someone who didn't know them very well.

"Leah's waiting for us at the house. My mom and dad are out Christmas shopping, so we have the house to ourselves to hang out in until they get back," Seth said.

"We were waiting for you and Emmett," Jasper added.

"Emmett's busy going over recruitment offers with his coach," I told them. "But, let me put my stuff in my room before we go."

It felt strange to be in Jacob's car again on the ride over to the Clearwater's, because a pile of his things sat in the back seat with me.

I was so happy to see Leah though, and we had a lot to catch up on. The blaring stereo gave off a party vibe while we all sat in the living room, visiting. Leah's face brightened, and she stood up from the chair, displaying a mischievous smirk. "I've got to show you guys something. I'll be right back." She went to her bedroom and when she came back out a few minutes later, she was wearing a short, black and red cheerleader's uniform. Spreading her arms wide in the shape of a Y, she whooped, "Ta Da!"

The sight of her tickled me. Leah never seemed interested in cheer-leading before. She changed so much since attending the boarding school, good changes. Glancing at Jasper who was sitting beside me on the couch, to see his reaction, I caught his eyes rolling up and down her long, tan, and toned legs with his jaw hanging open a little. He pulled his eyes away from her and looked over at me, unable to hide the redness that appeared. He was so my brother. I grinned at him, reminding myself to tease him about it after we left.

Shaking himself and turning back to her, he tried to play it off by saying in a casual tone, "Okay, little miss cheerleader. Give us a cheer now."

It was her turn to make an embarrassed expression. She shook her head bashfully.

Cupping his mouth and using a deep voice with a cheer-leading rhythm, Seth mocked, "Braves, Braves, what do you eat?"

Then he changed his tone to a high pitched, girly voice and answered himself. "We eat panther meat! We eat panther meat!"

"Braves, Braves, how do you like it?"

Fist pumping in the air, he sang, "Raw, Raw, Raw!"

We all cracked up laughing.

"Is that one of them?" I asked her.

"No," she said, snapping her eyes at her goofy brother. "Well it was, but we couldn't do it, because the athletic director ruled it to be un-sportsmanship like. I thought that was a stupid cheer."

A moment later, Jasper leaned forward and asked us all, "Well, what should we do tonight?" When no one offered and idea, he suggested, "The Teen Holiday dance is tonight. Should we all go?"

I realized the Chemawa kids usually weren't home yet on the night of the Teen Holiday Dance, so I asked, "Why are you back so early?"

Seth answered me. "Mom was lonesome for us, so dad drove down there to take us out of school two days earlier, as a Christmas surprise for her."

"The holiday dance sounds like fun," Leah said in enthusiasm. "I haven't been to one of those in two years, so let's do it."

Jasper nodded. "Okay, me and Bella will go home and get ready, and you can pick us up later, Seth. Emmett won't want to go with us. That's not his style."

"Do you want me to give you guys a ride home?" Seth asked.

"No," Jasper answered in a hurry for both of us. "It's nice enough outside for us to walk."

I was happy he said that, because I didn't want to get back into Jacob's car again. There were too many memories of him in there. Furthering Jasper's walking suggestion, I said, "We might as well walk to the dance too, just like we did when we were younger."

They all agreed.

When we got outside and a little way up the street, Jasper asked, "So, do you think Leah will go out with me if I ask her on a real date to the dance tonight?"

I snapped my head toward him. "Really, Jasper?"

"Yeah, Really."

That was the last thing I would have expected from his mouth. Not only that, I honestly didn't know if she would say yes or no, because she'd never acted as if she was interested in him that way. "I'm not sure."

"Well, we made out with each other already, once," he divulged, nonchalant, as if it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me.

A flabbergasted laugh burst from my lips and both of my hands clasped over my mouth, shocked. "What? When? And does anybody else know?"

"Last summer when Emmett stranded us in the truck together at the party, and no, nobody else knows. You're the first person I've told."

I couldn't believe my ears. Leah was my _best_ friend, and she never told me _anything_, and I was furious at her because of it.

Jasper sighed then smiled. "It feels good to say that out loud to someone."

"Is that why you and Maria broke up after the party?"

"No, I was already planning on breaking up with her, or that wouldn't have happened between me and Leah. The next day when I told Leah I broke up with Maria. She felt guilty and blamed herself. I couldn't convince her Maria and I would have broken up, anyway.

"After that, Leah made me promise I'd forget about it, and we ended up spending the rest of the summer trying to hang out a little more than usual with each other just to get back to normal."

I frowned, remembering exactly what that was like. His speaking of last summer made me think of the night that Jacob lost his match during Nationals, and we were all in my bedroom, talking about it. Jasper told us he had invited Leah out to eat pizza with him and Emmett, before he had even invited Seth out to eat with them. It really was a blush I thought I observed on him that evening.

_"Do you think there's someone else_?" Jacob had asked when we talked about Jasper and Maria's breakup. She helped Jasper over his relationship withdrawal. "Now that you've told me that, I really have no clue if she'll go out with you on a true date." I didn't even know the real Leah Clearwater, apparently, and she would get a mean lecture about it as soon as I got her alone. "All you could do is ask her."

"Yeah, I'll call her as soon as we get home."

"What if she says no? Are you still going to come with us to the dance?"

He rolled his eyes, as if I'd asked a stupid question. "Sure I am. If she says no, she says no."

I wondered how he could be so cavalier about it and thought maybe it was just a guy thing. They didn't have any feelings.

* * *

Jasper and Leah walked several feet ahead of me and Seth. He and I dawdled behind them to give them privacy while we made our way to the Civic Center. As they passed by the playground, they both almost slipped and grabbed on to each other for balance. "Watch your step. It's icy over here," Jasper called out, looking back at us.

Now holding hands, they turned toward the playground and started gliding around on the blacktop of the basketball court. Seth and I caught up to them and sat down on the court bench while Jasper twirled Leah around on a piece of ice, layering the area. As we watched them goofing around, hanging all over each other, and giggling, I asked Seth, "Did you know anything about this?"

"No," he replied, watching them with a look of disbelief and a smile tweaking his lips. "I'm just as shocked as you probably are." He chuckled.

"God, some people are so sneaky." I grimaced, annoyed with both Jasper and Leah for hiding this from all of us.

Seth narrowed his eyes and glanced at me from the corner of them. "You got that right!"

_Yeah, who am I to talk!_ I chuckled at myself for being sneaky about Jacob for the longest time.

Jasper bit the dust, pulling Leah down to her knees with him. Seth lifted his voice in concern. "Be careful!"

They both turned to us with glowing smiles on their faces. Getting to their feet and holding on to one another, they started swaying like they were slow dancing to music only they could here. "Isn't this weird to you, Seth?"

"Is it weird to you?"

"Kind of. I mean, they don't really go together or something," I tried to explain. Maybe they did, but it came so out of the blue that the thought of "Jasper and Leah" romantically was foreign to my mind, and I was having trouble adjusting to it.

Seth observed them. A few minutes later, he said, "They go together okay ... kind of like ... mashed potatoes and steak, but not as good as peanut butter and jelly."

I laughed. "What are you talking about, Seth?"

Grinning, he said, "I'm talking about-I'm hungry and mom was making steak and mashed potatoes tonight, but I should have at least eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before we left."

"Oh." Shaking my head at his silliness, I zipped my jacket further up my neck. I started to feel cold waiting for Jasper and Leah to quit messing around.

"You know? We could have drove over here," Seth told me, and when I told him I didn't want to, he asked, "Jacob's car?"

I nodded.

Moving closer to me, he placed his right arm on top of my left arm to help warm me, so I snuggled into him. No sooner did I do that when I started to think about how easy it always felt between the two of us. We were so natural together and had been for the longest time. I never had to hide who I was from Seth, and he always seemed to take such good care of me. It occurred to me I was more comfortable with him than I'd ever been with Jacob. I just didn't know why it was barely becoming clear to me.

Another thing came to my mind about the party we had all got stranded at. It seemed like Emmett might have tried to fix me and Seth up that night. He was drunk, but still, so it was possible he saw something I didn't see, which was that Seth and I made a good couple.

And if I really wanted to get technical about it, Seth was the literal first guy who ever kissed me, and _he_ _could_ _kiss_. I knew that much from the locker room incident, so before I talked myself out of it, I said, "They go together okay, but not as good as like, say, Seth and Bella go together for instance."

He pulled his body away from me, turning to look me in the eyes, wearing a dumbfounded smirk.

"Don't you think?" I asked, pressing him for an answer and to let him know I was serious.

After studying me for a moment, a smile broke through. "You're being dumb, Bella," he said, letting out a laugh and shaking his head as he turned away. Re-positioning himself on the bench, he stretched his legs out and stared into the darkness.

His silence and withdraw from me didn't make me feel uncomfortable; that was just how comfortable I felt with him, and I wondered if that was the way Jasper meant it when he had said, "If she says no, she says no." It wouldn't bother him.

Sitting there listening to Seth's silence, I decided that even though I didn't feel uncomfortable with what I'd said to him, he must have felt uncomfortable with it, and at some point I would probably have to apologize, but I didn't want to take it back just yet.

He finally broke the quiet with a loud huff and said, "Hey..."

When I met his gaze, his eyes roamed over my face for so long I could _see_ his consideration. His gaze lingered on my mouth. Swallowing, he wet his lips and leaned in to kiss me. Our lips touched, and it was remarkable how quick he overwhelmed me with feelings of comfort and safety. Seth would never hurt me. He felt warm and right and tasted as sweet as he'd always treated me.

He followed up by wrapping his arm around my shoulders, and I huddled into his chest, winding my arm around his back, as we continued kissing, neither of us caring that Jasper and Leah were there. We didn't even break apart when I heard Jasper whispering to Leah in the background, something I couldn't decipher, but I heard her say in a very low voice, "Hurry. Let's go."

I assumed they walked away, Jasper called out, "See you guys inside."

"Sh-"

"Ouch! Or not," he mumbled.

* * *

**A/N** _What will Jacob do now?_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

** _Bella_ **

Harry had a doctor's appointment in Seattle. He and Sue wouldn't be back until later in the evening, so the Clearwater house was free for us all to hangout in, again.

I had trouble getting into the horror flick we rented, because Jasper and Leah were making so much noise in the kitchen. They couldn't seem to do anything together without fooling around, and they were making a homemade pizza for us. Finally, becoming absorbed in one of the eerie scenes and wondering what would happen next, I felt creeped out as I watched on, holding an accent pillow against my chest. The woman on the television inched to the closet with spooky music, playing in the background. Just as she was about to yank the door open, a high piercing beep bore into my ears. I jumped in my seat before smelling the smoke.

Seth leapt up from beside me, racing for the alarm while Jasper hollered, "The pizza's burnt!"

"How the hell did you do that?" Emmett asked, still in the reclined position on the lazy boy, but turning his head back toward the kitchen. "You were standing right there!"

Jasper and Leah broke with laughter, and Jasper yelled back, "So what, we'll make another one."

Pulling the battery from the alarm, Seth told Leah to open the kitchen window and the back door to the garage, to let the smell out. After rewinding the movie back to the part, we missed, he took the pillow from me, stretching out on the couch and laying his head on my lap.

The recliner squeaked, thudding into its upright position. "That's it," Emmett said. "I'm going home. I can't be a fifth wheel around here. No offense to anybody, and I'm good with this, but it's just not the same anymore."

Seth sat up. "What's not the same?"

"This family," Emmett said, spanning his arms out, one toward us and the other toward the kitchen. He wasn't mad when he left; at least, I didn't think so. Two couples must have been just one too many couples for him, a fifth wheel, like he'd said.

Jasper and Leah had come out of the kitchen. "What did he say?" Jasper asked.

"He said he couldn't hang out with us because we're not the same family," Seth told him.

"He's full of crap!" Jasper stalked outside, carrying the burnt pizza to the garbage.

As we restarted the movie again, Jasper announced he had forgotten to haul some boxes of old Christmas junk from the attic to the outside shed, telling us he needed to get it done before mom got home.

"Need some help?" Seth asked him.

"No, Leah will help. Just stay here and wait for us until we get back. I'll bring Emmett's truck, pick you two up, and we'll go eat at the Dairy Queen, instead."

By now, everyone caught on that I wouldn't ride in Jacob's car.

"They wanted to ditch us," Seth said, after they left.

"What makes you think that?"

"Oh, something about the way Jazz told us to stay here until they came back. Twice." He turned off the TV with the remote, stood up, and extended his hand. "Come on." As many times as I'd been in Seth's room, somehow it appeared different this time. Things I had saw before but never really looked at, interested me. Lifting the picture, leaned up against one of his boxing trophies, I smiled at the cute little boy, grinning inside the ring, a missing tooth and all, as he held up a medal, strung on a red, white, and blue ribbon.

"That was my first exhibition fight when I was eight."

Placing the photo back where it belonged and gazing at him, I compared the tiny face in the picture to the face that stared back at me, as I slipped my shoes off at the foot of the bed, the way he did.

"What?"

"I miss your hair," I replied, scooting myself over to him on the bed. I wished he looked like himself, the Seth I was used to.

He nearly lifted me on top of him, and as our mouths met, he said, "It grows back, you know."

The more we continued doing what we were doing, the _more_ we continued doing, and it got to where neither of us could find enough exposed skin for satisfaction. When my fingers felt beneath his shirt for the flesh of his back, moving to his arms and chest, he tugged off his shirt, and returning his lips to mine, grabbed for the hem of my blouse, lifting it up, but only enough for our stomachs to touch each other.

"Is this going too fast?" he asked.

Thinking about all the times we had hung out—alone—together, going to movies, going out to eat, taking walks, and just sitting behind my house talking, since that very first dance, I shook my head, explaining, "No, because if you think about it, Seth, we've practically been going out for two years now."

He smiled, nudging my blouse the rest of the way up, resting his chest against mine and massaging my ribs, stomach, and hips while I did the same to him, which progressed to him helping me out of my blouse, next. I realized then he wasn't behaving like someone who didn't know what he was doing. Was I the only virgin left in our entire group?

When he slid his hand under the fabric of my bra, I slipped into a haze of pleasure, though I somehow asked, "What if they come back?"

"They wo-n't." His reply sounded forced like it took some effort for him to even speak. Pressing his face into the crook of my neck and shoulder, he breathed in deep, tasting the skin of my neck and collarbone.

"How do you know?"

"Beecauuse." The throatiness of his voice, part moan and part plea, sent an upsurge of heat through my thighs and pelvis. Swinging my leg over his hip, I drew him into me with my calf and heel, eager to feel him with the area of my body that hungered to feel him, and a sound I'd never made before, slipped from my lips. Pressing himself into me, he asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

The question said he'd thought I'd done this before, and I decided not to correct him, for fear it would ruin the moment. Straightening up to his knees, face flushed, he reached for the pillows smashed up against the headboard, and lobbed them, one by one, into the narrow space between his bed and the wall, telling me that the door didn't lock.

"What kind of door doesn't lock?"

"A broken one."

We moved down to the carpet. More secluded, it felt safer with the bed blocking us from the door. Continuing to make out and explore one another's body with our mouths and hands, we weren't even halfway out of our jeans when Seth shot to his knees at the sound of a vehicle door, slamming outside the window. "Holy shit!"

Tugging up my jeans and jerking upright, I fastened my bra, panicking when I couldn't spot my blouse anywhere. "Oh, my god, where is it?"

I lifted the pillows to see under them, but it wasn't there, and Seth swept his arm under the bed, yanking up the bed skirt to look when he came out empty-handed.

The door opened. Still unable to find it anywhere, my eyes hit the closet across the room, on the opposite side of the bed; it seemed too far away.

Leah called out, "You guys ready?"

Getting caught behind Seth's locked door would have been telling enough but getting caught this way horrified me. "Where's yours?" I asked, as he hurried to zip his pants.

Briefly looking down at his bare chest, he scanned the area with his eyes. "Probably with yours."

I would have laughed if this was happening to someone else, because the situation was so ridiculous, but it wasn't. It was happening to me.

Footsteps pattered.

Still kneeling, Seth's arm shot out, and he scooped both pairs of shoes under the bed. He reached around me for the pillows, tossed them on top of it, and dove on me, squeezing us up against the side of the bedframe. I wiggled my way beneath it as much as I could when I realized I could squeeze under there. He couldn't, so he held me tight by the waist with his arm, to balance his sideway position.

It sounded like she hollered for us into the garage first, and more footsteps followed that, pattering down the hall. The door echoed with light knocks. "Seth, Bella, you in there? She asked with hesitance, and receiving no response, the knob turned. The door squeaked open.

We held paralyzed like wax figures, staring into each other's eyes as we listened to Jasper enter the house.

"They're gone." She left Seth's room without closing the door.

"Well, you heard me tell them to wait for us."

Then it sounded like they went to check her room and their parent's room and their parent's bathroom, which was right on the other side of the wall from his. "What the fuck?" Seth whispered.

"Yeah, like we'd be hiding from them somewhere in the house." I pursed my lips to stop my chuckle.

Standing in the hallway, they talked about where we might have gone. Jasper's assumption was that we tired of waiting for them, so we walked to the Dairy Queen. He suggested they go find us.

I hoped they did, because if they didn't, we'd have to come out, eventually.

Squinting at something, Seth removed his arm from me, and quick, he snatched both of our shirts from underneath the lower shelf of his nightstand, placing the scrunched articles on my chest as he got back into position.

"I told you we were taking too long," Leah said in distress. "Do you think they went to your house and found out you lied about the boxes and we left a long time ago?"

"They left a long time ago," I mouthed at Seth.

He grinned, his body shaking as he held in his laughter, mouthing, "I know."

"So-what if we went for a drive to be alone. Who cares?" Jasper said.

"I do. I don't want them to think anything of it, since we were gone for so long," she said.

Hiding under Seth's bed, half naked, I understood how she felt, but Jasper was right, who cared if they went for a drive to be alone. I wondered if she felt a little awkward with the change in their relationship or something. She was such a private person.

"If it'll make you feel better, we'll stop over at my house and check. If they're there, we'll tell them we ate already, so they'll think that's where we were, and if they didn't stop at the house, we'll make something else up when we find them.

As soon as the front door banged closed, I climbed out and checked the time on Seth's alarm clock. "No wonder why. It's been two hours."

"That time sure flew." Seth already had his shirt on and was grabbing our shoes. "If we hurry, we can beat them to the Dairy Queen on my dirt bike. I know a shortcut through some alleys, and we'll tell _them_ some lies for _once."_


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N **Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 23**

_ **Bella** _

Through the kitchen window, I watched the gentle wind tossing the backyard trees in a graceful motion, as I scrubbed breakfast pans that didn't fit inside the dishwasher, lost in my thoughts.

I almost had sex with Seth. A smile danced on my lips, revisiting our brush with getting caught. From there, I drifted into a more serious concern. Almost having sex with no protection or pre-discussion troubled me. We talked about it afterward when I told him I'd never done it before. Surprised, he admitted he hadn't either. We decided to be prepared the next time. Though getting another opportunity was slim to none, because they were going back to school in three days.

My willingness and enthusiasm astonished me the most. After some reflection, I gathered it was his tangible, uncontrolled need that sent me over the edge. Being wanted in such a powerful way turned me on like nothing before, and I just felt safe with him.

I always thought Jacob would be the guy who'd share my first experience. I had wanted him to be the one.

_The summer sun shined hot and bright, a rarity for the area, as we hiked Second Beach for more than a mile to find a secluded, private place, empty from the rest of the world. We approached a high, thick line of boulders and driftwood. With not another soul around, we walked to the side near the ocean. "This looks like a good spot," Jacob said, waiting for me to agree. _

_Both of us knew the purpose for finding a place to be alone._

_"Uh huh." _ _We spread the fuzzy throw blanket down I brought, and Jacob tugged off his shirt. My eyes landed on his abs then roamed his arms and chest. I couldn't decide which part of his body I loved the most. He grinned at my staring. _

_Looking at the waves, I hesitantly removed my swimsuit cover and my sports trunks, displaying the red bikini I bought and wore just for him, suddenly becoming self-conscious with my teeny choice. I had no experience as a seductress. When I turned back toward him, his eyes rolled over my barely covered flesh. I blushed, feeling naked and shrugged with an embarrassed grin. "Its new," I mumbled, trying to explain and hide my uncomfortableness. _

_Eyes wide and jaw open, he seemed surprised. I assumed, because he'd known me long enough to know it wasn't my style, but I could tell on his face he liked what he saw as he pulled _ _me into his arms, catching my lips and roaming my skin with his hands. When we let go of the kiss, he stared into my eyes and said, "You look amazing, always ... and I love you."_

_A huge smile popped on my lips, my heart boiling over in bliss at the words I waited forever to hear him say. Nodding, I said, "I love you, too."_

_We coiled together on the blanket, our mouths intermingling, and I could feel his enjoyment against my thigh. At some point, he found and brushed over my breast with his thumb. Consumed with the sensation, I didn't restrain his hand this time. He made an umm noise, and with a sudden roll on top of me, he slipped a knee between my thighs and flicked his leg out, spreading them as the fingers from his other hand slid beneath the hip of my bikini bottom. I froze for a millisecond from the suddenness of it all. I didn't know if he noticed my slight hesitation, but_ _ he drew away and kept his body lifted off me with his arms and knees. His eyes dropped to my chest, and back up to look at me, deliberation clouding them. I cupped his face bringing it to mine, so I could kiss him more, trying to summon him back into the moment. He returned the kiss, but stayed propped away from further full-body contact. I stopped the kiss. Bending his neck to my chest, he pressed his lips to the bare skin between my bikini top, before flopping over on his back and looking up at the sky._

_I sat up._ "_What's wrong?"_

_He stretched and brought his arms behind his head, taking time to answer me. "It's just that sometimes when a guy tells a girl he loves her. He does it because he thinks she'll go all the way, and sometimes she thinks she has to or he won't want to be with her anymore. That's not why I told you I love you. So ... you don't have to do anything. We can wait. We have plenty of time."_

I thought his careful treatment of me, stopping himself whenever our make-outs progressed to that level, was sweet, and I believed his patience meant he really loved me. Thinking it over now, his lack of aggressiveness wounded me, because I was sure he slept with other girls. What was wrong with me? Did I not excite him enough?

When I emerged from my trance, I caught myself twirling my fingers in the grimy dishwater with barely any suds left as it drained. _Yuck!_ I yanked my hand out and washed them beneath fresh faucet water.

"Hey."

"Seth." I glanced over my shoulder at him.

Leaned up against the doorway, it looked like he'd been watching me. "I knocked and said hello but you didn't hear me over the dishwasher."

"Sorry. I was..."

"Daydreaming," he finished for me.

I grabbed for a dish towel and dried my hands as I approached him. "I thought you went with Emmett and Jasper today?" Tiptoeing, I greeted him with a kiss.

He broke away. "This is more important. We need to talk."

Since no one else was home, we sat down on the sofa. I expected the conversation, and I wanted to hear his thoughts how we'd manage long distance. "What is it?" I asked when he didn't seem to be able to find words. "Is this about you leaving back to school?"

He shook his head. "It's about more than that." Taking my hand, he said, "It's about the other day. I've been thinking about you a lot, thinking about us... it's about Jacob."

"Jacob?" I asked, pulling my hand away. "What does he have to do with anything?" I folded my arms across my chest.

Seth's cheeks puffed, and he blew the air out slow. "This is super difficult for me, because I've wanted this for so long, and you know that now. I've tried, Bella, but I just can't ignore him anymore and today..." He quit talking.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Well, for starters. Emmett thinks I'm a dead man, and I'm not so sure he's wrong anymore."

Anger blazed within me. "Emmett said what?"

"He wants me to tell him before I get back to school, tell him before someone else does."

"I don't care who tells him. I want him to know," I blurted with narrowed eyes, before I thought about what I was saying.

He flinched then stared at me for an explanation.

"Wait. I know how that sounds, but I didn't do this to make him jealous or to get back at him. I did it because it's over between us, and he should know. I'm sure he does. And this is none of Emmett's business."

"Really? Because I feel like its everybody's business. I haven't even told my mom, yet, because I don't want to hear the lecture she'll give me."

The insinuation Sue wouldn't approve hurt.

"Don't look like that, Bella. You know she loves you. It would be about me and him. Have you told your mom?"

I didn't have to tell Renee because she always appeared to know everything that was going on with her children; I tried explaining.

Lifting my chin, he said, "Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven't thought about him once since we got together."

My lashes fluttered as I attempted to comply, hoping he wouldn't see the lie. "No, I haven't. I know who you are Seth and I know who he is," I said, wondering where this conversation came from.

"Good," he snapped. "Cause, I don't want to be compared to him." He chewed on the inside of his cheek, upset. Then his features softened, and he said, "I just know that if we take this any further than we already have, me and Jake won't come back from it."

"Your wrong Seth. It's over." Jacob made that decision.

"Is it?"

Trembles of dread kept me quiet while I tried to discern his behavior.

"If we finished what we started the other day, things would be different right now. But I got the chance to think hard on us, and I can't be sure you won't have regret, because I don't even know if you love me."

He begged the truth with his eyes as he waited for my response.

"I could though," I said, giving him my honest answer. That was the best I could do for him.

I had cultivated deeper feelings for him since we got together romantically, cared about him, trusted him, but I wasn't ready to say love. I needed more time. The emotion I once held for Jacob was my only form of evaluation, and I just wasn't there yet with Seth. The sad truth was; I didn't think I would ever allow myself to love someone the way I used to love Jacob. Not even Jacob.

Seth turned away, dropping his head, eyes focused on the carpet. I had the urge to take his hand in the ensuing silence. I sat on mine instead, feeling nervy as I waited for him to say something else.

Running his fingers through his hair, he lifted his head and turned back to see me. "I'm going to go. I'll call you later."

I nodded.

Not standing up right away, he gazed at me, tilting his head. I reciprocated, and we fell into a long, soft kiss that tasted like goodbye.

Confused about our discussion and his sudden change of heart, I sat on the sofa, numb, for I don't know how long, until Mom's car drove up. Nudging the door open with her foot, she struggled inside, holding a package in one arm and a bag of groceries in the other. I hurried over to grab the groceries for her and took them into the kitchen.

"Someone left this box on the porch. It has your name on it, Bella, but the address doesn't belong to us." She lifted the box with both hands, taking a better look. "Ah, I know who's this is. It's the Clearwater's address," she said, handing the package over to me.

Wondering what Seth left and why, tempted me to take the box up to my room to open it. I glanced over at Renee. Her anticipation was clear as she stood, waiting for me to open it in front of her. I gave a shrug and ripped off the strips of packaging tape while she watched.

Surprise lit my face, seeing a vintage pillow person similar to Winkleberry. A boxer with short, black-fringe hair. He wore blue satin trunks and red boxing gloves. A bruised eye graced his square face, melting my heart. The name stamped on his gold championship belt buckle read "Pillow Fighter".

"Oh, that's adorable," Renee said, turning to the kitchen.

I drew out the folded piece of notebook paper, hiding beneath several crumbled wads of newspaper.

_Saw this at a swap meet and thought of you. Jake._

Startled, I brought the note into my chest, not realizing Renee had come from behind and read it over my shoulder, until she said in her playful voice, "Somebody's been thinking about somebody."

"Mom, stop!" I burst in anger.

"What?" She asked in alarm.

"You've been pushing us together ever since we were young. Leave us alone now! You don't know what he did to me!" My mouth clamped shut when I realized I said too much. Grabbing Pillow Fighter and shoving him back into the box, I stormed into the kitchen, opened the back door, and threw the box into one of the overflowing garbage barrels.

She tried to talk to me, but I refused, unfairly taking my infuriating day out on her.

Later, up in my room, I lay on my bed, drowning in the saddest classical pieces of music I could find, trying to block Seth, Jacob, and Jacob's thoughtful gift from my mind. A roller coaster of emotions swirled through me now understanding Seth's reasoning.

I had no right to come between them. I knew their closeness.

A tapping on my bedroom door broke me from the daze. I didn't answer. The door opened anyway. Coming inside and partially closing it, Jasper dropped into the desk chair and asked, "What's going on?" Concern covered his expression.

"I'm sure you heard, right?" I mumbled in a sulky tone, turning off the music.

He nodded. "Yeah, that's why I'm here checking on you. Sorry. Jake called Leah and asked her to give you something he sent. She stressed about it for a couple days. It came yesterday. She didn't know what to do, so she told me. Like a dumb ass, I told Emmett. He got mad, and he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. He brought it up to Seth."

"What did he say to him?"

"He just told him to man up and call Jake now, _today_. He thought it'd be best if Jake had some days to deal before they saw each other face to face. He's worried about them. He think's Jake will be pissed."

The door pushed open and Emmett poked his head inside. "Talking about me?" he asked Jasper then turned to me. "Someone had to be the voice of reason around here, because I'll tell you what. If Jasper did that to me?"

"Nope," Jasper said. "Never." It sounded as if Jasper thought Seth and I getting together was messed up, too. If anyone, I thought he'd be on our side, but neither of them knew why Jacob and I broke up. He cheated and broke up with me. He broke _my_ heart.

"We did nothing wrong!" I snapped at their implication that Jacob was a victim.

"Listen... I hate to be in your business, but am I the only one who knows this affects us all? I love them both like brothers. So, just _pick_ one then _stick_ with him!" Emmett said.

He spun around and went back into his own room—Jasper following him—just in time, because I was about to shout at him to get out. His words filled me with shame. I could imagine how Seth must have felt.

I decided to apologize to Renee. She didn't deserve my outburst, and she was my biggest ally. In her bedroom, after I told her I was sorry, she explained, "I saw the way you two looked at one another since we moved here. I wanted Jacob for you, because I thought he's who you wanted, but if that's changed, it's fine and..." Her brows furrowed and in a stern tone, she asked. "Is something going on between you and Seth?"

An awful feeling of disgrace bubbled in me. "No." _Not anymore._

"Now, if Jacob did something that we need to talk about, tell me. What did he do?"

I didn't want her to know about Charlotte and Jacob, or how much hurt I dealt with over it. The only people I told were Leah and my friend, Angela. I lowered my head, deciding what to say then confronted her concerned gaze. "He left."

When we finished talking, I went outside to get Pillow Fighter from the garbage. Someone had emptied the trash. Panicking, I darted back into her bedroom, asking, "Where'd the trash go?"

"It's been flowing over since Christmas, so your dad took it all to the dump, himself," She said, putting down her book and going over to the closet. Regret filled me at my thoughtless throwing away of a precious gift from Jacob on impulse, out of stubbornness. Reaching for the top shelf, she brought him down with a smile. "I thought you might change your mind."

Somehow, Jacob crept into my life again destroying the gobs of healing progress I made, bringing hurt and anger, but touching my heart at the same time. Lifting Pillow Fighter from my bed, I studied him, frowning. _Why does this keep happening__?_ _Jake!_ Huffing, I punched pillow guy across the room.

The cell phone I got for Christmas rang out. Seth's name displayed on the screen.

"Did you get it?" He asked. When I told him yes, he said, "I had this bright idea I would bring it over to you myself to see your reaction, but I couldn't do it."

"It wasn't a happy reaction if that's what you thought." I told him. "But I understand your feelings now."

"Look, Seth, you can tell Jacob if you want or don't tell him. I don't care. I'm sorry I got you caught in the middle of this, but I don't want to be with him anymore."

"I haven't figured out how I'll tell him or even if I will. I was ready before. These are different circumstances though." It occurred to me Seth believed Jacob moved on until today. The only way that could have happened was if Jacob gave him a reason to believe it. He probably had been seeing someone. "Maybe someday when it's over for both of you, it could work for us."

I told him yes, but I knew nothing would happen between us again. The guilt over this time was too much.

"We were planning to see the new Star Wars movie tomorrow. Don't suppose you still want to go with me?" The friendly, casual tone in his voice made me believe he was okay with us ending it with no serious adverse tension.

Considering his invitation, I said. "I do." Seth was and always would be one of my best friends.

Leah called next. She worried I was mad at her for not telling me, first. I wasn't. Before we hung up, she asked me if I wanted to talk to Jacob. I told her no and to just give him a thank you for me.

Emotional turmoil exhausted me and I was about to go to bed when I heard Dad calling me to come downstairs to get the phone. _Oh, my God. Will this day never end?_

I grabbed the landline, wondering who it could be, because I already gave my new phone number to my friends.

"Bella, this is Alice. Edward said you might decorate or something for the prom. Is that still the case? I'm completing my list."

I had forgotten all about that. "I guess so. What do I need to do?" I asked, but melancholy held me in its grasp, and I wasn't interested in our conversation.

"Great, we're going be setting up a meeting next week to plan the theme."

"Sure, call me with date and time."

"One more thing. Are you seeing someone?"

I choked at the question. When the fit stopped, I said, "Excuse me?"

"I just... Edward will kill me if he finds out I brought this up. He had planned to ask you out when he gave you a ride home, but he got the impression you're seeing someone. Are you?"

"No, but I'm burnt out today. I have to go." I said, the thought of attempting to go out with anyone else in my current state of mind was crazy.

When I returned to my room, I spotted Pillow Fighter sprawled on the floor in the corner. I picked him up. Smiling at his cuteness, I set him on the nightstand beside Winkleberry.

Sifting through the day's traumas, I tried to understand why I couldn't tell anyone, especially my family, why we broke up and how much he hurt me. After several minutes, my internal examination concluded that it was because, if by some miracle, we made it back together, I didn't want their opinions of him tainted. I protected their image of him.

Somewhere in a teeny tiny corner of my heart, I held a speck of hope, and I hated myself for that. _Pick one!_ Emmett said. I wouldn't pick either of them.

* * *

**A/N **Drop me a line if you have any question or concerns P.S. Jacob is up Next!


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N ** _If you love the story or the chapter, I'd love to hear about it. _

**Chapter 24**

** _Jacob_ **

Bright lights shined hot overhead. Breathless, I trembled from depletion as I stood in the center of the ring, soaked in sweat, waiting for the Ref to hand the score cards over to the announcer. I gave my body, my skill, my everything to this fight from the first-bell ding to the last. Just the way I did in practice each day leading up to it as planned. I knew I won. My only pressure came from waiting for the judges to confirm. They had the final say and occasionally, they might disagree.

"By Unanimous Decision the National Golden Gloves Light Heavyweight Champion is... The _Blue_ Corner _Jacob Black_!" Cheers roared throughout the packed arena as the Ref jerked my arm upward.

Exhilaration controlling me, I erupted into the air. My feet landed back on the canvas, and feeling like I could fly, I leapt over the ropes, lifting Old Ben, who'd made his way, with Billy, from their seats to the arena floor when the last bell dinged. Ben taught me everything I knew. This win was his as much as mine. I planned to take him all the way to the top with me.

My first major goal conquered. Now I could go home! Euphoric, I traipsed into the locker room and called Emmett to let them all know.

"Congratulations! You did it! All your hard work finally paid off!" Emmett said, "How does it feel to be the National Golden Gloves Champ, numero uno, in the entire USA?"

"It feels freaking incredible! I can't even tell you how much adrenaline is flooding me," I said, telling him how I'd hopped the ropes and lifted Old Ben. We laughed.

"Heard you fought light heavy?"

"I had to move up. It was getting too hard to make 165. I'm 175 pounds naturally now, so I don't even need to cut weight anymore." As my body started to fill out in proportion to my height, from all the exercise and building, it was a natural step to take.

"Doesn't that put you on the smaller end of Light Heavy?"

"Puts me on the faster end, too."

"When are you coming back? It's my last summer hurrah before I head down to Colorado to become a Pueblo Thunder-Wolf. Get here before it's time for me to leave."

"We'll fly back to California to get my things then me and my dad will drive home." I had bought a used Chevy pickup, a fixer upper, after I gave Seth my car.

He talked about his Division II football scholarship and how he planned to use it to earn a bigger, better scholarship to a Division I school.

Other thoughts occupied my mind. Bella. I was dying for her to know I won. I wished she could have been by me for this. The win would have been so much sweeter with her. Over the past Christmas Vacation, I tried chipping at the ice between us by sending her something I knew she'd really like, because she kept a similar stuffed pillow by her bead. I asked Leah to get her to call me afterward. Leah said she tried, but Bella never called.

l felt desperate to hear her voice and before I could stop myself. "Is Bella around?" came stumbling out of my mouth. I winced.

When Emmett took a moment to answer, I clenched my jaws, _dammit, _pissed at myself for asking _him, _of all people_,_ about her. After what I'd told him just a few weeks ago, there was no way he'd want me around his sister ever again.

"No, she's not... Just to let you know... she's got a boyfriend, and it's serious."

He didn't have to tell me. I figured it was serious when she didn't come to my graduation with the rest of them. I overheard Renee tell Sue, _"She went to Disney World with her boyfriend and his family. They're so cute in love!" _

Who says that? Normally, Renee was a cool mom. This time she irritated me.

Not knowing what to say back to Emmett, I didn't respond.

"Jake. I'm just saying... Your work's cut out."

Hearing his words, I took in a swell of air and puffed it out, feeling liberated and with a heart full of gratitude. This meant he knew I still wanted her and didn't have a problem with me trying to get her back. My best friend wasn't holding my worst blunder, against me. I loved him for it.

_Deciding to move on after what I'd heard about Bella at graduation, I met a cute girl at a boxing match my first weekend back in California. Not realizing, I was the rebound. Big mistake. It only lasted three weeks. Insecure, she accused me of not being at the gym on times when I was. Her Ex, Felix, was a fighter. I didn't know him, but I knew _of_ him. In a heated argument, she acted as if she was an expert on how much a boxer trained, telling me I was lying because Felix never trained that much. She slapped me in the face when I spit out, "That's why he sucks!" But even if he had trained as much, he still would have sucked. _

_That was that! _

_After Jane, I went back to tunnel-focusing on winning Nationals. I didn't need a relationship. I didn't need anyone. All I needed was my fists and my fight, I told myself. _

_Bella wasn't on my mind when I called Emmett one night, scared and panicking. "Pregnant? How the fuck did that happen?" he whispered, in a furious tone. "Weren't you wearing anything?" _

"_Yeah, but she told me she wasn't with anyone else during some time-frame." _

_The sound went dead silent. Then he said, "She's got to be lying then." _

_I thought the same but wasn't sure. She showed me the stick with red lines when she came over to the house a couple weeks after we'd already ended it. Relief dropped me to my knees when an ultrasound showed she was further along than she'd guessed. There was no possibility it was me and it had to be her Ex. The worst three weeks of my life, next to the three weeks I spent seeing her. Emmett was just as relieved when I gave him the great news. _

When I arrived home, I discovered there wasn't one tiny little gap in the middle of Bella and her boyfriend I could squeeze in between. Emmett and Renee weren't exaggerating. Half the time she avoided me and the other half the time she was with him. She was civil and in front of everyone else when we were in the same room, but that was all she'd give me. She wouldn't talk to me outside of the family gatherings, and she for damn sure wouldn't be alone with me.

"_I'm with someone now, Jake. Please leave me alone,"_ she told me, the one time I called her, before she blocked my number.

It hurt, but I prepared myself, knowing getting her back would be difficult and might take some time. In the meantime, I would comply with her wishes. I loved her enough to do that. I planned to ride it out and keep praying for that one precious opportunity I needed to get close to her, again. Someone had to be insecure in her relationship with the excessive time they spent together, and I hoped maybe they would end on their own.

* * *

I arrived thirty minutes early at The Rack in Port Angeles to meet up with Emmett. Waiting for him, I got in a game of pool with some guy to pass the time. Laughter in the dark corner grabbed my attention. Glancing toward it, I saw a couple bikers looking over at me. I thought nothing of it.

When I leaned over the table to take my shot, a solid whack came busting down on my head, cracking the pool stick and sending it dropping beside me. I clutched at the table, trying to steady my wobbling legs, but my knees buckled. My vision whiting out, I hit the floor, vaguely recalling being dragged outside and mumbling to someone which vehicle was mine. It took several minutes for me to get clear headed.

"Are you all right?" asked the guy I'd been playing pool with. It was him and another guy standing outside with me at my truck.

I reached for my thumping head in a daze. "What happened?"

"One of those bikers, the guy with dreads, hit you over the head."

"Who?"

"We don't know him, but we should probably get out of here. Doesn't look like the owners will kick him out or call the cops."

"Yeah!"

They hopped in their car and disappeared. I tried to drive out of the parking lot, but I felt shaky with ringing ears, a stinging scalp, and pounding head. I was in no condition to drive. I ended up circling around and parking in another spot on the opposite side of where I'd parked the first time.

I sat in the parking area, recovering and wondering what that was all about. I tried to get a hold of Emmett. His voice mail message came on, so I hung up. Gripping the steering wheel, white knuckled and raging inside, I _ached_ to kick some ass, but I didn't know who and how many guys I was dealing with.

A few minutes later, the opaque door swung open. I recognized the bastard with dreads, coming outside to smoke a cigarette. He wore the same leather biker vest as Emmett's enemy, James. He must have been part of the crew that tried to jump Emmett last summer.

When he came out, he was alone. Scowling, I wondered about the other two smokers. Were they all together? _They might jump in._ Common sense told me to leave, but it hit me. Seth was with Emmett that day. _He_ thought I was _Seth!_ My rage hit a whole another level. I spotted the leather weight-lifting gloves Emmett left in my truck, snatched them up, and slid my hands into them. The tight fit comforted me like the feel of boxing gloves. Glaring at him, I balled my fists, relishing the leather stretching over my knuckles, I was home in them.

_Fuck it! _I jumped out of the truck, and I beat the _piss_ out of him right in front of the building. Nobody else, standing outside said or did a _damn_ thing. That was The Rack for you.

Then I got the hell out of there, called Emmett and left a voice message, telling him to stay away from The Rack and to meet me at his house.

Suffering a painful head-aching drive back to Forks, I made it to his house. Bella's boyfriend's car was the only one parked in the driveway, a Tesla. An arrogant punk, driving an expensive electric car at his age to show off his wealth. I grimaced. _Douche_. Bella wouldn't have struck me as a girl who'd want to be with a guy like him. Her nature was sweet and down to earth. He was a pompous, preppy wuss. Granted, I didn't know him and didn't want to know him. I made sure not to be in the same vicinity of him whenever I visited the Swan house. One of them probably would have tried to introduce us.

Sitting there, I saw them come outside, Bella walking him to his car. I turned away. The regret of losing her and jealousy filled me when I'd see them together from a distance.

My head continued to throb and sting while waiting. I pressed my fingers on the tender bump. It felt warm and sticky, oozing blood. I couldn't wait for Emmett anymore. I needed to check my wound and get some Tylenol.

"I got in a fight," I burst when Bella opened the door.

Her eyes widened in alarm, she stepped aside. "Come in." Her focus went to the spot beside my ear. "Jacob your bleeding." She clasped onto my arm, tugging me to a chair. "Sit down. Let me see. What happened?" she asked, examining it and informing me she couldn't see the cut beneath the blood.

I told her about the fight as she left to the kitchen, returning with a wet washcloth and a first aid kit. A thick attraction sizzled in the atmosphere between us, from her standing closer to me than she'd done in a long, long time. I didn't know if it was coming from just me or both of us. I flinched when she wiped at the top my head to get a view of the damage. "It's small and it looks like its already clotting," she said.

Her breasts held right in my line of sight. I lifted my eyes, tilting my head back to see her face, so I'd stop staring, causing a shift of her gaze. Her eyes flickered over my face, immersing deep into mine. Still the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. I zoomed in on her rose-colored lips. My mouth watered. I swallowed.

I don't know who caught in whose tractor beam, but Bella's lips fell over mine. The moment we connected, all the blood inside my brain rushed south. I scooped my arm around her and slid her on my lap. Her petite frame felt amazing as I ran hungry hands up and down her back and hips, sensing her trembling body. Flitting her fingers across my chest, she rubbed my biceps, and felt for both of my shoulders then roamed my back, her hands drifting all over me while mine did the same to her. My heart raced in love and lust and _so_ much joy, my dream of being with her like this again, coming true.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, tugging at my hair, as we pressed our bodies together tighter. It felt as if we couldn't get close enough. Then, to my disappointment, she let go, a soft sigh escaping her, pressing her forehead against mine. I opened my eyes to see her eyes clenched shut. Tears trickled down her flushed cheeks. "Please don't, Jake," she muttered, sounding like she was in pain, holding back a cry.

"I still love you so, so much, Bella," I said, just as a car door slamming, pierced my ears. Bella's eyes shot open. Her hands grasped my shoulders, and she popped herself from my lap.

I expected Emmett, but someone knocked. Bella ran her fingers beneath her eyes and took a deep breath, readying herself to answer it. I glanced out the dining-room window. Her boyfriend's car stood in the driveway. _Fuck!_


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N** _Skipping through time is in reflection of the title, Time Won't Let Me Go. We only have 3 chapters left after this one, still skipping. Sometimes shit happens in life as it's happening with these Characters. Just remember, this is a Jacob and Bella story. _

**Chapter 25**

** _Bella_ **

Edward and I helped on the decorating committee for prom. Then it just seemed fitting to attend together. We officially went out two weeks later. Wanting to continue spending time with him sneaked up on me, but when I took the leap, I fell fast.

He was a different type of guy, charming and sweet and nice looking. My heart felt safe. The world became a lot bigger when I got with him. For the first time, I felt like I had a boyfriend, doing all the normal boyfriend-girlfriend things that, until now, I didn't do. We went to concerts, plays, fancy restaurants, and his family included me on a lot of great trips. He played the piano incredibly. I loved watching him with his group whenever they had a gig somewhere.

When Jacob first came over to the house, after he came home, I literally lost my breath. I just as well have been thirteen again. He was more stunning than he'd ever been. He developed his body more. His striking facial features matured. Simply put, he'd grown into a man now. He made me aware of his continued interest almost immediately. Acknowledging the powerful attraction still lingering in me, I kept myself away from him, or I'd lose my senses again and ruin what Edward and I built over the months.

Out of the blue, it happened just as I feared it might. He captured me with his dark eyes, the eyes I'd always loved to gaze into. I sunk into them, turned to putty, and _I _kissed _him_. Being in his arms after everything that went on between us brought tears, tears over us not being together anymore, the hurt he caused, my weakness for him, and my lack of loyalty to Edward. I couldn't deny the fiery enjoyment I experienced sitting on his lap, feeling him up, practically letting him feel me up. Oh, my God, I was awful.

Answering an interrupting knock, my head still spinning, I opened the door _stunned _to see Edward standing there. A fearful and shame-ridden reflex tugged my fingers to my lips—probably, red and puffy—to hide the evidence. I dropped my hand as soon as I realized it. _Get it together, stupid! _ "Edward!" I motioned with a wave of my hand, nervous and feeling like a slut, as I said, "Come in." I didn't know why he came back.

Relief flowed through me, noticing he didn't seem to notice the involuntary tell, my warm face, or anything else out of the ordinary when he glided through the entrance. "I forgot my wallet in your bedroom," he told me, as he looked in Jacob's direction.

Glancing over at Jacob, myself, who stood by the window with his eyes on me. I felt compelled to explain that Edward only helped me hang a shelf, for Pillow Fighter, actually.

"Hello there," Edward said to him, ripping me back to sanity.

Heart pounding, I jumped into the situation, and said, "Jake, this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward, this is Jake. He's a friend of the family." The way I referred to Jacob hurt my ears when I heard it.

"What's up," Jacob said, appearing calm and normal under the circumstances.

"Good to meet you, Jake."

"Hey ah, Bella, just tell Emmett I have his weight-lifting gloves. They came in handy today. He can find me at me Seth's."

I felt terrible about the transgression, and now I needed to do something about it. Troubled and unable to sleep, I called Jake at three o'clock in the morning, wondering if he'd be up. When he picked up the call, I guessed he couldn't sleep either. "Jake, it's me. I thought we should talk about what happened today."

"Yeah, I'm glad you called."

"I shouldn't have kissed you. In my defense, part of me will always love you, too, but I'm with Edward. Things are good between us. It was a mistake."

"I never expected you to drop everything when I came home. I just wanted you to hear me out. I know I hurt you. I wasn't in a good head space back then, but that's no excuse. I wish I could change it. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am, to tell you how I felt and for you to think about us. If you give me another chance, Bella, I _guarantee_ I'll _never_ hurt you again. All I'm asking is for you to _seriously _think about us, Bella."

"I will. I promise." I hung up the phone, sad, for us.

I didn't know if getting back together would be the answer or if it would bring more pain. As strong as my feelings for Jacob still were after all this time, I felt afraid. I already went down that road, twice. I couldn't throw away a great relationship with Edward to try it again with Jacob. What if it didn't work? Edward would not hang around while I explored a situation with another guy, then come back if it didn't work out. I couldn't find trust for Jacob.

When I made my decision, I didn't even have the courage to speak with him face to face or over the phone. If he tried to convince me, I didn't know what I would do. I might crumble as usual. I sent a cowardice text instead.

I can't. I'm sorry.

He text back: I'll get out of your hair now.

Edward knew nothing of my history with Jacob. I didn't share it with him because those memories were mine alone. Being polite, he'd didn't pry when I told him I didn't want to discuss my previous bad relationship. He just told me it was fine.

I intended to talk to him about Jacob and what happened between us, after it happened, but I found I wasn't brave enough. I kept putting it off, time and time again. After choosing him, I didn't want to lose him over it. It only happened because it was Jacob. I wasn't a bad person, so I convinced myself to stop feeling guilty, and to let it go, because it would never happen again. I'd make sure of it.

Jacob left for Seattle soon after. He stopped coming to the house if or when he was around. Edward and I continued to grow our relationship.

* * *

Edward convinced me to apply to the University of Illinois in Chicago with Alice. He enrolled in the Chicago Academy for the Arts, to further his music. It seemed like a no brainer on graduation day when he suggested I live with him and Alice versus living in the dorms. Convincing my parents was an entirely different dilemma, though. It took weeks for me to get up the courage, and time was running out.

Renee sat across the kitchen table from me with a worried, leery expression as I continued to try to get her to see my points. "Look, Mom, I could spend money on a dorm room and a meal ticket each semester if that's what you want, but I know right now I won't be there. I'll be with him and Alice at their penthouse, so it'll be a waste of money. Money, we can't afford to waste. I'm 18. I don't need permission, but I don't want to lie to you guys about where I am and what I'm doing. So, I'd really love for you two to support my decision on this."

"Are you being safe?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mom!" I responded in surprise, my face warming at the unexpected personal question.

"You're sitting here, telling me you're moving in with Edward, so are you being safe?"

She was right. I bit my lip then mumbled. "Of course, we are."

Her shoulders raised as she sighed in defeat. "I've already tried, and it doesn't sound like I'm going be able to convince you otherwise. I'm glad you came to me. I'll talk to your dad. It _will_ help with the money situation when Jasper goes off to school next year... and I'll remind him we were just as young when we married and moved in together. Look how long we've lasted."

I grinned in relief and happiness. "I love you," I said, giving her a big hug of gratitude.

A few days later, she told me she convinced Dad. Charlie agreeing was a major accomplishment. Kudos to Renee. He seemed to like Edward, though. They knew I'd be safe and taken good care of in the big city of Chicago.

Ecstatic, I called Edward to give him the amazing news, squealing in excitement, "They _both_ said yes!"

"Really?" he asked, "You don't know how relieved that makes me. You're moving in with me." I could hear the astonishment in his voice. I felt the same, barely believing it myself. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Um, I'm supposed to go to Port Angeles for dinner with the family." Emmett had finally come home from Colorado, halfway through the summer. Renee and Charlie went in early to shop. Seth and Jasper drove Emmett's truck to pick him up at the Ferry. I waited, because Leah was driving with me in Renee's car—my car now, since Renee bought a new one—after work. She had a summer job at the Dairy Queen.

"That's right. I forgot. We'll get together tomorrow then. I have a surprise for you," he said.

While on the phone with him, Leah called saying she had to work a double, because someone didn't show up. "That's fine," I told her. "Edward's on the other line. I'll bring him with me. He can take your place."

This way I wouldn't have to drive alone. We could have a family get together, and he and I could celebrate.

"I don't have to be afraid to see Charlie, do I?" His voice sounded worried.

"Don't be absurd." I chuckled at my use of one of his favorite phrases. "He wouldn't have said yes if he planned to treat you funny."

After he agreed, we realized we'd be late if he came to get me. His house was on the way, so I drove there and switched to his car. He grinned, his green eyes sparkling, as I climbed in with him. What? I asked. He dipped his hand into his shirt pocket and brought out a small velvet box, startling me. "You're crazy," I told him, holding onto a nervous smile.

"That I am, but it's not what you might think," he said, piquing my curiosity. I reached for the jewelry box. A white-gold pinky ring, nested inside. Intricate leaves touched one another into a band, dusted with little diamond shimmers. "I hope it fits. Alice tried it on. It's celebrating this special occasion."

I gulped. "It's beautiful. I love it. Thank you." I slipped it onto my pinky, then wound my arms around his neck to thank him properly.

We arrived at Emmett's favorite restaurant, Woodfire Steakhouse. The hostess led us to the Swan Party. Rounding a corner to the back area, I stopped short in my tracks when my eyes locked with Jacob's eyes, sitting at the table with the rest of the family. I accidentally jerked my hand away from Edward for I don't know why.

Gathering my composure, I glanced up at Edward. He had a wondering expression. Playing off the shock of seeing Jacob, I scratched my palm then reached for his hand again, continuing to the table.

Jacob had been out of sight, out of mind. I didn't consider Emmett might bring him, which was idiotic, because I should have known. Jacob lived in Seattle now with his sister while he attended the University of Washington, so I hadn't seen him since my indiscretion last summer.

To make matter's worse, the two open chairs, beside Renee, were across from Jacob and Seth. Making a quick decision, I planned to sit across from Jacob, so they didn't have to stare at each other, but Edward pulled back the chair next to Renee for me.

"Edward, have you ever met, Jacob?" She asked. It was an innocent question, but I got annoyed.

"I did," Edward told Renee then said to Jacob. "The friend of the family. Right?" I cringed inside, hearing the reduction in Jacob's status again, because of my slip-up and dishonesty.

"No, he's family," Renee corrected, smiling at Jacob.

"Good to see you again," Jacob said to Edward in a flat tone. I wondered if Edward and everyone at the table could feel the awkwardness of the moment, or if it was just me feeling awkward. Gazing around, the only one who appeared to recognize the difficult ambiance was Jasper. He gave me a sympathetic smile.

Charlie broke the silence, while everyone examined their menus, bringing up Jacob's repeat win at Nationals. "What's next on your agenda, Jacob?"

Jacob straitened in his chair. "Stay on top until the Olympic qualifying events and Olympics come around, in about a year."

"That's a good plan. I'm proud of you for staying focused on your dreams," Charlie told him.

"Thanks," Jacob said, our eyes meeting. I smiled at him. I was proud of him. I never got the chance to tell him, though.

We all ordered, and I passed the stack of menus to Mom for the waitress when she exclaimed, "That is gorgeous!" She caught my hand, lifting it up to see the ring.

I fought the urge to cover it with my other hand, forcing myself not to steal a glance at Jacob. I knew I hurt him when I didn't get back with him.

"It's a special gift," Edward explained, "I bought it for her in celebration of her coming to Chicago and living with me."

_Oh, my God!_ _You don't need to tell the world!_ I didn't even get the chance to tell my brothers, yet, and I didn't want Jacob to know our business.

Charlie grunted. Renee reached out and patted him on the leg. Seth and Jasper swung their faces toward each other. I shot an angry look at Edward, because on the drive, he'd been worrying about seeing Charlie. I thought it would have been the last thing he'd want Charlie dwelling on during dinner. He shrugged off my glare. I turned to see Jacob. His head down, he focused on his phone.

It seemed like Emmett didn't hear Edward, because he showed no reaction, and a moment later he asked Edward about Forks' football season. They talked about it.

Jacob stood up and said to Charlie and Renee. "I forgot I had something else I needed to do." He reached in his pocket, bringing out some money. "I'll try to cancel my order but if I can't, this will cover it." It was a clear signal of his uncomfortableness. I wasn't the only one feeling it.

Emmett scrunched his face at Jacob. "We're going to The Rack after. Just sit down, we'll be out of here in no time."

Everyone at the table probably knew why Jacob wanted to leave but Edward. I wondered what Edward deduced from Emmett's remark.

Jacob stared at Emmett for a second then nodded and sat back down.

Emmett was my hero of the evening. He engaged Edward in football conversation then he'd switch to boxing for Jacob. He shared several funny football stories of his own with everyone. Occasionally, when he'd laugh, I thought I whiffed alcohol, thinking it might be the reason he talked so much. We made it through the dinner, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

** _Jasper_ **

On our way to The Rack after surviving an uncomfortable family get together Bella unexpectedly brought Edward to, I felt happy. Nearly a year passed since me, Seth, Emmett, and Jake were all together. I drove Emmett's pickup, because he had been taking sips from a flask he'd taken out of his luggage, after we'd picked him up from the ferry. Seth rode shotgun, and Jacob and Emmett sat in the backseat.

During the drive, Jacob said, "I wish Bella wouldn't have brought that guy. I really can't _stand_ him."

I expected no one to respond to him. A few minutes later, Emmett did, saying, "I know you don't want to hear this Jake, but Edward is a real decent guy."

_If you knew he didn't want to hear it, why'd you say it?_ I glared at Emmett through the rear-view mirror. He didn't notice me.

Emmett and Edward were friends from football. We all had made friends with him by now, because he was around so much. Maybe Emmett just wanted Jake to get used to Edward being around us with Bella. I could have told Emmett that would never happen if he gave me the chance.

Jake huffed. "Yeah, you would say that, but she was off-limits to me though, huh?"

Seth and I glanced at each other. I made a "what's going on?" face at him. He shrugged an "I don't know" back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Emmett asked, his tone heated.

Jake narrowed his eyes. "You know _damn well_ what it means."

"Hey, if you've got something to say to me, say it."

Jacob stayed silent. I thought he would ignore Emmett. He was used to ignoring Emmett whenever Emmett got annoying. But then, he let out a course breath, and came straight out with, "If it wasn't for you back then. I'd be the one with her right now."

The atmosphere felt strained, one of the ugliest vibes I'd ever experienced. Jacob said what he wanted to say. I hoped it stopped there, but it didn't.

Emmett asked, "How do you figure? I don't know what you think I did or why it's my fault? I tell you what, though, there was a lot of other shit going on between you two." Seth shifted in his seat, gazing up at the roof-ceiling and sucking in a breath, tense. I wondered if he ever told Jake about him and Bella. "I know better than anyone in this truck why you aren't together," Emmett snapped.

I didn't know Emmett's meaning, but Jake sure did. "Shut the _fuck_ up!" he commanded, a no-joke warning. Tensed jawed, his face pulsed in fury. I knew his look. It was the expression he got whenever someone gave him a good hard punch that rang his bell, dazing him. He'd get that expression as he leveled up, and you just knew it was all over for the other guy.

Taking a quick look over my shoulder at Emmett, I scowled, glaring for him to let it rest. But Emmett never could shut up. If he had a point to make, he would make it. That's just the way he'd always been, alcohol or no alcohol. He rolled his eyes at me then turning to Jake, he asked, "Or what, Jake? Don't forget... I can fight, too!"

I threw my head back. _Holy Hell, Emmett!_ Nerves prickled up in me. I wondered the reason for Emmett's escalating words, alcohol, guilt, or both, as the image of them fighting flickered through my mind. Emmett was over two-hundred pounds of line backing muscle who knew how to take and throw a punch, and Jake was _Jake_. Every fighter knew what that meant. He didn't have a wicked outside-of-the-ring fighting reputation for nothing.

I jumped when Seth shouted, "Shut up!" He turned to the back seat to face them. "Both of you! Knock it off and shut the hell up now!"

Glancing at Emmett in the review mirror, the anger-glossed expression he wore, told me he wouldn't stop. "Nah, Seth! He wants to blame someone." Seth stared straight ahead, his expression stone. "If he wants to blame somebody, he can blame himself." Then he looked over at Jake again. "You're not together, because you were too busy being with other girls. You were too busy _fucking_ around, trying to _knock _somebody up!"

Me and Seth's heads snapped toward each other. We'd never heard that.

Jake's enraged face shattered into a mixture of hurt. He banged the side of his fist against the door and growled. "Stop the truck!"

I thought if I stopped, they might fight for sure. I kept on driving.

Through gritted teeth, Jake repeated, "I said. Stop. The. Truck!"

"Stop the truck, Jazz," Seth mumbled. "Let him out."

I pulled over in a business parking lot we had approached, reminding myself they were best friends. Emmett loved Jake. It was just a heated discussion between brothers. They wouldn't fight.

Jacob flew out of the rear door. He stomped to the back of the truck and stood behind it. A minute went by, and Emmett groaned, "Shit!" He jumped off too. Seth was about to hop out after them. I reached over and touched his arm, telling him to give them a second to talk it out. I could watch them from the mirror.

I rolled down the window, trying to hear what they were saying while I kept an eye on them. Then Seth started in with his own crap. "Jake's right. If Emmett wasn't such a _bitch_, back then. Jake and Bella probably _would_ be together right now."

My temperature flared. He had no room to talk with the part he played in them not being together. "That's not true," I snapped, but I didn't really know.

"Hell yeah, it is," he spouted. "I was there!"

I wasn't there the day he was talking about, but I knew what went on, so I said, "Well, I was there _back_ then. I seem to remember _someone else_ who was always in their way."

The reality of the situation: I was the only one in our group not involved in keeping them apart. Leah had told me she didn't want them to get together either, at first, because of Seth. No, that's not a hundred percent true. Nobody had to tell me what was going on. I could feel it and see it by how people acted around each other. I could have helped Jake and Bella out in the beginning. Deep down, I was going for Seth. He was my best friend. I was just a kid back then. What did I know?

Seth's brow crumpled. He sneered at me from the corner of his eye. "Me and Jake worked that out."

I shrugged. "All right." _If you say so..._

It wasn't anybody's fault, really. Whatever Jake did to turn Bella against him so much, probably wasn't even his fault. When a person is as young, like we all were, then and now, how is anyone supposed to know who will be The One? I had a couple of girlfriends I thought I loved. It turned out I was wrong. But the fact that we were all here arguing about what happened between them, must have meant something.

When Emmett and Jake finished talking, they climbed back into the truck. "Back home?" I asked, I felt sure none of us would still be in the mood to hangout.

"The Rack," they both said in unison. We continued to the pool hall, driving in silence. Jacob stared out the side window and, in a low voice, he said, "For the record, I wasn't... what you said, Emmett... fucking around, wanting to be with someone else. Shit just happened. I was trying to make something out of my life, so I don't get stuck in La Push. I still am."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry for what I said, Jake. I didn't mean it."

Emmett later told me, back at home, when I asked about their conversation, Jake thought he wouldn't have gone away to school if he had got with Bella back then. He'd always loved her, and if he could do it all over, he would. Emmett mentioned he believed Jake, because he still held the same feelings for Rosalie, and they met, not as young as Jake and Bella, but still young.

I felt terrible for Jake. It was as if the whole universe was out of whack with the way their situation affected us all.

"Jacob's broken," Emmett said, frowning and shaking his head in worry, as he sat down on his bed to take his shoes off.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 **

_ **Jacob ** _

Easter Sunday would never be the same for me, even though the real dates might change. Along with its original purpose, it would always remind me of the day Old Ben left me. He died from long-term diabetic complications. If he could have just hung around four more months, he would have attended the Olympics with me. I had already taken the Elite Boxing Championship in my weight class, one of the qualifying steps to making the USA team. It made me favored to have that spot in August, summer Olympics. And I attended Olympic Training Camps for preparation. It wouldn't be the same without him now. Nothing would. He'd become my rock, one of my main purposes to succeed.

They held his funeral three days after Easter Sunday.

I sat in the first-row setup for active pallbearers selected by his family to serve at the funeral. Seth, Jasper, and Brady were selected with me, along with some of his nephews and grandchildren. Ten of us all together. It's no surprise the best fighters he coached were also the closest fighters with the strongest personal connections to him. It was an honor, and Seth came home from his last year in school, taking a few days off, to take part. We held the funeral services in the Tribal Community Center where practices and boxing events took place. Ben practically lived in this building. Being well respected and highly known around the La Push and Forks Communities, the center was the only tribal facility big enough for his funeral. Coaches and fighters, young and old, from other teams around the state and from Canada came to pay their respects to his family. People loved him.

When the Quileute tribal singers gathered around the drum to sing his farewell honor song, the pallbearers lined up beside his casket while the rest of the people in attendance lined up for the final viewing before the casket's closing. I didn't know if all funerals played out in the same manor or if we held our Quileute funerals in a unique tribal tradition. I never thought about it before, but because there was so many non-natives in attendance, it made me wonder. The format I'd always been familiar with was for people to approach the active pallbearers, shake their hands, or hug them, possibly shed tears with them, then move to the casket. From there, they stopped by the immediate family members, sitting in the first few rows, on the opposite side from the rows designated for the pallbearers, and did the same.

That's when I spotted _her_ with Emmett, Charlie, and Renee, getting in line for the viewing. I guess from my grief and the size of the attendees; I didn't see her before, and I didn't expect to see her. I knew Emmett flew back to attend, but she didn't know Ben well enough to fly back from Chicago. "What's she doing here?" I muttered under my breath, not intending to think out loud or speak audibly.

Seth heard me. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, "She came for a visit over the long Easter weekend, and stayed because of this." He would know. They stayed close.

Not me. Emmett called me every couple of weeks, just to stay caught up with me. I welcomed his phone calls, but I didn't pretend a rift didn't exist between us since we argued about Bella, ten months ago. A rift existed between me and the entire Swan Clan now. I couldn't be part of their family anymore. Since she lived with that guy, he was their family now. I kept my eyes away from her. It felt difficult enough to deal with my grief without seeing her at the same time. It could have been worse; she could have brought him to the funeral with her. I stood, shaking hands and hugging people, going through the motions until the Swans moved up in the line to me. Charlie shook my hand and told me to keep my head up. Renee hugged me, whispering, "We love you, Jacob."

All I could do was nod at her. My throat closed with a lump. I hadn't seen or talked to them in a way that mattered for so long. Before, when I was away at school or California, I didn't talk to them either, but this time the reason was different, so it made me sad, because I loved them, too.

I saw Bella hug Jasper then Seth out of the corner of my eye, while Emmett hugged me. "It'll be tough to get through, but it will be okay. Stay strong, buddy," he said in a choked-up voice.

I fought my tears. Everyone knew of me and Ben's closeness. "Will do."

With their family walk-through, I barely hung in there without having a complete crying breakdown. I missed them all. When Bella reached me, I didn't want to drop my eyes to her, afraid this would be when I lost it, but I did. She had red eyes and a tear-stained face. An awkwardness claimed the moment, because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what she wanted me to do. I extended my arm out, so she could shake my hand. She glanced down but ignored it, reaching her arms up to hug me. I bent and hugged her. She kissed me on the cheek, and said, "I'm sorry for your loss, Jacob. I know how much you loved him."

"Thank you." I felt satisfied I managed that much in a near steady voice.

After we performed our duties at the cemetery following the inside funeral, I wanted to leave. I felt hot and uncomfortable in the suit and emotionally beat. Everyone planned to follow the usual traditions, which was to meet back up at the Community Center and have a feed. A feed was where everyone came back to eat together while the family gave gifts away to people who volunteered to help with the funeral, to people close to Ben, and to people who traveled a distance to attend. The gift portion was called a give-away. After that, they would hold a tribal healing ceremony on behalf of Ben since he had been sick before he left us. Our funerals could be long that way.

Seth approached as I started up my truck. "Are you going back to the Center?"

"No, I need to get some sleep." After the wake the night before, Seth and I stayed up all night at the Center with Old Ben and some of his family members. We didn't want to leave him alone in there, this being another tribal tradition.

"Yeah, me, too," he said, "but in a few hours at seven this evening, Jasper and Emmett are going to come over to the house. We want to watch Classic Boxing in Ben's honor. I found the Leon Spinks and Muhammad Ali fights and recorded them awhile back. Will you come?"

"Umm." I weighed the idea. Though I felt wasted and reluctant to share company in my sorrow, it might be good to spend time with Emmett and Jasper again before we all split back up. Jasper was alone in Forks now most of the year. Emmett was in Colorado. I lived in Seattle and Seth was in Oregon. I thought maybe I should work on repairing the rift. It had been too long already. Then I'd start visiting Charlie and Renee again. Bella didn't live there, so what did I need to worry about. "Yeah, that sounds like a good thing to do. I'll meet you guys later."

I got back to the house and out of the suit, but sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned, restless, so I climbed out of bed and paced around the house. Then I tried it again.

I thought about Bella as I lay there, staring up at the ceiling. She looked good, all grown up and as beautiful as I would have imagined. I felt glad she found happiness. I could give her that after what I put her through. I left her so broken; I sent her running into Seth's arms. I didn't come to that conclusion lightly, but I eventually came to terms with the reality of everything I did wrong, and how bad I screwed shit up. I must have been delusional to think I could hurt her so bad, and in such a cold way over the phone, then stay away from her for a year and still think I could get her back without having done more to show her how sorry I felt as soon as I _fucked_ it up.

Days after me and Emmett's argument, Seth told me about them hooking up over the Christmas break after we broke up.

_After he got it out, he said,_ _"I just wanted to set us straight and tell you it happened, so nobody will ever be able to use it against you or me in an argument."_ I knew then some shit Emmett said in the heat of the moment bothered him.

He played it smart by waiting until I made it back to Seattle, though, and telling me over the phone. He caught me in a bad way after that Swan get together. I went ballistic and said some, made some awful threats, and I told him to stay the fuck away from me if he knew best for himself. Had he been standing in front of me I didn't know what I would have done. But I knew that if I put my hands on him, no matter the reason, my relationships with him and my entire Clearwater family would have been destroyed.

He turned into a wicked, tough boxer after his knockout—I grinned, happy about that—I'm sure he would have fought back, but the worst damage would have been done between us. I'm not sure we could have fixed it from there.

We didn't talk for two months then I called him to bury the hatchet once I calmed down and thought it out painstakingly. It had already been a long time over and passed, by the time he told me. He wasn't with Bella, anyway, so why would I hold a grudge against him? I awarded him major points for breaking it off when he realized I still cared about her. I felt at fault he didn't know, because he kept pestering me at school, and in an effort not let him know what a true _fucking_ idiot I was; I told him it didn't work out, because the feelings weren't there between us for me to make it work out. I made one stupid, damaging error after another.

I tried to use it to hate Bella for a while, but that was short-lived. Being honest with my mistakes, I accepted I caused it. All my wrong decisions terrorized me with agony, but I deserved the pain.

Lying in bed, I admitted to myself, seeing her today set me back.

I needed something to take the edge off. I swung my legs from the bed and jumped up. Ransacking the house, I searched in all the old spots where I used to hide Billy's whiskey. I never poured them all down the drain, because if his hangovers got too rough after a few days on a drunken bender, when it seemed like he went into detox-sickness mode, he might need some to keep him out of the hospital. Then I'd feed him shots to help him taper off for a day or two. Hitting the last hiding spot in a loose floorboard inside his closet, I lucked out and found an unopened pint of crown royal whiskey and gulped down a few blasts, hoping it would help relax me enough to get me sleep.

I wasn't such a wuss I didn't work on moving on. I tried out two relationships in the past year. Nothing worked out. Nobody could understand my priorities, and they didn't enjoy playing second to my goals. Or, maybe, I just didn't have a heart anymore to give to anyone, yet.

I gave up my world with Bella for this dream, so I would make sure-no matter who came into the picture-I would see my plans through to the end or the choices I made would be for nothing. As it was, the choices I made _fucked_ me over big time. I rubbed my face with tense hands. I would have done everything different if I could, but I held hope that once I accomplished the Olympics, I'd be fine and be ready to move forward in that part of my life.

Sucking down a couple more blasts, I burned my throat and stomach, gagging. _Ugh,_ that crap tasted sickening. I still didn't see the attraction, but if it unwound me than it would be all good.

I recalled talking about Bella to Ben one night after I defended my National Championship when I couldn't get her back after the first win. "_Believe this, son. Just like the saying goes. Time heals all wounds, no matter what it feels like now. This is true. Me and Tia saw some of my kids through some devastating endings. Just give it time and don't force anything. You'll get there, and that's a promise!" _

Tears filled my eyes again. Man, I would miss him. Over the months, my determination to take him to the Olympics with me gained traction. I felt like it was meant for him to be part of it since he never realized his own dreams. I came to believe we were soulmates in the fact; he traveled the opposite path then me, making the opposite choice. I swigged another couple of chugs, nearing the end of the bottle then laid back down, wishing the feeling would kick in soon as I closed my eyes to rest. I didn't know what to do without him now. I wiped the new tears from my face. A dreadful aching pain hurt my heart he died.

About a half hour later, I blew out a huge breath still awake, but feeling it kicking in. It didn't make me sleep, it just made me aggravated with my thoughts. Opening my eyes, I glared at all the trophies lining my room. Looking them over, they gave me an empty feeling. I hopped back out of bed, noticing the buzz.

You'd think I was a winner with the number of trophies, I earned. I wasn't. I lost, threw away, the most important person in my life for that Trophy, the very first National award. Angry and regretful moisture pricked the corners of my eyes. I lifted the weighty image of two golden boxers fighting, asking myself, why did _I_ have to choose? Why did _Ben_ have to choose? This world was an ironic, cruel place to live.

The next second, wrath consumed me to the point of no return. I snapped the worthless piece of plastic, wood, and cheap metal in half, following up by busting more and more trophies. Then I couldn't take the rage coursing through me. I grabbed hold a dresser filled with them and hurled it over, smashing it toward the opposite corner of the room.

Something sprawled across the floor landing near my feet.

A small strand of gemstones and beads, lay out, shining in the sun-setting light, penetrating the open curtained window. Plucking it from the floor, I recognized it. I remembered deciding on the unique string of homemade jewelry, buying it from some street vendors near the school, my first year in Chemawa.

I meant it as a Christmas present for Bella. She always wore an anklet in the summer, and she wore one on the day we went to the movies, the first time I held her hand. I thought I lost it, but Embry returned it to me on the bus ride back to school, so I never could give it to her. When I came home for the break, I forgot about it as it became misplaced in my room, because it took me forever to get with her that summer. Now it stared at me, way too late to do anything with it. Seeing it and seeing her again, caused a feeling of suffocation inside of my body.

I needed to get going, get the hell away from La Push and Forks and back to Seattle.

I stuffed my things into my duffel bag and hurried to my truck. A bothersome inkling infiltrated my brain. After a few moments, I blazed it back into the house, snatched an empty envelope from the top of the fridge, found some paper, wrote Bella a short note, and stuffed the anklet inside the envelope with it, writing her name on the outside. Then headed to Forks. When I reached her house, I pulled up alongside their mailbox and shoved the envelope into the black metal box. I swung by Seth's for a quick minute just to tell him goodbye.

"What's the rush?" he asked, concerned. "You better just stay and rest. It'll take you four and a half hours driving normal to get back to Seattle. With the spring fog warning for tonight, it might take you twice as long."

I thought about it but feeling antsy, getting away seemed urgent. "Nah, I'll be fine. When you got to go, you _got_ to go."

"You don't look good, Jake…" Worry rose across his face… "and, is that alcohol, I smell?" He raised his eyebrow.

I chuckled, making light of his perceptiveness and tried to appear as I told him. "I'm okay, little brother. I just took a couple shots to ease the pain I've been feeling these few days. I'll call you as soon I make it back." I smiled at him.

His eyes showed leeriness, but he said, "Okay, but before you go, I need to tell you this _crazy _and _unbelievable_ story that happened to me. I've been meaning to tell you about it, but I kept forgetting."

"All right."

"Let me run to the restroom, first. It's kind of a long story." I rolled my eyes on edge. He laughed and added, "It's long, but not that long. Just wait for me. I'll be right back."

I nodded, plunking down on the couch. Agitated, one of my legs shook with impatience. The bathroom door closed. I couldn't do it. I had to get gone. The world felt as if it was closing in on me. When I spun out of the driveway, he came sprinting out the door, waving frantic arms. I waved at him and kept going with a purpose. I would be all right once I hit the highway.

The heavy fog surfaced about two hours into the drive. A calm, surrealistic quality settled within me as I became dazed by the fog.

I knew a guy once who blew out his knee during his senior year of high school. He had been on the fast track to receiving a full-ride basketball scholarship to almost any university of his choosing. After that, he went downhill, thinking his life was over. Talking about how he didn't want to try anymore, live anymore. I couldn't comprehend his despair. I couldn't comprehend his fear of the future. Driving through the dense fog, feeling cold and alone, I found a deeper understanding of the way he felt. Was it so bad to want another chance? A fresh start? An out, because _Hell_ knew, I could use a do over. I pressed down on the gas pedal, traveling faster than I should for the visibility, eager to get home.

I lost track of time and location, as I lost myself in my thoughts. Red reflectors glared ominously through the white mist. There was a bridge around somewhere, so I thought those specific lights glowed from it. The semi-truck's red taillights didn't pop out to my recognition, until I sped right up its rear. I slammed the breaks with all my power and swerved. Screeching brakes and crushing metal tore through my eardrums as everything turned white.

* * *

**A/N ** _How is everyone?_


	27. Chapter 27

_ **Chapter 27** _

_ **Bella** _

I came home for the holiday as planned, alone. Edward had musical obligations lined up over the long weekend, so he stayed in Chicago. Fortunately, he wasn't here when Ben passed. It made me able to attend his funeral without making up an excuse if Edward wanted to tag along.

Ben's death sorrowed the entire team, but he held an especially close bond with Jacob. I knew he'd take it hard. I wanted to offer him support, no matter how small. I still cared about him.

Renee and Charlie volunteered to serve food at Ben's feed after the funeral. I went home with Emmett and Jasper to wash clothes and pack my bags. Emmett and I had late morning flights out. I sat in the living room with them while I waited for my clothes to dry, oblivious to whatever they watched on television.

Thoughts of Jacob occupied my mind. Picturing his devastation, I wished I could have done more to comfort him, but we weren't even friends anymore. When Ben's granddaughter read a poem, she wrote about him, Jacob buried his hands in his face, his body shaking, crushing my heart and sending my tears pouring. Sitting beside me, Emmett wound his arm around me, giving me a hug. _"He'll be okay, sis. I'll do what I can to help him."_ The awkwardness looming between us was clear at the funeral when I went to hug him. I felt helpless and hurt by it.

A hard, fast pounding on the door sprung me to my feet, being nearer to the door than Emmett or Jasper. I yanked it open to see Seth, frantic.

Coming inside, he sputtered breathless, "Jacob lost it. He left town, and he's been drinking. I went into the bathroom to call you guys..." he told Emmett and Jasper... "So, you could help me talk some sense into him, but as soon as I let him out of my sight, he fled! I didn't even have time to dial you."

Seth told us he tried to follow him, but he couldn't catch up and didn't have enough gas to keep going. He turned around, coming here.

"He probably wouldn't have stopped for you, anyway. He gets as stubborn as me when he wants to." Emmett said.

"I know. It was _stupid_, but I panicked."

"You said he was drinking, but was he drunk?" Emmett asked, concern creasing his features.

"Not by the looks of him. I mean, he looked crazy exhausted and super upset, but he didn't talk drunk or act drunk. I only knew, because I smelled it on his breath. He admitted he had a few shots when I asked about it. I don't know what to do now, because if I report him, and he gets a DUI, it could hurt his Olympic candidacy. He'll never forgive me."

"If he only had a few shots, he's probably just a little buzzed. It should wear off fast from his athlete's metabolism. If he doesn't keep drinking, that is. As long as you're sure he wasn't _drunk_?" Emmett said in question form.

"I'm _not_ sure. That's the problem."

"Buzzed driving _is _drunk driving, according to a billboard I read," Jasper mentioned.

Emmett let out a frustrated groan. "I don't want to get him in trouble either, but Jasper's right. Since we don't know how much he drank, we have no choice but to report him, especially with this fog coming in. I'll call Dad." He looked at Seth and pointed to himself with his thumbs. "I'll take the blame. He's still a little mad at me, anyway. Maybe they can stop him up ahead. Do a welfare check on him or something, and hopefully he isn't drunk."

It didn't phase me Emmett would do that for Seth. Although, Jacob was a month older than him, almost to the day, he always acted as if he was the older brother to us all.

Squinting my eyes in curiosity, I asked Emmett, "Why is he mad at you?"

"Because of my _gigantic_ always-needing-to-be-_right_ mouth!" He grumbled, as he retrieved the phone.

_That was cranky, _and no kind of answer. Later, when I got Jasper alone, I asked about it again. He gave minimal elaboration, telling me, during an argument Emmett said some stupid stuff he shouldn't have said, but it was a private conversation between them. He came across as, "don't ask me, ask him."

Charlie called Jacob's vehicle in. I sat on the porch for a little while, watching the fog drop into our area, afraid the police wouldn't be able to spot Jacob's truck, because of it.

I never fell asleep. Apprehension over Jacob disturbed me. I waited for Seth to text us when Jacob contacted him, like he told him he would when he got home. Each hour with no word increased my discomfort.

Jasper and Emmett stayed awake, too, watching television and talking. On my way to get a bottle of water, I paused halfway down the stairs when I heard the conversation, interesting me.

"I got a bad feeling. I wish Seth or the cops would call. I was afraid he might crack. He was in bad enough shape the last time we saw him," Emmett said, "Out of all the times he needed me growing up, he needed me this time the most. I couldn't even be there for him, because I don't know when to shut up."

"I thought you guys were talking?"

"We are, every few weeks. Not that great, though. He doesn't tell me anything about himself outside of shit that doesn't matter, and I don't blame him. I just wanted to keep the peace, because we're all so far apart now. I should have known he was hurting and let it go, but I crossed the line that night."

"It was the alcohol."

"That's no excuse," Emmett snapped, in aggravation.

"Well then, you better learn to control that temper, listen to _somebody_ when they tell you to _shut_ up!"

Emmett huffed. "I know."

It disappointed me the conversation didn't provide me any information about their falling out I could decipher, but it sounded bad.

At four-thirty in the morning our worst fear came true. We got the call from Harry who'd found out through Rachel. They airlifted Jake to the University of Washington Medical Center in Seattle.

Our family drove in the Police car. Charlie escorted the Clearwaters and Billy, behind us, with his police lights blaring, and his spotlight shining. This way, we could travel a little faster and see better in the fog. Thank goodness, it already started to lift in places with the dawn's rising. It was the longest drive to Seattle I'd ever felt.

"Keep your thoughts positive," Charlie instructed on the way. "Too many times people panic and fall to pieces before they have a reason to, and things turn out better than they could have hoped. I see it all the time," he said. His words sounded practical, but his worry lines told a different story.

Something froze inside of _me_ after hearing the news. I shutdown inside the entire way.

My fears kicked in when we arrived at the hospital, and they wouldn't let anyone see him. Rachel told us he slipped away during a surgery to stop internal bleeding. They brought him back. Horrified we might lose him, my stomach knotted as I held in tears.

Despair engulfed the somber ICU waiting area while we waited for someone to bring us news. Rachel paced back and forth worried Sarah and Rebecca wouldn't make it in time. It made me wonder about Leah. I didn't know if anyone considered plans to get her here, in the panic. She'd need a ride. Who could do that besides Harry and Sue? It would devastate her if he didn't make it, and worse she was alone.

The doctor finally came out and collected Billy, Rachel, and Sue for a private meeting. The wait angonized me. When they returned, Billy informed everyone they put him into a medical induced coma for the time being to help stabilize his body and keep it from shocking while they continued monitoring him for additional internal bleeding. The next 24 to 48 hours would be critical to his recovery.

"You can see him now, but only two people at a time. Ten minutes at the most," Sue said.

Renee patted me on the knee. "When it's our turn, I'll go in with you."

"No," I mumbled. I couldn't see him that way. If he didn't pull through, I didn't want to carry the memory. I was barely containing my sanity as it was.

She nodded. "That's fine. Go in by yourself."

"No," I mumbled again. They couldn't make me. It relieved me she didn't push further.

Seth and Sue went in first. When they came back out, she appeared distraught. I didn't want to see it. I hopped up and went to the restroom then snuck out the nearest hospital entrance and sat down on a bench. I needed fresh air.

Seth joined me outside. "It's bad," he muttered, with a glazed expression.

Blinking back my tears, I said nothing. Fear paralyzed me.

He sat on the bench beside me. "The doctor said he has to fight."

"He will fight. That's what he does. He's a fighter," I said through the lump in my throat.

He shook his head, looking doubtful. We sat in silence until Jasper and Emmett came through the door and over to us.

"The look on his face and the way he said it," Seth muttered, to no one in particular. "You know what he told me before he left? His last words to me?"

Emmett took the spot next to him on the bench and asked, "What did he say?"

"He said, 'when you got to go, you got to go.'" His voice broke, tears springing from his eyes. "I think he wants to go."

Hanging his head, Jasper sniffled, attempting to suck back his own tears as Emmett swung an arm around Seth. "_That's_ not what he meant, Seth." I covered my wet face in my hands, listening to Emmett's trembling voice. "He's strong. He'll fight and get through this. I believe it."

After everyone in our family-aside from me-saw him, we left the hospital and checked into an adjoining room at a hotel up the street to give the Clearwaters and Jacob's immediate family their space. Charlie and Renee went shopping for travel necessities and ended up buying clothes for everyone. In our hurry, we neglected to prepare for overnight.

The day felt abnormally long. Mom and Dad were inside one room, and Jasper slept in the other. Emmett disappeared for a long time. Poolside, I sat on a plastic table outside the opened, sliding glass door of the room Jasper rested in. I saw Emmett coming across the pool area. Exhaustion covering him, he sat down on the table with me.

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"Just wandering around outside." After several minutes, he said, "I'm not much of a praying man, but I found a tree out there, and I prayed like all our lives depended on it, because it does." He rubbed his tired, red eyes. "_You_ hardly talked today. Are _you_ okay?"

"Trying to be," I muttered.

"I've been meaning to tell you something, I should have told you a long time ago. I'm sorry I bullied you when we were kids."

Emmett always did what he thought was best. He was more of a "do as I say, not as I do" person, but I understood him. He overly warned me and teased to no end, but I didn't feel bullied. "What are you talking about? You're a great older brother."

He pursed his lips, staring at me and cleared his throat. "I once apologized to Jake about the way I acted, but you deserved an apology, too." Leaning his elbows on the table, he rubbed his temples. "I just can't help but think if I left you and Jake alone back then, he would have stuck around Forks. You'd be together now, and maybe he wouldn't be in the hospital, fighting for his life."

I didn't understand why he blamed himself for our failed relationship, and Jake's accident had to nothing to do with back then. In his grief, he wanted to make something his fault. I wouldn't let him. "We got together anyway, and our break-up had nothing to do with you. Besides, his boxing took him away, so he wouldn't have stayed around."

"I'm not so sure about that, you know what he..."

"Emmett!" Jasper barked, startling me. Emmett lifted his eyes over me. I turned my head over my shoulder to see Jasper, standing in the room's entrance. "Have you called Rosalie and told her what's going on?" he asked, in a steadier voice. His first demanding tone confused me.

Emmett rubbed his face again, stood up, and said, "You're right. I should go call her."

* * *

Seth sent a group text at seven in the morning.

Jacob's awake. He's in bad shape, but he'll be okay. He'll be ready for visitors at eleven.

After my initial relaxation and joy at the news, I felt distressed he wouldn't want to see me, but we couldn't continue being alienated from one another. Our family connections bonded us, and he would always hold a special place my heart. Overnight, I decided that if he made it through, and if I could help it, I'd make sure we became close friends again.

Mustering up courage outside his room door, I was determined to be brave and not show any shock at seeing him in such an awful condition. I gathered a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and entered his room.

The head of his bed tilted upward slightly. A brace held his neck and head with a strap around his forehead. A bluish yellow tint discolored the skin of his face, along with cuts and scrapping; he looked terrible.

"Don't look so sad," he said, stretching his lips, corners slightly lifted. "I'm alive."

I tried to return a smile, but I couldn't will my mouth to cooperate. "I'm so thankful and relieved for that!" I moved toward his bed as casually as possible. "Can I hug you? Will it hurt?"

He made a face like I was being silly. "I'm on so much drugs. Hug away."

I leaned over his bed railing on my tiptoes, giving him a gentle hug, taking in a breath of him as I did it. I smelled soap and medication from his cuts. "Is that why you're in such a good mood, the drugs?" I forced a smile. I meant the joking question to lighten my tension, because I couldn't find a true smile, seeing him damaged this way.

"Maybe." He let out a small laugh.

They had already told me his medical issues, but I thought, asking him would help us move forward in a conversation, and I could perceive his state of mind and how he viewed his situation at the same time. "So, what are the doctors saying about your recovery?"

I pulled the bedside chair closer to his bed to be nearer to him and sat down, automatically reaching my arm through the opening of the bed rail and embracing his hand in braveness, for comfort, and to close the awkwardness between us. He squeezed my hand, warming me.

"I have a minor fracture on my neck vertebrae, a broken neck; I guess. They'll put a halo on me, probably tomorrow to keep my neck steady until it heals properly. I'll wear it for two to three months. I have four broken ribs. Other than that, everything else, the internal repairs look good. The doctor told me when my broken bones calcify, they'll be stronger than they were before they broke. That's good news, because my ribs always take a beating."

"I wasn't drunk, since that's what everyone seems to think," He offered on his own. I didn't plan to ask him about it. "I drove two hours before the fog settled in the area where I was. Then over three more hours slow in the fog, turning a four-hour trip into six hours. I only had forty-five minutes or less left to go, before I sped up. Most of the alcohol wore off by the time of the accident, so my blood alcohol showed way below legal. I just drove too fast for the fog toward the end. If I had been drunk, I probably wouldn't be here right now."

I told him he shouldn't have drove, anyway. He chuckled, telling me he had a "Stupid" problem. "You should know that by now," he said, with a grin.

My smile broke free, surprised at his uplifted demeanor.

"Aside from the obvious. How else are you doing?"

He shrugged. "I'm excited to be here."

I felt glad to hear it, but it wasn't what I referred. I lost my smile, debating how to address the next concern which, I assumed, would bring the most emotional damage soon, if not now. _Don't think. Just say it!_ "I'm so sorry about the Olympics. You've worked so hard all these years, and you came so close." My voice cracked before I finished the sentence. Losing Ben and then this happening to him four months before his dream came true, didn't seem fair. No. it, flat out, wasn't fair.

"Is that what you're worried about?"

I nodded.

"Don't be. I have until I'm 40 years old to box in the Olympics. 19 to 40 are the age limits. I'll barely be 21 in two months. I have plenty of time."

I shifted in the chair, bewildered at his nonchalant response, and not knowing if I could trust it. "But you came so close, _now_. That must... you know. Hurt." I arched a brow, pressing to know his true feelings. "You can tell me if it does."

He gazed at me, his lightheartedness replaced by seriousness, as he took in air and let it out. "All right! I'm pissed off at myself for it. _Pissed_, I made a such a stupid and terrible mistake with such devastating effects on my body, almost costing me my life. I know it'll be painful and hard to recover from. I won't be able to box for a long time.

"But... I'll tell you something I haven't told anyone else, because I think they're all too scared to bring up the Olympics, afraid it'll upset me. I didn't want to go, anyway." My eyes widened in disbelief. "It's because when I use up my _one_ shot, showing myself to the world. I'll make sure I medal. I won't waste my chance, get beat out without earning one. And this close to Ben not being here, I know my head wouldn't have been in it for me to succeed right now. My mental state needs to be one hundred percent intact, and it's not. I'm not ready to do it without him," he said.

Sincerity showed in his eyes, and he made sense, but I still found it difficult to believe he could take it so well. I knew how hard setbacks affected him. I'm not sure what I wanted to hear. That he was devastated? That he needed my help? After almost losing him, I would do whatever I could to help him. "Is that the truth? I just want to know for certain you're all right, Jake."

"It's the truth. They pulled me from sleep wee hours this morning. As soon as they told me I almost died, I came to a quick conclusion. I became obsessed with my dream. Not living my life outside of it." He pointed his finger upward. "Someone up there must have known, so he's making me take a well-deserved break." The smile appearing on his face lit up the room, dissipating the rest of the worry inside me. "Believe me. I'm good. So, don't worry about me missing the Olympics anymore. Promise?"

"Okay, I promise."

Drifting into conversations about a lot of different subjects, I found out; he dropped out of college after the first year. He couldn't work, practice, travel to boxing matches, and go to school at the same time. "Do you think you'll go back now?"

"Yeah. I have another four years to get ready for the next Olympics," he chuckled. "I think I could squeeze it in before then."

I grinned, happy to hear he'd make room for school. A degree of any kind would always help in the working world, even if he just got it as a backup.

We talked as effortlessly as we did when we were together, as effortlessly as we did when we were young. I stayed visiting with him, as long as I could, stealing everyone else's time, but nobody seemed to mind. Eventually, I would have to leave.

I had told Edward I'd come home as soon as Jacob was out of the woods, but I didn't expect him to reschedule my flight for later in the evening, without even asking me, when I let him know this morning Jacob woke up. It annoyed me; he picked a terrible time to act like a baby, bugging me right off the bat about my staying two extra days to attend Ben's funeral. After I told him about Jacob, he offered to fly in to be with me. I didn't let him, telling him it was a family thing. I would have loved to have stayed the weekend just as Emmett decided, but Edward paid for the plane ticket. Because of the unexpected flight arrangement, Charlie had to rush back to Forks this morning to bring my luggage and carry-on backpack to me. I think it annoyed him, too.

When it was time for me to go, Jacob beat me to my plans. "Let's not be strangers anymore. We grew up together. Life's too short."

"I was thinking the same thing, but I wanted to take it further than that. Let's be close friends again. I'll give you my new number, so you could call me if you ever need to talk." Then I could be there for him if he started to struggle with his recovery.

Happiness brightened his face. "You can call me, too, whenever you want."

Smiling, I told him I would. He wasn't sure the whereabouts of his phone, but I entered his number in my phone, anyway. Then I wrote mine down for him. I gave him a hug, kissing him on the cheek. He winced from the pain of hugging me back.

_Mission accomplished._ We made a lot of progress in a few hours. I felt ecstatic and peaceful as I left.

During the flight home, I grabbed my backpack from beneath the seat in front of me, to take out the book I'd been reading. Digging through the bag, I brought out an envelope with my name on it. Charlie must have put in there. Opening it and tugging out a paper with something wrapped inside, I unraveled the item, shocked to peel out a delicate piece of beaded jewelry I saw before, thinking it was for someone else.

_This always belonged to you. Jake. _

Tears stung my eyes, repressed emotions from the past and present, rupturing inside of me. I hurried to the small airplane restroom and completely fell apart.

* * *

**A/N ** _Thanks to those of you who dropped a comment. I'm working hard to finish the story for you all. If you are enjoying drop me line. Its my greatest measure of how I am doing on this._


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

** _Bella_ **

The mid-April morning, thunder and lightning storm pounded rain, hard against the window, giving the room a chilly feel. I grasped the Seattle Times newspaper and sat down at the kitchen table. Relishing a hot cup of tea, I re-read the articles again.

The first article was on the sports page about La Push Boxing Club spawning not one but two National Boxing Contenders this season, Jasper Swan and Seth Clearwater, the Regional Champs of their respective weight classes. Although, they both trained at a club in Seattle—operated by one of Old Ben's best friends—while attending the University of Washington, La Push Boxing Club received the accolades of their success and received credit for Jacob's previous accomplishments. Both attributed their skills to Old Ben, and both made statements highlighting Jacob as their inspiration to succeed and their hero.

The article referenced another article on page five, the Human Interest page. This one showcased Jacob Black. It told about the Olympic Hopeful who suffered a devastating car accident a year ago, preventing him from performing in the past Summer Olympics, after his dedication and near-successful outcome of becoming the representative in the Light Heavyweight Division, on the USA Boxing team. It talked of his determination and triumph over his medical challenges. He would once again be entering the ring for the first-time since the life-threatening accident, fighting at a Memorial Boxing event, held in honor of the late and great La Push Boxing Coach, affectionately known as "Old Ben."

The article invited Seattle residents and visitors to come see all the talented fighters in action, Saturday evening in Seattle. This evening.

The bathroom shower turned off. A few minutes later, fresh, clammy skin wrapped around my shoulders. Shivering, I melted into his chest. "Reading that again?" he asked.

I tilted my head back, looking at him. "Um hmm. They're both good articles"

Jacob kissed me on the forehead. "Are you ready for tonight?" He popped his head through the opening of his shirt as he entered the bedroom.

"I'm nervous," I admitted.

Waltzing back out of the room, carrying his socks and shoes, he plopped into the other kitchen-table chair. "Why?"

Emmett fighting made me nervous I explained, because he hadn't stepped into the ring for three years, and, being two-hundred and ten pounds, he fought Super Heavyweight.

"You never forget. He'll be fine. Usually, they like to schedule the heavyweights toward the end for effect, but I'll make sure he fights in the middle of the lineup, so I'll be available to coach him."

Jacob would coach all the La Push fighters tonight, until he needed to get ready for his fight. The new coach, Ben's nephew, Nahuel, didn't feel confident to do the job by himself yet. Years ago, he boxed for Ben until age nineteen, and Jacob told me he naturally excelled in the sport, but he moved away and hadn't been in the fight scene for fifteen years. He'd recently moved back. The Tribal Community Business Council offered him the position when Jacob notified them, he re-enrolled part-time in the University of Washington for the Spring Semester and couldn't coach full-time anymore. Jacob traveled from Seattle to La Push to help him out three times a week, for now.

Since this was Ben's memorial, an important event, Nahuel offered the head coaching responsibility to Jacob, with himself acting as the assistant coach. Jacob couldn't have been more eager. He found he loved coaching the young fighters and passing on Ben's knowledge, continuing his legacy.

"And... I'm worried about _you_," I revealed.

Jacob would fight the guy he beat in the Elite Boxing Championship. It didn't interest him to fight a less experienced boxer on his return. So, Ben's long-time best friend, Eleazar, the coach of the Seattle club he, Jasper, and Seth trained at now, put out calls, asking if any of the top amateur competitors in Jacob's weight class wanted a rematch or the challenge. Demetri accepted. Boxers held fierce determinations to win, especially in a rematch. With Demetri flying in all the way from Boston, Massachusetts and being his caliber of a fighter, I knew he didn't intend to lose to Jacob, again. They'd fight as The Main Event.

"He's tough! I only won by a split decision the last time, but I'm in great shape and so ready for this," he said with a smile, tying his shoelaces," and with you there cheering for me, it'll be a piece of cake."

"It better be, but don't act surprised if you get into trouble, and I pull an Adrian Balboa, jumping out of my seat, hollering 'Stop the fight!'" I joked.

He laughed. "A little more confidence, please."

I grinned. He displayed such a joyous mood to be taking part in this boxing match after being away for an entire year. "Weigh-ins are from 11:00 to 1:00. After that, we'll have the Coaches Meeting to make the fairest and best matches and create the lineup. 3:00 should do us. If you want, you can show up after that and hangout with me until it starts?"

"I'll be there. I'll wait until the storm lets up then I'm going back to the dorm for a little while. Me and Angela will drive over together." Angela lived in the dorm room, across the hall from mine.

He glanced at the clock. "We better get going. We'll be late," he said, hopping to his feet. He, Seth, and Jasper volunteered to help Eleazar and some of his fighters set up the ring and chairs at the arena before weigh-ins began. He pounded on Seth's door. "Hurry!"

Seth and Jacob shared a two-bedroom apartment, splitting rent. Seth spent his first college semester in the dormitory with Jasper, but he tired of living in the dorms from four years of Chemawa dorm-life.

Seth opened the door, tugging on a pullover jacket for the rain. "Angela's freaking out." It was her first opportunity to watch Seth box since they began dating five months ago, making a cute couple. She'd never been interested in attending the La Push boxing matches. She thought the sport brutal. It thrilled me, two of my best friends got together. Angela was a lucky girl, and Seth couldn't have fallen in love with a sweeter soul. "You need to help her through it, Bella."

"I will. She'll be sitting right next to me and Leah." Leah came home from New York-where she attended college-for Easter weekend. She wanted to experience the bustle of the big city for a while. I admired her braveness, going clear across the Country by herself, just for the experience.

"We better go," Jacob said, leaning over and kissing me goodbye. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

When we got back together, both enrolling in the University of Washington, I decided to live in the dormitory. I wanted to feel like I had a boyfriend for a while, not a husband. I feared me not wanting to move in with Jacob, might upset him. But he wasn't clingy and understood, telling me he didn't mind, because he knew we were forever now. He gave me a key. I stayed over most nights when Jacob wasn't in La Push, helping to coach if I didn't have a lot of homework. I didn't care for all his traveling, thinking it difficult for him, but he loved coaching, so the traveling didn't bother him one bit. And if he loved it; I loved it for him.

A lot changed over the past year. I listened to hard rain battering down and creating sounds reminiscent of another time. My memory slipped into me and Edward's awful argument about Jacob, during a storm like this. The argument that propelled me forward.

_Day one of the Olympic Boxing events arrived._

_Jacob sent a group text the day before, notifying us the guy he beat in the Championship bout, when he earned his second National title, would represent his weight class. He invited us to check him out, if we wanted, and encouraged us to cheer on the entire USA team. I grinned as I read it._

_Jacob and I only talked once after I left the hospital, and _I _reached out to him, wondering about his recovery a month and a half after the accident. He sounded happy; that made me happy, but I became sad, afterward when I still never heard from him. I tried not to take it personally, convincing myself it was a sign he was handling his recovery well, so he didn't need to talk. I got to see his humor as he took part in Emmett's silly group text chats. They'd get so ridiculous with everyone joining in, joking, or adding their own two sense to Emmett's crazy subject._

_Jacob's alert made me curious. It also made me nostalgic. We did this as a group before. It interested the guys to watch the contenders of their weight classes. Having Olympic weight classes as light as a hundred and fourteen pounds, even young, they found a corresponding class. I watched it, at first, only because it gave me an excuse to hang out with them and Jacob. By the end, I became familiar with all the boxers and picked my own favorites, no matter from whose team, to cheer on._

_My phone blew up with enthusiastic responses to Jacob's text from everyone. Even though we wouldn't all be watching together, it felt good knowing we would watch at the same time. I expected and looked forward to my phone blowing up again, with opinions on fighters and whether we agreed with win decisions. It'd be fun._

_Thunder boomed throughout the sky, and flickering lightening lit the darkness, as the Olympic program started. I hoped the weather wouldn't interfere with the broadcasting. I relaxed on the sofa with my back against the arm, knees bent, bare feet planted on the plush fabric and cell phone ready._

_Edward worked on a piece of piano music in another room. The piano lid and the keyboard cover clicked closed. I gazed at him, as he strolled into the sitting room, glancing at the large television, hanging above the gas fireplace._

_Another burst of sound and light lit up the window I sat near. "How is it coming along?" I asked, smiling._

_The commentators announced the first boxing match, introducing the fighters, a contender from Argentina and a contender from Canada, and recounting their accomplishments._

"_Wonderful. I wrote several bars." He plopped down at the end of my feet, unbuttoning the top few buttons on the neckline of his shirt. "What is this?" He stared at the television._

"_Olympic boxing."_

"_I can see that. I'm just wondering why you're watching it."_

_Noticing his mood, I bit my lip, thinking his writing session must not have gone that "wonderful"._

"_I watch Olympic boxing. My brothers and friends box, remember? I grew up on boxing."_

_Rolling his eyes, he let out a groan, stretching his legs out. Rarely did Edward fall into a bad mood, and when he did, it didn't last. I learned to ignore them until they passed._

_The announcement of Jacob's former opponent, Santiago, grabbed my attention. Getting comfortable, I stretched my legs out toward Edward, watching a brief introductory piece on the fighter's story, skill set, and climb to the Olympics. Edward focused on the screen. To help him get into the programming, I shared with him. "This is the guy Jacob beat two years ago, for the National Golden Gloves title."_

_He said nothing but kept watching. Round one ended, and the first text came._

_Emmett. He took round 1_

_Bella. Southpaw?_

_Jake. Yep_

_Seth. Needs to jab more_

_Leah. He's cute_

_Jasper. Boo Leah_

_Leah. They both R_

_Seth. Lol_

_I laughed at Leah and Jasper texts. Glancing over at Edward and perceiving mild annoyance, I explained, "They're texting stupid things."_

_Round two started. The fight action increased; I became engrossed._

"_I've got to be the biggest idiot alive,"_ _Edward grumbled. Taking another glance at him, I didn't know what he grumbled about. _Ignore it_. I turned my attention back to the fight. "I _hoped_ if I got you far away from that _worthless_ little town, you'd be okay."_

_I whipped my head toward him, confused, but boiling in anger. "My family lives in that little town," I snapped, "So does yours! What are you talking about?"_

_He straightened up and turned toward me, his face pinched in aggravation. "I've done everything I could think of to do for you, but all you do is sit there and stare at the damn piece of junk!" His hand shot out and he ripped the anklet Jacob gave me from my ankle._

_The gemstones and beads scattered, tapping and rolling across the hardwood floor._

_"Edward!" I swung from my relaxed position, feet flat against the floor, my body stiff, wondering his problem. "What's wrong with you?" I glared, with a raised voice._

_"I don't have to guess where you got it!" he exploded. I had no time to feel or think, before he smacked me with: "God, Bella, you're the most naive person I've ever known. Did you honestly believe I didn't read your poem about a guy named Jake? Your friend of the family!" he snipped, lifting a hand into a finger quotation. "I know who he is to you!"_

_His revelation dumbfounded me, the memory roaring through. I recalled him introducing himself, returning my lost assignment and telling me he didn't read it. Not that I cared because it happened while I lived in an aching, pain-filled fog from Jacob breaking up with me. I completely forgot about the poem._

_Now aware, quick flashes of Edward at our awkward family dinner skidded through my mind. I saw his degrading use of "The friend of the family" statement made directly to Jacob. He mentioned my moving to Chicago to stay with him, on purpose to gloat or to hurt Jacob or for whatever reason. It was why he brought it up in front of Charlie, even after being worried about Charlie._

_"Good to meet you, Jake," he said when I introduced them. He meant good to find out who you are. Fury seized a hold of me, feeling violated and manipulated. I soared from the sofa, shouting, "You're a lying asshole!"_

_My insult held no power. He struck back, scowling and pointing his finger. "You're a liar, too! You lied every kiss, every touch... every 'I love you.' _You _lied to me!"_

_The accusation slammed into me. Fury diminishing as it mixed with guilt. Trying to defend myself, I argued. "I did love you!"_

_Hurt shattered his scornful appearance, but only for a moment. Lifting both palms face up, he said, "There it is."_

Did _"Edward I..." Dropping back onto the sofa, stunned, I mumbled, "I..." Had nothing to say. Dazed, I felt stopped of words, thoughts, and emotions._

_He scooted toward me, taking both of my hands and attempting to look into my eyes. "Don't you see, Bella? It's not meant to be. If it was, you'd be together right now." He determined, using a persuasive tone._

_The words stabbed into me like a spear. Though, I'd often thought the same. Hearing it out loud from someone else injured and insulted me. A blind instinct to defend us raged. Jerking my hands away, I shouted, "You know nothing about us!" Realizing I argued for the opposite of his statement, I sprung from the sofa and raced into the bedroom. I banged the door closed, locking it._

_A fist pounded on the door. "He's been like a ghost, standing between us since the accident." I stood, glaring at the jiggling knob, wishing he'd shut up and leave me alone. "No. He's always been a ghost between us, and I can't even wish he died, because you'd idealize him even more!"_

_"Get out!" I screamed. "Get out or _I'll_ leave!" I just wanted him to stop pummeling me with the truth._

_"How am I supposed compete with that, Bella?" he asked in a neutral tone. I ignored him. "I can't compete with that," he muttered._

_The sound of footsteps stomped away. A minute later the door thumped close. He left. When I assumed the penthouse was empty, I crept out of the room, just in case, to collect the broken jewelry and find the loose beads and gemstones I heard, spreading across the floor._

_What Edward accused me of was true. The anklet brought flashes of Jacob, since receiving it. Lost in my thoughts while holding it in my hand, frequently, I thought about his note. _This always belonged to you_. I'd often wondered if and wished it symbolized his heart. But he never called. I didn't know what to make of that._

_I stayed up after the argument, repairing the anklet and walking through a specific memory with each gemstone. The sweet memories brought joy to my heart, and the painful memories didn't hurt anymore. Too much time passed; I missed Jacob more than any pain, reliving the bad memories caused. I thought about Edward's use of the term "ghost". Jacob wasn't a ghost; although, he could have easily been. I was lucky he lived, and yet I mourned not being with him, as if I could do nothing about it when a chance still existed._

_Edward and I talked it out the next day after he came home in the morning and apologized for everything, telling me he'd give me more time to get over Jacob. I knew Edward loved me and hoped to fix me. He treated me wonderfully. I accepted his apology but told him he was right. I still carried strong feelings for Jacob. More clearly, I still loved him and could no longer deny it after I almost lost him. Jacob was the only guy who could fix me, so remaining with Edward would have done more harm. He agreed after our talk. I tried not to feel guilty when I left the day after. A fact of life, relationships ended all the time._

Afraid of my feelings and not strong or brave enough to follow my heart when Jacob came home, and all the fear based decisions I made, hurt people, including myself.

* * *

The arena hit a huge capacity of spectators. The articles did their jobs, drawing in a great crowd. I smiled as I took in the view. It pleased me Eleazar would make bank from the boxing match. If they had held the memorial event in La Push, they wouldn't make near as much money, but they also wouldn't need to pay for the use of the Center. Eleazar originally planned to hold the memorial in La Push, because making money wasn't the aim, but by the time he contacted the La Push Community, they already contracted construction during the time of Ben's passing for remodeling of the gym, and other office areas. In order to still have the memorial, it would take money to pay for an arena and hire vendors for concessions.

On behalf of Ben, once they made payment for the arena and other necessary costs, the rest of the proceeds would go to the La Push boxing club for new equipment. Eleazar was a great loving friend to Ben and the La Push Community.

Angela and I sat in a front row. Leah sat with Jasper across the ring on the other side. I saved her a seat in case she wanted to join us when his turn came to fight. Her and Jasper reconnected over the past Christmas break, and she planned to transfer here with all of us, next year, finding herself to be a small-town girl at heart. Jasper told me nobody could make him laugh the way she did. Despite what I thought when they first started dating, they had matching personalities. And when they mutually ended it, after their first Christmas get together, it was only because she went back to Chemawa. I asked Jasper how they did it. He told me they never talked about it. She just left when it was time to leave, and came back. It annoyed me everyone else made smarter decisions with long-distance relationships than me and Jacob. Or, maybe they learned from our mistakes.

"I don't know how you can stand this, Bella? I'm so nervous, I'm shaking," Angela told me, lifting her hand up to show me.

"It'll be fine. He just claimed the Regional Championship, which means, he is not only the best in the State, for his weight, but he is also the best in the Region," I said, to calm her.

I spotted Jacob coming from the locker-room with eight, nine, and ten-year-old kids following him. Dressed in their boxing gear, with their hands wrapped in gauze and tape, wearing fierce expressions, they were as cute as could be. They looked up to him. He waved, smiling when he saw me watching.

The little guys boxed first and La Push boxers gave it their all to win for Ben. I felt sorry to see one of them fight his heart out, not taking the match. Frowning, tears trickled when they lifted the other kid's arm up. It tugged my heart strings. Jacob ruffled the hair on his head, telling him he was proud of him, and he'd get him next time. The young fighter grinned.

Angela sniffled, wiping her eyes with a napkin. "I'm not liking this already," she whispered more to herself than to me.

I began to think maybe I couldn't help her enjoy boxing, for Seth. I lifted the lineup program and searched for his name. I found it on line fifteen. _Yikes!_ They set him up in a rematch with the guy he beat for the State title. It ended in a split decision the first time. This fight would be another tough one for him. I hid my worry, telling myself he wouldn't let us down, especially not Angela.

Having mixed the lineup rotation with young and older fighters to keep the crowd engaged, Jasper's fight came up. "How are you feeling?" I asked Leah, as she approached.

"Not worried at all," she replied, taking up the chair beside me.

I gave the thumbs up sign to Jasper when he climbed into the ring and glanced at me. He nodded. If it wasn't for him, I didn't know how long Jacob and I would have lasted, before we talked again.

_Move-in day at UW arrived. Jasper packed and readied to leave. With school starting three weeks before I came home, I didn't have time to transfer anything over to UW, so I'd be sitting the semester out. I didn't care. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do now anyway and thought if Leah liked New York, maybe I would follow her there, next semester._

_With Charlie and Renee, waiting in the car for him, we hugged our goodbyes, and he stalked out the door. Spinning around, he came back inside. "You should call Jake and find out where he's at and what he's doing."_

"_Hmm." I gave him the short answer. "I don't think so."_

"_Why not? You still love him, don't you?"_

_I wouldn't answer that, instead, saying, "I just got out of a live-in relationship." Attempting to rush into another relationship so soon seemed wrong._

"_So-what? Are you broken up about it?"_

"_Not really."_

_"W_ _hat's the problem then?"_

_I shrugged. "I'm just tired from it."_

"_You know? ... Jake still loves you."_

_My heart stuttered. "Did he tell you that?" I blurted then tightened my lips to contain my smile._

"_Not recently." My exhilaration died until he said, "I know, because he told Emmett last year that he's always loved you... since way back when. Said if he could have got with you in the beginning, he wouldn't have gone to Chemawa, and he'd do it different if he could. Emmett tried to tell you in the hotel, during Jake's accident, but I cut him off when I woke up and heard your conversation. If Jake didn't survive, I didn't want you to go on feeling like you could have prevented it if you got back with him when he first came home. I thought it might be too much for you to live with... Loving you that long? I don't doubt he still does."_

_I bit my lip. _It would have been too much. Scary thought.

"_Jacob moved back to La Push," he revealed, bright eyed, delivering me another blow. "He's there now as we speak." I took a seat, my head reeling. "Ben only had one son. He's Tribal Police out there, doing shift work like Dad. He tried to keep the gym open for the kids, but it got difficult for him, so he closed it. It upset the young fighters and their parents. And since, Jacob can't fight he volunteered to coach until the Community can find someone else to take it over."_

"_He moved back two days after you got home." I pulled my head back, surprised. "Talk about coincidental. When I told him _you_ moved home, too, he didn't want you to think he followed you, so I'm not supposed to tell you for a while."_

_I rolled my eyes at Jacob's thought process. We agreed to be friends and should be talking._

_He chuckled at my eye roll. "I thought the same. That's why I'm telling you. I wanted to do my part in correcting this out-of-whack universe before I left. The rest of it's up to you two."_

_I grinned. "Thank you for telling me. I'll think about calling him, soon."_

_He nodded, satisfied. "All right. Now give me another hug before I leave." I loved my wonderful brothers. They did their best to take care of me._

Jasper stopped his opponent halfway through the second round. Leah sighed in pride, wearing a radiant grin. "See that? That's why I had no worries."

Nerves bubbled in me as Emmett came by to enter the ring. "I'm in shape," he said when he caught my sight on him. I nodded but gained little comfort. If Rosalie had come, I know I wouldn't have been able to help her stay calm with the way I always felt when Emmett boxed. He won a lot and lost a lot, but he didn't care, because he was a football player first. _I_ cared for him, though.

His guy stood taller than him with a big bulky frame, covered in tatoos, weighing in at two-hundred and twenty pounds. Emmett seemed more muscularly built and toned, though.

The bell rang.

Not in boxing-form practice, Emmett stood a little too straight, swinging wider than he should have been. His guy caught him in the chest, and Emmett went down, landing on his behind. I fidgeted, forcing myself to stay in my seat, heart thumping in panic, as I yelled, "Get up, Emmett!"

"Hands up, Emmett!" Jasper hollered.

He sprung to his feet. They ruled it a slip instead of a knockdown. It pissed Emmett off and in the next second; he dropped him to the canvas, right back. I peered at Jacob, annoyed to find him laughing. He tugged his lips closed when he spotted me looking. _Don't laugh! Help him_. I glared. Emmett and his opponent fought wild until the bell rang, ending round one.

The break relieved me, because I was sure one of them would get knocked out from being out of control. I huffed, turning to see Angela. She appeared terrorized from this fight.

Jacob talked to Emmett in the corner. Emmett nodded, drinking and spitting. I wished I could hear the instructions. When the bell rang for round two, Emmett held his elbows tucked into his ribs, chin down and both gloved fists palms, turned inward, blocking his face. He didn't bob this round. He took slow paces in a circle, picking his shots. I breathed out slow, lips stretching. He got this round for sure.

The third round followed the same way as round two, but exhaustion gleamed on both. Punches came slow as they leaned against each other for support near the end.

"The... Red Corner... Emmett Swan!" Emmett's dimples sunk in deep, as a cheery smile spread across his face.

Climbing out of the ring on our side, he plopped down on Leah's empty chair, breathing heavily, while she took a bathroom break. "I need to catch my breath before I shower," he said, "Ugh, I'm out of gas."

"You scared me... I thought you were in shape?" I asked.

"I found out being in football shape is not the same as being in boxing shape. My arms and legs almost gave out."

"Well, they didn't. Good job! I'm proud of you for jumping in there, three years out of boxing shape and winning."

"Thanks to Jake for correcting my boxing stance and coaching me to take it slow and controlled, or I don't know what would have happened. He pissed me off when he pushed me down. I wanted to knock him out of the ring." He laughed. "I tried!"

"I saw that," I said, grinning. "Was it a push?"

"Yeah, I lost my balance because my stance wasn't wide enough, and I stood too straight. _I knew that._

I started to absorb Angela's nervous trepidation, because two fights after Seth's, Jacob would be up, and Seth was up next.

Loud interrupting smacks echoed from a corner behind me. I rotated toward it. Demetri pounded the pads, hard and fast and skilled, an intense concentration frozen on his expression.

Nerves flipped my tummy. If he meant the display to intimidate, it worked on me. My eyes roamed the arena floor for Jacob. I couldn't find him, assuming he left to the locker room to dress.

Seth stopped in front Angela on his way to the ring and touched his lips against the forehead of her terrified face. "It's okay. I got this!" He held out his gloved fist until she nodded, giving him a fist bump and forcing a smile.

_Cute! _Watching Seth climb into the ring, I felt grateful we didn't follow through with our plans.

One of the most difficult parts for me when Jacob and I reunited and talked all night about all the misunderstandings, starting with the anklet, was our discussion about Seth. I hurt over the occurrence and for Jacob.

_He shared with me we broke up the first time, because I didn't tell him about Seth kissing me in the locker room. He didn't bring it up to me then, deciding to just forgive. He understood when I explained my reasoning. But the real time, the time that shouldn't have happened, left me devastated for him, because I had no excuse. He wasn't trying to make me feel guilty, telling me he knew. We both wanted to start on a clean slate. I remembered what I thought about my willingness back then, but now I believe I just wanted a deeper emotional connection with someone else to hide from my feelings for Jacob. I regretted bringing Seth into my problem and always would._

_It was gut-wrenching to learn Jacob blamed himself for the decisions we made. I think it was his way of being able to forgive us and continue loving us. I realized how big of a heart he owned. It shamed me for acting as if I had a monopoly on pain. I cried when I left his house from the guilt, again._

_I'm glad Emmett interfered, and I'm lucky Seth had enough common sense for both of us. Had he not? The damage would have been irreparable between us three. I don't know if Jacob and I could have worked through it; I don't think so. The guys Emmett warned me about would have taken advantage of the situation, but Seth was one of the good guys. It refreshed me to know they still existed, and Angela was fortunate to fall in love with one._

_When I asked Jacob if he and Charlotte dated after our break-up, because I thought that's why he ended it with me. He told me no. He never saw her again after that night. He almost told me why he felt he didn't deserve me anymore, but witnessing the guiltiness expressed on his face told me the severity of what occurred. I got the picture. Interrupting him before he confessed anything new, I told him it didn't matter anymore. We both suffered enough from it. I felt no pain with the understanding. It all became irrelevant, because so much else had already happened in both of our lives, and we made it home to each other, anyway._

Angela jumped in her seat, clutching my arm with both hands, drawing me from my reverie. _Ouch! _We'd entered the second round, and the fight appeared to be even. Seth needed to step it up to take the win again. He would, because if he let this guy beat him, it would taint his Regional Championship.

Jacob's voice shouted, "One, two, Seth!" I spun around briefly to see him, as Angela squeezed my arm, flinching.

Eyes on the fight, he stood in the corner, stretching his neck and rolling his shoulders, punching into the air in front of him.

Seth one, two-d, adding an uppercut, sending his man into the ropes and bouncing back. Angela let go of me, leaping to her feet, arms straight up, letting out a high pitched, "Woo-hoo, Seth! Get him!" Excitement glowed on her face. _Oh, oh, she's hooked._ _Way to go, Seth!_

The bell dinged.

I felt bad Jacob wasn't in Seth's corner, but Jacob must have had confidence in him, or he would have made sure of it, as he did with Emmett.

The third round, Seth pressured his opponent into the corner several times. His opponent lost aggressiveness, a sign he gave up. No doubt in my mind, Seth won.

As soon as the bell sounded, I popped from my seat to meet Jacob where he stood, listening to the commentator announce Seth's corner and name. "Did you warm up? Hit the pads? I didn't see you."

"I hit the pads a little in the locker room."

"A little?"

His grin burst out. "Don't worry. I'm ready." I waited with him until his fight time approached then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. "I'll be listening for you. Cheer loud for me."

"You know it." I attempted to say in confidence, to hide the butterflies multiplying in me. I didn't want to sit back down. I didn't think I could hold still, but Jacob needed my faith in him. I inhaled three deep breaths, following him back to my chair.

The commentator introduced Demetri first, since he was the guest. Then they introduced Jacob.

"In the red corner, fighting out of La Push Boxing Club, weighing one hundred and seventy-eight pounds... our own resident of Seattle... Jacob Black!" Cheers erupted at the sound of Seattle. It pleased me they got both locations in.

Jacob bent his head, eyes down, stepping forward. Touching his right gloved-thumb to his chin then his forehead, he lifted his head, raising his arm straight up.

The crowd went berserk, echoing cheers throughout the arena. My chest swelled in pride, cheering along. He was beautiful and mine!

Our eyes met. He winked, before meeting Demetri and the Ref in the center of the ring. My focus switched to Demetri; his blank face showed nothing but intention. Anger rose, heating my face. It felt better than nerves.

The first round was brutal. I'd only watched Jacob fight when he was young, far out-skilling his opponents then. I never witnessed him fight someone as skilled as himself. I couldn't find a cheer to yell. I ended up, being a parrot of Jasper and Seth, just so Jacob could hear my voice.

Demetri landed two hard jabs, then plowed a hard fist into Jacob's ribs. Jacob's elbow tucked against his body as he leaned into it. I winced knowing it hurt.

Finally, the end bell dinged, and I noticed my panting. Back in the corner, Eleazar talked to him while Nahual wiped Jacob's face with a towel. It saddened me, realizing this was Old Ben's job. Jacob nodded, and I wondered if Eleazar gave him good advice.

The bell sounded for round two. They met in the center, and Demetri moved in, throwing three straight jabs, followed by a wide power shot. Jacob dodged it, stepping to the side and plunging four, left right left right, body shots into Demetri's sides, then jumped out of the way. Demetri had to push forward again, allowing himself to be hit to get close, because Jacob had a longer reach. Jacob stepped back a few paces, Demetri working him back with his fists.

He neared the ropes. If he went back any further, Demetri would trap him against them. Seth yelled, "Forward!"

"Jab and move, Jake!" Jasper shouted.

Confidence burst from Demetri, throwing a combination of punches, figuring he had Jake up against the ropes.

Jacob ducked, spinning around Demetri. Demetri spun with him to stay close, putting himself against the ropes, firing out left and right hooks, flying toward Jacob's head. Jacob ducked right, beneath one, plowing a fist into Demetri's body, then ducked left beneath another, plowing the opposite rib. Ducking right again, he came up fast with a powerful right hook. It slammed into Demetri's chin.

The crowd exploded.

Demetri's body wobbled, dazed, arms barely up, but attempting to fight back with no control. Jacob caught him with a four to six punch combination, before the Ref jumped between them.

He ordered Jacob into the white neutral corner and began counting Demetri out.

I realized I'd fallen silent for the entire exchange, the loud cheers, now penetrating my ears. The Ref finished counting then turned to the announcers table and waved his hand, signaling Demetri couldn't continue. Jacob won by Technical knockout. Tko.

Unaware of my stiffness, my body fell limp as relief poured through me, and an excited smile erupted on my face.

"Holy shit!" Seth sputtered.

"One minute and ten seconds," Emmett said to Seth, grinning. It felt like a thousand years to me. "It's nothing new, but with the level of fighter Demetri is that's impressive."

_He's back._ I trembled and hugged myself, happy his long road of recovery and re-building completed.

"Faster than mine," Jasper said, in awe. "And my guy was way easier."

It amazed us, because we'd never seen him fight at the elevated level with his developed skills since he'd went away and began fighting tough tournaments, outside of the state.

Since he fought last, we all stood by the time they announced him as the winner, and he climbed out of the ring. He talked to the guys first.

"Muhammad Ali rope a dope or what?" Seth asked, hugging him.

"Nah, I just knew he'd get over-confident if I let him bully me. If I fight them before, I don't forget their style and quirks."

I thought how he only won by a split decision the last time they fought. He must have remembered more than that.

He fist-bumped Emmett and Jasper as they congratulated him, making his way to me. I reached to hug him, not minding all the sweat. Arms wrapped tight around my waist, he straightened tall, lifting me off my feet. "And I worried you," he teased.

I wound my arms around his neck, pressing my lips against his, tasting saltiness. "Never again!"

"I'm back, and so thankful you're with me now." he muttered, setting me down. "It'll be easy from here."

"I'll be with you until the end. Always."

_"You never called?"_

_"I almost did... so many times. Time wouldn't let me go. Feeling that way, I couldn't trust myself not to try getting you back. We just made peace, and I didn't want to risk driving you away again or interfere with your happiness. Then Jasper told me you came home. I didn't know if you were hurting, so I thought I should give you your space for a little while. I planned on calling soon, though."_

_"Time didn't let me go, either. Not truly. I knew it, but it wasn't until I saw this..." lifting my arm, I nudged the sleeve of my sweater up... "and read your note, all the feelings for you I buried inside came rushing out." _

_Confused, he asked, "That was a bracelet?" _

_"It's a story, but for another time." I grinned. _

_"This might be too soon, but ... do you want to get back together? We can take it slow?" _

Haven't we taken it, years, slow already?_ "Let's just take it naturally."_

* * *

**A/N ** _I worked on this story on and off for 9 years. This chapter is the last. There is still an Epilogue left. Jacob has it. It’s posted now. I was told when I first came up with the idea, time pieces are difficult when trying to go from young voices to older voices. Yes, it was difficult. Did I do okay? Did everything tie in? Was there enough resolution? Thanks for reliving Bella's gemstones with me! According to a former Olympic Boxer, the path for a boxer is more difficult than any other sport. I left some of the path out, because I didn't want take away from Jacob and Bella's story. It was the most important part. _


	29. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

** _Jacob_ **

"Jacob, wake up. My water broke!" Bella's voice penetrated my ears, but her words didn't register to my sleeping mind.

"Sh... I heard you," I murmured, rolling over, clutching hold of my pillow. "Just go back to sleep."

"It's time, Jake!" she shouted.

My eyes sprung open as I flipped toward her. She stood beside the bed holding her stomach. I shot to a sitting position, a rush of adrenaline yanking me wide awake, giving me a thumping heart. "Are you sure? We still have three and half weeks?" I asked, nervous and looking at the alarm clock to see it read four in the morning.

"I'm sure. A popping noise woke me up then I felt like I had to pee, but when I climbed out of bed, water poured out all over the floor."

"And breaking water means its time? Not the false labor you told me about?" My questions might have been stupid, but I didn't know.

"Yes, and I'm already feeling the pains," she said, moving toward the dresser to get clothes.

"Are you showering?" I asked, hoping we had time to shower.

Her face winced, and she froze for a minute. "I'm not sure if I should. Can you dial my mom for me while I get the things together?"

I grabbed the phone and called Renee and Charlie as Bella prepared an overnight bag. Renee said the first stage could take hours, but we should time the next contraction and if they weren't too painful and several minutes apart, Bella could take a quick sponge-off type of shower. Then we'd better get to the hospital. They would get on their way to Seattle to meet us. I took a five-minute shower first. When I came out, Bella said she had a huge, painful contraction and some small ones. I helped her into the shower. She kept freezing her motion and appearing in a lot of discomfort for the beginning of the first stage.

The doctor confirmed she was in full-blown labor. They put her in a room, strapping a monitor to her stomach, telling us how to read the rising and falling lines of the contractions on the paper. Charlie and Renee arrived as soon as possible. Bella was in a slow but strong labor. Mostly, she withstood the contractions for hours. The doctor said the dilation would take time. Her cervix had to thin more before it opened, because the baby wanted to come early. She had decided not to take anything they offered for pain to get the full experience, whatever that meant, but when the contractions came fast and too painful for a long time, she changed her mind. "It hurts, Mommy. I can't do it anymore. I feel like my lower back is breaking. I need something," she forced out in a crying voice.

"That's okay. Nobody said you had to go without pain medicine," Renee said, brushing her hand over Bella's forehead and through her hair as she looked at me, a satisfied and adoring smile on her lips. "I haven't heard her call me mommy since she was a little girl."

With pain pinching Bella's blanched face, she said, "Don't make me laugh right now. I didn't even realize I said that."

I gave Renee a faint smile, but worried Bella hurt so much it made her delirious. "I'll go tell someone at the desk," I said with an urgency. I'd felt helpless, trying to help her breathe through the contractions, so it relieved me she came to this decision. Thankfully, Renee was with us. She helped Bella through the tough ones better than I could.

When they gave Bella an epidural, and it kicked in, she fell partially asleep. After she closed her eyes, Renee whispered she should get something to eat and take a little break before we hit the next stage. She'd stood bedside from the moment she arrived, only leaving to go to the restroom.

I pressed a kiss into Bella's clammy forehead and sat down beside her while she attempted to rest, wondering who was in there. I smiled, excited to meet our little person. We both wanted the surprise since this was our first kid, not letting the ultrasound lady tell us if it was a boy or a girl, deciding we'd find out early the next time. I didn't mind either way, just caring about the baby being healthy, like everyone does. I think deep down Bella wanted a boy though. She told me she didn't care, but she also told me she believed every girl or boy should have an older brother to help take care of them, growing up.

Being able to relax a little, I leaned back against the chair, considering how we arrived at this phase of our lives in only four fast flying years.

_Putting the last of the training gear away, the building looked untouched. I neared the lights to shut out the last half of the room when I heard the heavy doors in the corridor bang closed. I paused with my hand on the switch, waiting to see which kid forgot something. I couldn't hide my surprise or huge smile when Bella strolled into the gym. "Bells, hey, what's up?"_

_I knew she was home a month in a half ago, so it excited me _she_ came to see _me.

_She waved, grinning. It felt great to see her. I took a breath and leaving the light on; I walked over to her._

"_I wanted to visit and catch up with you in person," she told me as we hugged. "Jasper said you coached now, so I took a chance you'd be here during the old practice times."_

_I wondered what else Jasper told her. "I'm glad you did. You look different... Your hair."_

"_It's just a couple shades lighter," she said with a slight blush. "I wanted something different, but I couldn't make myself cut my hair short."_

"_It looks good."_

"_Does it?" She asked, making a face._

_I nodded, smiling._

"_It's not me. I plan to change it back soon. I paid for it, so I should keep it for a little while."_

"_Let's sit down over here," I said._

_She followed me to the bench setting against the brick wall in the gym. I noticed her casual manner of dress; tight, black workout-pants, white tennis shoes, and a blue Nike zip-up sweater, but she curled her hair and her lashes seemed super long. She also wore lip gloss, making me wonder if she wanted to look good but not make it obvious. She always looked gorgeous, though, especially when she went with a more natural look._

_We sat down, and she said, "You recovered well. By the looks of it, you'd never know you had a serious accident five months ago."_

_I pointed at the scars on my face. "They faded, but I could see them when I focus on them."_

_"They're hardly noticeable," she said._

_I showed her my neck movement and told her about the limited motion and my physical therapy program I recently transferred to Forks when I moved back to La Push. "You should have seen me when they first removed the halo. My head felt fused to my shoulders, a blockhead, Sponge Bob," I joked._

"_More like Pillow Fighter." She chuckled._

_I cracked a smile, happy she brought up the gift I sent her and explained how I couldn't move my neck at all at first. "I still have a way to go before I have the full range of motion again and normal neck and trapezius strength."_

"_But you can do _some_ physical activity now, can't you?"_

"_I can't spar, but I can run, jump rope, and do some weightlifting." I curled an arm and flexed my bicep. She nibbled on her lip, hiding her smile, not soon enough for me not to see it. "Push-ups and sit-ups hurt my neck, so now I'm getting flabby." I patted my stomach._

_She laughed. "I highly doubt that."_

_I shrugged. I wasn't, really. I just didn't like my eight pack not being as visible anymore. "I'm doing the neck routine more than prescribed, but the physical therapist says it'll only help." Thinking of physical therapy, I recalled something that might interest her. "I met your boyfriend's dad…" I halted myself, remembering they broke up… "Edward's dad. Carlisle."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah, I was sitting outside the physical therapy office at the clinic, waiting for my appointment one day when he walked by me. He turned around and asked me if I was Jacob Black, the good boxer. Apparently, I'm well known around here. Me and my accident. He's a nice guy."_

"_Yeah, he is," she said. An awkward silence followed. "I left him… Edward."_

_Ever since Jasper told me she was home; I'd been curious about who broke up with whom and if they were trying to work things out. It made me glad to hear _she_ left him, but that didn't mean they weren't trying to fix it. I didn't know what to say._

"_Six weeks ago," she added, cutting through my quietness._

_I searched to say something._

_When I wrestled with calling her after I found out she was home, I envisioned I'd be friends with her first when the time came, then I could determine if she felt anything for me before I attempted to travel down that path again. I already tried getting back with her, and she rejected me. And when we talked at the hospital, she gave me the impression all she wanted from me was friendship again. Coming up with what a friend would say, I asked. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_She shook her head._

"_Well… what do you want to talk about?"_

"_Anything else."_

That's no help. _I smirked. Communication never was her strong suit._

_Glancing up at the clock, I decided we should probably continue our non-conversation somewhere else. "I've got to close up the building."_

_I was about to ask her if she wanted to go for a drive or go do something when she lowered her head and said, "You never called."_

_As usual with her and my feelings, I answered honestly then watched for her reaction. She kept her head down, giving the quiet moment a tense feel but surprising me by admitting, she still felt the same for me as I felt for her and showing me the beads that I left in her mailbox the night of my accident. I forgot I did that, being sauced at the time. _At least I did something right that night.

_I couldn't have imagined hitting this conversation on our first meeting so soon, and so soon after her breakup. I bought a little time asking about the bracelet I thought was an anklet while her response ricochet around in my head like a pinball, landing on: she just told me she still loves me!_

_Quickly recognizing, if any moment to ask her back would present itself as naturally as it just did, I better have some balls. I jumped on the opportunity, knowing we'd still have much to talk about and work out if she said yes, figuring first things first! I'd worry about anything else later._

_I left her and myself room for a "No" by telling her I knew asking her if she wanted to get back together might be too soon, and we could take it slow, but feeling, hoping, I understood her words correctly._

_Continuing to stare at the floor, she said, "Let's just take it naturally." She lifted her head, a hint of shyness on her expression._

_I breathed through my relief, excitement, and happiness as we stared at one another. _"_All right." I considered what the naturally comment meant. Nothing felt natural in the seconds following her answer. I didn't know what to do next. Kiss her? I wanted to, but I still felt maybe she wasn't ready. She was with that guy for over two years. She smiled, her lashes fluttering. _Hell, with it!_ I slipped my arm around her, curling her against me as she brought her lips to meet mine, eagerly wrapping both of her arms around my body._

_After we stopped, I reminded her I had to lock up. We met at my house, so she could drop her car off and get in with me, planning to park at First Beach and hang out together, talk._

_Heavy black clouds rolled in out of nowhere, dropping sheets of rain by the time we reached my house. Huge droplets of water splattered me and everything else while she rolled down her window. "Let's just go inside until it slows down or stops," I suggested._

"_Is Billy home?" _

"_Yeah, but…" I shrugged. He minded his own business. Her eyes scanned me, standing there getting drenched then she pulled her hood up over her head and climbed out. I reached for her hand, and we sprinted into the house._

_She unzipped her sweatshirt, laying it over the chair in my bedroom. I pulled off my t-shirt and dried my head with it a little, before turning toward her from the dresser and slipping on a dry one. She sat on the bed. "You're not flabby," she said with a grin._

_I chuckled. "I'm just not used to not doing as much working out as I did. Makes me feel out of shape," I explained as I laid down on the bed. She laid down beside me on the other pillow._

_The undertone felt uncomfortable when we started re-getting to know each other. I told her all about my coaching and the kids, and the paying job the council intended to make out of it in the upcoming fiscal year to entice one of the many boxers in the community to step up. In the meantime, they squeezed me into a part time administrative position, with nothing to do, just so they could pay me something out of appreciation. It wasn't much, but it was enough._

_She told me about her intention to transfer to UW and the degrees interesting her. Pharmacy and Medical. She was smart. We drifted into little make-outs between discussions. I felt more comfortable with each one, feeling like she was mine again, and this was really happening._

_When it got dark, I draped a handkerchief over the lamp to dim the light. I wanted to see her while we talked, and I held her in my arms._

_The rain never stopped, and the time went by too fast, neither of us wanting the night to end. Around midnight she sent a text to Renee, telling her she was still with me, not to worry. That's when our heavier discussions began. After we discussed my fuck up with Charlotte, I asked about the bracelet again. She described their fight, why she came home, saying he figured out she didn't love him anymore, because she still loved me. He made her admit it._

_It pissed me off to learn he snapped it from her leg and broke it, but since it brought her back to me, so be it. It might have been petty of me, but I thought about us making out when they were together. Her cheating on him with me. I got more enjoyment out of the thought than I probably should have._

_"I made some bad decisions," she said, frowning._

_I touched my lips to her mouth then said, "Me too." The counseling the doctor recommended I do in the early part of my recovery taught me I had abandonment issues from my mom leaving my dad. "I sabotaged us because I didn't think you'd wait for me," I told her._

"_That's funny, because I would have waited forever for you if you asked me to. I knew what you were doing was important to you."_

"_But you shouldn't have had to. I should have stayed."_

_I talked about how sorry I was for the breakups and told her Seth broke us up the first time when he told me about them kissing. I left out he said they made out, because I didn't want to piss her off too much. It was all over with._

_This conversation piece took us through other shit. But we needed to get it all on the table, so we could move forward with nothing rearing up in the future._

_After what went on with Charlotte, and the pain I put Bella through, I didn't have a right to be mad about anything she did. I told her as much before I mentioned her and Seth's real hookup. I wanted to know if she did it because she felt for him or just to get back at me. I kind of hoped it was the latter, because I could understand that._

_I didn't tell her thoughts of him and her bothered me more than thoughts of she and the douche. It started popping into my head, pestering me after I began running through scenarios of trying to get back with her if she stayed broken up with what's his face. I knew Seth ended it with her. I'm sure he didn't want to. I wondered what would have happened if he didn't. Would they be together now? He would have been good to her._

_Regretful tears glossed her eyes. "I didn't love him. We talked about that. He didn't feel that way about me either. I know, because of how easy it ended. I mean, neither of us felt hurt over it ending, and we stayed friends. I couldn't stay friends with you, because I loved you too much. I don't know if that makes sense?" she asked, as a tear trickled down her cheek._

"_It does." I cupped her head to me, feeling wetness on my neck. "Don't cry." _

"_I'm sorry it happened, Jake. I wish it didn't. I'd take it back if I could."_

_With all my regrets I wished never happened, I said_ "_I know how you feel, and this is the only time we'll talk about it. I'll never bring it up again. Besides, I know things that happened were just reactions to my mistakes. It's all my fault. I take full responsibility." I pulled away to see her face. She closed her eyes, more tears rolling. "Look at me." Her makeup smeared lids opened. "It's done. Like you said earlier, irrelevant. Okay?"_

_She nodded, sniffling and drying her face with her hands._

_Before we knew it, it was two in the morning, still raining. I asked her if she wanted to stay. She did, looking cute, drowning in the shirt and trunks I offered her to sleep in. After some mild kissing, she fell asleep in my arms. I held her tight, vowing to never fuck us up again. I learned my lessons well._

_Because I forgot to close the blinds, the sunrise climbed in my window at five am. I woke with a numb arm and shoulder, hearing a slight snore coming from Bella. I grinned, combing my eyes over her peacefully sleeping angel face. She'd strewn her leg on top of my thigh, hugging me with her body._

_The next thing I noticed and felt was her hand on my lower abs, her fingertips tucked into the waistband of my trunks, causing me an involuntary bodily rise. Not that it should surprise her if she woke up and saw it, she'd just been living with a guy. That comprehension and wondering if she might have thought I was him in her sleep tamed the situation, but I shifted and wiggled myself from underneath her anyway, to close the blinds and wake my arm up. I lay there opening and closing a fist to stop the pins and needles crawling throughout my skin, speculating on when we'd have sex. Soon, I hoped. Was I supposed to ask her about it? That would be the right thing to do, but if so when should I ask her? A few seconds later, I decided not to worry about it. She said to take it naturally, so I figured when that make-out arrived I'd just keep going unless she told me to stop._

Bella made a whimpering sound that turned into a scream, reminding me, to my extreme pleasure, we had no problem moving into that area when we got back together.

I hopped up and took hold of her hand. Renee wasn't back yet. "Do you need your mom?"

"No, I need you, and the doctor! I have a lot of pressure. It's hurting bad again."

I hurried out and got the nurse assigned to her, who'd last checked on Bella's dilation progress. Bella got stuck at five for the longest time before they gave her something. But almost two hours passed. She'd been in labor for close to sixteen hours now. The nurse lifted the blankets, did what she needed to do, and said Bella was almost to ten, but not to push even if she wanted to. She left the room and brought Bella's doctor back with her, Renee following them. The doctor checked her again, doing something that made Bella screech in pain.

"She's at ten now but there is a thick piece of her cervix still intact." She made a circle with her hand then placed the index finger of the other hand over it, blocking a sliver of the circle. "I call it a lip. It's an edge, so the circle is not fully round. I tried to push it in, but it's not happening. It's not safe to push the baby through it."

"So, you're saying, she needs a c-section?" Renee asked.

"Yes, it's best in this situation."

They walked us through the procedure. They'd numb Bella's body, but she'd be awake through the surgery, and I'd get to stay with her. Everything moved quick from there. A nurse brought me some scrubs after they wheeled Bella's bed to surgery to get her prepped. "Your wife should be ready soon, and you will finally get to see your baby," she said while I pulled the scrubs on over my clothes.

_My wife and my baby!_ The words hit extra meaningfully.

_Six months after my comeback to the ring, I took the La Push boxing club to an overnight tournament in Portland, Oregon for Nahuel, just to coach. He couldn't make it. I brought Quil and Embry with me to assist. They both weighed in and fought just for the fun of it._

_Most of the young fighter's parents brought them, the norm, so I only had one thirteen-year-old, one fourteen-year-old and two fifteen-year kids to chaperone. I checked them into the room next to mine, because me, Emmett, Quil, Embry, and some of our other teammates used those overnight trips to sneak out and do bad things sometimes, like meet up with girls and get older fighters to get us alcohol occasionally. I knew all the tricks._

_After I let them swim and sit in the hot tub until the pool closed at nine. I ordered a pizza for them and made sure they were in their room, going to bed. I told them if I caught them out, they couldn't attend the next boxing match, which was unfair, because me and the boys had a lot of fun at those trips. We seemed older to me when at their ages. Brady's parents had come along, and Brady's mom always served as a mom chaperone to the team. Since her room was across the hall, I asked her to keep an ear out for them, before I met Quil and Embry down at the hotel restaurant lounge to shoot the shit with other coaches and of age fighters, staying in the same hotel._

_Quil lost his match, so he wanted to drink a few beers. Embry won and would fight the next day, but against my advice, he chugged a few beers with Quil. When we finished eating bar snacks, a table of three girls, who'd been paying attention to our table, sent over a round of drinks. Embry waved a thank you at them, asking me, Quil, and Amun, one of Eleazer's fighters, if we should send a round back._

_"No," I said, "because if you do that, they'll come over here and ask to join us."_

_"Bullshit!" Quil said._

_I shrugged, as Quil called for the waitress and sent a round back. Within ten minutes, the girls got up from their table and swayed over to ours, drinks in hand. I glanced at Quil. He rolled his eyes._

_"May we join you?" The dark-haired girl asked._

_"Sure," Amun said, and he and Embry dragged the empty table next to us over, pushing it up against ours to create a bigger table for them. Hands crisscrossed around the table as everyone introduced themselves._

_The dark-haired girl, Kebi, took the seat next to Amun, interested in him, and Kate, the blond, and the redhead named Irina, sat next to each other beside Embry. I listened to the small introduction talk for about half an hour before standing. "I need to check on my fighters."_

_"Are you coming back down?" Quil asked._

_I shook my head. "Remember, you're fighting tomorrow?" I said to Embry, noticing he drank his fifth beer._

_He laughed. "Okay, Dad," he said, causing the table to chuckle._

_"It was nice meeting you, Jacob Black," Irina said, asking, "Number two light heavyweight in the nation, right?"_

A groupie, great! _I attempted to hide my sarcastic grimace, because I didn't want to be rude. I've always had a few fans after I hit the top, but more so now since my return. I had a name in the boxing world with my national ranking, fluctuating between the top three or four spots, depending on how many matches I attended. I planned to keep it that way until I got closer to the next Olympics and made it my purpose to hit and stay number one. People approached me to take pictures with me and tell me they watched my progress, wishing me well, and more than I wanted to admit, women hit on me. Sometimes, the scantily dressed ring girls at the bigger fights, flirted and occasionally slipped me their numbers. I appreciated it when I was single, but now it irritated me, grossed me out even. I never bothered Bella with it. I didn't want to stress her out, knowing she couldn't always come because of her hefty school workload._

_"She follows boxing," Kate explained with a grin when I nodded._

_After I called and talked to Bella for a little while, and we said goodnight, I switched the channel to ESPN for the late-night boxing replay I looked forward to watching. I knew several of the new professional fighters personally. I fell asleep with the tv on when a knock at the door woke and worried me. I looked at the clock, wondering if one or more of my fighters, snuck out and got caught doing something stupid. It was one thirty in the morning._

_Glancing through the peephole, it confused me to see Kate, standing in the hallway with a six-pack, bottles of something. My initial thought was they moved the party to Quil and Embry's room, since theirs was a couple doors down from mine, and the lounge closed at one._

_"Hold on!" I pulled my shirt back on, before I opened the door and asked, "Did you lose them, because you got the wrong room?"_

_She seemed a little terrified as she slurred with a tipsy expression, "Not actually. I thought maybe if you were still up, you might like some company… to talk?" Her eyebrows raised._

Shit! _"Nope," I said in annoyance, scrubbing at my forehead._

_Her partial smile wilted, her eyes dropping sheepishly as a blush appeared. "I'm s-sorry," she stuttered. "I don't usually… Never. I never do things like this. I just thought…" She lifted her head. "It's embarrassing. I should have known you wouldn't be interested when you hardly looked at me in the lounge, but I took a chance. Too many of these, I guess." She lifted the six-pack, her blush darkening. "Like I needed anymore."_

_She looked mortified; I felt sorry for her, but it wasn't my problem. "Don't worry about it. It's just that I'm happily…"_

_"You're married?" She cut in, more horrified as she dropped her sight to my hand._

_"Involved! Deeply involved with my girlfriend." The love of my life, I wouldn't do anything to screw that up ever again._

_She gave me another apology, and I told her to forget about it again, but after I shut the door, it inflamed me._

_The next morning, I pounded on Quil and Embry's room door, flaming in anger. "Don't ever fucking give my room number out to anyone again," I growled at Quil when he opened the door. "Dumb fucks hoping to ruin my life or what?"_

_"What the fuck you talking about? I didn't give shit out to nobody," he snarled in insult, his thick eyebrows slanting in fury._

_The bathroom door opened. Embry stalked out with a towel wrapped around his hips and surprise on his face, at my glare. "What?"_

_"Who the fuck gave my room number out to that blonde groupie you guys brought to the table?" I snapped. "She showed up at my room with booze after the lounge closed."_

_"Not me! I wouldn't do that to Bella. How low do you think I am?" he said. "I left right after you."_

_"And me and Amun took Irina and Kebi up to Amun's room and drank a few more beers when the bar closed. I never even wondered or asked where she went," Quil snapped._

_My anger faded, as I tried to figure out how she got it, because I didn't think Amun knew it, but I'd tell him the same thing as I just told Quil and Embry when I saw him._

_"Maybe she got it out of someone at the front desk?" Embry suggested. "Jake, you might be rich and famous someday. It doesn't surprise me when your fans come up to talk to you, and it sure as hell doesn't surprise me some girls would try to hook up with you."_

_"Exactly, so don't blame that fucking shit on us," Quil added, still pissed off at my accusing them._

_Thinking more about it, it would be nice for females to see a ring on my hand to deter some of that, especially when Bella wasn't around. I knew we'd get married someday anyway, but I thought we would do it after she finished school or maybe when I accomplished my Olympic goal, when we had better jobs and more money. I started contemplating asking Bella to marry me now, even though we might be too young still. She just turned twenty-one last month in September. I was only twenty-two. She was it for me though, so what sense did it make to wait? We already lived together. After our first semester at UW ended, Seth followed Angela back to Forks for the summer. Bella moved in with me, not liking me living alone and us living in different towns. She lived with me ever since._

_I figured I'd pick the engagement date and she could have the wedding date pick._

_Following advice from Eleazer, I asked Charlie and Renee for Bella's hand. Ecstatic, they promised to keep my secret while I decided on how to make it the most romantic, agreeing with me we weren't too young since we lived together already._

_Six months later in April, I finally put aside enough money to get her a ring. It probably wasn't as expensive as the jewelry she got from the other guy, but with the way she wore around that cheap piece I got her when I was young and had no money, gave me the impression, she'd love whatever I picked out for her with Leah's help. Still, the set Leah and I decided on wasn't cheap._

_Once I bought the wedding set, I told everyone else. They all wanted to be part of it or at least be in the area to celebrate with us afterward. We had the best times when we were all together. Bella loved it. That's how I ended up settling on a date, coordinating with Emmett, so he'd be home from school since he was the only one of us not around._

_I decided on the last weekend in May, a year and eight months after we got back together. When I shared my plans with Renee, she seemed disappointed I didn't want to do it in front of everyone. I felt bad and told her they could spy on us if they wanted to, if they stayed out of site. I didn't want Bella tipped off in the slightest._

_I made up that I needed to step in for Nahuel at a junior boxing match again as an excuse to get her home to Forks, suggesting she go stay for the weekend with her parents. She did that sometimes when I traveled, not very interested in attending matches me, Jasper, and Seth weren't fighting at. I gave everyone my planned time, agreeing to call them when I got to town, and they would sneak over there._

_On my way to Forks, I realized something was missing. Something that would tell her how deep my feelings ran and how long I carried them. I headed to aunt Sue's. Everyone was there waiting for my phone call. I put them all in panic mode, helping me look for it. Starting to sweat, it occurred to me, I might have to make do without it, but Sue searched the closet in the guest room and found it in some totes filled with junk._

_I knew Bella would say yes, but I bounced with nerves as I knocked on their door, holding the same football in my hand I held the first time I saw her. Probably, because everyone stood out of sight on the sides of the house, watching me. I pounded harder when nothing came from inside until feet finally thumped down the steps. The door opened._

_With all her hair tied up at the top of her head, I saw smudges of green around the frame of her face, the remnants of a facial mask she used. For a second, I hoped she wouldn't get pissed I surprised her this much, wondering if I should have chosen my idea of doing it in front of the boxing world, and deciding if had to reenact it at the next boxing match, I would._

_Her startled, milk chocolate eyes widened at the sight of me. "Jacob!" she gasped, her eyes roaming my semi-formal attire. A vibrant smile appeared on her soft, red lips with a rosy coloring to match._

_I dropped to a knee, placing the football on the porch beside me and held out the opened ring box, containing the engagement piece of the set. I prepared what to say beforehand, but those words escaped me when I saw her. Grasping her hand, I said, "You grabbed my heart the day you opened the door looking as beautiful and as sweet as you do now." I didn't think I was a wuss but watching tears appear in her eyes, chocked me up. Mine tried to poke their way out. "So, will you marry me?"_

_In an emotionally clogged voice, rivulets dripping, she exclaimed, "That was the day I decided on you!"_

"She's ready now. Come inside," one of the surgery staff said, leading me behind a blue screen, sitting in front of Bella's face to block us from seeing the actual surgery. Bella's large eyes showed terror.

"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting down on a stool placed there for me.

"I'm scared," she said. I stroked her face, telling her everything would be okay.

When the doctor entered talking to the staff about the procedure, Bella panicked, attempting to move her paralyzed body, beginning to hyperventilate. The doctor told the anesthesiologist to give her something to calm her. He stepped to our side of the screen and shot something into her iv. I didn't know if it was a placebo effect, but she zonked right out.

"Was that supposed to happen?" I asked him.

"Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't," he said, "She's fine now."

Impatient, I waited, staring at Bella and the blue screen until the doctor said, "I see a lot of hair."

I sprung to my feet to see her pulling the baby's head out of the womb. A scene from an old movie I once watched on the Syfy channel flashed in my mind. Alien. It popped out of the guy's stomach and looked around, while a body with a hole in the belly lay flat on a table. Our baby's scrunched face held squinted eyes into two puffy lines. The doctor lifted the rest of the body out, a boy, my son, with a load of black hair pasted down. My heart swelled with love at the red-tinged and white, slimy bundle. I glanced at Bella, sorry she missed out and looked back up, hearing his cry. The nurse wrapped a blanket around him and told me to come with her. I followed them, eager to see him close-up and hardly able to wait to get my arms around the tiny little guy.

They sent Bella into recovery saying she'd be there for two hours, so Jasper, Leah, Seth, Angela, Rachel and all our parents got to see him before she did. They only got to peek at him though, it was already after nine at night, so they planned to come back during visiting hours in the morning to hold him. Renee got to hold him. She earned it. He weighed seven pounds and four ounces and, aside from having a bit of a cone head, was otherwise perfect. The doctor said his head shape would round out and happened because of the time he waited in the birth canal. He looked like a skinny, little bird to me, and the nurse said he probably would have been close to eight pounds or more if Bella lasted until her due date. He came just two weeks after my birthday, born on June 28th. When they brought Bella into the room, she wouldn't wake up. They said they tried and told her she had a boy, but she just looked away and dozed back to sleep. "Is that something to worry about?" I asked.

"No, she's just overtired. She had a hard day."

I sat in the room, cuddling and admiring him. His pale, wrinkled skin made him look like a little old man. His black-haired head seemed big for his body but appeared tiny in my palm. He was the most beautiful baby I ever saw. "You came just when you wanted to, didn't you?" I whispered to him. I liked that, showing he had a mind of his own already. "I promise to be a good dad. I don't drink or do drugs. I'm not a womanizer, and I found out I love kids," I told him, being more like Ben than I could have guessed, "and in just six weeks. I'll go to London and bring you home a gold medal."

We had planned to have a big wedding eighteen months from the engagement to save money, then we pushed it back further when Bella decided she wanted a spring or summer wedding. We ended up having to rush one as soon as we found out Bella was pregnant, so she wouldn't be showing in her wedding dress. She had stopped her birth control to give herself a break, because she didn't like the side effects—she read too many pharmaceutical books—but we were being careful… mostly. I grinned, nothing happened as planned, or Bella wouldn't have waddled across the stage last month, in May, to get her diploma. The unplanned events brought the most joy.

He slept as out as Bella. I gazed at him and his little features with stars in my eyes, until Bella said, "Jake, bring him to me." I lifted my head, seeing her readjusting herself upright, her discomfort visible. I carried him over to her, placing him into her arms. "Oh!" Happy tears glistened in her eyes and awe sounded in her voice. "He has lots of hair."

"A lot of Native babies do. I did too, according to Billy. I thought his skin would be a little darker."

"She unwrapped his blanket. Our hearts melted when he stretched, making fists, and letting out a tiny whine. She held her arm against his. "He's as pale as me," she said, smiling and bringing him up to kiss his forehead. "Mommy loves you so much." '

I tossed out one of the name combinations we had toyed with over the months. "So, I was thinking Benjamin Jacob, BJ. We'll catch our dads with the next boy."

"Actually, I like Charlie for a girl."

I smiled. "I like it. So, is that it? Did we decide?"

"Jacob Benjamin."

I grinned, leaning over and planting a soft kiss on her lips. "Jacob Benjamin, he is."

* * *

Watching the USA medical person cutting through the red glove, I flinched at the ugly sight before my eyes. He lifted my hand out gently, asking me how it felt.

"As awful as it looks," I said, as he placed an ice pack on top of it, winding it with an ace bandage.

"Bella's on the phone," Seth said, curling his lip at the sight of my hand. "Ouch!"

"Tell her to hold on. Are you almost finished?" I asked.

"Yep, your good to go until you get to the hospital for x-rays. Just don't move it. They'll probably put a splint on it after that."

_As if I could move it._ I took the phone from Seth. "Hello."

"What happened?" she asked, her voice riddled with concern. She didn't come to London with me, because she breast-fed and we didn't want to take the baby out of the country, so newly born, sticking to our decision we made when the due date given was three weeks before the Olympics.

"I busted my left hand, broke a couple knuckles on his hip bone in the beginning of the second round. I went to the body, he rotated, and I felt a crack."

"That's exactly what Jasper thought happened. He said you weren't setting yourself up good with your left jabs for the entire third round. But we couldn't tell for sure, because you kept swinging hard left hooks."

"Yeah, it went numb right from the start, probably from adrenaline, so I kept fighting, but during the break between the second and third round I felt the swelling. I thought it might burst inside my glove. I couldn't give up. It's more common than you'd think, and it's not unheard of for a fighter to win with a broken hand. Oscar Dela Hoya did it and Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Arturo Gatti always broke his hands," I explained to her, so she wouldn't be mad that I didn't quit.

"Jasper and Emmett told us that. How is it?"

"It's huge. They had to cut the glove off. I'll go down to the hospital as soon as I get off the phone, so they can do x-rays."

"How about you? Are you okay?" She asked with worry embedded in her voice.

I knew she worried about my emotional state. "Yeah, I'm glad I finished as strong as I did. Ugh," I groaned. "I need some pain reliever. It's like the numbness is thawing and bringing more pain as it does." She said nothing, so I knew she needed more convincing. "Bella, babe. Are you wondering how I'm handling the loss?"

"Um, hum. I hope… well, because you fought a great fight, Jake, even with a broken hand."

"Shit, I took the Silver... So, hell yeah! Floyd Mayweather Jr. only took the bronze... I'm happy as hell." Floyd Mayweather Jr. was one of the wealthiest and most successful boxers of today, arguably one of the greatest fighters, pound for pound. I didn't care for his style or cockiness, but he got the job done.

"I'm happy you told me that." She sighed, a smile in her voice. She knew him. I took a breath, satisfied I comforted her. "Me and baby love and miss you, and everyone is proud of you," she said.

I heard Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Renee, Charlie, and Leah, Harry, Sue and Billy in the background, all saying, "We're proud of you!" They held a family viewing. We were lucky our families were so close.

"Tell them thank you. I love you both, too. Seth and I are out of here right after the Medal Ceremony. We'll be home before you know it." I winced through the throbbing pain. "Now I got to get to the hospital. I'll call you as soon as I'm done, and tell my dad, I call him later, too. I'd talk to him now, but I'm in too much pain."

"Billy, he said he'll call you when gets back from the hospital," I heard her say as she hung up.

I didn't lie just to calm her down. I truly felt happy as hell. I changed since the accident, especially when Bella came back into my life. Everything got easier. I reached my dream destination, and earned a medal, a major feat. Plus, I had Bella, a beautiful baby boy, and promoters calling me left in right, trying to sign me for the next level, but I already talked Eleazer into the job for me and Seth. He reminded me of Old Ben. Seth needed a promoter, too. He'd wanted to turn professional since he took Nationals, two years ago, and promoters started reaching out to him. He never had Olympic goals, didn't believe he could get there—I believed he could—and thought why not become professional and start getting paid for fights now? As great as Jasper was, his interest lied in becoming a Psychiatrist, so school was more important to him. He said he wanted to help people.

_"Take some time to learn who you are, and when the time's right, you'll find it works out the way it's meant to be." _Those are the truest words Ben ever spoke to me. It all happened just the way it was meant to be, and I learned who I am. I loved everything about my life now, grateful I didn't give up on Bella or my dream. I told no one, but I saw Ben at some point during my accident or dreamed him. He looked young, in his prime. He didn't open his mouth to talk, but I heard him say, "Press on, son!" That's exactly what I did.

* * *

P.S. _It was longer than it should have been for an Epilogue, but parts were requested. This story was nominated for the Top Ten Twilight fanfics completed in July. It received the honor of number seven top ten. Thank you to all who voted and to show my appreciation, I will be posting a Double Epilogue that I am working on now. It is taking place fourteen years in the future. If you don't want to miss this, please drop a follow. This way, I know people want it and are waiting for it, and I promise I will work to get it out sooner. Again, Thank for taking the time to read TWLMG and your support. Again, Thank for taking the time to read TWLMG and your support. _


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